Episode 62

Solomon's River Community College students remain vigilant in their disdain for education and sudden urge to protest the police department for the brutal beating of an SRCTV cameraman.  Bridget, the coed who first spread the word about the televised beating, runs into a former fellow student and binge drinker, Kyla, who changed her name to "Janet Purple" when she married Mr. Purple, their old biology teacher.  Mr. Purple is an internet sensation, and "Janet," now in graduate studies, is trying to please her husband with her own viral video of brutality.  Bridget waves her "PORK!" sign around, but it's not enough.  The girls mistake Magnus Aversson for a police officer and lure him into hitting Bridget.  They run to upload the video.

Angry and urban, Mr. Purple arrives at the police station, looking for his wife.  Lieutenant Bustybottoms and secretary Doris take an exaggerated report, prepare for the manhunt of a woman who sounds a lot more dangerous than she is, and send Mr. Purple to the sketch artist.

Meanwhile, outside the maximum security prison recently and illegally vacated by Jerome Tallender of the three nipples, Janet Purple has gone completely insane.  Mayor Joe Bob Solomon has the misfortune to have encountered her and has a memory erasing Tic Tac thrown into his ear before he can get away.  As Joe Bob struggles with the sudden blanking of his memory, Assistant Deputy Mayor Jimmy, unaware of the Mayor's infirmity, tries futilely to discuss mayoral business.  Doris, the police department secretary, has come down to the prison to get Jimmy to sign a "shoot to kill" order for the police department.  It is revealed that Jimmy is planning on running against Joe Bob in the next election.  Doris assures him the police department is solidly supporting him and promises there is already a plot afoot to discredit Mayor Joe Bob.

• What will happen now that there is a video circulating of Magnus Aversson seemingly punching a coed?
• Exactly how crazy is "Janet Purple"?
• How long before Mayor Joe Bob's memory returns?
• Will Assistant Deputy Mayor Jimmy run a successful campaign?
• Will the secret plot of discredit the mayor succeed?
• How will a "shoot to kill" order signed by the mayor's office change police tactics?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 61

A back room plastic surgeon puts the finishing, horrific touches on Jerome Tallender, recent escapee from Solomon's River-PepsiCo Maximum Security Prison.  Jerome is unrecognizable, and has new ID under the name "Vladimir Putin."  Unfortunately, the surgeon couldn't remove Tallender's one distinguishing feature: a supernumerary nipple.

Rookie Steve and Detective Seamens are holed up in the police station which is surrounded by an angry mob ("Police department sucks!") protesting the brutal, televised police of a SRCTV cameraman by their hands.  Lieutenant Bustybottoms enters, not having seen the footage, but demanding his detectives investigate and discipline the offenders.  Rookie Steve and Detective Seamens must decide what to do...

H.A.L., the holographic doctor who has taken over the town's computer system, releases the police brutality video worldwide.

Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi are still tied together and trapped in the basement storeroom.  Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi will pretend to the world that they are dead so the man who tried to kill them won't keep trying.  Magnus Aversson, who again wandered into the cafe, frees them and promises to swear they're dead.

Rookie Steve "Sam" calls the Solomon's River Travel Agency planning his escape.  He books a one-way trip to Mexico, leaving ASAP!

Mr. Hernandez surveys the damage at Rajiv's Coffee Shop but the Mob Boss needs confirmation of Rajiv's death.  Grandma Gooding wanders through the rubble, wanting her free coffee.  Mr. Hernandez is positive Rajiv is dead, but the Mob Boss remains unconvinced.  Grandma Gooding is sent to Tim Hortons.

• What will Jerome, now "Vladimir," do with his new freedom?  Will his third nipple be his downfall?
• Rookie Steve is hightailing it out of town.  Does that mean Detective Seamens will be thrown under the bus?
• What will happen now that H.A.L. has released the police brutality video worldwide?
• Can Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi stay in hiding?
• Will the Mob Boss find them?
• Will Magnus spill the beans?
• Will Tim Horton's accept Grandma Gooding's card for free coffee?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 60

Magnus Aversson, a major funder of Solomon's River Community Television (SRCTV,) has used his influence to break into late night programming for a special live announcement.  Magnus brilliantly addresses Mayor Joe Bob Solomon as if he sits in the empty chair next to the podium.  Before he is done tearing up the mayor, the cameraman must fend off the Solomon's River Police Department who is itching to arrest Magnus.  The cameraman buys Magnus time to escape, but is brutally beaten by Detective Seamens and Junior Detective Steve--on live television.

Later that morning, Princess Lakshmi, still tied to Rajiv, wonders at his lack of customers.  Mr. Hernandez enters politely, and just as politely loads and aims his bazooka.  The Princess and Rajiv just manage to drop into the basement storeroom before the place blows.

