Episode 130

Bobby McMasterfaster, new to the bustling Solomon's River and still happy-go-lucky and full of hope, looks to rent a storefront for his new barber shop.  Landlord Sean and his harpy wife agree to rent to him because they need the money.

Elsewhere, the Princess Evaleene is holding an audience for her supplicants who are ready to do her bidding.  After dancing and meditation, Princess Evaleene glows and springs extra arms!  The devotees praise her and ask instructions.  An unusually deep voice emanates from the Princess, "You must bring me the child!"  Which child?  "Tuesday's child!"  They promise to do her bidding as she flies off, mysteriously.

At Mason Brothers Moving Company, Franny Mason's employee, Tripp, has gotten word that his mother may have been packed away in one of the boxes from the former bar, The Dead Canary.  They leave to check, but do not know they are too late, because...

...in a truck headed far, far from Solomon's River, a woman with a thick foreign accent awakes to find herself in a box.  The woman, Tripp's mother and minion Angelica, doesn't know that her rival, Uber Minion, is the driver!  After he leaves to pee at a rest stop, she digs out her emergency box cutter.  Angelica just manages to roll open and closed the truck's rear door when Uber Minion returns from the bathroom.  As he drives away with her gripping the back of the truck, she swears she will get him when next he has to pee.

Young, giggly Lindsey Makesweaty has trouble learning how to sweep, but patient barber Bobby McMasterfaster hires her anyway.  A mother enters with her extremely bearded twelve year old son.  She wants it off, immediately; however, the youngster's beard is tougher to remove than is anticipated.  Lindsey tries using the broom, but only manages to knock the poor, hairy kid unconscious.  Three hours of clipping, razoring, and depilating have proven futile.  The mother jumps to the conclusion that it must be anabolic steroids, but she doesn't know that the previous day, her as-yet beardless boy went to Brendeesha Scarf's laboratory, wanting to become the Coolest Kid in School.  Unethically, she gives him the anti-zombie (pro-superhero) potion.

Meanwhile, in the Solomon's River fifth grade girl's bathroom, a nameless snob and  Allison, the coolest girl in the whole school who also has boobs, shun Stinky Marsha, discuss fifth grade boys, and wish those same boys were older.  A geeky kid asks to use the bathroom, as he's not feeling well.

Princess Lakshmi has discovered her powers are increasing and she shows Rajiv by lifting a VW bus.  She posits that the anti-zombie-ism potion they took may also have given Rajiv super strength.  He tries to lift the Volkswagen, but his power is definitely not strength.

• Will Bobby McMasterfaster's barber shop hold up under the hope-drain that is Solomon's River?
• Who is "Tuesday's child" and what does Princess Evaleene want with him or her?
• Where is Uber Minion taking Angelica, and will she be able to take him down?
• Will Angelica's son Tripp discover she has been minion-napped?
• How many people has Brendeesha Scarf dosed with potions?
• What will become of the Soft-but-Tough-Beard Boy?
• Are Princess Lakshmi's powers permanent?
• What is Rajiv's power?
• Does the potion even inoculate against zombie-ism?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 26

In our latest episode we find Rajiv pleading with his wife to forgive him for losing his job at the Dead Parrot bar; his wife promptly tells him it's all his fault for keeping the bar too clean.  Moments later Rajiv's cousin Habib arrives, explaining he took the Magnus suit, went to the bank, took out money and bought back the coffee house!  Rajiv tries to leave to get rid of the dancers in his coffee house, but is stopped when Jerr Koff comes by to ask for their vote.  Rajiv, who is not registered, refuses to let Koff talk to his wife; Jerr Koff leaves.

Meanwhile, in the mines, Angelica is looking for her boss, Carla Calivera, who was last seen lost, along with Magnus.  Angelica is surprised by Frannie Mason who tells her that Carla is not down there, but Angelica insists that she was last seen in the mines.  Magnus shows up, but is unable to tell Angelica where her boss is; they got separated.  Angelica proceeds to beat her head against a stalagmite.  Angelica tells Frannie to take Magnus up to the surface while she continues to search for Carla.

At Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett is surprised by Bob-Joe Solomon; neither can remember what happened last time they met...they both passed out at some point when Bob-Joe tried to kill Dr. Scarlett.  Bob-Joe apparently woke up in the middle of town wearing a clown suit and had a gun in his hand.  The gun had three shots fired; Bob-Joe remembers nothing.  He hopes Scarlett can give him answers.  Bob-Joe Solomon assures Scarlett that he is not there to harm him; he simply wants his help in sorting out what happened.  Scarlett's nurse arrives with the books on hypnosis he had ordered.  Scarlett promptly hypnotizes Bob-Joe and puts him to sleep.

• Will Rajiv be able to clear the riff-raff out of his newly-reacquired coffee house?
• Will Jerr Koff actually get anyone to vote for him?
• Will Angelica find Carla in the mines?
• What happened after Bob-Joe tried to strangle Dr. Scarlett?
• Will Bob-Joe Solomon get a good night's sleep?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 15

We begin in Rajiv's Coffee House as Rajiv's brother Vajir arrives.  Things are not going well at the Marriott; young women are hanging around with old men, and that's bad for business.  What he is looking for, however, is the putty he needs to make the Magnus Adverson mask.  Rajiv lends Vajir his caulk gun, warning him it could go off at the slightest provocation.

At Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett checks with his nurse to she if she managed to get rid of the body in his office from last week; she tells him it was surprisingly easy.  It was dragged away by two mysterious men (the Mason Brothers.)  Apparently the body was not dead, however, for Dr. Maroon, the body, surprises the two of them; he forces his way into the hospital and confronts Scarlett with his plans to sue for malpractice...Scarlett was his doctor years ago and apparently sewed his spleen to his rectum.  Having employed the services of Mr. Ylung, Maroon hatches his plot for REVENGE! Dr. Scarlett is subpoenaed.  Scarlett sends his nurse to talk to the Mason Brothers to see if they can help rid him of his troubles.

The nurse travels into the mines to talk with the Mason Brothers.  Fighting an irritatingly literal echo, the nurse talks with Frannie, who promises to meet with Scarlett next week.  The nurse leaves to deliver his message as the mayor meets up with Frannie to demand why his angry neighbor, Wolfgang Offenschitz is still alive; Frannie promises to take care of it.

Back at Rajiv's Coffee House, Sally Struthers (no relation,) a student from the high school band is trying to sell ads for the school newspaper to pay for their school trip to Oklahoma to play against the Fighting Oklahomans.  Frannie Mason buys an ad for his "moving service."

• Will Vajir be successful at caulking Magnus' face?
• Will Dr. Maroon win his malpractice suit against Dr. Scarlett?
• What happens when you sew a spleen to a rectum?
• Will Frannie managed to fix his many faux pas?
• Will Sally Struthers sell enough ads to go on her trip to Oklahoma City?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 12

In last week's exciting episode of Solomon's River, Mr. Ylung, the lawyer, meets with Mayor Joe-Bob Solomon, complaining that the sheriff has been no help in finding the missing Samantha Solomon.  Mr. Ylung is also concerned that the rest of his law firm has gone to Calivera Industries and are now missing.  The mayor suggests he talk with the Mayoral Investigation Bureau (MIB.)

Later, in Rajiv's Coffee House, Sir Reginald Barkley, a blind author, arrives and asks Rajiv about lodging.  He wishes to write a book and has heard that Solomon's River is a quiet and peaceful town.  Rajiv recommends the Solomon's River Marriott (his cousin runs it.)  The Mayor enters, orders his usual, and introduces himself to Sir Reginald.  They talk briefly, then the author leaves. Detective Smith enters and asks about Sir Reginald.  Smith laughs, implying the writer is not who we think he is.  Mayor Solomon wants to talk with Rajiv about a proposal that could make him wealthy...he wants to meet in private, so he suggests a public park near his mansion.

