It turns out that Bob the Burglar is a better at mean pranks than he is at burglary. He even killed a man, but forgot to take his money, so he gets no credits towards his degree. Bob still needs to kill Grandma Poppy, though he'd rather "let nature take its course".
A man reported dead returns, surprising the heck out of his wife, Marion Stop, the #1 socialite in all of Solomon's River. Stephan's body (dressed in his clothes, with his cheesy moustache and fake left arm) had been found and autopsied. Stephan believes he was set up, as he's not dead, suspecting that the coroner must be in on it, too. Marion always believed Magnus Aversson, Stephan's nemesis, had something to do with it. The couple will let the whole world know that Stephan is alive and they will take back Solomon's River. They laugh evilly.
The British Secret Service agents have arrived in China, sent there on a tip found in a fortune cookie, looking for Magnus Aversson's microchip factory. They go to their Microtel to secure their special luggage and prepare. Nearby, two Chinese agents, Ling Po and Po Ling, spy through binoculars at the British agents, reveling that their plan is in motion to "get back" at the agents for "the whole Hong Kong thing". They order American takeout and wait.
- Will Bob the Burglar ever burgle properly so he can get his degree?
- How will Bob get the chance to kill Grandma Poppy if she's gone into deep hiding?
- Who is the mysterious Stephan and what will he and his wife Marion do to "take back" Solomon's River from Magnus Aversson?
- Why are two Chinese agents setting up two British agents and what will happen to them?
Find out the answer to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv is in his coffee shop, forgetting something, while Detective Smegley continues his investigation of the missing Nurse. Rajiv gives him an ice-free Diet Pepsi, and no other help. Detective Smegley leaves his card.
Meanwhile, in the Solomon's River International Airport, Princess Lakshmi is once again trying to leave the forgetful Rajiv. Two girls, heading to spring break, commiserate and try to inspire the Princess to go after Rajiv more aggressively. They are miffed that the Princess and Rajiv don't have cell phones. One girl, Sophia, reveals the magic of the "selfie". Princess Lakshmi accidentally sends the phone owner's topless selfie to every phone number combination there is... The Princess hightails it.
Detective Smegley updates Dr. Scarlett, informing him that the investigation has lead to the area of Rajiv's Coffee House and the rebuilt library, but no further. Dr. Scarlett suspiciously does something to the computer and then suspiciously disappears in a very holographic (a.k.a. H.A.L.-like) way.
Meanwhile again, Sophia's friends find that her topless selfie is trending. The jealous friend sends "everybody" the booby pic.
Far too late, Rajiv's memory is jostled by the heart-shaped handcuffs he purchased hours and hours ago for his love encounter with Princess Lakshmi. He hurries away.
The newly elected mayor is addressing his constituents, who are clearly disappointed in him before even officially beginning his term. One in the crowd stands up and nominates herself as a new, new mayor. She is instantly recognized from her topless selfie: it is Sophia, who has apparently decided against a trip to India in the spring. The crowd cheers for "boobs" and she promises to send more selfies. Her frienemies, however, think she is full of herself and snipe behind her back.
King of the Merpeople asks his daughter for an update on the war on humans. Humans, it turns out, are very hard to predict. The other mermaid princesses were last seen being chased by a strange "metal sea creature". The King suggests it may be a submarine: a tin can with men in it. The princess mermaid is unusually excited to think of human men underwater and is firmly instructed by her father to kill them.
- Will Rajiv be able to apologize to Princess Lakshmi for his forgetfulness?
- Will Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi get themselves cell phones?
- Is Detective Smegley any closer to finding the missing Nurse?
- What is H.A.L. up to with the police department computer?
- Is the Solomon's River political system really such a free-for-all?
- What will the old new mayor do?
- What will the new new mayor do?
- Are the water plant workers safe in their tin can?
Find out the answer to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi are enjoying their takeout dinner together in Magnus' mansion before some light fetishism. Rajiv leaves to pick up some handcuffs from the police station while she waits.
