Solomon's River Lowertown Ladies?

Which one could be Grandma Poppy?  Perhaps these are just her minions.

Thank you to Mr. Ylung for finding this photograph.

Episode 31

As this week's episode opens, we find Tripp talking with his mother, Angelica, explaining how he is now using the newly amnesiac Carla/Oscar to clean the porch and wash his car.  Angelica seems intrigued by the thought that Carla/Oscar will do whatever you tell her to, as long as you call her Oscar Steppenwolf ("Like your Padre," observes Angelica.) 

Meanwhile, across town at the Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett and his nurse discuss Mr. Ylung's progress after the operation.  The nurse points out something interesting on Mr. Ylung; someone has stitched a message on his scar!  Just then, Joe-Bob Solomon arrives and punches the nurse!

Later at Rajiv's, Magnus Adverson comes in and orders some rhubarb pie.  Magnus asks if Rajiv has seen his granddaughters, then leaves the coffee house.

At the mayor's house, there is a knock at the door...it is Herr Offenschitz, Wolfgang's father!  Herr Offenschitz is looking for his son and wants to know if Joe-Bob, his neighbor, knows where he is.  Herr Offenschitz needs to find his son and give him some important news!  Suzanne, the ghost child from Joe-Bob Solomon's past, reappears after being away for so long...she wants Joe-Bob to find out what the important news is.  Herr Offenschitz knows the last place his son was seen was at the Retreat (even though Germans don't know that word;) he tells the mayor that he will be moving in next door until his son is found.  As they say goodbye, Joe-Bob punches Herr Offenschitz in the face!

• Will Angelica find a use for Carla/Oscar?
• Did Mr. Ylung survive the removal of his tumor without complications?
• Will Magnus enjoy his rhubarb pie?
• What is the important news Herr Offenschitz has for his son?
• Will Herr Offenschitz be upset when he discovers his son has been brutally murdered at the Retreat?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 30

At Rajiv's Coffee House 2.0, Mr. Ylung comes in and confronts Rajiv with the evidence that someone with an Indian accent, wearing a Magnus Adverson suit, went into the bank and withdrew all of Adverson's money. Ylung demands to know where the money is; Rajiv defends himself, saying he has many cousins.  Coincidentally, one enters and tells Rajiv to check out his bling.  Ylung tells Rajiv that the person who took the money was exceedingly tall; he also warns Rajiv that he can get the coffee house from him if he doesn't get the money back.  After disparaging Magnus and his grand-daughters, Ylung leaves.

Meanwhile, Carla Calivera awakens, tied up in Tripp's basement.  Using vague references, Tripp tells Carla that she needs to rehire the person who used to work for her but doesn't work for her anymore.  Carla remembers getting punched in the face and waking up here.  She demands to be untied, then discovers she no longer remembers her name.  Tripp "helps" by telling her her name is Oscar Steppenwolf.  He also tells her she works at the county dump keeping rats off the food.  Angelica comes home and calls down to the basement...Tripp warns her not to come down because he's involved in something...personal.  He asks Carla/Oscar if he can let her go without worrying about her. He lets her go, but warns her that he likes to kill things, so he's going to follow her for a while to see what she does.

Across town at Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett is consulting with a patient, Mr. Ylung.  Scarlett informs his patient that the x-ray of the giant tumor he has been examining is Ylung's.  Scarlett tells him that he could operate, but the tumor is sitting on a large nerve, and operating could cause paralysis.  Ylung wants to operate right away!  Joe-Bob Solomon arrives, punches Dr Scarlett, and leaves.

Later we see Bob-Joe Solomon pacing, worrying about his brother looking for him, concerned he will end up with a bullet in his face.  Just then, he gets a bullet in the face!

•  Will Rajiv find the money?
• Will Carla/Oscar go back to work at the Solomon's River Municipal Dump?
• Will Mr. Ylung survive having his tumor removed?
• Why did Joe-Bob punch Dr. Scarlett?
• Who shot BJ?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 29

In this week's episode of Solomon's River, we find Mr. Ylung talking with Magnus Adverson, concerned that Magnus has taken all his money out of Spelunker's Federal Credit Union...Ylung wants to know where the money is!

