Rajiv reveals to Princess Lakshmi that Magnus Adversson would give them all his money if Rajiv would kill him. They are horrified...and intrigued. It is a lot of money.
Spirit Animal Raccoon advises Native American Steve that a quest of killing Big Momma is a little out of his reach and that maybe Steve should just give her a flat tire. Spirit Animal Raccoon is rushing because there has been a rounding up of raccoons recently, and he wants to finish this vision quest so he can get out of Solomon's River. Steve, however, will not be hurried, possibly because he's been sniffing tire air, and possibly because he's trying to remember how and why he was in a tent.
Meanwhile, in a long-term nursing care facility, the nurse who has been caring for Patient Steve for the past eight years checks on him, now that she has turned down the incapacitating medication (unbeknownst to whoever has hidden him away). Finally, Steve is freed from the powerful narcotic and can answer her questions that his redacted medical records cannot: Why did someone do this to him, and who is that someone? Steve's memory is still hazy, but the JELLO is delicious. Suddenly, a woman leaps into the room, knocks the nurse on the head, and tells Steve that it's time to go to a rendezvous. This Steve will also not be hurried, as there is still JELLO left.
Angelica reports to Big Momma that the newly acquired son of Judge Graft, Ezekiel, has built four barns already and is showing no signs of stopping. She asks Big Momma why they want such an idiot, and Big Momma reveals her plans, which will put her into full Evil Mode: to force Ezekiel to have babies so they may sacrifice them in front of him. Angelica goes to check which way he swings, and to hopefully find some trashy Lowertown women to impregnate.
- Will Rajiv actually kill Magnus Adversson, by request, to inherit his money?
- Can Spirit Animal Raccoon manage to finish a vision quest, ANY vision quest, to get out of Solomon's River before he's captured and tested for VD?
- Who is Patient Steve, and how did the lady know that the nurse had secretly lowered his medication?
- Will Ezekiel make babies upon request, and what will sacrificing them do for Big Momma?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up on...Solomon's River!
Rajiv is burned out from being robbed over and over at the 7-11. Princess Lakshmi gives him a bullet-proof vest and adult diapers so he can keep working...and she can enact her plan to catch the white guy posing as her father.
A nurse checks on drooling Steve, a younger long-term patient in a nursing home facility. She ponders on how he might be if only he weren't on so much medication in his IV-drip. As there is no discernible reason for the incapacitating meds, she experiments, and turns it down.
Doctor Scarlett gathers his nurses in the new clinic. Now the only thing they need is patients. He encourages them to rustle up some business. The nurses troll the sidewalks, harassing passerby, until one is maced. Another nurse pounces on the opportunity and takes the maced nurse as a patient. Despite actually needing care, the nurses are chastised for being idiotic.
McShane continues his endless search for Tommy and Sally, which ends when Tommy and Sally show up. They explain they now have an apartment for the mentally challenged, which requires sterilization. Tommy and Sally invite McShane to a party in his honor for finding them and they say it will be the biggest street party in Solomon's River, ever! They get money from him to help rent a bounce house.
- Can Rajiv keep working at the 7-11, and will his vest and diaper be enough to help?
- Will Princess Lakshmi manage to expose the Imposter Poppa?
- Who is this mysterious Steve, and why was he on so much medication?
- How come nobody needs emergency help in Solomon's River?
- "Ain't no party like a Tommy and Sally party!" What does that mean??
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv senses something wrong with Princess Lakshmi's father at the 7-11: he's white. Lakshmi goes with Rajiv to see for herself, and he is definitely NOT her father, but she plays along, asking about her mother, and catches the man lying as her mother is completely bald. Unfortunately for Rajiv, they still need money, so he must keep working there.
Tripp and his friend in their zombie-themed bar are a little sick of the zombies, who never seem to sleep, and they lament their only good worker "un-zombied". They unshackle the zombies and ditch.
Dr. Scarlett asks Nurse Steve to gather up any nurses he can find and join him in opening a private clinic, instead of staying at the desolate Solomon's River General Hospital. After they leave, promising to meet up in the old warehouse where the clinic will be, a male patient enters and dies on the floor from lack of care.
A matriarch has summoned her underachieving son, Reginald, back from university. His GPA is 1.2; however, his father's will has a stipulation that money for school will only be given if his GPA is over a 3.0! He's going to have to drop out, but it's even worse, because his mother has a secret: Reginald's father is not his actual father, and she doesn't know who his father is! She, like her son Reginald, was a partier in school, and she got pregnant. If anyone should find out, they both would be cut off from the inheritance. Reginald laments being cut off from his party lifestyle. They drink beer with Redbull together, and Reginald blackmails his mother to keep himself quiet.
Spirit Animal Raccoon appears to an unsuspecting Running Nose in the Dream Tent. He's looking for a "big fat Indian", the young man who didn't want to believe in the old ways, because he needs to help someone, anyone, complete a task before he's allowed back into the Spirit Realm. Two older Native Americans knock on the Dream Tent and Running Nose's reluctance to let them in reveals to them that he is finally coming of age...at 35...and must go on a Vision Quest to find out what kind of man he will be. Running Nose says he sees a raccoon and the Indians tell him it's good luck (while privately rolling their eyes at the wimpy Spirit Animal.) They chant encouragement and say he may be the one to save them from their troubles with Big Momma and Lake Superior. Spirit Animal Raccoon thinks that's reaching a little too high.
