Episode 57

Just as Drs. Scarlett and Turquoise despair of ever finding the nurse in the overgrown jungle, Nurse storms in, machetes out, to save her Dr. Scarlett.  She learns that the doctors are now working together to strip the island, using the natives as slave labor.  Nurse is torn...  Suddenly, a man named Mr. Hernandez enters, claiming ownership of the island.  Dr. Turquoise and Mr. Hernandez compare deeds and it appears as if Magnus Aversson has sold the island twice... no... thrice!  Another man appears, also claiming to own the island, also with a deed signed by Magnus Aversson!  Dr. Scarlett, an acquaintance of Magnus', will go back to Solomon's River with Nurse to sort it out.  Dr. Turquoise promises not to harm the natives in their absence.

In Solomon's River General Hospital, H.A.L. is lording over his domain and looking to extend his control.  Jervis enters with Mousy who has a compound fracture.  H.A.L. warns that her femoral artery is in danger and Jervis, gallantly, carries her to the diagnostic table.  As soon as the lid closes, H.A.L. activates cryogenic suspension (insane laugh!)  H.A.L. reveals his plan to satisfy his megalomania by freezing the entire town.  H.A.L. cannot thaw Mousy safely for ten years!  Jervis asks to be frozen with Mousy, but he must wait a week for Calavera Industries to build and deliver the new tables.

Across town, Assistant Detective Steve receives an anonymous call about Jerome Tallendar's daring jailbreak.  Detective Seamens is shocked by Steve's news while the secretary is unusually concerned...

The limo carrying Magnus (as part of the plot to set him up for the jailbreak) has broken down and Magnus has managed to wander all the way back to Rajiv's Coffee House.  Rajiv offers his basement storeroom as a safe place to hide out.  Magnus discovers that Princess Lakshmi, unbeknownst to Rajiv, has been hiding there for weeks.  Since they closed down the airport, she could not leave Solomon's River, so she went to the only place she knew: Rajiv's basement.  Magnus reveals that Rajiv loves her.  Lakshmi is surprised and very pleased.

• Did Magnus sell the jungle island over and over because he forgot, or as part of some devious plot?
• Will Dr. Turquoise behave?
• How many will H.A.L. enslave?
• Will the detectives catch Jerome?
• Can Princess Lakshmi find a home?
• Will Jervis and Mousy ever kiss again, lip to lip?
• Has Magnus only dreamt he broke a hip?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 56

Rajiv finds a note in his coffee shop, but due to poor penmanship, the threat is lost on him.  Magnus Aversson wanders in to chitchat.  Jerome Tallendar's defense attorney enters, accuses Magnus of talking to the police, and tells him he will help get Jerome free whether he wants to or not!  She orders him to pick her up in a limo, with  a sunroof, at 11 pm.

Meanwhile, in Jerome Tallendar's cell, the package promised by his lawyer has been delivered.  Side note: "slop with crackers."  Inside the box are keys to a helicopter and an electromagnetic relay switch to unlock the prision doors!  The plan is that Magnus' limo will be a decoy while Jerome and his lawyer escape in the helicopter--tonight!

Detective Scott Semens cordons off the library bombing site (Detective Janice Green's cordon must have blown away.)  Rookie assistant Steve Beaverdam is bossed around by Detective Semens.  The Chief oversees their discovery of a used condom as well as a purchase receipt for ammonium nitrite, fertilizer, and black powder from... Calavera Enterprises!

It is 11 pm and Magnus picks up Jerome's defense attorney.  She has paid the driver to follow her orders and reveals to Magnus that he will take the fall for the prostitute's murder.  Her parting words: "Good luck spending the rest of your life in jail!"  She exits and the limo takes off, Magnus absorbed by Matlock on the TV.  A helicopter picks up Jerome from the jail yard and flies away to freedom as police sirens wail behind the limo.

• Rajiv feels safe, but is he, really?
• Can Rajiv and Magnus ever have a clear conversation?
• How will Magnus fare for the rest of his life in jail?  How long would that be, anyway?
• Will Jerome and his defense attorney get away with the jailbreak?
• Does Calavera Enterprises really have something to do with the library's bombing, or did they simply have black powder on sale?
• Is the condom a red herring, or a Trojan?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 55

Mr. Suspicious, most likely the library's bomber, is setting up a time bomb in the mines/caves under Solomon's River.  Jervis the Janitor enters just as Mr. Suspicious is trying to sneak away and recognizes him from the library and subsequent doobie smoking.  Angelica is running her own bomb wire as the men chat.  Jervis is distracted by distant cries for help from the forgotten Mousy Librarian.  Mr. Suspicious takes his opportunity to sneak away.  Jervis, who had dropped Mousy hours ago causing her leg injury, finally comes back to Mousy with a "spliff" instead of a splint.  Just as she begins to regret trusting him, Jervis unrolls his joint to use as a splint, which, miraculously, works.  Jervis' sacrifice makes Mousy all lovey-dovey again.  They limp deeper into the caves.