Meanwhile, at Calivera Enterprises, Carla is on the phone with Jason, a newly hired thug, wanting to know why the poison didn't work on the mayor!  She wishes Angelica hadn't quit;  She vows to try again.  Jason enters and is confronted by Carla.  They argue for a while over methodology until deciding upon a bullet in the face.  Or a knife jab in the kidney.  They hatch a plan to get Joe-Bob alone.

Across town, Angelica is talking with her son, Tripp, explaining why she no longer works for Carla Calivera; she is afraid Carla though Angelica had quit when Angelica was gone so long looking for her in the caves.  Tripp offers her a job in the bar, but Angelica is heartbroken about losing her job with Carla.  Tripp tells Angelica about how he enjoyed killing Wolfgang Offenschitz.  Angelica is distraught...it is the family curse!  Killing runs in his blood!

Later, at Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett is talking with his nurses, trying to find out what happened to Joe-Bob.  They explain that he just got up, stretched, and left the morgue.  The nurse thinks they should "get the stiff back."  Scarlett agrees and sends them after him.

At the Rajiv residence, Mrs. Rajiv answers a knock on the door, finding Jerry Koff on her doorstep.  He asks to speak with her, telling her how he can't stop thinking of her since last he saw her.  He wants her to volunteer on his campaign so he can be near her.  Rajiv calls to her from the bedroom, wanting her to rejoin him.  Joe-Bob Solomon arrives, having been told be Jerr Koff's assistant that he was there.  The mayor then does something to Koff that I can neither remember nor discern from the recording, so some help would be appreciated here.

The nurses are asking around town about the mayor; they talk with Carla, who is curious about why they are looking for him...Carla recognizes the nurses, and they recognize her. Carla senses they have a problem, and offer to give them a solution; she tells them to meet her at her office tomorrow. Once the nurses leave, Mayor Solomon arrives and punches Carla!

• Will Mr. Ylung find out what Magnus has done with the money?  Does Magnus even remember?
• Will Carla and Jason agree on a method with which to kill the mayor?
• Is Tripp cursed?
• Will the nurses find the mayor's body?
• Will Mrs. Rajiv run off with Jerry Koff?
• What solution does Carla have to offer?  Will she regain consciousness by the time the nurses return tomorrow?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 20

At the Dead Canary, Tripp the bartender deals with some unpleasant cleaning issues in the restroom.  An incomprehensible curmudgeon enters and (perhaps?) tries to order a whiskey.  Tripp calls his mom, Angelica, to inquire once again about all the people he sends to Calivera Enterprises who never come back.  She tells him she needs more people, so Tripp talks with the curmudgeon and sends him over.

At Calivera Industries, Carla has returned from testifying before Congress.  She is worried, and tells Angelica that they must stay under the radar for a few weeks; no more killings!  Just then, Joe-Bob Solomon enters, asking Carla if she's "gotten around to that job I asked you to do," which amounts to killing Wolfgang Offenschitz.  Carla replies that she has turned over a new leaf and won't be killing people any more.  At that, Mayor Joe-Bob threatens to reveal evidence against her...40 tapes worth.  All he wants is this one last killing.  He leaves, and the curmudgeon comes in; Carla tells him she has the perfect job for him and for Angelica to "show him to his new office."  She will turn over a new leaf tomorrow.

Later, Jerry Koff runs into the Mayor and asks if they could set up a debate at his "men's club," and to show up on Friday and not tell anyone where he's going.  After Jer Koff leaves, we discover that he was, in fact, talking with Joe-Bob's brother, Bob-Joe!

