Episode 140

Angelica reports her progress towards bringing Lake Superior to Solomon's River to Big Momma, but one of the contractors says they've run into Native American troubles, preventing them from digging through burial grounds.  Big Momma gets angry and instructs Angelica to fight their tire fires with... more tire fires.

Jeremy (of the indestructible beard) and huddles with his friend to gripe about how all the teachers are now incredibly attracted to his beard.  Meanwhile, Claire the teacher, Chet the security guard, and Seth the chemistry teacher drool over memories of the beard--they really can't get enough!  Seth points in the direction of the class-skipping Jeremy, Chet grabs his gun, and they vow to get the boy so they can touch his beard!

Princess Lakshmi pops out of Rajiv's backpack as they take a gas station egg salad and Dr. Pibb break from heading to the airport.  Unfortunately, Rajiv's credit card is declined and the clerk is suspicious of Rajiv's backpack full of what appears to be a little girl who swears she is Rajiv's lover.  When the clerk turns his back, they run away.

A snotty girl named Phlogiston hangs out with her friends Megan and Sylvia.  Megan is really good at the phone game Yogiman Po, where you trap creatures and make them as poor as possible.  A boy arrives and says the game is "so last week" and that Monopoly is the coolest game now.  The boy says two of the three girls are cool enough to join him, leaving Phlogiston behind, swearing revenge.

Brother Chiliwang burns with the power of Princess Evaleene!  Brother Offenshitz tries to squeeze the rock of power out of Chiliwang's nose, but it is stuck.  Chiliwang hears the voice of Evaleene say, "There are too many people!"  Chiliwang understands that Evaleene wants the Brothers to bring a flood upon the people of Solomon's River, killing them all!  The Brothers are worried: how do you stop a deity?  Brother Offenshitz knows: the only way to get rid of one deity, is to get another.

Dr. Scarlet calls together all the nurses, freshly back from their treatment after being subjected to the NurseNudistNeoNaziNarcanon-anado.  Nurse, Nurse Ratched, Nurse Phlebotomy, Nurse Matriculation, Nurse Peels, Nurse Sparkle, and more gather for Dr. Scarlet's announcement: he is retiring as Chief Surgeon.  Nurse is shocked, but the rest of the nurses applaud.  Dr. Scarlet says his replacement, Dr. Marbles, will be arriving later, and asks the nurses to show him the ropes.

• Will Angelica's tire fires or the Native Americans' tire fires win the day?
• How will Rajiv get Lakshmi to Greece for treatment without a working credit card?
• Can Jeremy get away from the beard-obsessed teachers?  How strong will his beard powers become?
• Will Monopoly really be the Next Big Thing?
• What kind of deity can stop Princess Evaleene from making the Brothers flood Solomon's River and killing everyone?  Are Big Momma's plans to bring Lake Superior to Solomon's River part of the god's larger plan?
• What will Dr. Scarlet do in retirement?
• Who is the new Chief Surgeon, Dr. Marbles, and is he as young, rich, and available as the nurses are hoping?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 139

Princess Lakshmi faces an unhappy truth when Rajiv measures her against the doorjamb: she is getting shorter, which means she is still getting younger.  Estimating her age at about seven, Magnus' promise that a cure could be found within ten years is not reassuring.  Princess Lakshmi figures they should travel to Geneva for a faster cure, and Rajiv zips her into a backpack to start their journey.

Brother Chiliwang and Brother Offenschitz contemplate the resurgence of evil they feel from Solomon's River far below their mountain retreat, and they pray for a vision of Princess Evaleene, who once gave them hope and a Happy Dance. She appears to them, now morphed into a rock statue, and announces she is more powerful than ever.  They supplicate themselves and ask for help to battle Big Momma, whose evil plans are affecting their peace.  "The answer," intones Evaleene, "is inside my nose."  They check inside the statue's nose, and they find The Green Crystal of Evaleene!  The Crystal, which was the source of Evaleene's power, immediately goes up Brother Chilliwang's nose.  The Princess now speaks through the Brother.  Offenschitz selfishly asks for money, and Princess/Brother changes him into a beetle.  When he pleases her/him again, she/he will turn him back.  Offenschitz clicks a little.

