Episode 169

Tripp announces to his mother, Angelica, that his zombie-themed restaurant hasn't been working since the zombie staff all unionized.  Angelica says to just unchain them and let them go, but Tripp has the idea to try an herbal remedy--he will give them some of his "good stuff".  The zombie easily uses the bong, with the first hit mellowing him out and allowing him to talk!  Tripp says he has a plan.

Meanwhile, Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi's use the key and jewel to open her father's trunk which hums, clicks, and pops out her father's genie, "Uncle Genie"!  The genie is unsure of Rajiv, but has instructions to tell Lakshmi where her father is.  Unfortunately, the genie doesn't know because he was distracted by garlic, had a magic genie bag over his head, and was hit with a magic genie wrench, all of which were gotten from the Evil Genie.  Good news: he can give them a scroll with her father's location.  Bad news: Quacky wrote it.  Princess Lakshmi takes a bag of duck treats and the gem, and gives Rajiv the key so Uncle Genie must be nice to him.  They leave to find Quacky.

Poison candy has already gotten into the market, and a family's children have died.  They buy into a conspiracy theory that Big Momma is the secret daughter of Mr. Hershey and blame her for the deaths (though Big Momma's plans haven't even begun being executed yet).  The wife gets so frustrated with her husband that she feeds him some candy.  He dies.


Miss Marjorie Dawson passes the day with Smitty, and asks to hear about his adventures since they were last together.  He said he had a job he had to leave because he "got misplaced".  He reveals he had to "lay pipe" for Big Momma, piquing Marjorie's jealousy.  He also reveals that he didn't finish the job because he instead heeded Marjorie's call.  She says she didn't call him, but rather that he was simply found, wandering around her garden.  But what happened?

**doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do**  (flashback to what happened)

Smitty is digging to lay pipe underground for Big Momma, when his fellow Union workers from Latham's Department Store (Frankie and Jacobson with the lame leg) finally track him down.  They were so worried, but they become miffed because Union members can't just leave and get another job!  Smitty could be in deep trouble, unless he "compensates" his fellow Union members, so they might overlook the transgression.  They suggest an introduction to elderly sexpot Miss Marjorie Dawson!  When he refuses to bring them immediately, Frankie and Jacobson hit him with stun guns, spin him in a circle, and give him a disorienting shove.

**doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do**  (flash-forward back to the conversation in Marjorie's bedroom)

Marjorie becomes very excited by the prospect of all these muscular workers fighting over her.  Smitty seems less than thrilled.  Jeeves brings lunch and a change of Depends.

• What is Tripp's zombie/pot-related plan, and will it work any better than his previous schemes?
• Can Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv get Quacky to translate the scroll with her father's location?
• Who is this "evil genie", and who is using his services?
• How did the poison candy get out so fast, if Big Momma hasn't even set up her factory yet?
• What will the Union do to Smitty if he doesn't silence the members with "favors" from Marjorie?
• Will Smitty get free of her, and does he even want to?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 157

Tripp and Jeff return from an important mission to buy explosives for Big Momma's trench/Native American blow-out, but they only have a lavender-vanilla Yankee Candle to show for it.  Tripp's mother, Angelica, mistakes the candle for the dynamite they were supposed to buy, thinking it must be one excellent stick for the money.  She plans to put it secretly on Native lands, blowing them up, securing Big Momma's trench, and getting her son and friend accolades.  Tripp just gets the idea that they can sneak onto the reservation to buy themselves "some good stuff".

An evil laugh floats on a foul wind to Angelica: the self-styled "Uber Minion", who tried to eliminate Angelica to become Big Momma's only minion!  He has returned, not with vengeance, but with an offer to join forces!  He wants to dethrone Big Momma, which shocks Angelica.  Angelica brags about the explosives that will finally complete Big Momma's plans!  Unfortunately, a pizza delivery person interrupts them and unexpectedly whips out a lighter and lights up the candle.  Angelica braces for the explosion, and everyone else relaxes with the lavender-vanilla.  Angelica goes in search of her son.  Uber Minion says he'll be waiting for her to join him...

Local weatherman Jeffrey Barber announces a plague of locusts about to swarm Solomon's River.

An old couple watching the report, Grandma and Grandpa, try to remember the last plague in aught-four.  They grab their Bibles to pray and Grandpa notices some pages have been chewed out by their granddaughter, who should be changing Great-Grandpa.  Grandma opens the door and locust swarm, eating them all down to skeletons.

The locust swarm continues to sweep across Solomon's River, closer and closer to the city proper.

A local hardware store tries to take advantage of the plague by discounting flamethrowers.

• What will Angelica do when confronting Tripp about the Yankee Candle?
• Will Tripp and Jeff find a mighty high on the reservation?
• Is Big Momma's time truly done, and is the Uber Minion strong enough to take her place?
• What's up with the plague of flesh-eating locusts?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 153

Tripp and his friend Jeff are rummaging around his old bar The Dead Canary, hoping to find some salvage.  To his surprise, his mother, Angelica, is alive and even has a job for them!  Angelica give them a "fat wad" to buy explosives from some guy on C Street...in Lowertown (he is one of the only sad men left in the place run by women).  They are to buy the explosives and set them up on the Reservation to help eliminate the opposition to Big Momma's plans for a Lake Superior trench.

