Despite it getting dark, Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv head to her family's ancient private cable car to go up their private mountain and visit their private shrine to Vishnu, which is where Quacky the elderly duck indicated her father disappeared.
Back in the Solomon's River General Hospital, the wounded and uncommunicative Mayor is visited by his secretary who asks if he knows who shot him because she is worried that she's under suspicion. Nurse enters and shoos her out to give him a sponge bath. As soon as the secretary leaves, Nurse reveals her true motive: it was her sister the Mayor had held captive and who, while witnessing the Mayor's Mexican standoff with Lieutenant Bustybottoms, shot them both to escape. Nurse says she knows it was him, and that she's going to prove it! Unseen, the secretary, having stopped to tie her shoe, has overheard...
Miss Marjorie Dawson, basking in the afterglow of her relations with Smitty, calls for Jeeves to help her redress. Smitty, already having left in her limo, apparently was one of her most satisfying conquests. Male voices drift in from the bathroom and Jeeves goes to investigate while Miss Dawson has her post-coital cigarette. The voices are coming from the toilet--it is Jacobson and Frankie, who have been exploring the tunnels under Solomon's River after following Smitty's plumbing dig. Jeeves flushes. Miss Dawson suggests flushing twice, and the men swirl away.
A few minutes later, Jacobson and Frankie find themselves outside where they lament their disgusting state and notice they are in the shadow of Miss Marjorie Dawson's mansion. They wonder what Smitty is up to, digging tunnels under Solomon's River that lead up to the toilets in every house in town. They speculate he's gone over to the Dark Side.
Meanwhile, back in the hospital, the Mayor's secretary stops Nurse in the hallway to explain about her accusation of woman-napping. The Nurse says the secretary can only make up for not noticing the abuse going on right in the Mayor's office if she helps find her sister, who hasn't yet been seen. The secretary, still bitter over being turned down multiple times for raises, agrees to help. Nurse and the secretary vow to find a way to kill the Mayor. Unseen, the Mayor has snuck away.
- What will Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv find on the mountain, if they can even make it up there...
- Will Nurse and the secretary manage to kill the woman-molesting Mayor?
- What has become of Nurse's sister?
- What is Smitty up to, linking the tunnels to every toilet in town?
- Was the condom Jacobson and Frankie found in Miss Marjorie Dawson's toilet the one she used with Smitty, or with one of the other many men she ensnares?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Frankie and Jacobson discuss whether Marjorie Dawson is real (yes) and her level of hotness (high, especially for an old lady) before reveling in the pipe fellow plumber Smitty has been laying under Solomon's River. They wonder if it meets up with the caves, which Jacobson insists are haunted. They wander.
Smitty, using one of the bathrooms at Miss Marjorie Dawson's mansion, is told by butler Jeeves she requires his presence. She invites him to her bed. He sits. She invites him to touch her thighs. He says the Shake Weight must be working. She demands he "Take [her] now!" Meanwhile, in India...
Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi hose off the aged and incontinent Quacky before asking him to translate the scroll he wrote and left with the genie that tells where her father is. Princess Lakshmi has difficulty translating Duck, but finally understands, and is confused because Quacky was invoking the name of Vishnu: "On top of a mountain (quack), at the alter to Vishnu (quack), your father disappeared in a ball of light (quack-quack)." Rajiv is always suspicious of Quacky, but now Princess Lakshmi also doubts this crazy explanation. Despite their questions, they go.
Detective Smegly returns to the Mayor's office where the Mayor and Detective Bustybottoms were recently shot, Bustybottoms' body having disappeared. Detective Smegly tells the suspicious secretary that they need to interview the Mayor because the recovered gun is registered to him (*dramatic music*). The secretary promises to give the Mayor the message, and looks extra suspicious.
Meanwhile, at Big Momma's lair, Angelica has some strange news: their poison candy idea was stolen before they could enact their plan! Big Momma is pleased to has gotten all the blame without the work, but Angelica worries about her being arrested. All they have is an empty factory, so Big Momma suggests blowing it up to throw them off their trail. Angelica says she will also put out a few additional conspiracy theories about Big Momma to throw them off further (like making them believe she is related to Dr. Phil).
The Mayor's secretary visits him in Solomon's River General Hospital. He is weak, and the news about the gun is startling. She insists they will need a plan.
- Where will Smitty's pipes lead Frankie and Jacobson?
- Will Smitty actually touch Marjorie Dawson?
- Can Quacky's recollection of Princess Lakshmi's father being taken up by Vishnu be true?
- What is the Mayor's secretary trying to cover up, and can Detective Smegly uncover it?
- Will Big Momma be taken down by someone else enacting her own un-acted plan?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Tripp announces to his mother, Angelica, that his zombie-themed restaurant hasn't been working since the zombie staff all unionized. Angelica says to just unchain them and let them go, but Tripp has the idea to try an herbal remedy--he will give them some of his "good stuff". The zombie easily uses the bong, with the first hit mellowing him out and allowing him to talk! Tripp says he has a plan.
Meanwhile, Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi's use the key and jewel to open her father's trunk which hums, clicks, and pops out her father's genie, "Uncle Genie"! The genie is unsure of Rajiv, but has instructions to tell Lakshmi where her father is. Unfortunately, the genie doesn't know because he was distracted by garlic, had a magic genie bag over his head, and was hit with a magic genie wrench, all of which were gotten from the Evil Genie. Good news: he can give them a scroll with her father's location. Bad news: Quacky wrote it. Princess Lakshmi takes a bag of duck treats and the gem, and gives Rajiv the key so Uncle Genie must be nice to him. They leave to find Quacky.
