The Committee for a Better Solomon's River arrives early for their appointment with the Mayor. His secretary enters the Mayor's office just as a woman (tied at the wrists) runs out screaming. The Mayor has been shot! The CBSR worries they won't get their red bike lanes. EMTs hold back their joy long enough to drag the Mayor to the hospital. One EMT notices there's enough blood for two people. The Mayor manages to signal that Lieutenant Bustybottoms had also been shot, though his body is now missing.
In India, Rajiv continues his "not-dancing" lessons, but Princess Lakshmi is too upset about her missing father, so they look for clues. The go to check his well-guarded rooms. Quacky waddles over with a note in his beak: a message from her father! In the form of a song. Quacky tries to quack out a beat, but shits himself. The note tells the reader that if they find him missing, there is a chest in his room, for which there is a well-hidden key and a jewel. Rajiv notices a glint in Quacky pile: a key! Lakshmi cleans it off orally, and they go to find the chest.
A fancy phone rings in Marjorie Dawson's posh room: it's a call from Big Momma. Angelica sweeps in to grab the phone before Big Momma can dig out any suspicious details. Angelica had called Marjorie, hoping she had seen Smitty. Marjorie, unfortunately, is also looking for Smitty. She asks Angelica to let Smitty know that she "doesn't regret [their] deal" and that she needs more "plumbing". Angelica asks to be informed of Smitty's reappearance as well. She tells Big Momma it's because they still need plumbing for Lake Superior, but her aside indicates she needs to kill him.
- Will the Mayor survive being shot?
- Will Bustybottoms survive, and where is he?
- Who was that woman, was she justified in her shooting, and will she ever be seen again?
- Will the CBSR get their red bike lanes?
- Will Quacky's pooped-out key open a chest that reveals a clue? Is there still a jewel in Quacky's colon?
- Where is Smitty?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv puts his foot down about dancing in Princess Lakshmi's family's Bollywood-obsessed household. She suggests that his princely persona be "too royal" even to dance, which he can do. Quacky, the extremely aged duck, leads the princess to her mother, who has been training him to dance, too. Mother seems even more dance-obsessed and only casually worried that Poppa had been impersonated in America and now is missing. Mother wisely suggests searching for her father in a montage, which, unfortunately, turns up nothing.
Meanwhile, in Solomon's River Police Headquarters, an officer reports to Lieutenant Bustybottoms that he is frustrated with the calls from the 7-11 because "the guy there is a jerk." The officer also reports Facebook activity calling for Bustybottoms to be fired (okay), run out of town (sounds good), and have forcible butt-sex (sure) with Burt Convy's corpse (noooo!) and it's the MAYOR who is behind the messages! Bustybottoms goes to confront the Mayor.
The mayor's office is also being inundated with 7-11 phone calls, but ignores them. Lieutenant Bustybottoms arrives and the secretary lets him in as he's the "Burt Convy's corpse" guy. The Mayor awaits, with an unconscious woman on the floor at his feet. Bustybottoms pulls his gun and puts the Mayor under arrest. The Mayor pulls his own gun, and they try to arrest each other, but the Mayor's cuffs are on the woman. While they are focused on each other, the woman wakes and shoots them both. The Mayor more than once.
Meanwhile, in a California mausoleum, a tour guide takes a group through the Hall of Burts/Berts, and is horrified to see Bert Convy is missing!
- Will Rajiv be able to pass for a royal too royal to dance?
- Why is Princess Lakshmi's mother not more concerned, and where is Princess Lakshmi's father, anyway?
- What's going on at that 7-11?
- Has Lieutenant Bustybottoms been killed?
- Has Solomon's River's mayor been killed?
- What will the police department think, with each of the shot men holding guns?
- Who was that woman, and why was she in the mayor's office?
- Where is Bert Convy's corpse?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv, reunited after a brief kidnapping and imposter-ing by Rojav, are now back on track to investigate what happened to her father, who had also been imposter-ed back in the US. On her parents' estate in India, she urges Rajiv to look like a prince as there are cameras everywhere, and she warns him that at any moment, her parents' staff might jump into a musical number and that Rajiv would have to be the lead. She tries to teach him some moves, and his insecurity over not being part of "the elite" comes out. Suddenly, Princess Lakshmi's childhood pet, a duck named Quacky, waddles by. Amazed that a possibly 35-year-old duck is still alive, she pets him, and Quacky pecks at Rajiv, before waddling away. They continue into the palace.