Tripp and Jeff are having trouble remembering so many steps, but they manage to get to Lowertown and find a man, Bobby, who will point them to Donnie for $20.  Bobby out-thinks them easily and takes a good chunk of their money.  He also warns them to only look at Donnie's good eye, be patient with his speech impediment, and don't ask him about his porcelain collection.  Two steps away is Donnie's where he shows them a sample explosion, and for $50 they can have their own.  Jeff, unfortunately, lost his portion of the money, and Tripp gave all his to Bobby.  Tripp asks if there can be an exchange of goods instead, and Donnie says he would trade for Ecstasy.

Judge Graft asks his Court Reporter if she can get a hold of Big Momma.  He needs some...extra help...for the upcoming election, especially since he believes his opponent has been getting divine help from Gigi, the Jewish Diety, who is supporting the Native Americans.  A quick text makes him an appointment, but to actually get the help, Judge Graft is going to owe Big Momma.

Later, at Big Momma's, there is a battle of the wills between Judge Graft and Big Momma herself.  To get her price, she asks how many children the judge has, which turns out to be as many as 23 unacknowledged.  She wants the first born in each month, which turns out to be just one (nine months earlier is Graft's busy time.)  Graft promises to get him.

Meanwhile, at the 7-11, Rajiv has been robbed again and is reporting to Officer Maria.  Princess Lakshmi enters and invites the officer to an upcoming lingerie and sex toy party--cheap because they're used! Officer Maria is having trouble getting good information from Rajiv, who has been repeatedly traumatized, so they watch the security footage.  They see Rajiv wet himself and fork over the money.  On his way out, the hoodie-wearing robber lights a cigarette with his "gun" as he leaves.  After Officer Maria leaves and Rajiv goes to change his pants, Lakshmi watches the video again because the robber looks familiar--it is the white guy who has been pretending to be her father!  She keeps it a secret and promises to catch the man herself.

• Will Tripp and Jeff be able to trade Ecstasy for explosives from a 12-year-old?
• Who is Judge Graft's unacknowledged first born, and what will Big Momma do with him?
• Will the Native Americans be able to stop the Lake Superior trench, or even survive with so many people set against them?
• Can Princess Lakshmi set up a sting operation and catch the Poppa impersonator robbing the 7-11 stores he says he owns?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 152

Rajiv senses something wrong with Princess Lakshmi's father at the 7-11: he's white.  Lakshmi goes with Rajiv to see for herself, and he is definitely NOT her father, but she plays along, asking about her mother, and catches the man lying as her mother is completely bald.  Unfortunately for Rajiv, they still need money, so he must keep working there.

Tripp and his friend in their zombie-themed bar are a little sick of the zombies, who never seem to sleep, and they lament their only good worker "un-zombied".  They unshackle the zombies and ditch.

Dr. Scarlett asks Nurse Steve to gather up any nurses he can find and join him in opening a private clinic, instead of staying at the desolate Solomon's River General Hospital.  After they leave, promising to meet up in the old warehouse where the clinic will be, a male patient enters and dies on the floor from lack of care.

A matriarch has summoned her underachieving son, Reginald, back from university.  His GPA is 1.2; however, his father's will has a stipulation that money for school will only be given if his GPA is over a 3.0!  He's going to have to drop out, but it's even worse, because his mother has a secret: Reginald's father is not his actual father, and she doesn't know who his father is!  She, like her son Reginald, was a partier in school, and she got pregnant.  If anyone should find out, they both would be cut off from the inheritance.  Reginald laments being cut off from his party lifestyle.  They drink beer with Redbull together, and Reginald blackmails his mother to keep himself quiet.

Spirit Animal Raccoon appears to an unsuspecting Running Nose in the Dream Tent.  He's looking for a "big fat Indian", the young man who didn't want to believe in the old ways, because he needs to help someone, anyone, complete a task before he's allowed back into the Spirit Realm.  Two older Native Americans knock on the Dream Tent and Running Nose's reluctance to let them in reveals to them that he is finally coming of age...at 35...and must go on a Vision Quest to find out what kind of man he will be.  Running Nose says he sees a raccoon and the Indians tell him it's good luck (while privately rolling their eyes at the wimpy Spirit Animal.)  They chant encouragement and say he may be the one to save them from their troubles with Big Momma and Lake Superior.  Spirit Animal Raccoon thinks that's reaching a little too high.

• Why is a white man pretending to be Lakshmi's father, and what has become of her real mother and father?
• How many times will Rajiv be held up in the 7-11?
• Will all the zombies Tripp released become "un-zombified", and what will Tripp and his friend do now?
• Will Dr. Scarlett be successful with a clinic in an old warehouse?
• Who was the mysterious man who died in Solomon's River General Hospital?
• Can Reginald keep a secret, and will anyone find out who his real father is?
• Can Running Nose save the Native Americans?  What hope does Raccoon have of ever going back to the Spirit Realm?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 149

Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi are upset at the altered state of his coffeehouse.  Tripp, the guy who took over the shop while they were in Greece and turned it into a zombie-themed bar, finds them, ties them up, and tries to get them to behave like zombies.  Tripp and his assistant are forced to leave by the arrival of a real zombie, whom Rajiv hires as a cleaning person to help restore his shop.  Rajiv and the Princess enjoy being tied up for a while.