Meanwhile, we find Julia looking for a coffee shop (or something to do in town,) and a fan is looking for an autograph.  Magnus mistakes Julia for his newly-found daughter, Magneta.  Mr. Ylung shows up, asking why Magnus is no longer in the basement, and demands to know what happened to the cable guy.  Magnus realizes he has killed the cable guy...the problem is that he was the witness to the new will signing; Magnus must re-sign.  Magnus tells Ylung that he told Dr. Scarlett he would be put in the will for helping Magnus discover why he had blood on his hands; My. Ylung assures Magnus that he is only trying to help him.  They leave.

• Will Tripp ever find out what's happening to all the people he sends to Calivera Enterprises?
• Will Carla turn over a new leaf?
• Will Joe-Bob succeed in blackmailing Carla into helping him?
• Will Bob-Joe show up for the debate on Friday, and if so, will he bring snacks?
• Did Magnus Adverson really kill the cable guy?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

 

Episode 16

At the Dead Canary, a local drunkard, Aaron, demands more whiskey as the bartender, Tripp, tries to get him to go home until finally giving in and serving him.  Detective Smith arrives, looking for anything suspicious.  Tripp informs Smith that the mayor has a brother that looks just like him.  Smith then grills him about all the local disappearances, indicating that the drunkard may well disappear next.  Asking Aaron about the No-Tell Motel (at which he works,) Smith finds out that the mayor likes little girls.  Bob-Joe Solomon arrives, still looking for his brother.  Smith asks him about his Joe-Bob's penchant for young ladies.  Bob-Joe admits that his brother the mayor is corrupt, and will get his comeuppance.

Magnus is still tied up in Ylung's basement; Ylung informs him that the "project" will have to wait, because Ylung has gotten a good gig suing Dr. Scarlett on behalf of Dr. Maroon.  A knock comes at the door; a cable guy arrives trying to sign Ylung up for cable. They come to an agreement as Ylung does his best to hide Magnus from him.  Adverson finally agrees to sign the new will, making the Magnus Mask Plan irrelevant.  The cable guy witnesses the signing of the will.

Meanwhile, just outside Ylung's house, three teenagers gather to break in and steal all the chemicals they heard were inside.  They follow the cable guy in  and find the Magnus mask and suit, which one of them proceeds to put on.

At a mediation center, Wolfgang Offenschitz is learning to let go of his anger.  Hawaiian pizza arrives and Master Chiliwang pays, then tell Brother Offenschitz that he has pain which he cannot release until he finds his inner demons.  Another brother arrives, asking about the pizza until Brother Offenschitz yells at them to quiet down, thereby delaying his discovery of the inner demons even further.

• Will Joe-Bob Solomon and Bob-Joe Solomon ever manage to meet up?
• Will Magnus Adverson get to see "Love Connection?"
• What will those teenagers do with a Magnus Adverson mask & suit?
• Will Brother Offenschitz get in touch with his inner demons?
• Who invented the Hawaiian pizza, and why?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 14

We start tonight's episode in Rajiv's Coffee House with two patrons sitting at a lone table. Rajiv, oddly enough, is missing, so the young woman offers to get the gentleman a cup of coffee as they make observations about the Coffee House (holes in the wall, giant monkey wrenches and cymbal monkeys below the counter.)  She also notices a handle on the floor as Rajiv's brother enters and asks her what she's doing.  He shoos her from behind the counter and muses about how odd it is for Rajiv not to be there.

Mr. Ylung arrives at the Coffee House to talk with Rajiv's brother, who had once worked as a special FX man in Bollywood, to see if he could make him a Magnus Adverson mask for "a fancy dress party."  As the female patron discusses how much she loves fancy balls, Ylung make arrangements to meet in the basement of his law firm after 3 o'clock.

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River General Hospital, we find Dr. Scarlett's nurse inquiring about knee salve, so she can keep her job.  Once she leaves, Dr. Scarlett is inspecting some X-rays when a mysterious Dr. Maroon enters and confronts Scarlett.  Maroon threatens to give Scarlett his "comeuppance."  Fortunately the nurse returns and pumps Maroon full of tranquilizers until he finally (and slowly) collapses upon the couch.  Scarlett's nurse is afraid that Scarlett's life is in danger, so they leave for a new office.