Meanwhile, at school, teacher Elaine Gaffney is too high to find her room and truant student Jeremy attempts to use his beard to seduce her!  Possible zombie and chemistry teacher Mr. Perchenkowitz shuffles past followed closely by Chet the security guard.  Elaine draws Chet's attention to Jeremy, and Chet, too, becomes fascinated by Jeremy's beard.  To Jeremy's horror, Elaine, Chet, Seth Perchenkowitz, and any nearby teachers become hypnotized by the awesomeness of the premature, zombie-inoculation-induced beard.

• Will Princess Lakshmi make it to Geneva before she reverts to an embryo?
• Will Rajiv make it to Geneva with a child in his backpack?
• What will the Power of Evaleene do up the Brother Chilliwang's nose, and can she/he stop Big Momma?
• How long will Borther Offenshitz have to be a bug?
• Is Jeremy's beard power getting stronger?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 130

Bobby McMasterfaster, new to the bustling Solomon's River and still happy-go-lucky and full of hope, looks to rent a storefront for his new barber shop.  Landlord Sean and his harpy wife agree to rent to him because they need the money.

Elsewhere, the Princess Evaleene is holding an audience for her supplicants who are ready to do her bidding.  After dancing and meditation, Princess Evaleene glows and springs extra arms!  The devotees praise her and ask instructions.  An unusually deep voice emanates from the Princess, "You must bring me the child!"  Which child?  "Tuesday's child!"  They promise to do her bidding as she flies off, mysteriously.

At Mason Brothers Moving Company, Franny Mason's employee, Tripp, has gotten word that his mother may have been packed away in one of the boxes from the former bar, The Dead Canary.  They leave to check, but do not know they are too late, because...

...in a truck headed far, far from Solomon's River, a woman with a thick foreign accent awakes to find herself in a box.  The woman, Tripp's mother and minion Angelica, doesn't know that her rival, Uber Minion, is the driver!  After he leaves to pee at a rest stop, she digs out her emergency box cutter.  Angelica just manages to roll open and closed the truck's rear door when Uber Minion returns from the bathroom.  As he drives away with her gripping the back of the truck, she swears she will get him when next he has to pee.

Young, giggly Lindsey Makesweaty has trouble learning how to sweep, but patient barber Bobby McMasterfaster hires her anyway.  A mother enters with her extremely bearded twelve year old son.  She wants it off, immediately; however, the youngster's beard is tougher to remove than is anticipated.  Lindsey tries using the broom, but only manages to knock the poor, hairy kid unconscious.  Three hours of clipping, razoring, and depilating have proven futile.  The mother jumps to the conclusion that it must be anabolic steroids, but she doesn't know that the previous day, her as-yet beardless boy went to Brendeesha Scarf's laboratory, wanting to become the Coolest Kid in School.  Unethically, she gives him the anti-zombie (pro-superhero) potion.

Meanwhile, in the Solomon's River fifth grade girl's bathroom, a nameless snob and  Allison, the coolest girl in the whole school who also has boobs, shun Stinky Marsha, discuss fifth grade boys, and wish those same boys were older.  A geeky kid asks to use the bathroom, as he's not feeling well.

Princess Lakshmi has discovered her powers are increasing and she shows Rajiv by lifting a VW bus.  She posits that the anti-zombie-ism potion they took may also have given Rajiv super strength.  He tries to lift the Volkswagen, but his power is definitely not strength.

• Will Bobby McMasterfaster's barber shop hold up under the hope-drain that is Solomon's River?
• Who is "Tuesday's child" and what does Princess Evaleene want with him or her?
• Where is Uber Minion taking Angelica, and will she be able to take him down?
• Will Angelica's son Tripp discover she has been minion-napped?
• How many people has Brendeesha Scarf dosed with potions?
• What will become of the Soft-but-Tough-Beard Boy?
• Are Princess Lakshmi's powers permanent?
• What is Rajiv's power?
• Does the potion even inoculate against zombie-ism?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 121