Meanwhile, Angelica updates Big Momma on the progress of Lake Superior towards Solomon's River.  The Crew Foreman arrives to complain that "Injuns" are in the way.  Big Momma recommends getting TNT and blowing them up.  Crew Foreman and Big Momma have a clash of personalities and, unbeknownst to him, the Foreman is lucky to leave un-cursed.

McShane wanders the woods, still trying to find Tommy and Sally, who he simultaneously wishes would hold still AND go away forever.  In a slightly different part of the woods, Tommy and Sally manage to find each other and remember they wanted to kill Dr. Scarlett for killing their baby (unbeknownst to them, there never was a baby since they have misunderstood how sex works.)  They go to find a killing stick.

The Court Reporter previews the next case to Judge Graft: a divorce between the French Matron Tilapia and her new, young beau Trevor, married for only 3 months.  Trevor wants her money but there is an air-tight prenup.  Matron Tilapia recognizes Trevor as an idiot, and Trevor needs to leave to do his AP Calculus homework (he is in 12th grade plus 3).  Judge Graft grants the divorce and moves to arrest the Matron Tilapia for possible pedophilia, when in walks the former Mr. Tilapia, who they all thought was dead!  The court sucks wind in surprise.  It turns out Mr. Tilapia is also an idiot.  Judge Graft throws them all in jail.

• Will Tripp just meekly let somebody take over the bar that he took over?
• Is coexistence with zombies possible?
• What happens when an indigenous people is blown up?
• Will the Crew Foreman escape the wrath of Big Momma if he fails?
• Can McShane ever find Tommy and Sally, and does he really want to?
• Is Dr. Scarlett's life truly in danger?
• What will Judge Graft do to the Tilapias and Trevor?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 145

Rajiv is frustrated after Magnus Adversson's unwillingness to produce the antidote to Rajiv's extreme anti-aging spit, and tries to get Princess Lakshmi on board with searching Magnus' Grecian mansion, but the princess' regression has reached a critical level and her infancy regresses...into an embryo!  Rajiv picks her up in a tissue and goes to find a jar.

McShane is loving his new job as a school custodian.  As he bends to scrape gum off the floor, disembodied voices call to him, "McShane!  We're lost and scared!  We might die because of you!"  Guilt forces him to ask for a vacation so he can search for Tommy and Sally in the woods.

Tripp and a friend break into Rajiv's Coffee House to steal the copper pipes.  Groaning floats up to them from the basement trap door and gives Tripp a brainstorm: open a zombie-themed bar!  He figures they'll work for brains.

Angelica debriefs Big Momma on the progression of Lake Superior to Solomon's River which is being blocked by Native American protesters.  Angelica believes she can get the White Folk to fight the Native Americans simply because of racial bias...as long as they don't find out Big Momma herself is a lovely shade of burnished copper.  Angelica further suggests a curse on the natives.  Big Momma says to cause fire in the tee-pees and trailer homes, blow up the mansions and gas stations, and cause the crops to fail.  Angelica leaves to get the components to cast the curse.

Exploring the woods for Tommy and Sally is just as frustrating as it ever was for McShane and voices echo ominously.

Kevin and Zeb hide in his closet to his from the recently summoned Jewish deity Gigi.  They think controlling her might be easier than killing her outright; however, the time isn't right for Kevin's motion-magic and they'll have to keep Gigi in the basement until the moon is full and hope she doesn't cause too much trouble in those seventeen days.

• Will Rajiv be able to save the embryonic Princess Lakshmi?
• Are zombies still cool enough to make Tripp's bar successful?
• What will the Native Americans do if Big Momma's curse works?
• What will the Angry White Folk do if they find out Big Momma herself isn't white?
• Will McShane save Tommy and Sally to assuage his guilt, or will he die trying?
• Can new magician Kevin control a deity?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 130

Bobby McMasterfaster, new to the bustling Solomon's River and still happy-go-lucky and full of hope, looks to rent a storefront for his new barber shop.  Landlord Sean and his harpy wife agree to rent to him because they need the money.

Elsewhere, the Princess Evaleene is holding an audience for her supplicants who are ready to do her bidding.  After dancing and meditation, Princess Evaleene glows and springs extra arms!  The devotees praise her and ask instructions.  An unusually deep voice emanates from the Princess, "You must bring me the child!"  Which child?  "Tuesday's child!"  They promise to do her bidding as she flies off, mysteriously.

At Mason Brothers Moving Company, Franny Mason's employee, Tripp, has gotten word that his mother may have been packed away in one of the boxes from the former bar, The Dead Canary.  They leave to check, but do not know they are too late, because...

...in a truck headed far, far from Solomon's River, a woman with a thick foreign accent awakes to find herself in a box.  The woman, Tripp's mother and minion Angelica, doesn't know that her rival, Uber Minion, is the driver!  After he leaves to pee at a rest stop, she digs out her emergency box cutter.  Angelica just manages to roll open and closed the truck's rear door when Uber Minion returns from the bathroom.  As he drives away with her gripping the back of the truck, she swears she will get him when next he has to pee.

