Locusts are gathering to feast upon Solomon's River, communicating intelligently to one another... A few weeks earlier, in a laboratory far under a mountain, a scientist has developed a "Smart Plague", designed to eat everyone on town in preparation for takeover. He's programmed the first two locust/Radio Shack electronic hybrids, Burt and Trevor, to desire human flesh, adjusted to "very hungry". The scientist's assistant, Jones, brings chai, and is tasked with programming the remaining 3 million cyborg locusts to "super hungry flesh-eating". Jones tweaks them a little further...
Danny is enjoying his flame thrower, trying to keep the locust away from his hot dogs. His whiny girlfriend gets a locust in her hair, and he accidentally sets her on fire.
A psychiatrist delves into the mind of a girl, Darlene, whose half-sister was lit on fire. Darlene feels guilty because it was her father who created the cyborg locust swarm! She believes complaining about how her half-sister took her spot on the cheerleading squad inspired her father to seek vengeance. One month earlier...
...Coach is auditioning cheerleaders. Darlene cheers passionately, but her half-sister says dyslexia prevents her from spelling properly. Darlene counters, "My father says I'm not dyslexic..." clearly irritating her half-sister. The half-sister's turn takes a turn as she simply fellates the coach, without even taking out her gum, and wins the spot.
Judge Graft has an off-the-record chat with his Court Reporter, in which he reveals his belief that Big Momma is behind the locust swarm, since she seems to be behind so much in Solomon's River. Judge Graft wants her to contact Geraldo for some "wet work", and gives her a bag of money to get it done. She is skeptical that it could be the Geraldo and questions this as a duty of a Court Reporter, but the Judge's threat that if he goes down, she goes down, forces her to make the call.
Angela confesses to Uber Minion that, yes, her son Tripp isn't as useful as she had hoped, but she is still supportive of Big Momma's big plans. Uber Minion is tired of never getting the big work done and dismisses those plans, Big Momma's powers of listening and of cursing. He makes Angelica an offer: kill Big Momma and become his second in command (includes dental and stock options). She has 24 hours to think about it.
- Is there any way to stop a super hungry flesh eating swarm of cyborg locusts?
- Did the evil scientist really create them to avenge his daughter against his ex-wife's daughter's promiscuous Coach diddling? How will his daughter cope?
- Will Geraldo really come to Solomon's River to kill Big Momma?
- Can Geraldo kill Big Momma before Angelica decides if she can kill Big Momma for a better minion job?
- What will Big Momma have to say?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Judge Graft visits Big Momma with Ezekiel, his first born son (from the month of June). Graft wants to exchange the barn-raising twenty-something for a campaign boost. Ezekiel is stoically scared, but Angelica lets him build a barn out back to calm him down. Graft is upset that the Jewish god Gigi has been supporting his Native American opponent, and he asks for an equal donation from Big Momma of $500,000. They give him $600,000 and he promises that any cases they need won or lost, he will help.
Princess Lakshmi changes Rajiv's adult diaper in a gap between the gun-happy robbers who seem to outnumber actual shoppers in the 7-11. She promises that he won't have to work there much longer as, secretly, her plan to expose her fake father is nearly complete. Lakshmi attends to the Diaper Genie as a customer enters: Magnus Adversson! Magnus and Rajiv harass each other for a while, and Magnus laments how old and tired he is. He needs someone to whom he can pass on his fortune, and Rajiv is more than willing; however, there is a catch: Magnus needs Rajiv to kill him!
A country bumpkin, Jeff Bob, enters Solomon's River General Hospital and finds no one except Gabby Plotpoint, the janitor. Jeff Bob has three choices: across the street with all the good nurses, down the hill to the warehouse with Dr. Scarlett and some not-so-good nurses, or the nursing home.