A British hunter and his friend Dingo are in some woods.  The hunter heard a rumor there was people-hunting, and he wants to hunt them, too.  Dingo feels this is too much and secretly removes the bullets.  The woods are not very thick, and it is more likely a park with many people, like Grandma Gooding and Franny Mason, strolling through.  The hunters seem to give up on the venture.

Coeds at SRCC (Solomon's River Community College) are experiencing such suffering from lack of internet that they actually watched SRCTV, witnessing the cameraman's brutal beating at the hands of police.  Four lackluster students finally realize their dreams of having something to protest.  They will make signs and Molotov cocktails and meet in front of the Po-Po Station.

Dr. Scarlett seems to be having a medical emergency from paddling so hard and Nurse diagnoses a heart problem.  Because he needs more help than she can give in the boat, they will allow themselves to be caught by the natives and use the unknown-to-the-Western-World native medicines to save Dr. Scarlett.

• Will the police remain two shuffling steps behind the surprisingly difficult-to-catch Magnus?
• What will happen to the police department now that a brutal beating has been broadcast?
• How much damage did Mr. Hernandez' bazooka do, and how will Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv get out of the basement?
• There's people hunting?
• Will Nurse get Dr. Scarlett to the natives in time to save him?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 59

Princess Lakshmi had been hiding in Rajiv's Coffee Shop storeroom since she couldn't escape Solomon's River, but her overnight chat with the on-the-lam Magnus Aversson inspired her to give Rajiv another shot.  Rajiv lets her out only to rope her wrist to his.  She is quite upset, but Rajiv is desperate to keep his formerly lost princess.  Lakshmi hints that Magnus talks in his sleep, has night terrors, and possibly deep psychological problems.

Hank Esterbrook's Weapon Emporium is very busy.  Mr. Hernandez is weaponing-up with vengeance against Magnus in mind.  Mister Suspicious, who may have bombed the library and set a bomb in Solomon's River's mine/caves, comes in for his regular order and must make do with more "super-powered" bombs.  Two women, Maureen and Sheila, enter to outfit Sheila with a girly gun because they need to defend against the men in town.  Another man who entered to ostensibly buy a gun is the mobster who tried to shake down Rajiv--he has now hired Mr. Hernandez to blow up Rajiv's Coffee Shop with a bazooka.

Detective Seamens, on a hot tip, has to go visit Agent Blakely and gives marching orders to Junior Detective Steve: go to see Judge Schmedly and get an arrest warrant for Magnus Adversson and Angelica--last name, Houston.  The Lieutenant enters, fixated on his own butt.  Doris informs the officers that a guy came to fix the internet and that they should avoid the computer room because of all the wires.

In dark waters, Dr. Scarlett and Nurse are in a carved out canoe, paddling away from the "deserted" island.  Nurse informs the doctor that behind them are about 20 bobbing lights indicating about 20 floating boats.  They paddle faster.

Angelica informs her granny that Carla Calvera is all taken care of, just like her granny said.  Granny is angry that Angelica didn't stick around to make sure Carla was dead and is disappointed that Angelica didn't learn her lessons well enough.  Granny vows to take care of the problem herself.  Angelica will watch and learn!

• What will happen now that Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi are roped together?
• Will Mr. Hernandez get his real estate vengeance against Magnus?
• Will the mobster succeed in blowing up Rajiv's?
• What "large building" was Mr. Suspicious considering blowing up?
• Will the detectives get anywhere?
• What's up with the Lieutenant's butt?
• Will Dr. Scarlett and Nurse escape the natives?
• Exactly how evil is Angelica's granny?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 58

Dr. Scarlett and Nurse will be on their way off the contested island, as long as they can "borrow" a boat from the natives...

Assistant Detective Steve receives a call from an angry Mr. Hernandez complaining of the shady real estate dealings of one Magnus Aversson.  Steve and Detective Seamens are berated by their boss, Lieutenant Brian Bustybottoms, and Seamens blames Rookie Steve.  Lieutenant wants them to catch Magnus, but the detectives are deeply involved in the library bombing investigation and leave to visit Calavera Enterprises.

Carla Calavera is trapped in the caves after one of the bombs must have exploded, covering the exit with rocks.  Angelica reveals her involvement in the bombing to Carla from the other side of the rocks.  Sure that her former mistress will soon be dead, Angelica leaves just before the other bomb goes off, helping to free Carla!

From the outside, the detectives show up and notice the place has been bombed.  Angelica wanders by, still confident, and is briefly questioned by Rookie Steve before being released.  Lieutenant  Bustybottoms stops by to berate the rookie.  Carla digs out while Steve digs in: she is free!  Detective Seamens shows up to berate the rookie.  Carla vows vengeance against her traitor assistant Angelica!  Carla heads in the direction Angelica left, and Rookie Steve follows Carla.