Young, giggly Lindsey Makesweaty has trouble learning how to sweep, but patient barber Bobby McMasterfaster hires her anyway.  A mother enters with her extremely bearded twelve year old son.  She wants it off, immediately; however, the youngster's beard is tougher to remove than is anticipated.  Lindsey tries using the broom, but only manages to knock the poor, hairy kid unconscious.  Three hours of clipping, razoring, and depilating have proven futile.  The mother jumps to the conclusion that it must be anabolic steroids, but she doesn't know that the previous day, her as-yet beardless boy went to Brendeesha Scarf's laboratory, wanting to become the Coolest Kid in School.  Unethically, she gives him the anti-zombie (pro-superhero) potion.

Meanwhile, in the Solomon's River fifth grade girl's bathroom, a nameless snob and  Allison, the coolest girl in the whole school who also has boobs, shun Stinky Marsha, discuss fifth grade boys, and wish those same boys were older.  A geeky kid asks to use the bathroom, as he's not feeling well.

Princess Lakshmi has discovered her powers are increasing and she shows Rajiv by lifting a VW bus.  She posits that the anti-zombie-ism potion they took may also have given Rajiv super strength.  He tries to lift the Volkswagen, but his power is definitely not strength.

• Will Bobby McMasterfaster's barber shop hold up under the hope-drain that is Solomon's River?
• Who is "Tuesday's child" and what does Princess Evaleene want with him or her?
• Where is Uber Minion taking Angelica, and will she be able to take him down?
• Will Angelica's son Tripp discover she has been minion-napped?
• How many people has Brendeesha Scarf dosed with potions?
• What will become of the Soft-but-Tough-Beard Boy?
• Are Princess Lakshmi's powers permanent?
• What is Rajiv's power?
• Does the potion even inoculate against zombie-ism?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 121

We open Solomon's River with Rajiv polishing his counter once again, musing on how quiet things have been of late. At that moment his wife bursts in and explains that she has been held prisoner in a Pakistani prison for a year because his girlfriend, Princess Lakshmi, told them that Mrs. Rajiv was a terrorist! Rajiv denies having a girlfriend, although he does tell his wife not to look in the basement. Mrs. Rajiv declares that she is alright with his girlfriend "being where she cannot see her". Having acquiesced to this new living arrangement, Mrs. Rajiv leaves to go to the store so she can make dinner. Rajiv takes this opportunity to visit Lakshmi beneath the trapdoor. As she berates him for leaving her trapped in his basement, Mrs. Rajiv returns for the car keys. Rajiv admits he left them in the car, at which point he is yelled at again and told they will "talk about this later." Lakshmi now knows that Rajiv's wife has returned! The princess hopes Mrs. Rajiv will help her escape, until she is reminded about all that Pakistani prison/terrorist stuff. Rajiv agrees to un-strap Lakshmi from the wall, as long as she promises not to try to escape. She promises, fingers crossed.  Rajiv leaves.

Tripp is reunited with his mother, Angelica. He explains how he went into a house to ask for "23 pounds" and ended up with what looks like a child strapped to his chest. Angelica tell him how he used to have a twin, but it was absorbed into his body, apparently not completely. Tripp wonders if they could slice it off, or use "Icy Hot" to remove it. Angelica, dipping into her vast reservoir of knowledge regarding all things illegal, tells him she knows just the place to go to have it removed. She'll help him if he agrees to help her find an old man.

Princess Evaleene is being chased by her sycophants.

Two dudes discover their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to report the theft and Det. Smegly takes their information. The car was parked next to Solomon's River Canyon, but he cannot seem to get any more helpful information from them other than the car is blue with rust spots. At that moment, Mrs. Rajiv comes in to report that there is a car in their driveway that is not theirs, then leaves just as suddenly. The detective tells the dude he'll look for his car, but it will take a couple of weeks. The dude wants to borrow a car, but the detective is not very helpful, giving them a flyer for an auction that takes place in a month. After the dudes complain about how they can't go without a car for a month, Det. Smegly moves the auction up to tomorrow.

• Is Rajiv's wife really okay with these living arrangements?
• Will Princess Lakshmi be content staying in the basement, drinking nothing but old, warm Dr. Pibb?
• Will Tripp come to love his partially absorbed twin?
• What does Angelica want with an old man?
• Can Det. Smegly find the dude's car, or will he be forced to lend them a police cruiser?
•  

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in Solomon's River!

Episode 111

A very upset Mrs. Rajiv calls the hospital to speak with Dr. Scarlett about the paternity test results. She is livid that the results show that her child, who is to be named “Patel Patel Patel,” is apparently the spawn of Dr. Scarlett himself! Before the doctor has the chance to explain how babies are made, Mrs. Rajiv points out the very important fact that she and the doctor have never been intimate with one another. To add insult to injury, the receptionist has been listening in on their conversation and is ready to spread the word to EVERYBODY!

Meanwhile, across town in the Strange Temple, acolytes are dancing in honor of High Priestess Evaleene. After a short episode of concern regarding both their inability to dance and sing in time with each other and the filthy state of the floor, High Priestess Evaleene appears and they plead with her to tell them how long before the End of the World. Evaleene reveals that it will be in four days! The acolytes leave to spread the word.