Dr. Scarlett's nurses were supposed to find patients, but only managed to get one nurse maced. The country bumpkin enters and Dr. Scarlett gets Nurse Steve to triage the man. Jeff Bob, had been married to Steve's sister Laverne for 20 years. He has been living in the woods the last 10 years and got an infection from lusting after "coon tang". Nurse Steve takes blood pressure poorly and another nurse recognizes the raccoon scratches and informs Jeff Bob that in order to treat him properly for rabies (and VD?) he needs to find the actual raccoon that scratched him. Jeff Bob says that he's been with so many raccoons, he can't possibly say which did it, so they'll have to gather ALL the raccoons. Nurse Steve lets Jeff Bob scoop up his own pain killers (Vicodin) and leaves for a smoke.
Brother Offenshitz has grown disillusioned with Brother Chiliwang's godlike powers (given to him by Princess Eveleen in the form of a stone up the nose) and he is leaving. Chiliwang, feeling superior, says that if he leaves, he can never return. Offenshitz smacks Chiliwang on the back of the head, finally dislodging the stone and relieving Chiliwang of the god-powers!
- What will Big Momma do with Ezekiel and what favors will she ask for from Judge Graft?
- Will Graft now win his reelection campaign against his Native American opponent?
- How will Lakshmi expose the father imposter?
- Will Rajiv kill Magnus for an inheritance?
- Can "all the raccoons" be gathered?
- What will become of the suddenly un-endowed Chiliwang?
- Does the god-stone still have powers?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Tripp and his friend Jeff are rummaging around his old bar The Dead Canary, hoping to find some salvage. To his surprise, his mother, Angelica, is alive and even has a job for them! Angelica give them a "fat wad" to buy explosives from some guy on C Street...in Lowertown (he is one of the only sad men left in the place run by women). They are to buy the explosives and set them up on the Reservation to help eliminate the opposition to Big Momma's plans for a Lake Superior trench.
Tripp and Jeff are having trouble remembering so many steps, but they manage to get to Lowertown and find a man, Bobby, who will point them to Donnie for $20. Bobby out-thinks them easily and takes a good chunk of their money. He also warns them to only look at Donnie's good eye, be patient with his speech impediment, and don't ask him about his porcelain collection. Two steps away is Donnie's where he shows them a sample explosion, and for $50 they can have their own. Jeff, unfortunately, lost his portion of the money, and Tripp gave all his to Bobby. Tripp asks if there can be an exchange of goods instead, and Donnie says he would trade for Ecstasy.
Judge Graft asks his Court Reporter if she can get a hold of Big Momma. He needs some...extra help...for the upcoming election, especially since he believes his opponent has been getting divine help from Gigi, the Jewish Diety, who is supporting the Native Americans. A quick text makes him an appointment, but to actually get the help, Judge Graft is going to owe Big Momma.
Later, at Big Momma's, there is a battle of the wills between Judge Graft and Big Momma herself. To get her price, she asks how many children the judge has, which turns out to be as many as 23 unacknowledged. She wants the first born in each month, which turns out to be just one (nine months earlier is Graft's busy time.) Graft promises to get him.
Meanwhile, at the 7-11, Rajiv has been robbed again and is reporting to Officer Maria. Princess Lakshmi enters and invites the officer to an upcoming lingerie and sex toy party--cheap because they're used! Officer Maria is having trouble getting good information from Rajiv, who has been repeatedly traumatized, so they watch the security footage. They see Rajiv wet himself and fork over the money. On his way out, the hoodie-wearing robber lights a cigarette with his "gun" as he leaves. After Officer Maria leaves and Rajiv goes to change his pants, Lakshmi watches the video again because the robber looks familiar--it is the white guy who has been pretending to be her father! She keeps it a secret and promises to catch the man herself.
- Will Tripp and Jeff be able to trade Ecstasy for explosives from a 12-year-old?
- Who is Judge Graft's unacknowledged first born, and what will Big Momma do with him?
- Will the Native Americans be able to stop the Lake Superior trench, or even survive with so many people set against them?
