Rajiv reveals to Princess Lakshmi that Magnus Adversson would give them all his money if Rajiv would kill him. They are horrified...and intrigued. It is a lot of money.
Spirit Animal Raccoon advises Native American Steve that a quest of killing Big Momma is a little out of his reach and that maybe Steve should just give her a flat tire. Spirit Animal Raccoon is rushing because there has been a rounding up of raccoons recently, and he wants to finish this vision quest so he can get out of Solomon's River. Steve, however, will not be hurried, possibly because he's been sniffing tire air, and possibly because he's trying to remember how and why he was in a tent.
Meanwhile, in a long-term nursing care facility, the nurse who has been caring for Patient Steve for the past eight years checks on him, now that she has turned down the incapacitating medication (unbeknownst to whoever has hidden him away). Finally, Steve is freed from the powerful narcotic and can answer her questions that his redacted medical records cannot: Why did someone do this to him, and who is that someone? Steve's memory is still hazy, but the JELLO is delicious. Suddenly, a woman leaps into the room, knocks the nurse on the head, and tells Steve that it's time to go to a rendezvous. This Steve will also not be hurried, as there is still JELLO left.
Angelica reports to Big Momma that the newly acquired son of Judge Graft, Ezekiel, has built four barns already and is showing no signs of stopping. She asks Big Momma why they want such an idiot, and Big Momma reveals her plans, which will put her into full Evil Mode: to force Ezekiel to have babies so they may sacrifice them in front of him. Angelica goes to check which way he swings, and to hopefully find some trashy Lowertown women to impregnate.
- Will Rajiv actually kill Magnus Adversson, by request, to inherit his money?
- Can Spirit Animal Raccoon manage to finish a vision quest, ANY vision quest, to get out of Solomon's River before he's captured and tested for VD?
- Who is Patient Steve, and how did the lady know that the nurse had secretly lowered his medication?
- Will Ezekiel make babies upon request, and what will sacrificing them do for Big Momma?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up on...Solomon's River!
Rajiv senses something wrong with Princess Lakshmi's father at the 7-11: he's white. Lakshmi goes with Rajiv to see for herself, and he is definitely NOT her father, but she plays along, asking about her mother, and catches the man lying as her mother is completely bald. Unfortunately for Rajiv, they still need money, so he must keep working there.
Tripp and his friend in their zombie-themed bar are a little sick of the zombies, who never seem to sleep, and they lament their only good worker "un-zombied". They unshackle the zombies and ditch.
Dr. Scarlett asks Nurse Steve to gather up any nurses he can find and join him in opening a private clinic, instead of staying at the desolate Solomon's River General Hospital. After they leave, promising to meet up in the old warehouse where the clinic will be, a male patient enters and dies on the floor from lack of care.
A matriarch has summoned her underachieving son, Reginald, back from university. His GPA is 1.2; however, his father's will has a stipulation that money for school will only be given if his GPA is over a 3.0! He's going to have to drop out, but it's even worse, because his mother has a secret: Reginald's father is not his actual father, and she doesn't know who his father is! She, like her son Reginald, was a partier in school, and she got pregnant. If anyone should find out, they both would be cut off from the inheritance. Reginald laments being cut off from his party lifestyle. They drink beer with Redbull together, and Reginald blackmails his mother to keep himself quiet.
Spirit Animal Raccoon appears to an unsuspecting Running Nose in the Dream Tent. He's looking for a "big fat Indian", the young man who didn't want to believe in the old ways, because he needs to help someone, anyone, complete a task before he's allowed back into the Spirit Realm. Two older Native Americans knock on the Dream Tent and Running Nose's reluctance to let them in reveals to them that he is finally coming of age...at 35...and must go on a Vision Quest to find out what kind of man he will be. Running Nose says he sees a raccoon and the Indians tell him it's good luck (while privately rolling their eyes at the wimpy Spirit Animal.) They chant encouragement and say he may be the one to save them from their troubles with Big Momma and Lake Superior. Spirit Animal Raccoon thinks that's reaching a little too high.
- Why is a white man pretending to be Lakshmi's father, and what has become of her real mother and father?
- How many times will Rajiv be held up in the 7-11?
- Will all the zombies Tripp released become "un-zombified", and what will Tripp and his friend do now?
- Will Dr. Scarlett be successful with a clinic in an old warehouse?
- Who was the mysterious man who died in Solomon's River General Hospital?
- Can Reginald keep a secret, and will anyone find out who his real father is?