Wolfgang Offenschitz meets with Frannie Mason to thank him and his brother for the work with Mayor Solomon's dog, but Frannie explains his brother is missing. Wolfgang make it clear he wishes to call off the hit on Mayor Solomon.

Later, in the public park, two teenage girls are using the teeter-totter (cherry bomb!)  They discuss, in young teenage fashion, learning about sex.  Mayor Solomon enters, asking why they are there; they sass back in typical teenage fashion.  Solomon wants to leave to find another park, but the teenage girls brag about stealing from Rajiv, then begin hitting on the mayor.  Fortunately, they leave before anything further can happen.

• Will Mr Ylung discover any leads to Samantha's whereabouts?
• What is Sir Reginald up to?
• What does Detective Smith know about the blind author?
• What does the mayor have to say to Rajiv that requires a private public park?
• Where is the other Mason brother?
• What is a "cherry bomb," and how does one get one?
• Will Mayor Solomon give in to the 13-year-old who say they are 21 and 25?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Epsiode 10

It begins as a quiet day in Rajiv's Coffee House, but soon escalates as the mayor's unhappy neighbor arrives, ordering a Mr. Pibb and pie.  Detective Smith, once again hidden in the wall behind the counter, hears Mayor Solomon come in.  The neighbor, already having confessed to Rajiv that he may have regrets over putting out a hit on the mayor, throws his drink in Joe-Bob's face, and leaves.

Carla Calivera enters, confronting Mayor Joe-Bob as to why he is trying to "bring her down." As they argue, Rick Simpson, the health inspector, sees Det. Smith in the wall and they chat briefly.  Once the health inspector comes out of the wall and tells Rajiv that he must conduct a more thorough inspection, Rajiv attempts to bribe him by dropping a twenty on the floor.  Fortunately for Rajiv, Mr. Simpson sees Carla and moves to talk with her.

The health inspector informs Carla that he'd like to get into Calivera Industries to perform an inspection, something his department has been trying to do for some time, with no success.  As they banter, Rajiv must deal with an alcoholic who has entered the coffee shop, thinking it to be a bar.  Fortunately Rajiv always keeps a bottle of single-malt whiskey behind the counter for just such an emergency.

Det. Smith comes out from the wall to speak with the health inspector, trying to tell him there's more going on here than meets the eye, but all the inspector seems concerned with is whether or not Rajiv has the appropriate signage in the bathrooms.  Rajiv becomes upset because no one is actually buying anything.  Det. Smith retires back into the wall.

The drunk identifies himself as Cliff Shale, from the EPA.  He wants to speak to someone about the mines, so Rajiv directs him to the Mason Brothers.  The Mason Brothers are busy dealing with a body backlog, bricking them into a wall.  Carla visits and warns them they must work overtime because the odor is now reaching to the village.  Mayor Solomon sneaks in and take a picture of them hiding the bodies.  Carla tries to silence the mayor by making it worth the his while; she leaves with the mayor.

Later, Detective Smith meets with Cliff Shale.  It turns out he is undercover, working with Smith.  They spend some time bad-mouthing Rajiv's, then Smith instructs Shale to get on the good side of Calivera and get into the mines.

Rick Simpson is talking with his boss on the phone, concerned about the people in Rajiv's.  He also voices his concerns with Calivera Industries wondering why she is so reluctant about letting him in.

• Will the unhappy neighbor feel sorry for putting out a hit on the mayor?
• What exactly does Calivera Industries manufacture?  Is it cotton candy, as the mayor seems to think, or is he just addled as usual?
• Will Inspector Simpson get in to inspect Calivera Industries?  If so, what will he find?
• Will Detective Smith spend even more time in Rajiv's wall?
• Will anyone pay for anything at Rajiv's?
• What is Mayor Solomon planning on doing with Carla?
• Will we ever see Magnus Adverson and his family again?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 9

In this week’s hair-raising episode of Solomon’s River, we begin in Rajiv’s Coffee House as the mysterious Janice White shows up behind the counter looking for coffee and information.  Mayor Solomon arrives, ordering his usual Mr. Pibb and introduces himself to Janice (who introduces herself as Janice Purple!) Janice tells the mayor she is visiting for the day and inquires about the haze at the end of town, trying to determine if it’s from the mines. She then starts pumping the mayor for information regarding her friend, Samantha, who has been missing from Solomon’s River for some time now. The mayor denies any knowledge, but vows to bring down Calivera Enterprises (which, oddly enough, Janice defends vehemently!)