- Can Princess Lakshmi set up a sting operation and catch the Poppa impersonator robbing the 7-11 stores he says he owns?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
It's time for Solomon's River's most popular cable-access TV show, Cut-Blow, hosted by Taiwanese Exchange student Whitney Shears, where viewers get to watch real hair salon action. 12 year old Jeremy, who has the zombie-inoculation-induced uncuttable beard, is in the chair. They avoid the beard and trim his hair, color and gossip about Mrs. Tilapia and Judge Graft, who is nothing but bad news. The only gossip Jeremy has is that the Bailiff, a neighbor of his, touched him inappropriately. Some kids in the audience shout confessions that they, too, have been touched by the Bailiff. The hosts, not being mandatory reporters, move on to other gossip, including that the stylist heard there were zombie-reversal ice cubes for sale on Amazon. The audience cheers.
Rajiv has applied to every fast food joint in Solomon's River and Princess Lakshmi says it's time she asks her royal parents for a favor: get Rajiv a job. Princess Lakshmi Skypes and finds her Papa is now into franchising 7-11s and that she should send Rajiv over in the morning.
Bailiff's girlfriend has been pregnant for three days and Judge Graft thinks he is being taken advantage of. Mrs. Tilapia laments that the police department doesn't listen to her. The Court Reporter reports that Mrs. Tilapia is, however, trending online, though the denizens of Solomon's River don't know she's "a furriner" yet. Judge Graft orders Mrs. Tilapia to arrest two people every day, which he believes will boost her respect AND get him court business.
A former zombie appears in court with Jessica, the co-ed who was registering zombies to vote. The former zombie is upset because now he doesn't know if his registration is valid, now that his zombism has gone away. He says some guy gave him a water bottle, he drank, and just sort of woke up okay. Judge Graft declares him undead, which gets confusing: it is "undead" or "un-dead". Mrs. Tilapia's first arrest of the day is Jessica, for illegal voter registration. Her second arrest is the former zombie for eating brains.
- Will Jeremy's uncuttable beard become manageable now that others' superpowers have been wearing off?
- Will anyone investigate the Bailiff, and how old is his girlfriend, anyway?
- Why does a princess' father franchise 7-11s?
- What kind of job will Rajiv get from Princess Lakshmi's father?
- Will Mrs. Tilapia remain popular after she arrests two people every day?
- What will happen to Jessica, a co-ed in jail?
- Are zombies finally disappearing for good?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi, tied up by Tripp in Rajiv's Coffeehouse that Tripp turned into a zombie-themed bar, are finally free, and the Princess is finally back to her actual age. Instead of making another stand, Rajiv convinces the Princess that giving up is a better option.
Judge Graft brings in Mr. Tilapia, without his wife, for an off-the-record threat that he leave Solomon's River forever, or else. Detective Smegley enters to petition Judge Graft for more police officers, since the Mayor has banned hiring. To help, Judge Graft brings in Mrs. Tilapia and makes her Detective Smegley's boss: the Chief of Police!
Mrs. Tilapia engages the Court Reporter to make the online announcement, and the Court Reporter passes along some Solomon's River history--Chiefs of Police don't ever last very long. The Court Reporter also warns that now that Judge Graft has done two favors for Mrs. Tilapia, he may come to her in the future for favors, like hiding bodies or maybe...the other thing. Mrs. Tilapia claims she's good at both.
A zombie shuffles into a laboratory, completing an experiment. He drinks from a test tube and...he's suddenly verbal again. "Mommy!" he cries, running from the room.
Brother Offenshitz consults Brother Chiliwang for insights from having Princess Evaleen's god-power stone up his nose. Chiliwang sees that the Jewish Deity Gigi is strangely absent, but there is an ever greater power coming in the form of a great battle between Big Momma and the Native Americans. The Brothers discover the stone will not come out until Chiliwang fulfills his destiny, whatever that may be. Chiliwang must leave the mountain and consult the Native Americans to find out what they will do. Offenshitz packs Chilliwang's runch.
FBI agents Cribbins and Maxwell visit Judge Graft looking for Mr. Tilapia, and learn he was released and told to leave Solomon's River forever. Agent Maxwell reveals that Mr. Tilapia had been under witness protection. Agent Maxwell trains new Agent Cribbins to question judgment. Bailiff says he gave Mr. Tilapia a ticket to Shitheadville (shi-teed-ville) the next town over. When the agents exit, Judge Graft instructs Bailiff to make sure they leave town.