We open Solomon's River with Rajiv polishing his counter once again, musing on how quiet things have been of late. At that moment his wife bursts in and explains that she has been held prisoner in a Pakistani prison for a year because his girlfriend, Princess Lakshmi, told them that Mrs. Rajiv was a terrorist! Rajiv denies having a girlfriend, although he does tell his wife not to look in the basement. Mrs. Rajiv declares that she is alright with his girlfriend "being where she cannot see her". Having acquiesced to this new living arrangement, Mrs. Rajiv leaves to go to the store so she can make dinner. Rajiv takes this opportunity to visit Lakshmi beneath the trapdoor. As she berates him for leaving her trapped in his basement, Mrs. Rajiv returns for the car keys. Rajiv admits he left them in the car, at which point he is yelled at again and told they will "talk about this later." Lakshmi now knows that Rajiv's wife has returned! The princess hopes Mrs. Rajiv will help her escape, until she is reminded about all that Pakistani prison/terrorist stuff. Rajiv agrees to un-strap Lakshmi from the wall, as long as she promises not to try to escape. She promises, fingers crossed.  Rajiv leaves.

Tripp is reunited with his mother, Angelica. He explains how he went into a house to ask for "23 pounds" and ended up with what looks like a child strapped to his chest. Angelica tell him how he used to have a twin, but it was absorbed into his body, apparently not completely. Tripp wonders if they could slice it off, or use "Icy Hot" to remove it. Angelica, dipping into her vast reservoir of knowledge regarding all things illegal, tells him she knows just the place to go to have it removed. She'll help him if he agrees to help her find an old man.

Princess Evaleene is being chased by her sycophants.

Two dudes discover their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to report the theft and Det. Smegly takes their information. The car was parked next to Solomon's River Canyon, but he cannot seem to get any more helpful information from them other than the car is blue with rust spots. At that moment, Mrs. Rajiv comes in to report that there is a car in their driveway that is not theirs, then leaves just as suddenly. The detective tells the dude he'll look for his car, but it will take a couple of weeks. The dude wants to borrow a car, but the detective is not very helpful, giving them a flyer for an auction that takes place in a month. After the dudes complain about how they can't go without a car for a month, Det. Smegly moves the auction up to tomorrow.

• Is Rajiv's wife really okay with these living arrangements?
• Will Princess Lakshmi be content staying in the basement, drinking nothing but old, warm Dr. Pibb?
• Will Tripp come to love his partially absorbed twin?
• What does Angelica want with an old man?
• Can Det. Smegly find the dude's car, or will he be forced to lend them a police cruiser?
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Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in Solomon's River!

Episode 111

A very upset Mrs. Rajiv calls the hospital to speak with Dr. Scarlett about the paternity test results. She is livid that the results show that her child, who is to be named “Patel Patel Patel,” is apparently the spawn of Dr. Scarlett himself! Before the doctor has the chance to explain how babies are made, Mrs. Rajiv points out the very important fact that she and the doctor have never been intimate with one another. To add insult to injury, the receptionist has been listening in on their conversation and is ready to spread the word to EVERYBODY!

Meanwhile, across town in the Strange Temple, acolytes are dancing in honor of High Priestess Evaleene. After a short episode of concern regarding both their inability to dance and sing in time with each other and the filthy state of the floor, High Priestess Evaleene appears and they plead with her to tell them how long before the End of the World. Evaleene reveals that it will be in four days! The acolytes leave to spread the word.

Later, in Magnus Adverson's mansion, Tripp is severely concerned about his mother Angelica's desire to take all of Magnus' underwear. She has big plans to sell them to Japanese men, who she thinks will pay a big fortune for them on eBay. Rajiv stumbles in and discovers them rifling through Magnus' drawers. Tripp tells him they are the new butler and maid, and Rajiv promptly orders a BLT. To further complicate matters, Mrs. Rajiv shows up, demanding to know why Rajiv is there. Tripp and Angelica tiptoe away as Mrs. Rajiv verbally assaults her husband. As they banter back and forth about the children, the doorbell rings and Princess Lakshmi appears, complete with her two broken arms. Rajiv hopes for another girl fight. Lakshmi informs Rajiv that she has heard the scuttlebutt about the paternity test results as Mrs. Rajiv denies knowing Dr. Scarlett. The argument continues, this time focusing on everyone's knowledge of biology. It ends with the Princess storming out and everyone proclaiming that they are going to get a lawyer.

• Are the paternity test results correct? Is Dr. Scarlett the father of Mrs. Rajiv's baby?
• Will the world really end in four days?
• Are Japanese men willing to pay a big fortune for Magnus' underwear?
• Are there enough lawyers in Solomon's River for everyone?
• Will Mrs. Rajiv name her baby “Patel Patel Patel?”

Find out the answer to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!