Later, in the basement of Ylung's law firm, we find Magnus still tied up to a chair.  Magnus complains about Matlock being too old, so Ylung turns on Diagnosis Murder.  Mr. Ylung begins to measure Adverson, then figures he could take his keys and just get some of his clothes.  Ylung takes the keys and leaves Adverson to watch his Dick (Van Dyke.)

• Will we discover what the mysterious handle on Rajiv's floor is for?
• Where is Rajiv?
• Can Rajiv's brother make a convincing Magnus Adverson mask?
• Who is the cryptic Dr. Maroon, and what in God's name is a "comeuppance?"
• What does Magnus really have against Matlock?
• Why do policemen have bigger balls than firemen? (They sell more tickets.) 

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 13

As we saw last week, Mayor Joe-Bob Solomon's brother visits the Dead Canary Bar, where the dregs of society go to forget the day-to-day drudgery of their life in the mines. He is looking for his brother...the barkeep tells him the mayor doesn't come in after the "incident with the little girls." A mysterious drunk woman asks Bob-Joe to pass a message on to his brother, then throws her drink in his face and leaves with a drunkard, heading for the Solomon's River Marriott.

Once the Dead Canary clears out, Tripp the bartender calls his mother, Angelica, at Calivera Enterprises and asks if she needs any more "volunteers" for the "project."  She tells him to bring in as many volunteers as he can get.  Tripp is concerned that he hasn't seen the previous volunteers he's sent; he thinks they've been cured of their alcohol abuse.  Angelica's minion arrives to report that the grinder is packed up again; he is told to clean it up to prepare for more "volunteers" from her son.  As her minion leaves, she speaks about the "secret downstairs."

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Magnus Adverson is tied to a chair by Mr. Ylung, who demands he sign the new will.  Ylung needs someone to witness the will...Magnus recognizes Ylung as the man dating his granddaughter.  Mr. Ylung plans to make a mask of Magnus' face to complete his plan.  Ylung is interrupted by a secretary bringing him legal briefs, but she is clueless, and leaves without comment.

Elsewhere, in an underground lair, a young woman is tied down to the floor, a pentagram inscribed beneath her.  She yells for help; robed figures arrive and stand ominously over her.  Is one Dr. Scarlett?

• Will Bob-Joe Solomon find his brother Joe-Bob, the mayor?
• Will Tripp every discover what Calivera Enterprises is doing with all the "volunteers?"
• Will the minion's minion get the grinder unpacked?
• Will Mr. Ylung succeed in his plan to get Magnus to change his will?
• Who are these mysterious robed figures, and what are they up to?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 12

In last week's exciting episode of Solomon's River, Mr. Ylung, the lawyer, meets with Mayor Joe-Bob Solomon, complaining that the sheriff has been no help in finding the missing Samantha Solomon.  Mr. Ylung is also concerned that the rest of his law firm has gone to Calivera Industries and are now missing.  The mayor suggests he talk with the Mayoral Investigation Bureau (MIB.)

Later, in Rajiv's Coffee House, Sir Reginald Barkley, a blind author, arrives and asks Rajiv about lodging.  He wishes to write a book and has heard that Solomon's River is a quiet and peaceful town.  Rajiv recommends the Solomon's River Marriott (his cousin runs it.)  The Mayor enters, orders his usual, and introduces himself to Sir Reginald.  They talk briefly, then the author leaves. Detective Smith enters and asks about Sir Reginald.  Smith laughs, implying the writer is not who we think he is.  Mayor Solomon wants to talk with Rajiv about a proposal that could make him wealthy...he wants to meet in private, so he suggests a public park near his mansion.

Wolfgang Offenschitz meets with Frannie Mason to thank him and his brother for the work with Mayor Solomon's dog, but Frannie explains his brother is missing. Wolfgang make it clear he wishes to call off the hit on Mayor Solomon.