- What will Rajiv and the Princess Lakshmi do for work?
- Can Detective Smegley work with a boss like Mrs. Tilapia, and can Mrs. Tilapia survive as Chief of Police?
- Has a zombie found a cure for zombism? How will that affect Tripp's zombie-themed bar?
- What is Brother Chilliwang's destiny?
- Will Cribbins and Maxwell find Mr. Tilapia in Shitheadville, and why was he under witness protection?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi are upset at the altered state of his coffeehouse. Tripp, the guy who took over the shop while they were in Greece and turned it into a zombie-themed bar, finds them, ties them up, and tries to get them to behave like zombies. Tripp and his assistant are forced to leave by the arrival of a real zombie, whom Rajiv hires as a cleaning person to help restore his shop. Rajiv and the Princess enjoy being tied up for a while.
Meanwhile, Angelica updates Big Momma on the progress of Lake Superior towards Solomon's River. The Crew Foreman arrives to complain that "Injuns" are in the way. Big Momma recommends getting TNT and blowing them up. Crew Foreman and Big Momma have a clash of personalities and, unbeknownst to him, the Foreman is lucky to leave un-cursed.
McShane wanders the woods, still trying to find Tommy and Sally, who he simultaneously wishes would hold still AND go away forever. In a slightly different part of the woods, Tommy and Sally manage to find each other and remember they wanted to kill Dr. Scarlett for killing their baby (unbeknownst to them, there never was a baby since they have misunderstood how sex works.) They go to find a killing stick.
The Court Reporter previews the next case to Judge Graft: a divorce between the French Matron Tilapia and her new, young beau Trevor, married for only 3 months. Trevor wants her money but there is an air-tight prenup. Matron Tilapia recognizes Trevor as an idiot, and Trevor needs to leave to do his AP Calculus homework (he is in 12th grade plus 3). Judge Graft grants the divorce and moves to arrest the Matron Tilapia for possible pedophilia, when in walks the former Mr. Tilapia, who they all thought was dead! The court sucks wind in surprise. It turns out Mr. Tilapia is also an idiot. Judge Graft throws them all in jail.
- Will Tripp just meekly let somebody take over the bar that he took over?
- Is coexistence with zombies possible?
- What happens when an indigenous people is blown up?
- Will the Crew Foreman escape the wrath of Big Momma if he fails?
- Can McShane ever find Tommy and Sally, and does he really want to?
- Is Dr. Scarlett's life truly in danger?
- What will Judge Graft do to the Tilapias and Trevor?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Dr. Scarlett is assisted by Large Marge, a terrible nurse, to operate on Sara, the car accident victim. As anesthesia is inexpertly applied, Nurse arrives to speak with Dr. Scarlett. Nurse recognizes "Large Marge" as Margaret, her bestie from primary school, who nearly ruined her life. As they relive their animosity, a zombie enters and, unnoticed, munches on the patient. Nurse is even more angry with Dr. Scarlett for hiring her arch nemesis. They notice the patient is still...alive? Impossible! Half her brain was eaten by a zombie, but it seems Dr. Scarlett has worked a miracle without working at all. Nurse invites half-brained Sara to work for her.
Magnus Adversson, sadly old again, is back at Rajiv's Coffee House. Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi enter, also returned from Greece. Magnus wishes to have Rajijv's superpower spit to be young again, but the spit no longer works. They all notice the coffee shop looks different...it is now a coffee shop that caters to zombies! Princess Lakshmi and Magnus have a Golden Girls moment where they plan a party to toast their friendship. Rajiv doesn't completely understand.
Meanwhile, out on the street, a recent double amputee is knocked from her wheelchair by a callous woman. It turns out she is a fairy god person, along with her male friend, who only grant wishes to rich, beautiful people. The handicapped woman rolls away.