H.A.L., holographic doctor and construct of the hospital's central computer, is all that remains at the hospital.  H.A.L. sits regally in his domain.  Magnus Aversson wanders in, confused, and H.A.L. exhibits his superiority over humankind.  Magnus' granddaughter Cilantro enters and chats.  A self-described "annoying" lady enters and introduces herself as an author, writing a book about Solomon's River.

Meanwhile, at the detective pool...  Detective Smith wanted to show Investigator Green a graph of the happenings in Solomon's River, but something's up with their internet connection--it's as if it were hijacked!  Mayor Joe Bob Solomon enters, armed, and tells the detectives that he's the reason their computers are down.  He needs to stop the detectives from unraveling all the mysteries of the town so his "associates" deleted all files and back-ups and disconnect the internet.  The detectives profess that they have no hard copies, but to ensure they are not lying, Mayor Joe Bob takes them with him.

An unknown man breaks into Rajiv's Coffee Shop and leaves him a note: "I know you've always had it in for me, but now I have it in for you."

• Will half the town be blown to bits in the mines/caverns?
• Will the competing bombs cancel each other out?
• How will Jervis and Mousy get on, or get "it" on?
• H.A.L. seems very haughty for a hologram... what's he up to?
• What will happen to Detective Smith and Investigator Green in the hands of the Mayor?
• Who would "have it in" for Rajiv, and why?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 54

Jerome Tallendar (rhymes with calendar) is visited in jail by his defense lawyer.  Jerome is clearly a favorite of his fellow inmates.  The defense lawyer encourages him to think about anything that might help, and "Calgon Philosophy" doesn't help.  The lawyer promises to send a "care package" to his cell.

Solomon's River General Hospital is still seemingly empty.  A detective, "Ginger" Aversson, Magnus' granddaughter using an alter ego, tries to interrogate H.A.L., the holographic doctor.  She's trying to figure out what happened to her sister, Samantha.

Meanwhile, in the caves under the "deserted" island, the King of the Natives has Nurse chained by the ankle to his throne.  She asks to have more chain and he relents.  Nurse quickly biffs the Native King with the heavy chain and escapes.

In an unnamed break room, two men are discussing a transaction.  One man has just broken into the bank and stolen...something...from Rajiv's safety deposit box.  The other man wants to buy the document.  Their transaction is interrupted by workers entering on break.  The men lock one door only to have Janice Green, Investigator, enter through the other door.  Everyone denies they're doing something wrong and Janice is suspicious.  The long-lost Detective Smith enters, fresh from the detective pool, having seen Janice's "PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR" car outside.  Detective Smith tells Janice there are big things happening at the caves and there's been a hot tip the caves are going to blow, and maybe even more bombings in Solomon's River.  Smith gets Janice to return to the detective pool so all the investigators can figure out what to do.

• What will be in Jerome's "care package"?
• What has happened to Samantha Aversson?
• Will the Nurse fully escape the island?  Can she rescue Doctor Scarlett?  Where is Dr. Turquoise?
• Who are those two men plotting?  What is the document?  Why do they care?
• Does the detective pool also have a sauna?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 53

Rajiv despondently polishes his bar and Magnus enters to chat about the crazy Matlock he just watched.  The defendant's lawyer enters to finagle Magnus' fingerprints and finally gets a slightly smudged glass that might do.

When Rajiv is alone again, a slick mobster offers to sell Rajiv "premium" coffee at twice the regular price because it includes "insurance"--kneecap insurance, and building-burning-down insurance.  The mobster and his friend, "Pennsylvania Phil," will be back for Rajiv's answer.

A burglar breaks into a bank "Mission Impossible"-style and steals...something...from Rajiv's safe deposit box.

The defendant's lawyer goes to Solomon's River General Hospital to find it quite devoid of workers.  Jervis enters in a cloud of weed, looking for a splint for Mousy Librarian (who had been in the caves with Jervis) and the lawyer is looking for Dr. Scarlett, "the most bribable doctor in town."  While figuring out what to do, they accidentally activate H.A.L.--the Heuristic Algorithmic Letch--a hologram modeled after Dr. Scarlett.  H.A.L. indicates that Dr. Scarlett is...unavailable.  The lawyer requests a sample of Magnus Aversson's blood which requires a thumbprint, and she gets Jervis to leave it for her, meaning Jervis is now the only one who can reach through a force field to get the vial.  Jervis finally remembers Mousy is in a cave with a hurt leg and the lawyer offers to help him with the splint if he'll grab Magnus' blood for her.  Inconveniently, Magnus' granddaughter, Cilantro, enters and is quite suspicious...so the lawyer punches her, Mayor-style.