- Can Running Nose save the Native Americans? What hope does Raccoon have of ever going back to the Spirit Realm?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Spirit Animal Raccoon is growing impatient with the dream-resistant Runs with Weasels, but soon a vision manifests: two females...fighting over a bathing suit...and using one another like lollypops... Though the Spirit Animal is interested, the vision dissipates quickly as Runs with Weasels only wants more Peace Pipe. Runs is awakened by a Chief who objects to the rude nudity and tells the turgid youth to leave.
Hidden in the baggage of the plane, Rajiv and the baby Princess Lakshmi finally land in Greece where they hope to find a cure from Magnus Adversson for the Princess' age regression. At his Grecian mansion, Magnus basks in his own regression, which has allowed him to return to the vigor, and non-pant pooping, age of 25. Rajiv interrupts and begs Magnus to help, but Magnus will only help once he has free rights to Rajiv's spit. Rajiv demands the antidote now. Magnus refuses, so Rajiv spits on him until he, too, is a baby--who instantly has a poopie party with the baby Lakshmi!
In budding magician Kevin's basement rec room, his budding magician friend Zeb discovers the last, and toughest, pages of their magic book are missing. Zeb has the revelation that somebody from the spirit realm doesn't want the fantastically talented Kevin to learn those spells. Kevin's mom, Mrs. McUmphry, interrupts with some Tontino's Pizza Rolls and casually mentions she threw out a wad of ripped-out book pages, save one. That one page, however, will level up Kevin's motion magic. Kevin reads the page...he swirls...he twirls...he waves his arms... he conjures and traps a minor Jewish deity: Gigi! Now they can use her to get the rest of the spells.
Judge Rufus T. Graft calls for his secretary Ellie Mae, but there is a temp in her place today. Judge Graft informs the temp of an important meeting with "those red-skinned bastards" which should only be recorded in the "other book" because he is willing to judge in their favor if "the wheels of justice are greased". Two native women arrive; Runs with Rivers is shocked by the process of bribery, but Dances on the Beach is shocked that judge wants money and not the sex she was willing to give. Unfortunately, Judge Graft is unable to "lift the gavel" and instead wishes to have a percentage of their "leafy" crop business. He threatens them with his connections at the DEA if they do not come to an agreement, which is that he will stop the diversion of Lake Superior IF they make him a 20% under-the-table partner. They will take it under consideration.
- Will Runs with Weasels find enlightenment before Spirit Raccoon gives up on him?
- Can Rajiv find and use Magnus' age-regression antidote on his own, or will he now have to raise two babies, who may only get younger?
- What will Jewish deity Gigi do for...or to...Kevin?
- Will the Native Americans agree to Judge Graft's deal, and can they trust him?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Runs with Weasels is plagued with two Spirit Animals in the Dream Tent: Raccoon and Wolf. Unfortunately, Raccoon owes Wolf fifty bucks and is easily distracted by garbage cans.
Rajiv is now at the airport with Princess Lakshmi, but is having a hard time as the Princess has now regressed into a toddler. Rajiv wrestles away a purse from a crying two year old, but no one seems to notice. As Rajiv argues with a low-level worker to buy food with her credit card, Lakshmi regresses even further into a baby on the floor. He scoops her up and runs away.
The couple from Walmart has barricaded themselves inside their house against the Indian protesters outside. The woman and her daughter look over their supplies: gold bars and food rations. Husband/father Jethro was supposed the be loading up the weapons, but he is nowhere to be found--the Injuns got 'im! The woman claims her right to live on the land she's been on for a whole fifteen years: American land for Americans! They will raise up others to fight and find Jethro.
French boy Jacques stands in the Solomon's River Airport, his mother pinning a note to his jacket saying, "Please take care of my boy." She wishes him a better life in America and bids him a tearful Au Revoir. Jacques doesn't speak much English. Rajiv stumbles upon Jacques and Baby Princess Lakshmi takes an instant liking to the boy. Jacques is swept up into their trip to Greece. Before an unhelpful ticket agent and an overzealous Angelina Jolie can thwart them, Rajiv grabs his own tickets and they sneak away.
- Which Spirit Animal will guide Runs with Weasels: a sneaky Raccoon, or an even sneaker Wolf?
- What has happened to Jethro, and will his wife be able to raise up a militia to find out?
- How will Rajiv's trip to Greece be with his now-infant girlfriend in his lap and a French-speaking boy stranger in tow? Will they make it to Magnus Aversson's laboratory?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