Judge Graft is in a rage. His court reporter summarizes: Native Americans have holed themselves up and are burning tires, a trench is being dug from Lake Superior to Solomon's River, Judge Graft is negatively trending online because people who voted for Chief of Police are upset the judge just replaced him. Former Chief of Police Lt. Bustybottoms bursts in, drunk, after a six month bender. The Graft-appointed new police chief is missing, and Bustybottoms' butt isn't looking so hot. Det. Schmegly, the last police officer on duty, arrives. The court reporter records the entire interaction as Graft orders Schmegly to put Bustybottoms in the drunk tank. Somewhere, across the interwebs, young women Tracy, Geraldine, and Bonette see the trending video and spread it around the internet. They all head to the police station to goggle in person.
- Will Nurse continue to be plagued by her primary school nemesis Large Marge?
- Will a half-brained, untrained, car accident victim prove to be a better nurse than the other replacements?
- Can Rajiv reclaim his coffee shop and how will the Golden Girls party go?
- What will the two fairy god people do for the rich and beautiful people of Solomon's River?
- Will Lt. Bustybottom dry out? Can he whip the police department back into order with only Det. Schmegly on duty? Can he monetize his sudden, unintended internet fame?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Court is in session with Judge Graft, his nosy court reporter, and his slacker bailiff, but the defendants, Native Americans, aren't coming in because they don't believe the Court holds sway over them. Judge Graft is annoyed because the bailiff was supposed to bring in the Natives as well as the rogue deity, but the bailiff delegated to the (notoriously awful) Solomon's Police Department. Judge Graft demands the bailiff get it done and laments hiring his cousin, Lieutenant Bustybottoms, as Chief of Police. The judge makes his bailiff Chief of Police, jailer, as well as bailiff. The court reporter secretly texted this change of authority to her nosy circle of connections.
Meanwhile, in a jar... the Princess Lakshmi embryo is getting bigger.
Dr. Scarlett calls for Nurse, but remembers he fired her, and instead gets Nurse Steve. Someone swerving to avoid a zombie got into a horrible car accident and will need operating room 12 in ten minutes. A zombie goes to exam room 5.
Brother Chilliwang glows with the power of Princess Evaleen's stone shoved up his nose, allowing him to become a deity. When Offenshitz tries to pick the stone out of Chilliwang's nose, Chilliwang warns the stone is needed because there's going to be a God Fight between him and Jewish Deity Gigi, but only if they can get him to turn into a Kaiju.
A girl brings her friend Sarah to the emergency room, apparently from the car vs. zombie accident, and the very zombie she swerved to avoid was hired by HR to do patient intake. Sarah feels okay, but her friend insists she needs medical attention. Nurse Steve mixed up the operating room and the time needed. Sarah's friend and Doctor Scarlett (and the new patient intake worker) notice the back of her head is open and her brain is sticking out. They poke it for fun.
- What will happen now that Judge Graft has started messing with the police department?
- Where are the Native Americans, and what happened to their bribe for Judge Graft?
- How big is Princess Lakshmi's jar?
- What has become of Solomon's River General Hospital now that there are incompetent nurses and zombies working there?
- There's gonna be a Kaiju fight!
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv puts embryonic Princess Lakshmi in a jar, pokes holes in the lid, and puts her down in Magnus Adversson's root cellar, hoping she'll grow again, now that he's not spitting on her.
Judge Graft calls court to session for People vs. Native American Tribe, regarding burning tires and occupying public land. The People ask that the Natives be forcibly removed. The Judge instructs the bailiff: stuff the public defender in a home, bring in the Native Americans for burning tires, and find the deity reported to be around town and bring him/her to the Court.
Because of Solomon's River General Hospital's lack of revenue, Dr. Scarlett instructs Nurse to fire two nurses using a nurse test to determine which are worthy. First test requires them to load their carts with the tools for a car accident with hemorrhaging/intubation tools. Results are...mixed. The next test is a patient they must diagnose just by looking and asking only one question. "Where does it hurt?" asks Nurse Flatula (answer: all over.) Nurse Anina queries, "Do you always look so stupid?" (yes) Nurse Mandale, "Is your father also your uncle?" (no) Finally Nurse Steve asks, "What kind of drugs do you get for something like that?" (whatever he can buy). None of the nurses recognize the man has...chickenpox!
