Marjorie Dawson is using a Shake Weight, given to her by her butler, Jeeves, to boost her calves somehow. Jeeves reports the gardener reported a man lurking in the garden who claimed to know her. Jeeves has security bring him up: it's Smitty! She kisses and fawns over him. The workers leave, and Marjorie asks Smitty to "demonstrate the Shake Weight".
Meanwhile, at Princess Lakshmi's familial mansion in India, Rajiv follows a trail of duck food and finds Quacky eating and pooping, which leads to the lucky discovery of the gem they need! He finds Lakshmi in the third kitchen, just having finished up fruitless cavity searches of all palace employees. They leave to try the jewel and key combo on her father's trunk.
Angelica has bad news for Big Momma: she cannot find Smitty the Plumber. It's a problem because Big Momma wants a plumber, though it's a solution for Angelica who would otherwise have to kill him. The Uber Minion calls to check on the status of Smitty, and Angelica hedges that "he's gone". Uber Minion orders her to meet him later. Angelica suggests to Big Momma that she try implementing a plan that's not so evil, to stop making so many enemies. Big Momma will design "Big Momma Candy", which seems nice, until she says that the candy will be poison so they can have Solomon's River all to themselves. "Especially for the little children on Halloween!" says Big Momma. Instead of Sugar Daddies, they'll make "Little Poppas", Snickers will be "Grunts", and 3 Musketeers will be "Diabolical Twins", and all...will...DIE!
- Does Smitty enjoy being with Marjorie? If not, can he even get away?
- What will the jewel and key reveal in the trunk that may reveal what happened to Lakshmi's father?
- Will Uber Minion find out Angelica didn't actually kill Smitty, but just misplaced him?
- Will Big Momma's plan to kill everyone on Halloween actually work?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv have the key they found secreted in Quacky and try to distract the two guards outside her father's bedroom. Finally, in frustration, the Princess just orders them to leave. They find her father's rooms abandoned, in disarray, and scattered with parts of many puzzles. They dig out the trunk/chest and discover the key fits but will not turn. They notice a space on the trunk for a jewel, which must be hidden somewhere else! Thinking of where the key had been found, Lakshmi goes to check the guards' colons, while Rajiv searches the rest of her father's rooms.
The mayor's secretary mans her desk as the mayor himself was just taken away in an ambulance. Detective Schmegly, with Farrah the intern, arrives to investigate. They are amazed at the amount of blood, and Farrah throws up into the secretary's wicker wastebasket before quitting outright. Detective Schmegly notes the blood, estimates where the bodies were, and finds bullet casings. He keeps them for identification, but the secretary is extremely suspicious when she realizes something had been found in the office.
Meanwhile, deep below Solomon's River, exiled monks hum in ethereal harmony. Brother Offenshitz is among them, and he expresses a worry for the missing Chiliwang. The exiled monks plot taking over the Brotherhood of Monks by taking over the cavern, and Offenshitz says he will become a new High Priest. The brothers hum as Offenshitz says, "Dees isa my empire!"
CEO Mr. Sampson returns to his office eating a sandwich to find two of his employees, Office Manager Gladys and Jerome. The British-accented employees were "just looking over the paperwork" and had "no other reason" to be there. The CEO is thinking of having another sandwich, which presents the perfect opportunity for the plotting employees: poison! Jerome sprinkles in rat poison and Mr. Sampson promptly digs in. They watch in horror as the oblivious CEO throws up, negating the poison. Gladys and Jerome leave, planning to try again soon.
- Will Rajiv or Princess Lakshmi find the jewel?
- What will Detective Schmegly discover when he analyzes the bullet casings from the shooting of the mayor and the missing Detective Bustybottoms?
- Why does an investigation make the mayor's secretary nervous?
- Will the exiled Brother Offenshitz gain High Priest status by taking over the caverns?
- Can Gladys and her lover Jerome manage to kill Mr. Sampson and take over his company?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
The Committee for a Better Solomon's River arrives early for their appointment with the Mayor. His secretary enters the Mayor's office just as a woman (tied at the wrists) runs out screaming. The Mayor has been shot! The CBSR worries they won't get their red bike lanes. EMTs hold back their joy long enough to drag the Mayor to the hospital. One EMT notices there's enough blood for two people. The Mayor manages to signal that Lieutenant Bustybottoms had also been shot, though his body is now missing.