- Why is a white man pretending to be Lakshmi's father, and what has become of her real mother and father?
- How many times will Rajiv be held up in the 7-11?
- Will all the zombies Tripp released become "un-zombified", and what will Tripp and his friend do now?
- Will Dr. Scarlett be successful with a clinic in an old warehouse?
- Who was the mysterious man who died in Solomon's River General Hospital?
- Can Reginald keep a secret, and will anyone find out who his real father is?
- Can Running Nose save the Native Americans? What hope does Raccoon have of ever going back to the Spirit Realm?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Court is in session with Judge Graft, his nosy court reporter, and his slacker bailiff, but the defendants, Native Americans, aren't coming in because they don't believe the Court holds sway over them. Judge Graft is annoyed because the bailiff was supposed to bring in the Natives as well as the rogue deity, but the bailiff delegated to the (notoriously awful) Solomon's Police Department. Judge Graft demands the bailiff get it done and laments hiring his cousin, Lieutenant Bustybottoms, as Chief of Police. The judge makes his bailiff Chief of Police, jailer, as well as bailiff. The court reporter secretly texted this change of authority to her nosy circle of connections.
Meanwhile, in a jar... the Princess Lakshmi embryo is getting bigger.
Dr. Scarlett calls for Nurse, but remembers he fired her, and instead gets Nurse Steve. Someone swerving to avoid a zombie got into a horrible car accident and will need operating room 12 in ten minutes. A zombie goes to exam room 5.
Brother Chilliwang glows with the power of Princess Evaleen's stone shoved up his nose, allowing him to become a deity. When Offenshitz tries to pick the stone out of Chilliwang's nose, Chilliwang warns the stone is needed because there's going to be a God Fight between him and Jewish Deity Gigi, but only if they can get him to turn into a Kaiju.
A girl brings her friend Sarah to the emergency room, apparently from the car vs. zombie accident, and the very zombie she swerved to avoid was hired by HR to do patient intake. Sarah feels okay, but her friend insists she needs medical attention. Nurse Steve mixed up the operating room and the time needed. Sarah's friend and Doctor Scarlett (and the new patient intake worker) notice the back of her head is open and her brain is sticking out. They poke it for fun.
- What will happen now that Judge Graft has started messing with the police department?
- Where are the Native Americans, and what happened to their bribe for Judge Graft?
- How big is Princess Lakshmi's jar?
- What has become of Solomon's River General Hospital now that there are incompetent nurses and zombies working there?
- There's gonna be a Kaiju fight!
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv puts embryonic Princess Lakshmi in a jar, pokes holes in the lid, and puts her down in Magnus Adversson's root cellar, hoping she'll grow again, now that he's not spitting on her.
Judge Graft calls court to session for People vs. Native American Tribe, regarding burning tires and occupying public land. The People ask that the Natives be forcibly removed. The Judge instructs the bailiff: stuff the public defender in a home, bring in the Native Americans for burning tires, and find the deity reported to be around town and bring him/her to the Court.
Because of Solomon's River General Hospital's lack of revenue, Dr. Scarlett instructs Nurse to fire two nurses using a nurse test to determine which are worthy. First test requires them to load their carts with the tools for a car accident with hemorrhaging/intubation tools. Results are...mixed. The next test is a patient they must diagnose just by looking and asking only one question. "Where does it hurt?" asks Nurse Flatula (answer: all over.) Nurse Anina queries, "Do you always look so stupid?" (yes) Nurse Mandale, "Is your father also your uncle?" (no) Finally Nurse Steve asks, "What kind of drugs do you get for something like that?" (whatever he can buy). None of the nurses recognize the man has...chickenpox!
Suddenly, Henry from HR shows up and reveals Dr. Scarlett is also a...NURSE! The reveal rankles the nurses who have been put-upon by Dr. Scarlett; however, Nurse sees another opportunity and tries to get the nurses to see that Henry from HR has an urgent problem. While they only notice he is a little ugly, Nurse points out his yellow skin tone, left eyelid droop, auditory hallucination of tinkling, and sudden, instantaneous death (which is, of course, why Nurse is Head Nurse.) Nurse Flatula is fired immediately. Nurse is angry with Dr. Scarlett for being so hard on the nurses when he, himself, is a nurse. Dr. Scarlett is tired of Nurse being so full of herself, and he fires her right then and there!
Outside, Nurse runs into Nurse Flatula who immediately suggests they pair up to start their own practice--they do!
- What will become of embryonic Princess Lakshmi floating in a jar?
- What will the Native Americans think of having to be dragged to Judge Graft's court, and will their payments to him pay off?
- Can a bailiff catch a deity?
- How will Solomon's River General Hospital fare with two of their nurses starting their own practice?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
