Episode 30

At Rajiv's Coffee House 2.0, Mr. Ylung comes in and confronts Rajiv with the evidence that someone with an Indian accent, wearing a Magnus Adverson suit, went into the bank and withdrew all of Adverson's money. Ylung demands to know where the money is; Rajiv defends himself, saying he has many cousins.  Coincidentally, one enters and tells Rajiv to check out his bling.  Ylung tells Rajiv that the person who took the money was exceedingly tall; he also warns Rajiv that he can get the coffee house from him if he doesn't get the money back.  After disparaging Magnus and his grand-daughters, Ylung leaves.

Meanwhile, Carla Calivera awakens, tied up in Tripp's basement.  Using vague references, Tripp tells Carla that she needs to rehire the person who used to work for her but doesn't work for her anymore.  Carla remembers getting punched in the face and waking up here.  She demands to be untied, then discovers she no longer remembers her name.  Tripp "helps" by telling her her name is Oscar Steppenwolf.  He also tells her she works at the county dump keeping rats off the food.  Angelica comes home and calls down to the basement...Tripp warns her not to come down because he's involved in something...personal.  He asks Carla/Oscar if he can let her go without worrying about her. He lets her go, but warns her that he likes to kill things, so he's going to follow her for a while to see what she does.

Across town at Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett is consulting with a patient, Mr. Ylung.  Scarlett informs his patient that the x-ray of the giant tumor he has been examining is Ylung's.  Scarlett tells him that he could operate, but the tumor is sitting on a large nerve, and operating could cause paralysis.  Ylung wants to operate right away!  Joe-Bob Solomon arrives, punches Dr Scarlett, and leaves.

Later we see Bob-Joe Solomon pacing, worrying about his brother looking for him, concerned he will end up with a bullet in his face.  Just then, he gets a bullet in the face!

•  Will Rajiv find the money?
• Will Carla/Oscar go back to work at the Solomon's River Municipal Dump?
• Will Mr. Ylung survive having his tumor removed?
• Why did Joe-Bob punch Dr. Scarlett?
• Who shot BJ?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 27

In this episode of Solomon's River, Cilantro returns from her "vacation" and meets her grandfather, Magnus and her sister, Samantha.  Samantha asks Cilantro if she's seen Mr. Ylung during her absence; Cilantro tells her she hasn't, none too convincingly.  Samantha calls Ylung's office; she discovers the line has been disconnected.  The mysterious Janice "Grey" comes in, claiming to be from the EPA, asking about the noxious gasses being released from Calivera Enterprises.

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett has Bob-Joe Solomon under hypnosis to try and discover what happened when they were at each others throats.  Bob-Joe was choking Scarlett, and the doctor had pumped Bob-Joe full of horse tranquilizers.  Both collapsed; Bob-Joe woke up first, then Scarlett, who opened a safe or cabinet, pulled out a box and removes from it a clown suit, big red nose and a wig, which he proceeded to put on Bob-Joe.  Then Dr. Scarlett's nurse arrived and handed Bob-Joe a gun, supposedly telling him to kill Jerry Koff.

Across town at Solomon's River United Catholic Church of God Our Heavenly Father in Christ, Tripp is in confessional, admitting that he killed someone, and seemed to enjoy it.  As Tripp is exploring non-murderous life options, Janice "Scarlet" busts in, declaring herself to be from the IAC, Internal Affairs of the Church.  She overheard Tripp's confession and has it taped.

In a miscellaneous character's home, we find Patsy, who has just returned from a trip unpacking a suitcase.  She discovers it is not her case; it belongs to someone named Cilantro.  It is filled with men's sexy underwear and is labeled..."Mr. Ylung!"

• Has Cilantro seen Mr. Ylung, and if so, why would she be lying about it?
• Why in God's name would a nurse want Jerr Koff dead?
• What was Tripp going to tell the priest before they were so rudely interrupted?
• What is Mr. Ylung's sexy underwear doing in Cilantro's suitcase, and why does he label it "Mr. Ylung?"