Lieutenant Bustybottoms and Detective Schmegly are working on the hunt for "a girl" when Rajiv comes in to buy handcuffs. He is rebuffed as "Only officers of the law get handcuffs." Rajiv asks about becoming an officer, but is rebuffed again, forcing him to leave and search for cuffs elsewhere...
The strange proprietor of a strange junkshop lurks among the stacks of strange junk. Rajiv enters and is told, "It is the handcuffs that choose the pervert, not the pervert who chooses the cuffs." Magnus enters, thinking the shop is Rajiv's Coffee Shop. The proprietor goes through several boxes of cuffs before finding the right pair: gold, heart-shaped, bedazzled with cubic zirconia, dated 1963, made for Frederick's of Hollywood. The handcuffs, Rajiv is told, come from actual Hollywood and have been on the wrists of some of the most famous starlets. Magnus senses danger, but Rajiv buys the cuffs anyway. For Magnus: an odd necklace, for free. Magnus and Rajiv are finally convinced to close their eyes so the proprietor can disappear mysteriously. When Magnus and Rajiv open their eyes, they are in Rajiv's Coffee Shop. Rhubarb pie is eaten.
There is an archaeological dig in Solomon's River. Dr. Spang and her graduate assistant Sheila, while digging for plesiosaurs, are surprised to find a human skeleton in a strata which shouldn't have had humans. Dr. Spang goes for the camera while Sheila finishes the fine digging using her toothbrush. The GA has found "some sort of silver, black-looking rock thing." Dr. Spang sees it is actually worked metal with the black tarnish removed by toothpaste remnants. Jimbo, another graduate assistant, casually remarks, "Wow, petragulite! From the Corathian Area. Right after the Dionecian." They are digging, however, in the Faluvian Era, which is before the Dionecian. The Sheila reveals that she found the petragulite in the fallopian tubes of the skeleton--a skeleton which shouldn't be there at all, much less with viable fallopian tubes! The GAs will continue to dig out the area while Dr. Spang takes the petragulite back for analysis.
- Will vintage handcuffs spark the magic between Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi again, or some other sort of magic?
- What's with Magnus' free necklace?
- Will the police department ever find "the girl"?
- What archaeological mystery has Dr. Spang and her bevvy of graduate assistants uncovered?
Find out the answer to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Made desperate by hunger, Rajiv sneaks into Magnus Adversson's kitchen on Princess Lakshmi's side of the divided castle. Baffled by the idea of Goober (peanut butter and jelly in the same jar) he doesn't hear the Princess enter until too late. The bond over the ridiculousness of American food before remembering they should be mad at each other. Princess Lakshmi has an ultimatum: say or do something to make it better, or I'll go back to my kingdom in India. Rajiv offers to take her out for baklava. The princess agrees.
Dating profile: McShane3701, password "Love". 23 messages. Single Angela gets help from her sisters Samantha, the suave one, and Mona, the poet. Mona dictates: "Roses are red. Violets are blue. I would like to meet you." Samantha sends, along with a bikini picture of Angela. Mona's med school experience helps her determine that the picture McShane responds with is a close-up of his bellybutton. The date is set, and Angela makes her sisters promise to back her up on the day.
Detective Smegley holds down the fort, entering Nurse's missing person data. Dr. Scarlett appears suddenly and demands information. Detective Smegley has her location as "some café". In the precinct's holding cell, Lady Wonderjam demands attention. Detective Smegley refuses to release her until the Commissioner arrives, despite Lady Wonderjam's urgent need to help her super-brethren hold off the merpeople. While the detective has been away from his desk, Dr. Scarlett (or is it H.A.L.?) has been on the police department's computer... After the detective leaves Lady Wonderjam, a fellow superhero, Toledo Sam, uses a blowtorch to create a hole in the bottom of the cell. They whoosh away. Returning too late, Detective Smegley cries, "Holy smokes! She's gone!" and puts out an APB on "a girl".