Later, in Magnus Adverson's mansion, Tripp is severely concerned about his mother Angelica's desire to take all of Magnus' underwear. She has big plans to sell them to Japanese men, who she thinks will pay a big fortune for them on eBay. Rajiv stumbles in and discovers them rifling through Magnus' drawers. Tripp tells him they are the new butler and maid, and Rajiv promptly orders a BLT. To further complicate matters, Mrs. Rajiv shows up, demanding to know why Rajiv is there. Tripp and Angelica tiptoe away as Mrs. Rajiv verbally assaults her husband. As they banter back and forth about the children, the doorbell rings and Princess Lakshmi appears, complete with her two broken arms. Rajiv hopes for another girl fight. Lakshmi informs Rajiv that she has heard the scuttlebutt about the paternity test results as Mrs. Rajiv denies knowing Dr. Scarlett. The argument continues, this time focusing on everyone's knowledge of biology. It ends with the Princess storming out and everyone proclaiming that they are going to get a lawyer.

• Are the paternity test results correct? Is Dr. Scarlett the father of Mrs. Rajiv's baby?
• Will the world really end in four days?
• Are Japanese men willing to pay a big fortune for Magnus' underwear?
• Are there enough lawyers in Solomon's River for everyone?
• Will Mrs. Rajiv name her baby “Patel Patel Patel?”

Find out the answer to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 31

As this week's episode opens, we find Tripp talking with his mother, Angelica, explaining how he is now using the newly amnesiac Carla/Oscar to clean the porch and wash his car.  Angelica seems intrigued by the thought that Carla/Oscar will do whatever you tell her to, as long as you call her Oscar Steppenwolf ("Like your Padre," observes Angelica.) 

Meanwhile, across town at the Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett and his nurse discuss Mr. Ylung's progress after the operation.  The nurse points out something interesting on Mr. Ylung; someone has stitched a message on his scar!  Just then, Joe-Bob Solomon arrives and punches the nurse!

Later at Rajiv's, Magnus Adverson comes in and orders some rhubarb pie.  Magnus asks if Rajiv has seen his granddaughters, then leaves the coffee house.

At the mayor's house, there is a knock at the door...it is Herr Offenschitz, Wolfgang's father!  Herr Offenschitz is looking for his son and wants to know if Joe-Bob, his neighbor, knows where he is.  Herr Offenschitz needs to find his son and give him some important news!  Suzanne, the ghost child from Joe-Bob Solomon's past, reappears after being away for so long...she wants Joe-Bob to find out what the important news is.  Herr Offenschitz knows the last place his son was seen was at the Retreat (even though Germans don't know that word;) he tells the mayor that he will be moving in next door until his son is found.  As they say goodbye, Joe-Bob punches Herr Offenschitz in the face!

• Will Angelica find a use for Carla/Oscar?
• Did Mr. Ylung survive the removal of his tumor without complications?
• Will Magnus enjoy his rhubarb pie?
• What is the important news Herr Offenschitz has for his son?
• Will Herr Offenschitz be upset when he discovers his son has been brutally murdered at the Retreat?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 30

At Rajiv's Coffee House 2.0, Mr. Ylung comes in and confronts Rajiv with the evidence that someone with an Indian accent, wearing a Magnus Adverson suit, went into the bank and withdrew all of Adverson's money. Ylung demands to know where the money is; Rajiv defends himself, saying he has many cousins.  Coincidentally, one enters and tells Rajiv to check out his bling.  Ylung tells Rajiv that the person who took the money was exceedingly tall; he also warns Rajiv that he can get the coffee house from him if he doesn't get the money back.  After disparaging Magnus and his grand-daughters, Ylung leaves.

Meanwhile, Carla Calivera awakens, tied up in Tripp's basement.  Using vague references, Tripp tells Carla that she needs to rehire the person who used to work for her but doesn't work for her anymore.  Carla remembers getting punched in the face and waking up here.  She demands to be untied, then discovers she no longer remembers her name.  Tripp "helps" by telling her her name is Oscar Steppenwolf.  He also tells her she works at the county dump keeping rats off the food.  Angelica comes home and calls down to the basement...Tripp warns her not to come down because he's involved in something...personal.  He asks Carla/Oscar if he can let her go without worrying about her. He lets her go, but warns her that he likes to kill things, so he's going to follow her for a while to see what she does.

Across town at Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett is consulting with a patient, Mr. Ylung.  Scarlett informs his patient that the x-ray of the giant tumor he has been examining is Ylung's.  Scarlett tells him that he could operate, but the tumor is sitting on a large nerve, and operating could cause paralysis.  Ylung wants to operate right away!  Joe-Bob Solomon arrives, punches Dr Scarlett, and leaves.

Later we see Bob-Joe Solomon pacing, worrying about his brother looking for him, concerned he will end up with a bullet in his face.  Just then, he gets a bullet in the face!

•  Will Rajiv find the money?
• Will Carla/Oscar go back to work at the Solomon's River Municipal Dump?
• Will Mr. Ylung survive having his tumor removed?
• Why did Joe-Bob punch Dr. Scarlett?
• Who shot BJ?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 29

In this week's episode of Solomon's River, we find Mr. Ylung talking with Magnus Adverson, concerned that Magnus has taken all his money out of Spelunker's Federal Credit Union...Ylung wants to know where the money is!

Meanwhile, at Calivera Enterprises, Carla is on the phone with Jason, a newly hired thug, wanting to know why the poison didn't work on the mayor!  She wishes Angelica hadn't quit;  She vows to try again.  Jason enters and is confronted by Carla.  They argue for a while over methodology until deciding upon a bullet in the face.  Or a knife jab in the kidney.  They hatch a plan to get Joe-Bob alone.