In India, Rajiv continues his "not-dancing" lessons, but Princess Lakshmi is too upset about her missing father, so they look for clues. The go to check his well-guarded rooms. Quacky waddles over with a note in his beak: a message from her father! In the form of a song. Quacky tries to quack out a beat, but shits himself. The note tells the reader that if they find him missing, there is a chest in his room, for which there is a well-hidden key and a jewel. Rajiv notices a glint in Quacky pile: a key! Lakshmi cleans it off orally, and they go to find the chest.
A fancy phone rings in Marjorie Dawson's posh room: it's a call from Big Momma. Angelica sweeps in to grab the phone before Big Momma can dig out any suspicious details. Angelica had called Marjorie, hoping she had seen Smitty. Marjorie, unfortunately, is also looking for Smitty. She asks Angelica to let Smitty know that she "doesn't regret [their] deal" and that she needs more "plumbing". Angelica asks to be informed of Smitty's reappearance as well. She tells Big Momma it's because they still need plumbing for Lake Superior, but her aside indicates she needs to kill him.
- Will the Mayor survive being shot?
- Will Bustybottoms survive, and where is he?
- Who was that woman, was she justified in her shooting, and will she ever be seen again?
- Will the CBSR get their red bike lanes?
- Will Quacky's pooped-out key open a chest that reveals a clue? Is there still a jewel in Quacky's colon?
- Where is Smitty?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv puts his foot down about dancing in Princess Lakshmi's family's Bollywood-obsessed household. She suggests that his princely persona be "too royal" even to dance, which he can do. Quacky, the extremely aged duck, leads the princess to her mother, who has been training him to dance, too. Mother seems even more dance-obsessed and only casually worried that Poppa had been impersonated in America and now is missing. Mother wisely suggests searching for her father in a montage, which, unfortunately, turns up nothing.
Meanwhile, in Solomon's River Police Headquarters, an officer reports to Lieutenant Bustybottoms that he is frustrated with the calls from the 7-11 because "the guy there is a jerk." The officer also reports Facebook activity calling for Bustybottoms to be fired (okay), run out of town (sounds good), and have forcible butt-sex (sure) with Burt Convy's corpse (noooo!) and it's the MAYOR who is behind the messages! Bustybottoms goes to confront the Mayor.
The mayor's office is also being inundated with 7-11 phone calls, but ignores them. Lieutenant Bustybottoms arrives and the secretary lets him in as he's the "Burt Convy's corpse" guy. The Mayor awaits, with an unconscious woman on the floor at his feet. Bustybottoms pulls his gun and puts the Mayor under arrest. The Mayor pulls his own gun, and they try to arrest each other, but the Mayor's cuffs are on the woman. While they are focused on each other, the woman wakes and shoots them both. The Mayor more than once.
Meanwhile, in a California mausoleum, a tour guide takes a group through the Hall of Burts/Berts, and is horrified to see Bert Convy is missing!
- Will Rajiv be able to pass for a royal too royal to dance?
- Why is Princess Lakshmi's mother not more concerned, and where is Princess Lakshmi's father, anyway?
- What's going on at that 7-11?
- Has Lieutenant Bustybottoms been killed?
- Has Solomon's River's mayor been killed?
- What will the police department think, with each of the shot men holding guns?
- Who was that woman, and why was she in the mayor's office?
- Where is Bert Convy's corpse?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv, reunited after a brief kidnapping and imposter-ing by Rojav, are now back on track to investigate what happened to her father, who had also been imposter-ed back in the US. On her parents' estate in India, she urges Rajiv to look like a prince as there are cameras everywhere, and she warns him that at any moment, her parents' staff might jump into a musical number and that Rajiv would have to be the lead. She tries to teach him some moves, and his insecurity over not being part of "the elite" comes out. Suddenly, Princess Lakshmi's childhood pet, a duck named Quacky, waddles by. Amazed that a possibly 35-year-old duck is still alive, she pets him, and Quacky pecks at Rajiv, before waddling away. They continue into the palace.
Office Manager Gladys warns her lover Jerome that his plot has been found out by her boss, Mr. Sampson. As she shows Jerome the incriminating documents, Mr. Sampson enters, indicating that he hasn't read the papers yet and asks Gladys to summarize them. Mr. Sampson leaves, and they agree that the only way to get controlling interest in the business is to kill him. Jerome's words seem to indicate that he might not be completely willing to share the controlling interest with Gladys, though she agrees to his plan.