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 26

In our latest episode we find Rajiv pleading with his wife to forgive him for losing his job at the Dead Parrot bar; his wife promptly tells him it's all his fault for keeping the bar too clean.  Moments later Rajiv's cousin Habib arrives, explaining he took the Magnus suit, went to the bank, took out money and bought back the coffee house!  Rajiv tries to leave to get rid of the dancers in his coffee house, but is stopped when Jerr Koff comes by to ask for their vote.  Rajiv, who is not registered, refuses to let Koff talk to his wife; Jerr Koff leaves.

Meanwhile, in the mines, Angelica is looking for her boss, Carla Calivera, who was last seen lost, along with Magnus.  Angelica is surprised by Frannie Mason who tells her that Carla is not down there, but Angelica insists that she was last seen in the mines.  Magnus shows up, but is unable to tell Angelica where her boss is; they got separated.  Angelica proceeds to beat her head against a stalagmite.  Angelica tells Frannie to take Magnus up to the surface while she continues to search for Carla.

At Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett is surprised by Bob-Joe Solomon; neither can remember what happened last time they met...they both passed out at some point when Bob-Joe tried to kill Dr. Scarlett.  Bob-Joe apparently woke up in the middle of town wearing a clown suit and had a gun in his hand.  The gun had three shots fired; Bob-Joe remembers nothing.  He hopes Scarlett can give him answers.  Bob-Joe Solomon assures Scarlett that he is not there to harm him; he simply wants his help in sorting out what happened.  Scarlett's nurse arrives with the books on hypnosis he had ordered.  Scarlett promptly hypnotizes Bob-Joe and puts him to sleep.

• Will Rajiv be able to clear the riff-raff out of his newly-reacquired coffee house?
• Will Jerr Koff actually get anyone to vote for him?
• Will Angelica find Carla in the mines?
• What happened after Bob-Joe tried to strangle Dr. Scarlett?
• Will Bob-Joe Solomon get a good night's sleep?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 24

In the latest installment of Solomon's River, we begin with Tripp using the Magnus Adverson suit to try to gain access to the Retreat, where Wolfgang Offenschitz is trying to attain inner peace, in an attempt to kill Offenschitz so that he can take the pressure off his mother, Angelica, who is trying to take the pressure off her boss, Carla Calivera, who is trying to turn over a new leaf, but must first kill Wolfgang for the mayor.  Tripp realizes he has no identification, which will complicate his attempt at passing himself off as Adverson.  He then runs into Wolfgang and tries to elicit his help.  One of the Brothers comes by to try and get Magnus/Tripp to leave Brother Offenschitz alone so he can meditate; Brother Chiliwang soon arrives as well and leads Magnus/Tripp out.

Meanwhile, at the Dead Parrot Bar, Rajiv is tending bar in Tripp's absence as some strangers come in.  Mrs. Rajiv storms in, demanding to know where her husband has been!  He explains to her what has happened to the coffee house.  A dude comes in and tells everyone about a pitchfork and torch party going on in town.  One of Rajiv's relatives from India arrives, offering to help him get back his coffee house.  Bob-Joe Solomon comes in during the confusion and offers one of the strangers $200 to get rid of a black bag he has outside in his pickup truck, without looking in it!

Across town at the former coffee house, the dance party continues!  Magnus gets caught up with his granddaughter, Samantha...he wants to know what happened to Cilantro.  Samantha thought she was in town all the time she was gone; she is looking for Mr. Ylung...she notes that Cilantro seems to have disappeared around the same time as Ylung!  As the dance party winds down (too many old people) a confused stranger wanders in - the man from the black bag!!!

• Will Tripp's devilish plot work?
• Will Wolfgang ever attain inner peace?
• Will Mrs Rajiv teach her husband not to give away large possessions while she's gone?
• What was Bob-Joe doing with a body bag?
• Will Cilantro return?  Is she with Mr. Ylung???

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 23

Rajiv is still watching over the Dead Parrot while Tripp is out, and in walks Carla Calivera.  She apologizes to him for her complex drink orders and offers, in an attempt to turn her life around, to help him get his coffee shop back by getting the townspeople behind him.. Angelica runs in to warn Carla that the townspeople are marching to the factory with pitchforks and torches.  Carla must leave and have Angelica hide her.  Bob-Joe comes in and, posing as the mayor, tells Rajiv he is going to help Carla help him get his coffee house back.