Later, in the public park, two teenage girls are using the teeter-totter (cherry bomb!)  They discuss, in young teenage fashion, learning about sex.  Mayor Solomon enters, asking why they are there; they sass back in typical teenage fashion.  Solomon wants to leave to find another park, but the teenage girls brag about stealing from Rajiv, then begin hitting on the mayor.  Fortunately, they leave before anything further can happen.

• Will Mr Ylung discover any leads to Samantha's whereabouts?
• What is Sir Reginald up to?
• What does Detective Smith know about the blind author?
• What does the mayor have to say to Rajiv that requires a private public park?
• Where is the other Mason brother?
• What is a "cherry bomb," and how does one get one?
• Will Mayor Solomon give in to the 13-year-old who say they are 21 and 25?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 8

As this week's episode of Solomon's River begins, we find Mr. Ylung (of the firm Tsmith, Thompson, Richards & Ylung) visiting the Chief of Police to file a missing person's report for Magnus Advarsson's granddaughter, Samantha, but he is sent away; the Chief is tired of Ylung's frequent visits.  Mayor Solomon arrives to see if the Chief could do him a favor and look into "Suzanne Balmer," who died some 29 years ago; he would like to know who were her friends and acquaintances.  Mayor Solomon is handed her file, which he takes with him after being served coffee by the Chief's persistent assistant.

At Rajiv's Coffee House, Agent Blakeley of the MIB (Mayoral Investigation Bureau) comes in and orders a Dr. Pibb (or was it a Mr. Pepper?)  Mayor Solomon enters, introduces himself to Blakeley and questions the MIB agent regarding his investigation.

Later, at the police station, Agent Blakelee enters and is served laxative-free coffee by the Chief's assistant.  The agent has heard about the bodies in town, and is interested in knowing more.  He leaves soon after, at which point the mail arrives with a missing person's notice, which is news to the Chief.

• Will Mr. Ylung get the Chief of Police to listen to him about Samantha's disappearance?
• What will Mayor Solomon discover in Suzanne's file?
• Will Detective Smith get over the fact that there is a new investigator in town?
• Is Agent Blakely investigating the mayor, or investigating for the mayor?
• Why does the Chief of police occasionally serve coffee with laxative in it?
• Who is on the missing person's poster?

  Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 7

We begin this week's episode of Solomon's River with Mayor Joe-Bob Solomon stopping in to speak with Rajiv at the Coffee House.  The mayor is questioning Rajiv about Magnus Advarsson's attempted murder, but Rajiv is less than helpful; Joe-Bob leaves, having gained no useful information.

Detective Smith encounters Cilantro in a public restroom, first confronting her about Samantha's love for Mr. Ylung, the lawyer, and then about Cilantro's supposed pregnancy.  Cilantro is unsure of her "status," so Det. Smith whips out a pregnancy test kit and has Cilantro pee on the stick.

Meanwhile, Mayor Solomon is walking his dog Sparky when the ghost of Suzanne returns and tortures him with the tale of her horrible and crushing death. Suzanne then tells Joe-Bob he must "make it up to the little boy who was in love with me."

Back in the public restroom, Cilantro is shaking the pee stick, trying to speed things up.  "Don't shake it like a Polaroid!" Det. Smith admonishes as they look at the results...was it a blue line?  Was it a pale pink line?  No...it was a black line!!!  Both are shaken, and Smith pumps Cilantro for information...has she been experiencing periods of memory loss, unexplained cuts & bruises, perhaps an odd tattoo on the back of her neck?

Across town the mayor's neighbor is meeting with one of the Mason brothers regarding the plot against the mayor, when the not-so-long lost brother returns, giving no concrete explanation for his mysterious disappearance.  The neighbor wants it "done fast!" and the Mason brothers promise to "step it up," perhaps by kidnapping the dog and sending the mayor a paw.  The neighbor seems satisfied with the plan as he tells them to "make it happen!"

Dr. Scarlett is visited in his office by Mr. Ylung, the lawyer.  He warns Scarlett that he must give up his claim to the family fortune or else Ylung will blab about "the bastard child."  Scarlett is obviously shaken.