Angelica finds Big Momma taking a bath in her newly installed walk-in tub. They reminisce about the Amish boy who briefly showed up to build a barn and whose babies Big Momma may or may not have sacrificed to get more power. Big Momma says the barn burned and the Amish guy has not been found. Angelica asks if she has any new orders, and then, casually, asks about Smitty the plumber. Angelica's cell phone rings, and it is the Uber Minion, asking about that very plumber! She covers, and Uber Minion gives her instructions to meet him the next day, in the park, under the big tree. Big Momma says she would like to see the plumber herself, as the "Mister Bubble" bubbles aren't very bubbly. Angelica offers to find Smitty, who will be dying to come and help!
- Can Rajiv make it seem like he is a prince well enough to fool Princess Lakshmi's mother?
- How long do ducks live?
- Will Jerome and Gladys manage to kill the seemingly clueless Mr. Sampson and get away with it?
- Will Gladys even be satisfied with her new position if they do?
- Where is Smitty the plumber, and can Angelica kill him?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Uber Minion secretly meets with Angelica (as his Sub-Minion) to get the scoop on Big Momma's next move, and Angelica reveals she has a plumber to pipe Lake Superior into Solomon's River, since the contractors and white supremacists didn't work out. Uber Minion's plan: to get Lake Superior first! Step one: kill the plumber. He gives Angelica a shotgun. Sparky, the Uber Minion's inbred Hound of Hell, irritates Angelica until she leaves. Spraky, who is actually robotic, is also a little glitchy, or, perhaps, has a low battery.
Meanwhile, in India, Princess Lakshmi has searched the entire airport for Rajiv who had been hidden in a locker by his evil twin, Rojav. She finally hears his muffled calling from a locker whose key, apparently, is locked inside. Determining he needs to be cut free, she cleverly calls in a bomb threat from a pay phone, indicating that a suspicious white person had been seen hear the lockers. The New Delhi airport police bring in their bomb-sniffing dingo, crack open the locker, release Rajiv who really needs to pee, and search him for a bomb. Rajiv runs to the restroom and the airport police don't bother searching any further.
Rajiv and Lakshmi are finally reunited! She tests him to be sure it is really him, and it is! She reveals that he had been conked on the head by Rojav, interfering in their lives once again.
McShane is at his party, thrown by Tommy and Sally. He is a good sport about the party, but is slightly taken aback when Tommy and Sally ask him to be the father of their child. Sally holds McShane's hand, and believes that's all it takes. Tommy and Sally await their new baby.
- Will Angelica be able to kill Smitty the plumber?
- Will Uber Minion steal Lake Superior out from under Big Momma's nose?
- What's up with the robot dog, and all the additional howling?
- What does Rojav want, and can Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi get over him being in their lives again?
- What will Tommy and Sally do once they realize she's not pregnant...unless she is?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
An elderly woman, Marjorie Dawson, has her butler prepare tea and crumpets in advance of her seduction of Smitty. She says Smitty has a power she has not seen in twenty years and it's one she "wants to take advantage of". The woman's daughter, Charlene, is taken away "for a snack". Smitty rings the bell and is mildly baffled at the woman's energy.
Meanwhile, back at Latham's, Smitty's fellow janitorial workers, Frankie and Jacobson, need Smitty to help organize the Union, since the store wants to unfairly fire Smitty. Frankie has a photogenic memory and knows the address of the Red Hat Lady that was so taken by Santa Smitty. Outside Latham's, a news crew led by Barbie the Reporter interviews picketers, who are from the SRCC (Solomon's River Community College) and are protesting the "White Sale", believing it to be racist--not because of the color, but because of workers in Thailand. The cameraman says they can use the footage for a "dumb sorority girl" story.
In the bedroom of Marjorie, the Red Hat Lady, Smitty is uncomfortably invited to make himself comfortable. She knows he's going to be fired and she makes him an offer: do the plumbing. Her employer uses the pipes for communication and needs them fixed. Outside the window, Frankie has climbed up and sees his friend laying on a bed and getting a pile of money from an old woman. In shock, he falls and lands on Jacobson, re-breaking his elevator-injured leg. Frankie doesn't get to hear the Red Hat Lady call her employer...Big Momma! Marjorie tells Angelica that she was asked to find a plumber for Big Momma, probably to use for draining Lake Superior into Solomon's River. Angelica asks Marjorie to bring Smitty to a Tom Hootons coffee shop.
Later, at the Tom Hootons, Angelica meets Marjorie and gives her payment. Mr. Schmidt Smitty is led away by Angelica, to lay some big pipe.
- Does Marjorie know or care how Smitty will be used by Big Momma?
- Will Frankie and Jacobson manage to organize the Union to help Smitty?
- Will Smitty really be able to re-pipe a Great Lake?
- Who, exactly, is using pipes as a method of communication?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