Angelica takes Carla to the mines to hide her, at the same time remarking to Carla that the tunnels are filled with the unquiet spirits of people she has killed, seeking to wreak bloody revenge upon her.  Angelica leaves Carla and Magnus wanders into her as the spirits surround them.  Carla pours her heart out to Magnus, then considers that she should, perhaps, go back to being evil.  Magnus explains that in order to get to the top you have to be evil; then, when you retire, you can be good.  As the undead pass by, Carla decides the mines might not be the nest place to hide; she takes Magnus with her.

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett negotiates with his nurse, agreeing to give them muffins in return for coming back to work and giving up their health benefits.  He sends her off to clean up the backlog of bed pans.  After she leaves, Bob-Joe shows up, but Scarlett is too preoccupied by x-rays of various patients to pay attention.  Once Bob-Joe gets Scarlett's attention, he confesses that he is impersonating his brother the mayor; he is concerned that his brother has been missing for some time.  He asks Scarlett if anyone who looks like him has been admitted to the hospital recently.  Before he can answer, his nurse comes back in, looks at Bob-Joe and screams.  "Sorry, there's a John Doe downstairs in the cooler, and you look just like him," she explains.  Bob-Joe realizes that the only person who could stop him from now becoming the mayor is Dr. Scarlett.  His hands close tightly around the doctor's throat...

• Will Rajiv ever get the bar top clean?
• Will Carla be able to evade the rampaging mob?
• Will Magnus ever find the 7-11?
• Are muffins important enough to give up health care for?
• Will Bob-Joe really kill Dr. Scarlett, or will they come to some mutually-agreeable, yet highly improbable compromise?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 22

Tonight's episode of Solomon's River begins in the Dead Parrot with Bob-Joe impersonating his brother, the mayor.  He explains the blood on his hands to Tripp the bartender as the blood of a virgin he sacrificed.  To his dismay, Tripp doesn't seem to be grasping the concept.  Rajiv, who recently signed away his ownership of the coffee house, is now working at the Dead Parrot; Tripp tells him to stop cleaning the counter and go clean the bathrooms.  Bob-Joe leaves and Angelica, Tripp's mother, comes in.  She fawns over him, much to his embarrassment.  Tripp asks how she's doing with volunteers..she tells him that she is looking for a man named Offenschitz.  Tripp offers to beat him up and bring him to his mother; she tells her son he can find him at the Retreat.  Tripp puts Rajiv in charge while he's gone.

At Calivera Enterprises, Carla muses over being able to end the killing and starting a new company to make organic ice cream with candy in it.  Jerry Koff comes in, asks for her vote and a sizable donation.  Instead of donating, she recommends to Jerr that he take a vacation on a small island; he agrees to do it in exchange for a blank check.  Bob-Joe rushes in...Jerr reminds him about the debate on Friday night.  Bob-Joe asks Carla for help with Rajiv.  Carla speaks privately with Bob-Joe about the mayor's orders to kill Offenschitz; Bob-Joe is taken aback; he knew nothing about his brother's plans.

Meanwhile, Magnus is surprised by the return of his granddaughter, Samantha.  He spill the beans on his newly found daughter, Magneta, and the possibility that he killed someone.  While he is trying to back out of his admission to murder, they are interrupted by a friend of Samantha's, who is congratulating her on her pregnancy.  Magnus is happy for her, although he is disturbed (briefly) that the father is Mr. Ylung, who tried to "screw him out of the will."  Samantha is looking for Ylung...she goes to Rajiv's to find him.  We cut to Rajiv's former Coffee House to discover it's been turned into a Euro-Dance club.