Poison candy has already gotten into the market, and a family's children have died. They buy into a conspiracy theory that Big Momma is the secret daughter of Mr. Hershey and blame her for the deaths (though Big Momma's plans haven't even begun being executed yet). The wife gets so frustrated with her husband that she feeds him some candy. He dies.
Miss Marjorie Dawson passes the day with Smitty, and asks to hear about his adventures since they were last together. He said he had a job he had to leave because he "got misplaced". He reveals he had to "lay pipe" for Big Momma, piquing Marjorie's jealousy. He also reveals that he didn't finish the job because he instead heeded Marjorie's call. She says she didn't call him, but rather that he was simply found, wandering around her garden. But what happened?
**doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do** (flashback to what happened)
Smitty is digging to lay pipe underground for Big Momma, when his fellow Union workers from Latham's Department Store (Frankie and Jacobson with the lame leg) finally track him down. They were so worried, but they become miffed because Union members can't just leave and get another job! Smitty could be in deep trouble, unless he "compensates" his fellow Union members, so they might overlook the transgression. They suggest an introduction to elderly sexpot Miss Marjorie Dawson! When he refuses to bring them immediately, Frankie and Jacobson hit him with stun guns, spin him in a circle, and give him a disorienting shove.
**doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do** (flash-forward back to the conversation in Marjorie's bedroom)
Marjorie becomes very excited by the prospect of all these muscular workers fighting over her. Smitty seems less than thrilled. Jeeves brings lunch and a change of Depends.
- What is Tripp's zombie/pot-related plan, and will it work any better than his previous schemes?
- Can Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv get Quacky to translate the scroll with her father's location?
- Who is this "evil genie", and who is using his services?
- How did the poison candy get out so fast, if Big Momma hasn't even set up her factory yet?
- What will the Union do to Smitty if he doesn't silence the members with "favors" from Marjorie?
- Will Smitty get free of her, and does he even want to?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
An elderly woman, Marjorie Dawson, has her butler prepare tea and crumpets in advance of her seduction of Smitty. She says Smitty has a power she has not seen in twenty years and it's one she "wants to take advantage of". The woman's daughter, Charlene, is taken away "for a snack". Smitty rings the bell and is mildly baffled at the woman's energy.
Meanwhile, back at Latham's, Smitty's fellow janitorial workers, Frankie and Jacobson, need Smitty to help organize the Union, since the store wants to unfairly fire Smitty. Frankie has a photogenic memory and knows the address of the Red Hat Lady that was so taken by Santa Smitty. Outside Latham's, a news crew led by Barbie the Reporter interviews picketers, who are from the SRCC (Solomon's River Community College) and are protesting the "White Sale", believing it to be racist--not because of the color, but because of workers in Thailand. The cameraman says they can use the footage for a "dumb sorority girl" story.
In the bedroom of Marjorie, the Red Hat Lady, Smitty is uncomfortably invited to make himself comfortable. She knows he's going to be fired and she makes him an offer: do the plumbing. Her employer uses the pipes for communication and needs them fixed. Outside the window, Frankie has climbed up and sees his friend laying on a bed and getting a pile of money from an old woman. In shock, he falls and lands on Jacobson, re-breaking his elevator-injured leg. Frankie doesn't get to hear the Red Hat Lady call her employer...Big Momma! Marjorie tells Angelica that she was asked to find a plumber for Big Momma, probably to use for draining Lake Superior into Solomon's River. Angelica asks Marjorie to bring Smitty to a Tom Hootons coffee shop.
Later, at the Tom Hootons, Angelica meets Marjorie and gives her payment. Mr. Schmidt Smitty is led away by Angelica, to lay some big pipe.
- Does Marjorie know or care how Smitty will be used by Big Momma?
- Will Frankie and Jacobson manage to organize the Union to help Smitty?
- Will Smitty really be able to re-pipe a Great Lake?
- Who, exactly, is using pipes as a method of communication?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Latham's Department Store manager Joan Weatherly reports to her boss that the janitorial selection to play Santa Claus resulted in their lowest December sales ever, and she suggests a White Sale to boost profits in January. Instead, the boss wants the employee fired and is willing to run a salesperson contest so that one with the most sales gets to do the firing. Manager Weatherly says she hasn't seen the janitor, Mr. Smith, since Christmas, but to get along, the manager says the boss' idea is good, and they leave together. Janitor Frankie, "janiting" unnoticed in the room, hears the plans for his pal Smitty and meets up with Jacobson, recently back from his elevator shaft injury, to spread the news and rile up the Union in support!
Meanwhile, two salespeople are in the Santa room cleaning up the mess left by Smitty. One salesman, Harold, reveals that Smitty is his father, whom he equally hates and respects. Harold wants their sales team to sell the most so they are the ones to fire his father.
In a romantic restaurant, a woman waits at a table for two with a rose in a book. Finally, her blind date Jordan arrives. The impatient waiter takes their orders and everyone learns she's not only desperate for this date, but she's also picky. Jordan orders veal, taking his date aback that he would order "baby cow". The waiter says they're out of veal, but offers lamb. To her horror, Jordan asks for "the youngest one you've got". To her even more extreme horror, the waiter brings a selection of live lambs. She exclaims over the one with the biggest eyes, which becomes Jordan's dinner choice.
- Will Frankie and Jacobson be able to whip up Union support for their fellow janitor?
- Where is Smitty, anyway? (He was last seen in the clutches of a Red Hat lady who gave him her address.)
- What does Smitty's son Harold have against his father?
- Will the strange sales contest really save Latham's?
- How delicious was the lamb-bryo?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