Magnus Advarsson, not one to pass up the opportunity to enter a restroom, enters the restroom and finds Det. Smith, who helps Magnus find his lost wallet. Once the detective leaves, Magnus clutches his chest and falls to the floor.

• What does Cilantro's "black line" mean?  Will she discover why she is having memory lapses?
• Will Mayor Solomon figure out who was the little boy in love with Suzanne?
• Will the Mason brothers do nasty things to the mayor's dog?
• Who is Scarlett's "bastard child?"
• Will Magnus survive this apparent cardiac event?
• Will he seek help for his overactive bladder?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 4

Detective Smith's brother Paul has left town, and we find ourselves looking in on Mr. Ylung, the dashing young lawyer, seated with Samantha, Magnus Advarsson's granddaughter, in Solomon General Hospital.  They are having an awkward conversation regarding a pregnancy test; Samantha, however, seems a bit confused about the whole subject.  They cannot resolve the issue before the EMT comes in to inform them that Magnus had checked himself out earlier that morning, much to their surprise.

Later that day, at Rajiv's Coffee House, the EMT is trying to find out from Rajiv whether or not anyone has been asking about the EMT's involvement in Magnus' health crisis.  At that very moment Magnus arrives, looking for a restroom; he doesn't recognize the EMT, nor even fully remember that there was an attempt on his life!  Magnus wanders off, and shortly thereafter a woman arrives, claiming to be Magnus' mistress and asking that they deliver a message to him that she will "be at the motel."

During the conversation, Det. Smith has been busily drilling holes in Rajiv's cafe walls, trying desperately to hear something incriminating in the ongoing conversations. Failing to hear anything useful, she returns to her office and has a mysterious phone conversation, after which she leaves.  The EMT enters soon after looking to speak with her, but she is gone!

At the Notell Motel the mistress is talking with the clerk when Magnus arrives.  She greets him, assuming he is there for their rendezvous, but he doesn't recognize her, and insists he is there to use the bathroom.

• Is Samantha pregnant, or is it really her identical twin sister Cilantro?
• Will Det. Smith ever find anything incriminating in Solomon's River?
• Will Magnus' mistress ever get her groove on?
• Will Magnus find a suitable place to empty his bladder?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 2

As Magnus Advarsson is talking with his lawyer, Mr. Ylung, about changing his will, his granddaughters have arrived, trying to talk him out of it.  Before they get far, Samantha is smitten with Mr. Ylung, and her twin sister Cilantro is furiously jealous.

Dr. Scarlett has left the healthcare facility and shows up to talk in private with his brother who, in his demented condition, does not recognize his own flesh and blood.  Magnus leaves to visit his favorite café, Rajiv’s Coffee House.

Det. Smith finds Magnus at Rajiv’s and begins to question him; Advarsson has an episode and collapses just as his granddaughters arrive.

• Will Mr. Ylung fall for Samantha?
• Will Dr. Scarlett get his brother to remember him?
• Will Det. Smith get to finish questioning Adverson?
• Is Magnus still alive?
• Will Rajiv manage to sell any rhubarb pie?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 1

Magnus Advarsson, an elderly and rather addled curmudgeon, is heir to the Solomon’s River Mine fortune.  His granddaughters, Samantha and Cilantro, learn about his fortune from a mysterious stranger who drifts into town.  Hitman Johnny Tess, from Chicago, offers to “help” with their problem of getting rid of Magnus.

Dr. Scarlett, Magnus’ brother, is in a healthcare facility.  His nurse knows he’s also heir to the fortune, but tells him in order to claim his fortune he must be of sound mind, and must marry.

Detective Smith, recently moved to Solomon’s River, snoops about, looking for suspicious activity in town.

Magnus visits his lawyer, Mr. Ylung, in order to have his will changed.  Samantha and Cilantro arrive to intervene.

• Will Magnus change his will?
• Will Samantha and Cilantro have him killed?
• Will Dr. Scarlett claim his fortune?
• Will Det. Smith find any ne’re-do-wells?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!