Across town, Angelica is talking with her son, Tripp, explaining why she no longer works for Carla Calivera; she is afraid Carla though Angelica had quit when Angelica was gone so long looking for her in the caves.  Tripp offers her a job in the bar, but Angelica is heartbroken about losing her job with Carla.  Tripp tells Angelica about how he enjoyed killing Wolfgang Offenschitz.  Angelica is distraught...it is the family curse!  Killing runs in his blood!

Later, at Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett is talking with his nurses, trying to find out what happened to Joe-Bob.  They explain that he just got up, stretched, and left the morgue.  The nurse thinks they should "get the stiff back."  Scarlett agrees and sends them after him.

At the Rajiv residence, Mrs. Rajiv answers a knock on the door, finding Jerry Koff on her doorstep.  He asks to speak with her, telling her how he can't stop thinking of her since last he saw her.  He wants her to volunteer on his campaign so he can be near her.  Rajiv calls to her from the bedroom, wanting her to rejoin him.  Joe-Bob Solomon arrives, having been told be Jerr Koff's assistant that he was there.  The mayor then does something to Koff that I can neither remember nor discern from the recording, so some help would be appreciated here.

The nurses are asking around town about the mayor; they talk with Carla, who is curious about why they are looking for him...Carla recognizes the nurses, and they recognize her. Carla senses they have a problem, and offer to give them a solution; she tells them to meet her at her office tomorrow. Once the nurses leave, Mayor Solomon arrives and punches Carla!

• Will Mr. Ylung find out what Magnus has done with the money?  Does Magnus even remember?
• Will Carla and Jason agree on a method with which to kill the mayor?
• Is Tripp cursed?
• Will the nurses find the mayor's body?
• Will Mrs. Rajiv run off with Jerry Koff?
• What solution does Carla have to offer?  Will she regain consciousness by the time the nurses return tomorrow?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 27

In this episode of Solomon's River, Cilantro returns from her "vacation" and meets her grandfather, Magnus and her sister, Samantha.  Samantha asks Cilantro if she's seen Mr. Ylung during her absence; Cilantro tells her she hasn't, none too convincingly.  Samantha calls Ylung's office; she discovers the line has been disconnected.  The mysterious Janice "Grey" comes in, claiming to be from the EPA, asking about the noxious gasses being released from Calivera Enterprises.

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett has Bob-Joe Solomon under hypnosis to try and discover what happened when they were at each others throats.  Bob-Joe was choking Scarlett, and the doctor had pumped Bob-Joe full of horse tranquilizers.  Both collapsed; Bob-Joe woke up first, then Scarlett, who opened a safe or cabinet, pulled out a box and removes from it a clown suit, big red nose and a wig, which he proceeded to put on Bob-Joe.  Then Dr. Scarlett's nurse arrived and handed Bob-Joe a gun, supposedly telling him to kill Jerry Koff.

Across town at Solomon's River United Catholic Church of God Our Heavenly Father in Christ, Tripp is in confessional, admitting that he killed someone, and seemed to enjoy it.  As Tripp is exploring non-murderous life options, Janice "Scarlet" busts in, declaring herself to be from the IAC, Internal Affairs of the Church.  She overheard Tripp's confession and has it taped.

In a miscellaneous character's home, we find Patsy, who has just returned from a trip unpacking a suitcase.  She discovers it is not her case; it belongs to someone named Cilantro.  It is filled with men's sexy underwear and is labeled..."Mr. Ylung!"

• Has Cilantro seen Mr. Ylung, and if so, why would she be lying about it?
• Why in God's name would a nurse want Jerr Koff dead?
• What was Tripp going to tell the priest before they were so rudely interrupted?
• What is Mr. Ylung's sexy underwear doing in Cilantro's suitcase, and why does he label it "Mr. Ylung?"

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 25

At the Retreat, Brother Offenschitz calls for Brother Chiliwang; he claims he has "found it!"  Inner peace!  He was in his cube, going through his bottom dresser drawer, and he found it.  Just as Chiliwang is about to release Brother Offenschitz, Tripp walks in disguised as Magnus.  Brother Chiliwang departs, Wolfgang invites Magnus to meditate with him, but instead Tripp/Magnus gets behind him and snaps his neck!!!

At the Rajiv house, Rajiv attempts to chastise his wife for embarrassing him in front of the customers.  She is upset that he is serving them alcohol in a bar.  Tripp walks into their house as Magnus, asking Rajiv to help him out of the suit.  He pulls down the zipper, and out pops Tripp!  Mrs. Rajiv is worried about this "sketchy person."  Tripp tells Rajiv that the bar is too clean; he is fired. One of the Rajiv cousins comes in, spouts off in Hindi, takes the now-empty Magnus suit and goes out of the room, Rajiv following close behind.

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River General Hospital, Jerry Koff finds Dr. Scarlet (who has mysteriously survived Bob-Joe's attempt on his life) and asks to see the body in the morgue that looks suspiciously like the mayor.  Scarlet takes him down to look at the body.  After shooing his nurse off of the body, Scarlet shows it to Koff, who identifies it, asking him to make sure it is not "plugged in."  As Scarlet is checking for a pulse, his nurse comes back in, trying to keep another nurse out of the room while the doctor is in there.  She wants her turn at the body.  Jerr Koff leaves, after asking for their votes.

