It's time for Solomon's River's most popular cable-access TV show, Cut-Blow, hosted by Taiwanese Exchange student Whitney Shears, where viewers get to watch real hair salon action. 12 year old Jeremy, who has the zombie-inoculation-induced uncuttable beard, is in the chair. They avoid the beard and trim his hair, color and gossip about Mrs. Tilapia and Judge Graft, who is nothing but bad news. The only gossip Jeremy has is that the Bailiff, a neighbor of his, touched him inappropriately. Some kids in the audience shout confessions that they, too, have been touched by the Bailiff. The hosts, not being mandatory reporters, move on to other gossip, including that the stylist heard there were zombie-reversal ice cubes for sale on Amazon. The audience cheers.
Rajiv has applied to every fast food joint in Solomon's River and Princess Lakshmi says it's time she asks her royal parents for a favor: get Rajiv a job. Princess Lakshmi Skypes and finds her Papa is now into franchising 7-11s and that she should send Rajiv over in the morning.
Bailiff's girlfriend has been pregnant for three days and Judge Graft thinks he is being taken advantage of. Mrs. Tilapia laments that the police department doesn't listen to her. The Court Reporter reports that Mrs. Tilapia is, however, trending online, though the denizens of Solomon's River don't know she's "a furriner" yet. Judge Graft orders Mrs. Tilapia to arrest two people every day, which he believes will boost her respect AND get him court business.
A former zombie appears in court with Jessica, the co-ed who was registering zombies to vote. The former zombie is upset because now he doesn't know if his registration is valid, now that his zombism has gone away. He says some guy gave him a water bottle, he drank, and just sort of woke up okay. Judge Graft declares him undead, which gets confusing: it is "undead" or "un-dead". Mrs. Tilapia's first arrest of the day is Jessica, for illegal voter registration. Her second arrest is the former zombie for eating brains.
- Will Jeremy's uncuttable beard become manageable now that others' superpowers have been wearing off?
- Will anyone investigate the Bailiff, and how old is his girlfriend, anyway?
- Why does a princess' father franchise 7-11s?
- What kind of job will Rajiv get from Princess Lakshmi's father?
- Will Mrs. Tilapia remain popular after she arrests two people every day?
- What will happen to Jessica, a co-ed in jail?
- Are zombies finally disappearing for good?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Co-ed Jessica is manning the voter registration desk and desperately trying to get personal information from tight-lipped zombies. Name, address, and district escape them, but Jessica's brains don't. She is eaten.
Rajiv pleads with the unusually young Princess Lakshmi to understand: he doesn't want to be a child molester. She wants him as a man, and he wants her to have an early bedtime. A threatened spanking nearly brings their desires together, but Rajiv wins out when a customer enters, forcing Lakshmi into the basement again. Magnus Adversson orders a rhubarb pie with youth-inducing Rajiv spit. As a suddenly younger Magnus, Rajiv has him sign a contract for youth-spit research in Geneva, and Lakshmi reminds Rajiv she would also like a reverse formula so she can get back to normal.
Angelica returns to her mistress after having been kidnapped and nearly killed by the Uber Minion. Establishing herself as Uber Minion, Angelica asks for new instructions, and Mistress says, "Let the town of Solomon's River be on the shores of Lake Superior!" Angelica figures moving the lake will be easier than moving the town and she begins drafting plans.
Reporter Anabelle Anderson of WWSR brings breaking news: a voter registration volunteer had the stop of her head chewed off. A "down-home" eye witness reports what she saw in a way that she hopes will get her an autotuned song for her fifteen minutes of fame.
In their backwoods cabin, Bartholomew begs Cletus to help him find the lost girl they lost again. Cletus strains to think though his hunger, but maintains he sees the girl in a bush. Sally runs through their weak grasps.
Meanwhile, at the police station, Deputy George interviews a woman reporting she was inappropriately touched on the head and hand. She describes the perp: very pale, dark hair that came down in a point, pointy sideburns, like Spock, but regular ears, perhaps pointy teeth... She screams as Lieutenant Bustybottoms enters. The Lieutenant has a similar smell: cologne and feet. Bustybottoms admits he likes to smoke Indian cigarettes and they figure the perp must, too. The woman says the man "disappeared in a twinkle of light" and demands he be brought down the station...so he can touch her again!
- Is co-ed Jessica fully digested, or will she return as a zombie? Will that help her communicate better with the zombie population?