Meanwhile, at Calivera Enterprises, Carla’s assistant Angelica informs her that she has disposed of the latest body, but warns her that the cloud is beginning to be noticed in town.  Carla worries about a visit from the EPA, as well as the newspaper stories (which are being fed by a mysterious informant!)  As Angelica’s minion drags another body out, the police chief calls Carla, having developed a mysterious accent.  Carla tries to brush off the Chief, telling her to talk to Angelica.  Angelica is ordered to “redirect” the Chief’s investigation.

The Chief arrives to talk to talk to Angelica about the body being dragged through the coffee shop when they are interrupted by one of the Mason Brothers, looking for direction on what to do with the body.  After deciding he should chop it up, he exits.  Angelica denies that there are any bodies as her minion comes in to inform her there is no more coal for the furnaces.  Janice pops in to tell the Chief that the bodies are being used in the medical college.  Carla returns as Janice gives Angelica an envelope for her boss.  Carla opens it after Janice leaves and finds a note which says, “I know what you’ve been doing!”  Carla is determined to find out who Janice is, and what she is up to.

Mayor Joe-Bob is looking through the file on Suzanne (his dead childhood friend) as his investigator, Agent Blakeley, arrives to report on Calivera Enterprises.  Blakeley reports on the body being dragged out, but the mayor has difficulty understanding him and sends him away.  Janice then comes into his office with information.  She has been to Calivera and tells him they are hacking up bodies and creating a mysterious fog.  Still she searches for Samantha…

As Janice leaves, one of the Mason Brothers shows up (instructed by the mayor’s unhappy neighbor) to deliver the mayor’s dog’s head.  Suzanne’s ghost appears to torment the mayor for letting her die, saying he deserves this.  Just then, the mayor finds something in the file…”Oh my God, it was him!”

•  Will Janice discover the whereabouts of Samantha?
• Will the Chief of Police find out what's going on at Calivera Industries?
• Will Carla be visited by the EPA? Will OSHA make her install handrails in the restrooms?
• Will Agent Blakeley make himself understood to the mayor?
• Will Suzanne's ghost ever stop haunting the mayor?
• Who is the mysterious "Him?!"

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 7

We begin this week's episode of Solomon's River with Mayor Joe-Bob Solomon stopping in to speak with Rajiv at the Coffee House.  The mayor is questioning Rajiv about Magnus Advarsson's attempted murder, but Rajiv is less than helpful; Joe-Bob leaves, having gained no useful information.

Detective Smith encounters Cilantro in a public restroom, first confronting her about Samantha's love for Mr. Ylung, the lawyer, and then about Cilantro's supposed pregnancy.  Cilantro is unsure of her "status," so Det. Smith whips out a pregnancy test kit and has Cilantro pee on the stick.

Meanwhile, Mayor Solomon is walking his dog Sparky when the ghost of Suzanne returns and tortures him with the tale of her horrible and crushing death. Suzanne then tells Joe-Bob he must "make it up to the little boy who was in love with me."

Back in the public restroom, Cilantro is shaking the pee stick, trying to speed things up.  "Don't shake it like a Polaroid!" Det. Smith admonishes as they look at the results...was it a blue line?  Was it a pale pink line?  No...it was a black line!!!  Both are shaken, and Smith pumps Cilantro for information...has she been experiencing periods of memory loss, unexplained cuts & bruises, perhaps an odd tattoo on the back of her neck?

Across town the mayor's neighbor is meeting with one of the Mason brothers regarding the plot against the mayor, when the not-so-long lost brother returns, giving no concrete explanation for his mysterious disappearance.  The neighbor wants it "done fast!" and the Mason brothers promise to "step it up," perhaps by kidnapping the dog and sending the mayor a paw.  The neighbor seems satisfied with the plan as he tells them to "make it happen!"