• What will happen now that Tripp has apparently murdered Wolfgang Offenschitz?
• How will Rajiv support his family now that he has lost his job at the Dead Parrot?
• Is it really Mayor Joe-Bob's body on the slab?
• Will we ever have any love stories in Solomon's River?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 24

In the latest installment of Solomon's River, we begin with Tripp using the Magnus Adverson suit to try to gain access to the Retreat, where Wolfgang Offenschitz is trying to attain inner peace, in an attempt to kill Offenschitz so that he can take the pressure off his mother, Angelica, who is trying to take the pressure off her boss, Carla Calivera, who is trying to turn over a new leaf, but must first kill Wolfgang for the mayor.  Tripp realizes he has no identification, which will complicate his attempt at passing himself off as Adverson.  He then runs into Wolfgang and tries to elicit his help.  One of the Brothers comes by to try and get Magnus/Tripp to leave Brother Offenschitz alone so he can meditate; Brother Chiliwang soon arrives as well and leads Magnus/Tripp out.

Meanwhile, at the Dead Parrot Bar, Rajiv is tending bar in Tripp's absence as some strangers come in.  Mrs. Rajiv storms in, demanding to know where her husband has been!  He explains to her what has happened to the coffee house.  A dude comes in and tells everyone about a pitchfork and torch party going on in town.  One of Rajiv's relatives from India arrives, offering to help him get back his coffee house.  Bob-Joe Solomon comes in during the confusion and offers one of the strangers $200 to get rid of a black bag he has outside in his pickup truck, without looking in it!

Across town at the former coffee house, the dance party continues!  Magnus gets caught up with his granddaughter, Samantha...he wants to know what happened to Cilantro.  Samantha thought she was in town all the time she was gone; she is looking for Mr. Ylung...she notes that Cilantro seems to have disappeared around the same time as Ylung!  As the dance party winds down (too many old people) a confused stranger wanders in - the man from the black bag!!!

• Will Tripp's devilish plot work?
• Will Wolfgang ever attain inner peace?
• Will Mrs Rajiv teach her husband not to give away large possessions while she's gone?
• What was Bob-Joe doing with a body bag?
• Will Cilantro return?  Is she with Mr. Ylung???

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 22

Tonight's episode of Solomon's River begins in the Dead Parrot with Bob-Joe impersonating his brother, the mayor.  He explains the blood on his hands to Tripp the bartender as the blood of a virgin he sacrificed.  To his dismay, Tripp doesn't seem to be grasping the concept.  Rajiv, who recently signed away his ownership of the coffee house, is now working at the Dead Parrot; Tripp tells him to stop cleaning the counter and go clean the bathrooms.  Bob-Joe leaves and Angelica, Tripp's mother, comes in.  She fawns over him, much to his embarrassment.  Tripp asks how she's doing with volunteers..she tells him that she is looking for a man named Offenschitz.  Tripp offers to beat him up and bring him to his mother; she tells her son he can find him at the Retreat.  Tripp puts Rajiv in charge while he's gone.

At Calivera Enterprises, Carla muses over being able to end the killing and starting a new company to make organic ice cream with candy in it.  Jerry Koff comes in, asks for her vote and a sizable donation.  Instead of donating, she recommends to Jerr that he take a vacation on a small island; he agrees to do it in exchange for a blank check.  Bob-Joe rushes in...Jerr reminds him about the debate on Friday night.  Bob-Joe asks Carla for help with Rajiv.  Carla speaks privately with Bob-Joe about the mayor's orders to kill Offenschitz; Bob-Joe is taken aback; he knew nothing about his brother's plans.

Meanwhile, Magnus is surprised by the return of his granddaughter, Samantha.  He spill the beans on his newly found daughter, Magneta, and the possibility that he killed someone.  While he is trying to back out of his admission to murder, they are interrupted by a friend of Samantha's, who is congratulating her on her pregnancy.  Magnus is happy for her, although he is disturbed (briefly) that the father is Mr. Ylung, who tried to "screw him out of the will."  Samantha is looking for Ylung...she goes to Rajiv's to find him.  We cut to Rajiv's former Coffee House to discover it's been turned into a Euro-Dance club.

• Will Tripp find Wolfgang Offenschitz for his mother?
• Will Rajiv manage to get the Dead Parrot's bathroom clean?
• Will Carla figure out that Jerr Koff is not Wolfgang Offenschitz, the man she is supposed to murder?
• Will Samantha find Mr. Ylung, the father of her unborn child?
• Will Rajiv ever reclaim the coffee house, and if so, will he be able to get the dance-stink out of the upholstery?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 20

At the Dead Canary, Tripp the bartender deals with some unpleasant cleaning issues in the restroom.  An incomprehensible curmudgeon enters and (perhaps?) tries to order a whiskey.  Tripp calls his mom, Angelica, to inquire once again about all the people he sends to Calivera Enterprises who never come back.  She tells him she needs more people, so Tripp talks with the curmudgeon and sends him over.

At Calivera Industries, Carla has returned from testifying before Congress.  She is worried, and tells Angelica that they must stay under the radar for a few weeks; no more killings!  Just then, Joe-Bob Solomon enters, asking Carla if she's "gotten around to that job I asked you to do," which amounts to killing Wolfgang Offenschitz.  Carla replies that she has turned over a new leaf and won't be killing people any more.  At that, Mayor Joe-Bob threatens to reveal evidence against her...40 tapes worth.  All he wants is this one last killing.  He leaves, and the curmudgeon comes in; Carla tells him she has the perfect job for him and for Angelica to "show him to his new office."  She will turn over a new leaf tomorrow.