• Will the lawyer be able to frame Magnus to free Jerome Tallender, rhymes with calendar?
• Will Rajiv pay protection money to the mob, or will he be kneecapped by Pennsylvania Phil?
• What was stolen from Rajiv's safe deposit box, and who stole it?
• Will Jervis find his way back to the caves to help Mousy Librarian before or after the explosion they don't know about?
• Will anyone investigate what happened to the hospital staff?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 52

*Glunge-glunge*  We now bring you into a courtroom drama on Solomon's River!

Judge Brian Schmitchlee is presiding over the murder case.  On the stand, Mr. Jerome Tallendar (rhymes with calendar) of Tallendar's Frozen Products, is being grilled by the prosecution lawyer.  Witnesses and DNA evidence place Mr. Tallendar at a dead hooker's apartment though he swears he was only there adding to his bubblegum wrapper collection and he was cut by sharp bubblegum aluminum foil.

The prosecution calls an aluminum foil expert to the stand: Dr. Faffenhadstennden.  Dr. F is a dubious expert and the prosecution treats him as hostile with a slap-fest.

With much shocked inhalation, the prosecution calls to the stand.... Magnus Aversson!  Magnus thought he had been watching Matlock, but comes to the stand anyway.  The defense begs him to plead the fifth, just like they practiced.  Luckily, Magnus' Alzheimer's Disease allows him the plead the fifth without a problem.  The prosecution treats Magnus as hostile and slaps the old man around.

During a recess, Jerome professes his innocence, though the case is not going well.  Magnus is the only one who can save him, but the Alzheimer's makes that difficult.  Mr. Tallendar suggests framing Magnus!  Mayor Joe Bob Solomon enters and the defense sees a possible ally in the mayor voted "Most Underhanded Mayor in the United States" by Time magazine.  Mr. Tallendar accidentally tries to take off the mayor's left nipple.  Mr. Tallendar offers to double whatever Magnus has contributed to the mayor's campaign if he'll help frame Magnus.

Called back into court, the defense requests it to be her turn and the judge agrees.  She calls to the stand Mayor Joe Bob Solomon.  The defense crosses her fingers and interviews her witness, leading him to say her client was NOT at the house of prostitution and Magnus WAS there, but things go horribly awry.  Judge, prosecution and defense approach the bench and the defense loses in a game of rock/paper/scissors.  The defense requests a mistrial because the Mayor is too stupid to be bribeable.  The Mayor retaliates by punching her.

• Will Mr. Jerome Tallender go to jail for the rest of his life?
• Will Magnus somehow be framed instead?
• Will the prosecution and defense lawyers go back to their respective firms and never be seen again?
• Will Mayor Joe Bob's nipple heal?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 51

Dr. Scarlett and Dr. Turquoise, wearing their long-sleeved vests and attempting to penetrate the sweltering jungle, accidentally disturb a nest full of the evil "Blatree Fly" and have to make a run for it.

Meanwhile, Jervis the Janitor explores the Solomon's River Caves trying to find Mildred the Mousy Librarian.  He gives up rather quickly in favor of getting high.  Around him, Angelica and her "minion's minion" are setting up for the first meeting of the amnesiac support group--which they secretly plan to seal in by setting off explosives at the cave's entrance.  Mousy Librarian, being one of the founding members, enters to supervise set up.  Jervis professes his love for her, and she not only accepts his apology for taking advantage of her while she was forgetful, but she leaps into his arms and they kiss semi-passionately.  She tries to play coy, and they wander deeper into the caves.

Rajiv is sobbing in his coffee shop, missing Princess Lakshmi.  Suddenly, in walks Mrs. Rajiv with.... a BABY!  Apparently, they had vowed to have any of their children born back in India, so that's where she was.  She is irritated he didn't return her email or pick her up at the airport.  Rajiv is beside himself with surprise that his wife, whom he presumed dead, is back and with a baby that decidedly does not bear any resemblance to him.  Magnus Advarsson's tab is due and may start Baby Rajiv's college fund.

Jere Koff wanders in and tries to recruit Mrs. Rajiv to help with his campaign.  Though the baby seems disturbed by Jere, Mrs. Rajiv leaves to help him with his campaign work.  Franny Mason enters, looking sheepish.  Rajiv understands that it must have been Franny who had let Lakshmi go.  Franny insists that what escaped the basement was an apparition!  Rajiv fires him on the spot, and Franny is sad.

• Will Drs. Scarlett and Turquoise survive the buggy jungle?
• Will Jervis and Mildred finish falling in love, and/or will they be trapped in the caves forever when Angelica blows up the cave entrance?
• What will Rajiv do if his not-dead wife finds out about Lakshmi?
• Is the baby Rajiv's?
• What about Magnus, Jere and Franny?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!