Back in the police station, a man who sounds like Dr. Scarlett and shimmers a little bit announces that he's from Solomon's River Cable and is there to install a new internet router.  The police secretary, Doris, lets him in... a man who likes his coffee "holographic."

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River Community College, coeds are thrown into a tizzy when their beloved interwebs have suddenly disappeared!

• Will Dr. Scarlett and Nurse get away with a native's boat, and will they return it as promised?
• How many police detectives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
• Three.  One to turn the bulb the wrong way and the other two to yell at the first, "Pull!"
• What will Carla do to Angelica once she catches up, and will Rookie Steve be able to stop her?
• What is H.A.L. up to, and can it be stopped?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 57

Just as Drs. Scarlett and Turquoise despair of ever finding the nurse in the overgrown jungle, Nurse storms in, machetes out, to save her Dr. Scarlett.  She learns that the doctors are now working together to strip the island, using the natives as slave labor.  Nurse is torn...  Suddenly, a man named Mr. Hernandez enters, claiming ownership of the island.  Dr. Turquoise and Mr. Hernandez compare deeds and it appears as if Magnus Aversson has sold the island twice... no... thrice!  Another man appears, also claiming to own the island, also with a deed signed by Magnus Aversson!  Dr. Scarlett, an acquaintance of Magnus', will go back to Solomon's River with Nurse to sort it out.  Dr. Turquoise promises not to harm the natives in their absence.

In Solomon's River General Hospital, H.A.L. is lording over his domain and looking to extend his control.  Jervis enters with Mousy who has a compound fracture.  H.A.L. warns that her femoral artery is in danger and Jervis, gallantly, carries her to the diagnostic table.  As soon as the lid closes, H.A.L. activates cryogenic suspension (insane laugh!)  H.A.L. reveals his plan to satisfy his megalomania by freezing the entire town.  H.A.L. cannot thaw Mousy safely for ten years!  Jervis asks to be frozen with Mousy, but he must wait a week for Calavera Industries to build and deliver the new tables.

Across town, Assistant Detective Steve receives an anonymous call about Jerome Tallendar's daring jailbreak.  Detective Seamens is shocked by Steve's news while the secretary is unusually concerned...

The limo carrying Magnus (as part of the plot to set him up for the jailbreak) has broken down and Magnus has managed to wander all the way back to Rajiv's Coffee House.  Rajiv offers his basement storeroom as a safe place to hide out.  Magnus discovers that Princess Lakshmi, unbeknownst to Rajiv, has been hiding there for weeks.  Since they closed down the airport, she could not leave Solomon's River, so she went to the only place she knew: Rajiv's basement.  Magnus reveals that Rajiv loves her.  Lakshmi is surprised and very pleased.

• Did Magnus sell the jungle island over and over because he forgot, or as part of some devious plot?
• Will Dr. Turquoise behave?
• How many will H.A.L. enslave?
• Will the detectives catch Jerome?
• Can Princess Lakshmi find a home?
• Will Jervis and Mousy ever kiss again, lip to lip?
• Has Magnus only dreamt he broke a hip?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 56

Rajiv finds a note in his coffee shop, but due to poor penmanship, the threat is lost on him.  Magnus Aversson wanders in to chitchat.  Jerome Tallendar's defense attorney enters, accuses Magnus of talking to the police, and tells him he will help get Jerome free whether he wants to or not!  She orders him to pick her up in a limo, with  a sunroof, at 11 pm.

Meanwhile, in Jerome Tallendar's cell, the package promised by his lawyer has been delivered.  Side note: "slop with crackers."  Inside the box are keys to a helicopter and an electromagnetic relay switch to unlock the prision doors!  The plan is that Magnus' limo will be a decoy while Jerome and his lawyer escape in the helicopter--tonight!

Detective Scott Semens cordons off the library bombing site (Detective Janice Green's cordon must have blown away.)  Rookie assistant Steve Beaverdam is bossed around by Detective Semens.  The Chief oversees their discovery of a used condom as well as a purchase receipt for ammonium nitrite, fertilizer, and black powder from... Calavera Enterprises!

It is 11 pm and Magnus picks up Jerome's defense attorney.  She has paid the driver to follow her orders and reveals to Magnus that he will take the fall for the prostitute's murder.  Her parting words: "Good luck spending the rest of your life in jail!"  She exits and the limo takes off, Magnus absorbed by Matlock on the TV.  A helicopter picks up Jerome from the jail yard and flies away to freedom as police sirens wail behind the limo.

• Rajiv feels safe, but is he, really?
• Can Rajiv and Magnus ever have a clear conversation?
• How will Magnus fare for the rest of his life in jail?  How long would that be, anyway?
• Will Jerome and his defense attorney get away with the jailbreak?
• Does Calavera Enterprises really have something to do with the library's bombing, or did they simply have black powder on sale?
• Is the condom a red herring, or a Trojan?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!