Later, Jerry Koff runs into the Mayor and asks if they could set up a debate at his "men's club," and to show up on Friday and not tell anyone where he's going.  After Jer Koff leaves, we discover that he was, in fact, talking with Joe-Bob's brother, Bob-Joe!

Meanwhile, we find Julia looking for a coffee shop (or something to do in town,) and a fan is looking for an autograph.  Magnus mistakes Julia for his newly-found daughter, Magneta.  Mr. Ylung shows up, asking why Magnus is no longer in the basement, and demands to know what happened to the cable guy.  Magnus realizes he has killed the cable guy...the problem is that he was the witness to the new will signing; Magnus must re-sign.  Magnus tells Ylung that he told Dr. Scarlett he would be put in the will for helping Magnus discover why he had blood on his hands; My. Ylung assures Magnus that he is only trying to help him.  They leave.

• Will Tripp ever find out what's happening to all the people he sends to Calivera Enterprises?
• Will Carla turn over a new leaf?
• Will Joe-Bob succeed in blackmailing Carla into helping him?
• Will Bob-Joe show up for the debate on Friday, and if so, will he bring snacks?
• Did Magnus Adverson really kill the cable guy?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

 

Episode 16

At the Dead Canary, a local drunkard, Aaron, demands more whiskey as the bartender, Tripp, tries to get him to go home until finally giving in and serving him.  Detective Smith arrives, looking for anything suspicious.  Tripp informs Smith that the mayor has a brother that looks just like him.  Smith then grills him about all the local disappearances, indicating that the drunkard may well disappear next.  Asking Aaron about the No-Tell Motel (at which he works,) Smith finds out that the mayor likes little girls.  Bob-Joe Solomon arrives, still looking for his brother.  Smith asks him about his Joe-Bob's penchant for young ladies.  Bob-Joe admits that his brother the mayor is corrupt, and will get his comeuppance.

Magnus is still tied up in Ylung's basement; Ylung informs him that the "project" will have to wait, because Ylung has gotten a good gig suing Dr. Scarlett on behalf of Dr. Maroon.  A knock comes at the door; a cable guy arrives trying to sign Ylung up for cable. They come to an agreement as Ylung does his best to hide Magnus from him.  Adverson finally agrees to sign the new will, making the Magnus Mask Plan irrelevant.  The cable guy witnesses the signing of the will.

Meanwhile, just outside Ylung's house, three teenagers gather to break in and steal all the chemicals they heard were inside.  They follow the cable guy in  and find the Magnus mask and suit, which one of them proceeds to put on.

At a mediation center, Wolfgang Offenschitz is learning to let go of his anger.  Hawaiian pizza arrives and Master Chiliwang pays, then tell Brother Offenschitz that he has pain which he cannot release until he finds his inner demons.  Another brother arrives, asking about the pizza until Brother Offenschitz yells at them to quiet down, thereby delaying his discovery of the inner demons even further.

• Will Joe-Bob Solomon and Bob-Joe Solomon ever manage to meet up?
• Will Magnus Adverson get to see "Love Connection?"
• What will those teenagers do with a Magnus Adverson mask & suit?
• Will Brother Offenschitz get in touch with his inner demons?
• Who invented the Hawaiian pizza, and why?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 13

As we saw last week, Mayor Joe-Bob Solomon's brother visits the Dead Canary Bar, where the dregs of society go to forget the day-to-day drudgery of their life in the mines. He is looking for his brother...the barkeep tells him the mayor doesn't come in after the "incident with the little girls." A mysterious drunk woman asks Bob-Joe to pass a message on to his brother, then throws her drink in his face and leaves with a drunkard, heading for the Solomon's River Marriott.

Once the Dead Canary clears out, Tripp the bartender calls his mother, Angelica, at Calivera Enterprises and asks if she needs any more "volunteers" for the "project."  She tells him to bring in as many volunteers as he can get.  Tripp is concerned that he hasn't seen the previous volunteers he's sent; he thinks they've been cured of their alcohol abuse.  Angelica's minion arrives to report that the grinder is packed up again; he is told to clean it up to prepare for more "volunteers" from her son.  As her minion leaves, she speaks about the "secret downstairs."

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Magnus Adverson is tied to a chair by Mr. Ylung, who demands he sign the new will.  Ylung needs someone to witness the will...Magnus recognizes Ylung as the man dating his granddaughter.  Mr. Ylung plans to make a mask of Magnus' face to complete his plan.  Ylung is interrupted by a secretary bringing him legal briefs, but she is clueless, and leaves without comment.

Elsewhere, in an underground lair, a young woman is tied down to the floor, a pentagram inscribed beneath her.  She yells for help; robed figures arrive and stand ominously over her.  Is one Dr. Scarlett?

• Will Bob-Joe Solomon find his brother Joe-Bob, the mayor?
• Will Tripp every discover what Calivera Enterprises is doing with all the "volunteers?"
• Will the minion's minion get the grinder unpacked?
• Will Mr. Ylung succeed in his plan to get Magnus to change his will?
• Who are these mysterious robed figures, and what are they up to?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!