• Will Tripp find Wolfgang Offenschitz for his mother?
• Will Rajiv manage to get the Dead Parrot's bathroom clean?
• Will Carla figure out that Jerr Koff is not Wolfgang Offenschitz, the man she is supposed to murder?
• Will Samantha find Mr. Ylung, the father of her unborn child?
• Will Rajiv ever reclaim the coffee house, and if so, will he be able to get the dance-stink out of the upholstery?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 21

Today's episode begins in Rajiv's Coffee House.  Director Anderson's production assistant for the film Steel Magnolias II: The Wrath of Magnolia comes in scouting for a location; she thinks the coffee house would be perfect!  She informs Rajiv that this is a horror film, so there will be a great deal of blood and gore.  She then shoves a pile of papers at Rajiv and gets him to sign them.  She leaves as Magnus enters and orders his usual.  Close behind him is Director Anderson and his assistant, Lilly.  As Lilly leads Magnus out, Director Anderson asks Rajiv for "the money he was supposed to be holding" for him.  To punctuate his threatening tone, two nurses line up next to him:  his enforcers!  The nurses, despite Rajiv's protestations, swear that he has Mr. Anderson's money, and they take him in the back to get it.

Later, in the Caverns, we find Lilly tied to the ground.  Dr. Scarlett hovers over her as Mr. Anderson releases her, informing Scarlett that he won't be allowed to sacrifice her.  Bob-Joe Solomon, posing as his brother Joe-Bob, the mayor, comes out of the bathroom.  Since Scarlett will be unable to sacrifice the girl, he chloroforms Anderson and they tie him to the ground. Mr. Anderson asks why he is being sacrificed; Scarlett explains there is little else to do in town as Bob-Joe tells him that Maktar only wants virgins.  Mr. Anderson manages to break free!  In the confusion which follows, Bob-Joe stabs Lilly and kills her.  He reminds people that he is the mayor (which, of course, he is not) and he runs from the cave.  Another assistant from the film production arrives with the papers signed by Rajiv; we discover that it is not an agreement to use the coffee house for a location shoot - in fact, Rajiv has signed over ownership of the coffee house to Mr. Anderson!!!

• What is this money that the director says he gave to Rajiv?
• How did Lilly get tied to the floor of the Cavern?
• Why does Bob-Joe think he's there to take part in the sacrifice when Jerry Koff originally invited his political opponent the mayor there to BE the sacrifice?
• Will Maktar be unhappy with his followers?
• What will Rajiv do now that he has signed over ownership of the coffee house?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 20

At the Dead Canary, Tripp the bartender deals with some unpleasant cleaning issues in the restroom.  An incomprehensible curmudgeon enters and (perhaps?) tries to order a whiskey.  Tripp calls his mom, Angelica, to inquire once again about all the people he sends to Calivera Enterprises who never come back.  She tells him she needs more people, so Tripp talks with the curmudgeon and sends him over.

At Calivera Industries, Carla has returned from testifying before Congress.  She is worried, and tells Angelica that they must stay under the radar for a few weeks; no more killings!  Just then, Joe-Bob Solomon enters, asking Carla if she's "gotten around to that job I asked you to do," which amounts to killing Wolfgang Offenschitz.  Carla replies that she has turned over a new leaf and won't be killing people any more.  At that, Mayor Joe-Bob threatens to reveal evidence against her...40 tapes worth.  All he wants is this one last killing.  He leaves, and the curmudgeon comes in; Carla tells him she has the perfect job for him and for Angelica to "show him to his new office."  She will turn over a new leaf tomorrow.

Later, Jerry Koff runs into the Mayor and asks if they could set up a debate at his "men's club," and to show up on Friday and not tell anyone where he's going.  After Jer Koff leaves, we discover that he was, in fact, talking with Joe-Bob's brother, Bob-Joe!

Meanwhile, we find Julia looking for a coffee shop (or something to do in town,) and a fan is looking for an autograph.  Magnus mistakes Julia for his newly-found daughter, Magneta.  Mr. Ylung shows up, asking why Magnus is no longer in the basement, and demands to know what happened to the cable guy.  Magnus realizes he has killed the cable guy...the problem is that he was the witness to the new will signing; Magnus must re-sign.  Magnus tells Ylung that he told Dr. Scarlett he would be put in the will for helping Magnus discover why he had blood on his hands; My. Ylung assures Magnus that he is only trying to help him.  They leave.