Office Manager Gladys warns her lover Jerome that his plot has been found out by her boss, Mr. Sampson. As she shows Jerome the incriminating documents, Mr. Sampson enters, indicating that he hasn't read the papers yet and asks Gladys to summarize them. Mr. Sampson leaves, and they agree that the only way to get controlling interest in the business is to kill him. Jerome's words seem to indicate that he might not be completely willing to share the controlling interest with Gladys, though she agrees to his plan.
Angelica finds Big Momma taking a bath in her newly installed walk-in tub. They reminisce about the Amish boy who briefly showed up to build a barn and whose babies Big Momma may or may not have sacrificed to get more power. Big Momma says the barn burned and the Amish guy has not been found. Angelica asks if she has any new orders, and then, casually, asks about Smitty the plumber. Angelica's cell phone rings, and it is the Uber Minion, asking about that very plumber! She covers, and Uber Minion gives her instructions to meet him the next day, in the park, under the big tree. Big Momma says she would like to see the plumber herself, as the "Mister Bubble" bubbles aren't very bubbly. Angelica offers to find Smitty, who will be dying to come and help!
- Can Rajiv make it seem like he is a prince well enough to fool Princess Lakshmi's mother?
- How long do ducks live?
- Will Jerome and Gladys manage to kill the seemingly clueless Mr. Sampson and get away with it?
- Will Gladys even be satisfied with her new position if they do?
- Where is Smitty the plumber, and can Angelica kill him?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Uber Minion secretly meets with Angelica (as his Sub-Minion) to get the scoop on Big Momma's next move, and Angelica reveals she has a plumber to pipe Lake Superior into Solomon's River, since the contractors and white supremacists didn't work out. Uber Minion's plan: to get Lake Superior first! Step one: kill the plumber. He gives Angelica a shotgun. Sparky, the Uber Minion's inbred Hound of Hell, irritates Angelica until she leaves. Spraky, who is actually robotic, is also a little glitchy, or, perhaps, has a low battery.
Meanwhile, in India, Princess Lakshmi has searched the entire airport for Rajiv who had been hidden in a locker by his evil twin, Rojav. She finally hears his muffled calling from a locker whose key, apparently, is locked inside. Determining he needs to be cut free, she cleverly calls in a bomb threat from a pay phone, indicating that a suspicious white person had been seen hear the lockers. The New Delhi airport police bring in their bomb-sniffing dingo, crack open the locker, release Rajiv who really needs to pee, and search him for a bomb. Rajiv runs to the restroom and the airport police don't bother searching any further.
Rajiv and Lakshmi are finally reunited! She tests him to be sure it is really him, and it is! She reveals that he had been conked on the head by Rojav, interfering in their lives once again.
McShane is at his party, thrown by Tommy and Sally. He is a good sport about the party, but is slightly taken aback when Tommy and Sally ask him to be the father of their child. Sally holds McShane's hand, and believes that's all it takes. Tommy and Sally await their new baby.
- Will Angelica be able to kill Smitty the plumber?
- Will Uber Minion steal Lake Superior out from under Big Momma's nose?
- What's up with the robot dog, and all the additional howling?
- What does Rojav want, and can Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi get over him being in their lives again?
- What will Tommy and Sally do once they realize she's not pregnant...unless she is?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
An elderly woman, Marjorie Dawson, has her butler prepare tea and crumpets in advance of her seduction of Smitty. She says Smitty has a power she has not seen in twenty years and it's one she "wants to take advantage of". The woman's daughter, Charlene, is taken away "for a snack". Smitty rings the bell and is mildly baffled at the woman's energy.
Meanwhile, back at Latham's, Smitty's fellow janitorial workers, Frankie and Jacobson, need Smitty to help organize the Union, since the store wants to unfairly fire Smitty. Frankie has a photogenic memory and knows the address of the Red Hat Lady that was so taken by Santa Smitty. Outside Latham's, a news crew led by Barbie the Reporter interviews picketers, who are from the SRCC (Solomon's River Community College) and are protesting the "White Sale", believing it to be racist--not because of the color, but because of workers in Thailand. The cameraman says they can use the footage for a "dumb sorority girl" story.
In the bedroom of Marjorie, the Red Hat Lady, Smitty is uncomfortably invited to make himself comfortable. She knows he's going to be fired and she makes him an offer: do the plumbing. Her employer uses the pipes for communication and needs them fixed. Outside the window, Frankie has climbed up and sees his friend laying on a bed and getting a pile of money from an old woman. In shock, he falls and lands on Jacobson, re-breaking his elevator-injured leg. Frankie doesn't get to hear the Red Hat Lady call her employer...Big Momma! Marjorie tells Angelica that she was asked to find a plumber for Big Momma, probably to use for draining Lake Superior into Solomon's River. Angelica asks Marjorie to bring Smitty to a Tom Hootons coffee shop.