Dr. Scarlett is visited in his office by Mr. Ylung, the lawyer.  He warns Scarlett that he must give up his claim to the family fortune or else Ylung will blab about "the bastard child."  Scarlett is obviously shaken.

Magnus Advarsson, not one to pass up the opportunity to enter a restroom, enters the restroom and finds Det. Smith, who helps Magnus find his lost wallet. Once the detective leaves, Magnus clutches his chest and falls to the floor.

• What does Cilantro's "black line" mean?  Will she discover why she is having memory lapses?
• Will Mayor Solomon figure out who was the little boy in love with Suzanne?
• Will the Mason brothers do nasty things to the mayor's dog?
• Who is Scarlett's "bastard child?"
• Will Magnus survive this apparent cardiac event?
• Will he seek help for his overactive bladder?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 6

As we start off the latest episode of Solomon's River, we find Mayor Solomon talking with his very unhappy neighbor, who is asking if the mayor remembers him...the mayor does not.  In an attempt to unlock the secrets in his lost memories, Mayor Solomon calls Marilyn's Hypnosis to make an appointment.  When he arrives, Marilyn places him in a hypnotic trance.

In his trance, we discover that when Joe-Bob was 6, Suzanne, a girl he knew, died when his 400 pound Aunt Bertha fell on her.  In order to save the family from scandal, Joe-Bob's father covered up the death.

In Rajiv's Coffee House, one of the Mason Brothers enters, orders several Mr. Pibbs, and hints that something may have happened to his brother.  Magnus Advarsson arrives, threatening to sue Rajiv over the teabagging incident.  Soon a Health Inspector arrives to investigate, but finds nothing out of the ordinary, although Detective Smith was hiding in the wall, attempting to discover nefarious deeds.

Later, as the mayor is walking his dog Sparky, the ghost of Suzanne appears, implying he would be haunted until he works out his culpability in her death.

Detective Smith and the EMT meet - he knows who is responsible for teabagging Adverson...the EMT claims he heard Adverson say that "the lawyer would never get his money," thus implicating Mr. Ylung.

• Will Mayor Solomon remember what really happened to Suzanne?
• Will the Mason Brothers be reunited?
• Will the Very Unhappy Neighbor ever reveal his name?
• Will Detective Smith be able to prove Mr. Ylung's guilt?
• Will we discover a connection between the neighbor's hatred of the mayor and the death of Suzanne?
• Will Rajiv switch from Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 5

Tonight's episode of Solomon's River begins in the backyard of Joe-Bob Solomon, Mayor of Solomon's River.  He is cutting his lawn as his very unhappy neighbor complains about Joe-Bob's dog leaving "packages" on his lawn.  The conversation breaks down as the neighbor moves on to complain about other conditions in town.

At Calivera Industries we find Carla Calivera mulling over the fact that the mayor is trying to close down her factory, ostensibly due to the sidestepping of regulations.  She then moves on to consider what to do about all the bodies in the back room as Angelica, an employee, is dragging more bodies to add to the lot.  Carla is afraid there may be a snitch working for her.

At Rajiv's Coffee House, Mrs. Rajiv is tending the counter as her husband works in the back.  The mayor and Carla meet, exchanging invectives.  Angelica pops her head into the Coffee House to talk with the mayor, sees Carla, turn and leaves, unseen.

Meanwhile, in the Solomon Mines, the Mason brothers are having issues with how they are taking care of bodies for Carla Calivera; one brother complains that he is doing most of the work himself, the other does not deny it.  As they agree that the other brother will take care of the next body, the mayor's very unhappy neighbor arrives, looking for someone to "take care of his neighbor's dog, then...his neighbor!"

• Will Mayor Solomon's dog learn to curb itself?
• Will Carla get caught letting employees die?
• Will Angelica snitch to the mayor?
• Will the Mason Brothers stop arguing?
• Will the mayor and his dog get "taken care of?"

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!