In a posh shop on a posh road in a posh section Solomon's River, the shop owner is startled by a posh woman, long thought to be dead: the Lady who would have become Lady Adversson! The Lady reveals a mysterious "they" injected her with "lots of stuff", but alive she is, and looking younger than ever. The shop owner has kept all the clothes the Lady had left for alteration, including her wedding dress. Magnus was "sorely disappointed" to have lost his bride-to-be, but the Lady reveals that Magnus' brother was "so much more attractive". The shop owner swoons with the gossip and the Lady requests not her old, fashionable clothes, but rather camouflage. The shop owner promises a beautiful camo gown.
- Is baklava enough to heal the victim of multiple kidnappings?
- How will Angela's date go with a man who sends potential girlfriends close-up pictures of his belly button?
- Will poor Detective Smegley ever get help so people like H.A.L. and superheroes can't keep doing things behind his back?
- Who is the woman who would have been Magnus' wife?
- Who is Magnus' brother?
- What does this woman want with camouflage clothes?
Find out the answer to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Nurse, though dazed, seems free of H.A.L.'s influence. Last she remembers, she was choking Dr. Scarlett to death (as programmed by H.A.L.) Dr. Scarlett short-circuited his digital watch to burn out H.A.L's controlling chip in her brain... but is she talking to Dr. Scarlett? No--it is H.A.L.! She flees before he can implant a new microchip.
Flounder brings the shunned peace-loving Mermaid Princess to the water treatment plant's intakes in the hopes she can save Split-Tail, the shunned Merman. In the plant above, Split-Tail is being poked by a worker, and a water analyst says the odd creature is making the water murky and throwing off the ph. She determines the specimen should be sent to the Smithsonian for testing. Just before they can knock out Split-Tail, the Mermaid Princess swims up and drags him away. The workers hop in a mini-sub to follow.
Dr. Scarlett arrives at the police station to report a missing person: Nurse. Detective Smegley takes the report. Green Girl arrives from the Superhero Alliance, announcing firmly that she is looking for Dr. Scarlett and that he cannot avoid his Superhero Alliance obligations! But he can, because he leaves. Witnesses are the police station's new hire and the town drunk.
Rajiv pines on his side of the white line down the middle of Magnus Adversson's mansion. Princess Lakshmi rejoices on her side with the kitchen. He begs some food off her plate, and she relents. Unfortunately, Rajiv is greedy and pushes her further and further, refusing to "Lady and the Tramp" the makhani.
Superhero Alliance Headquarters pages Green Girl for an update on the re-recruitment of Dr. Scarlett. Status: Ran Away. Headquarters demands Green Girl bring in every superhero still available because they need to "reactivate before the invaders arrive." Heeding the call: Red Robin, Mommapajammas, Grey, and SSSSStutter Girl. They cheer, "For One! For All! For Me! For Us! Super Powers! Super Ahhhhh!"
- Will Nurse stay out of H.A.L.'s clutches?
- Is it really Dr. Scarlett searching for Nurse, or is it still H.A.L.?
- Will the Mer-Princess and Flounder escape with Split-Tail, and what will become of them in the impending war with the humans?
- Are Rajiv and Lakshmi the new David Addison and Maddie Hayes? Does anyone remember Moonlighting?
- What invasion? Dr. Scarlett is a superhero? There's a Superhero Alliance?!?
Find out the answer to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
To begin this episode, we see the British Secret Agents off on their flight to Beijing, loaded with weaponry and briefcase in hand, ready to track down Magnus Adversson's secret microchip factory.
Burglar-in-training Bob will never get his certificate, with a minor in murder, if he doesn't kill Grandma Poppy. His coach gives him a loaded rifle with infrared scope and sends him to The Graveyard, where the old woman has been seen recently. This is his last chance: if Bob doesn't kill Granma Poppy, then he gets it.