Suddenly, Henry from HR shows up and reveals Dr. Scarlett is also a...NURSE! The reveal rankles the nurses who have been put-upon by Dr. Scarlett; however, Nurse sees another opportunity and tries to get the nurses to see that Henry from HR has an urgent problem. While they only notice he is a little ugly, Nurse points out his yellow skin tone, left eyelid droop, auditory hallucination of tinkling, and sudden, instantaneous death (which is, of course, why Nurse is Head Nurse.) Nurse Flatula is fired immediately. Nurse is angry with Dr. Scarlett for being so hard on the nurses when he, himself, is a nurse. Dr. Scarlett is tired of Nurse being so full of herself, and he fires her right then and there!
Outside, Nurse runs into Nurse Flatula who immediately suggests they pair up to start their own practice--they do!
- What will become of embryonic Princess Lakshmi floating in a jar?
- What will the Native Americans think of having to be dragged to Judge Graft's court, and will their payments to him pay off?
- Can a bailiff catch a deity?
- How will Solomon's River General Hospital fare with two of their nurses starting their own practice?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Spirit Animal Raccoon is growing impatient with the dream-resistant Runs with Weasels, but soon a vision manifests: two females...fighting over a bathing suit...and using one another like lollypops... Though the Spirit Animal is interested, the vision dissipates quickly as Runs with Weasels only wants more Peace Pipe. Runs is awakened by a Chief who objects to the rude nudity and tells the turgid youth to leave.
Hidden in the baggage of the plane, Rajiv and the baby Princess Lakshmi finally land in Greece where they hope to find a cure from Magnus Adversson for the Princess' age regression. At his Grecian mansion, Magnus basks in his own regression, which has allowed him to return to the vigor, and non-pant pooping, age of 25. Rajiv interrupts and begs Magnus to help, but Magnus will only help once he has free rights to Rajiv's spit. Rajiv demands the antidote now. Magnus refuses, so Rajiv spits on him until he, too, is a baby--who instantly has a poopie party with the baby Lakshmi!
In budding magician Kevin's basement rec room, his budding magician friend Zeb discovers the last, and toughest, pages of their magic book are missing. Zeb has the revelation that somebody from the spirit realm doesn't want the fantastically talented Kevin to learn those spells. Kevin's mom, Mrs. McUmphry, interrupts with some Tontino's Pizza Rolls and casually mentions she threw out a wad of ripped-out book pages, save one. That one page, however, will level up Kevin's motion magic. Kevin reads the page...he swirls...he twirls...he waves his arms... he conjures and traps a minor Jewish deity: Gigi! Now they can use her to get the rest of the spells.
Judge Rufus T. Graft calls for his secretary Ellie Mae, but there is a temp in her place today. Judge Graft informs the temp of an important meeting with "those red-skinned bastards" which should only be recorded in the "other book" because he is willing to judge in their favor if "the wheels of justice are greased". Two native women arrive; Runs with Rivers is shocked by the process of bribery, but Dances on the Beach is shocked that judge wants money and not the sex she was willing to give. Unfortunately, Judge Graft is unable to "lift the gavel" and instead wishes to have a percentage of their "leafy" crop business. He threatens them with his connections at the DEA if they do not come to an agreement, which is that he will stop the diversion of Lake Superior IF they make him a 20% under-the-table partner. They will take it under consideration.
- Will Runs with Weasels find enlightenment before Spirit Raccoon gives up on him?
- Can Rajiv find and use Magnus' age-regression antidote on his own, or will he now have to raise two babies, who may only get younger?
- What will Jewish deity Gigi do for...or to...Kevin?