Later, at the Tom Hootons, Angelica meets Marjorie and gives her payment. Mr. Schmidt Smitty is led away by Angelica, to lay some big pipe.
- Does Marjorie know or care how Smitty will be used by Big Momma?
- Will Frankie and Jacobson manage to organize the Union to help Smitty?
- Will Smitty really be able to re-pipe a Great Lake?
- Who, exactly, is using pipes as a method of communication?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Latham's Department Store manager Joan Weatherly reports to her boss that the janitorial selection to play Santa Claus resulted in their lowest December sales ever, and she suggests a White Sale to boost profits in January. Instead, the boss wants the employee fired and is willing to run a salesperson contest so that one with the most sales gets to do the firing. Manager Weatherly says she hasn't seen the janitor, Mr. Smith, since Christmas, but to get along, the manager says the boss' idea is good, and they leave together. Janitor Frankie, "janiting" unnoticed in the room, hears the plans for his pal Smitty and meets up with Jacobson, recently back from his elevator shaft injury, to spread the news and rile up the Union in support!
Meanwhile, two salespeople are in the Santa room cleaning up the mess left by Smitty. One salesman, Harold, reveals that Smitty is his father, whom he equally hates and respects. Harold wants their sales team to sell the most so they are the ones to fire his father.
In a romantic restaurant, a woman waits at a table for two with a rose in a book. Finally, her blind date Jordan arrives. The impatient waiter takes their orders and everyone learns she's not only desperate for this date, but she's also picky. Jordan orders veal, taking his date aback that he would order "baby cow". The waiter says they're out of veal, but offers lamb. To her horror, Jordan asks for "the youngest one you've got". To her even more extreme horror, the waiter brings a selection of live lambs. She exclaims over the one with the biggest eyes, which becomes Jordan's dinner choice.
- Will Frankie and Jacobson be able to whip up Union support for their fellow janitor?
- Where is Smitty, anyway? (He was last seen in the clutches of a Red Hat lady who gave him her address.)
- What does Smitty's son Harold have against his father?
- Will the strange sales contest really save Latham's?
- How delicious was the lamb-bryo?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi arrive in India and realize they have become de-acclimated to the heat and smell. She reveals that she has never told her parents about non-royal Rajiv as they had selected a prince for her to marry and...he may still be around! Rajiv offers that he could pretend to be a prince, and she can teach him some princely ways in the back of their taxi.
A manager at Latham's Department Store announces the employee chosen to be this year's Santa Claus: Mr. Smith from Janitorial Services. His only training: always "Ho" in threes. Later, in the basement, Smitty is congratulated by his co-workers as the first in their department to be selected! Jonsie is "on vacation" (drying out) and Jacobson is laid up with an elevator shaft leg injury, which means that they will be very short-staffed when Smitty is being Santa. Smitty says to just give him a call if there's an emergency.
Rajiv brings Princess Lakshmi to a hotel room and pats the bed suggestively. Princess Lakshmi is eager to check in with her parents, but Rajiv is especially handsy and they do a "10 minutes later" followed by a "45 minutes later" just for her. Princess Lakshmi finally says they should go, and Rajiv murmurs ominously, "I am not who you think I am." Lakshmi squints and cries, "Rojav!" Rojav, Rajiv's evil twin, laughs and says Rajiv is tied up in a janitor's closet at the airport. "A couple hours later", they finish and she goes to rescue Rajiv.
The next day at Latham's, a mother brings her son to see Santa. As the boy is telling Santa what he wants, Smitty's walkie-talkie blares that there is a problem in the fifth floor bathroom. Mom is coaching her son to ask for Dolce and Gabanna, diamonds, liquor, all the while Smitty's janitorial partner is calling for emergency assistance. Smitty finally leaves to help and eventually returns, covered in bathroom stink and stain. The Red Hat Society has shown up to speak to Santa, and he is directed to do whatever they want. An older woman sits on his lap for 15 minutes, shooing away children just to hit on him. She introduces herself as Marjorie Dawson and gives Smitty her address: 79 Park Lane, #12, Upper. She makes him promise to visit her after work.
- Has Princess Lakshmi again been princess-napped by Rojav?
- What will happen to Rajiv, literally tied up at the airport?
- Will they ever get to check on the Princess' parents?
- Has Smitty become a part of a Red Hat sex ring?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