Three high school girls, Cheeta, Teeta and Tequila (who love Their Gays,) go to boogie down at The Graveyard, which has a vibrant gay section. Totally gay Steve waits with his totally hetero friend, Frankie, who is uncomfortable. The girls arrive and compound his uncomfortableness by believing he has just come out. Frankie bitchslaps Steve in frustration before leaving. (Or did Bob shoot Steve from afar after Frankie left?) The girls want to exact vengeance on Frankie (or Bob?) for hurting one of Their Gays, and Cheeta (or Teeta?) wonders if the local janitor (Jervis) could be hired for that purpose. Tequila promises to send Jervis a message. They do Jell-O shots.
Since everyone else has disappeared, Detective Smegly bravely tries to run the police department alone, but he's not coping well. Finally, a qualified interviewee arrives for the secretary's job. The interviewee tries to encourage the town drunk, who is zip tied to a chair, to turn her life around. Detective Smegly is impressed, hires her on the spot and leaves to get coffee while his new secretary starts on the piles of paperwork. The drunk tries fruitlessly to wheedle her way free. Detective Smegly returns with coffee, though it's not right for the secretary and she sends him away for a latte. The drunk tries to encourage police brutality, but the new hire stands her ground won't be fooled.
The Merpeople King calls to his four daughters: it is time to wage war against the humans. Three daughters agree and begin to draw up a battle plan. One daughter doesn't want war and is shunned by her family. The peace-loving Mer-Princess swims away to talk to ol' Flounder, friend of Split-Tail (the Merman who had been sucked up into the water treatment plant.) The Mer-Princess warns of the war, and Flounder tells her of poor, dopy Split-Tail, also shunned. Flounder pushes the reluctant Mer-Princess to his Flounder lair.
- What will the British Secret Agents find in Beijing?
- Will Bob need to change majors?
- What kind of vengeance can Cheeta, Teeta and Tequila get Jervis to exact?
- Is Detective Smegly's headstrong new secretary going to work out?
- Who will win in the Merpeople's war against humankind?
- Will Flounder get the Mer-Princess to help him save Split-Tail?
Find out the answer to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
British secret agents not only have tenacity, they often have buckets of luck, this time found in a Chinese fortune cookie. In it, the "Learn Chinese" contains the information they had been trying to pry from the formidable Magnus Adversson: the coordinates to his microchip factory in China. Chinese restaurant proprietor Mrs. Chang must be more than she appears!
In an underwater zoo, the King of the Merpeople and his daughter feel they have been infested with bugs from the exhibit, one Frannie Mason. The Princess thinks setting the human free would be best, and they pull the drain plug. Frannie gets washed out.
Magnus Adversson answers a knock at his mansion's door: it's Princess Lakshmi, back from Las Vegas and needing a place to stay. He asks after his Old Vegas casino, the Broken Shillelagh (named after a deviant sexual practice, Magnus informs her, as all casinos are,) but they are interrupted when Rajiv enters from another room. Lakshmi is angry that Magnus would let Rajiv stay after Rajiv left her in the clutches of his evil twin, Rojav. They argue, sparks flying, finally deciding to split Magnus' mansion down the middle with a white line... of Ku Klux Klan robes, of which Magnus has lots.
Mousy Librarian enjoys the peace and quiet of the new library despite her still-mending broken leg. A man from the Library of Congress was sent to help set it up after the old one exploded. She slyly requests funds to hire a janitor, but the man is extremely unhelpful. On her way out, she bumps into an unattended briefcase, but is too absorbed in her ideas for finding Jervis to notice.
Jervis wakes in Solomon's River General Hospital wondering about H.A.L. and happy he's no longer the evil hologram's slave. He lights up a doobie. A "Security to Level Four" announcement sends him scurrying.
- What will the British agents find in a Chinese microchip factory?
- Will Frannie Mason survive being "flushed" by Merpeople?
- How will Lakshmi and Rajiv cope in Magnus' divided mansion?
- Will Mousy find a way back to Jervis?
- Will Jervis finish his doobie?
Find out the answer to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