• Will Tripp ever find out what's happening to all the people he sends to Calivera Enterprises?
• Will Carla turn over a new leaf?
• Will Joe-Bob succeed in blackmailing Carla into helping him?
• Will Bob-Joe show up for the debate on Friday, and if so, will he bring snacks?
• Did Magnus Adverson really kill the cable guy?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

 

Episode 16

At the Dead Canary, a local drunkard, Aaron, demands more whiskey as the bartender, Tripp, tries to get him to go home until finally giving in and serving him.  Detective Smith arrives, looking for anything suspicious.  Tripp informs Smith that the mayor has a brother that looks just like him.  Smith then grills him about all the local disappearances, indicating that the drunkard may well disappear next.  Asking Aaron about the No-Tell Motel (at which he works,) Smith finds out that the mayor likes little girls.  Bob-Joe Solomon arrives, still looking for his brother.  Smith asks him about his Joe-Bob's penchant for young ladies.  Bob-Joe admits that his brother the mayor is corrupt, and will get his comeuppance.

Magnus is still tied up in Ylung's basement; Ylung informs him that the "project" will have to wait, because Ylung has gotten a good gig suing Dr. Scarlett on behalf of Dr. Maroon.  A knock comes at the door; a cable guy arrives trying to sign Ylung up for cable. They come to an agreement as Ylung does his best to hide Magnus from him.  Adverson finally agrees to sign the new will, making the Magnus Mask Plan irrelevant.  The cable guy witnesses the signing of the will.

Meanwhile, just outside Ylung's house, three teenagers gather to break in and steal all the chemicals they heard were inside.  They follow the cable guy in  and find the Magnus mask and suit, which one of them proceeds to put on.

At a mediation center, Wolfgang Offenschitz is learning to let go of his anger.  Hawaiian pizza arrives and Master Chiliwang pays, then tell Brother Offenschitz that he has pain which he cannot release until he finds his inner demons.  Another brother arrives, asking about the pizza until Brother Offenschitz yells at them to quiet down, thereby delaying his discovery of the inner demons even further.

• Will Joe-Bob Solomon and Bob-Joe Solomon ever manage to meet up?
• Will Magnus Adverson get to see "Love Connection?"
• What will those teenagers do with a Magnus Adverson mask & suit?
• Will Brother Offenschitz get in touch with his inner demons?
• Who invented the Hawaiian pizza, and why?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 13

As we saw last week, Mayor Joe-Bob Solomon's brother visits the Dead Canary Bar, where the dregs of society go to forget the day-to-day drudgery of their life in the mines. He is looking for his brother...the barkeep tells him the mayor doesn't come in after the "incident with the little girls." A mysterious drunk woman asks Bob-Joe to pass a message on to his brother, then throws her drink in his face and leaves with a drunkard, heading for the Solomon's River Marriott.

Once the Dead Canary clears out, Tripp the bartender calls his mother, Angelica, at Calivera Enterprises and asks if she needs any more "volunteers" for the "project."  She tells him to bring in as many volunteers as he can get.  Tripp is concerned that he hasn't seen the previous volunteers he's sent; he thinks they've been cured of their alcohol abuse.  Angelica's minion arrives to report that the grinder is packed up again; he is told to clean it up to prepare for more "volunteers" from her son.  As her minion leaves, she speaks about the "secret downstairs."

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Magnus Adverson is tied to a chair by Mr. Ylung, who demands he sign the new will.  Ylung needs someone to witness the will...Magnus recognizes Ylung as the man dating his granddaughter.  Mr. Ylung plans to make a mask of Magnus' face to complete his plan.  Ylung is interrupted by a secretary bringing him legal briefs, but she is clueless, and leaves without comment.

Elsewhere, in an underground lair, a young woman is tied down to the floor, a pentagram inscribed beneath her.  She yells for help; robed figures arrive and stand ominously over her.  Is one Dr. Scarlett?

• Will Bob-Joe Solomon find his brother Joe-Bob, the mayor?
• Will Tripp every discover what Calivera Enterprises is doing with all the "volunteers?"
• Will the minion's minion get the grinder unpacked?
• Will Mr. Ylung succeed in his plan to get Magnus to change his will?
• Who are these mysterious robed figures, and what are they up to?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!