- How fast can Magnus' scientists recreate the youth-spit, and can they make it reversible?
- What will Bartholomew and Cletus do when and if they ever recapture Sally?
- Can Deputy George catch the touchy-feely criminal?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv tries to comfort a very young Princess Lakshmi in the coffee shop's basement. Rajiv has a "wait and see" philosophy, and suggests pretending Lakshmi is a niece from out of town. She wants her man's love, but it's simply too creepy for him.
Meanwhile, a new plot line develops in a scrapbooking store when Steven, a former gymnast gone to seed, returns to visit his ex-partner. He left her to follow a Star Trek convention. He swears he only came to the shop for paper, stirs up memories from the past. The fact that Steven has touched a girl impresses his road trip partner and fellow Trekkie. They stay civil, and he gives him the 10" command gold paper, despite...the child! Their last stint in Cirque du Soleil produced Steven Jr., who is very angry at his absent father; however Steven reveals her deception: he is sterile! Who could the father be? Judge Graft enters, cutting their argument short, and she gives her former lover the paper on the house. Apparently the judge and Steven know each other... Once Steven leaves, the scrapbook store owner hints to Judge Graft that she may need a sample of his DNA for testing.
Jessica, the university student, seems to be stalking Judge Graft as she manages to corner him at the scrapbooking store. She pins him down to get his approval for her zombie voting rights idea and he offers a three-fifths compromise. His not wanting to count the zombies as full people disturbs the equality-minded Jessica, but the judge assures her that "no lawyer in the county would represent them."
At a bus stop, a zombie waits impatiently. The enterprising Jessica tries to register the zombie to vote. Other zombies shuffle in, groaning. A bus finally arrives and the zombies, not sure about their polling places, get on...sitting in the front...
- Will Rajiv's super youth spit wear off, or will Princess Lakshmi have to grow up naturally? Or, will she remain a young child forever? What will the couple do about their "relations"?
- If Trekkie Steven is not the father of Steven Jr., who is? Could it be Judge Graft?
- How will the judge's three-fifths compromise go over with Solomon's River's zombie population?
- Can zombies freely sit in the front of the bus?
- Will Jessica's push to get zombies registered to vote work, or will she have her brains eaten?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
A representative from mayoral candidate Jere Koff's office is visiting Judge Graft with a briefcase full of money she assures the judge has nothing at all to do with cover-ups of the past or favors in the future. The judge promises to take the...briefcase...under advisement. The representative hopes even certain forwarded "junk pictures" could be kept hush-hush, too, and she promises not to mention Mrs. Koff, who is under the judge's desk, to Jere.
Rajiv is reunited with Princess Lakshmi, who is too afraid of her own powers to move. Even taking a step can crush cement, and it's getting worse. Rajiv wants to put her in his basement, but, besides hating the basement, she is afraid she'd knock down the whole store. If only she could go back to the way she was... Rajiv realized he holds the key in his spit! Using his reverse-aging superpower spit, he scraks on her to "turn back the clock" and she no longer has overwhelming strength. After his explanation, she begs to be spit on some more. Unfortunately, Rajiv's superpower is also gaining strength, and she reverse-ages to a teenager, then to a child. His power, which had only been temporary, may also be gaining longevity... Rajiv takes the hand of child Lakshmi to bring her to his basement. She cries for help, which now looks all kinds of wrong.
Detective Smegly laments not having a police precinct secretary (the previous secretary had a chip implanted in her brain from H.A.L. and has not returned.) A call comes in regarding a possible kidnapping, and Detective Smegly promises to send someone over. Jessica, a poly sci major at a local university, looks for directions to Jere Koff's office so she can work as a volunteer for a school project. The office is just down the hall.
Co-ed Jessica finds Jere Koff's office manned only by Spanish-speaking Juan. Jessica's project idea is to help register zombies, but she may have seen too much: Jere employs illegal immigrants. Jere's representative returns just in time to remove Jessica from the area and try to clean up the mess.
- Will Jere Koff's campaign have any money to spend on bumper stickers after they spent so much on bribes and cover-ups?
- Will the Koff campaign be able to use go-getter Jessica's "get out the zombie vote" project, or does she already know too much?
- Is Lakshmi saved from her super strength only to be doomed to live as a child?
- Is Rajiv now, technically, a pedophile?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