- Will the Native Americans agree to Judge Graft's deal, and can they trust him?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv tries to comfort a very young Princess Lakshmi in the coffee shop's basement. Rajiv has a "wait and see" philosophy, and suggests pretending Lakshmi is a niece from out of town. She wants her man's love, but it's simply too creepy for him.
Meanwhile, a new plot line develops in a scrapbooking store when Steven, a former gymnast gone to seed, returns to visit his ex-partner. He left her to follow a Star Trek convention. He swears he only came to the shop for paper, stirs up memories from the past. The fact that Steven has touched a girl impresses his road trip partner and fellow Trekkie. They stay civil, and he gives him the 10" command gold paper, despite...the child! Their last stint in Cirque du Soleil produced Steven Jr., who is very angry at his absent father; however Steven reveals her deception: he is sterile! Who could the father be? Judge Graft enters, cutting their argument short, and she gives her former lover the paper on the house. Apparently the judge and Steven know each other... Once Steven leaves, the scrapbook store owner hints to Judge Graft that she may need a sample of his DNA for testing.
Jessica, the university student, seems to be stalking Judge Graft as she manages to corner him at the scrapbooking store. She pins him down to get his approval for her zombie voting rights idea and he offers a three-fifths compromise. His not wanting to count the zombies as full people disturbs the equality-minded Jessica, but the judge assures her that "no lawyer in the county would represent them."
At a bus stop, a zombie waits impatiently. The enterprising Jessica tries to register the zombie to vote. Other zombies shuffle in, groaning. A bus finally arrives and the zombies, not sure about their polling places, get on...sitting in the front...
- Will Rajiv's super youth spit wear off, or will Princess Lakshmi have to grow up naturally? Or, will she remain a young child forever? What will the couple do about their "relations"?
- If Trekkie Steven is not the father of Steven Jr., who is? Could it be Judge Graft?
- How will the judge's three-fifths compromise go over with Solomon's River's zombie population?
- Can zombies freely sit in the front of the bus?
- Will Jessica's push to get zombies registered to vote work, or will she have her brains eaten?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
A representative from mayoral candidate Jere Koff's office is visiting Judge Graft with a briefcase full of money she assures the judge has nothing at all to do with cover-ups of the past or favors in the future. The judge promises to take the...briefcase...under advisement. The representative hopes even certain forwarded "junk pictures" could be kept hush-hush, too, and she promises not to mention Mrs. Koff, who is under the judge's desk, to Jere.
Rajiv is reunited with Princess Lakshmi, who is too afraid of her own powers to move. Even taking a step can crush cement, and it's getting worse. Rajiv wants to put her in his basement, but, besides hating the basement, she is afraid she'd knock down the whole store. If only she could go back to the way she was... Rajiv realized he holds the key in his spit! Using his reverse-aging superpower spit, he scraks on her to "turn back the clock" and she no longer has overwhelming strength. After his explanation, she begs to be spit on some more. Unfortunately, Rajiv's superpower is also gaining strength, and she reverse-ages to a teenager, then to a child. His power, which had only been temporary, may also be gaining longevity... Rajiv takes the hand of child Lakshmi to bring her to his basement. She cries for help, which now looks all kinds of wrong.
Detective Smegly laments not having a police precinct secretary (the previous secretary had a chip implanted in her brain from H.A.L. and has not returned.) A call comes in regarding a possible kidnapping, and Detective Smegly promises to send someone over. Jessica, a poly sci major at a local university, looks for directions to Jere Koff's office so she can work as a volunteer for a school project. The office is just down the hall.
Co-ed Jessica finds Jere Koff's office manned only by Spanish-speaking Juan. Jessica's project idea is to help register zombies, but she may have seen too much: Jere employs illegal immigrants. Jere's representative returns just in time to remove Jessica from the area and try to clean up the mess.
- Will Jere Koff's campaign have any money to spend on bumper stickers after they spent so much on bribes and cover-ups?
- Will the Koff campaign be able to use go-getter Jessica's "get out the zombie vote" project, or does she already know too much?
- Is Lakshmi saved from her super strength only to be doomed to live as a child?
- Is Rajiv now, technically, a pedophile?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
