Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi explore the caverns under the McVishnu's on top of her family's mountain shrine. They walk down an increasingly claustrophobic tunnel and have a hallucinogenic vision of a GrubHub delivery guy from the Vegetarian Meat Restaurant. The hallucination gives them a receipt, which is actually a clue from Quacky: go into the open cavern, but be careful because you will fall forever. P.S. The rocks are hallucinogenic. They burst through into an open cavern and remember the rope. They tie off one end to a convenient old metal hook. An ornery voice drifts up from below, apparently speaking Princess Lakshmi's family's "Rub-a-dubish" (learned from the TV show Zoomish). Rajiv climbs down...
Silent but Deadly presses some buttons, self-ordering at a 7-11. He is met by Nurse, who checks the progress of finding her sister and killing the mayor. Silent but Deadly indicates she should give it time and shows off his bag of weaponry. A zombie cleans up.
Uber Minion brags to Big Momma that he is now showing initiative and being a self-starter by getting rid of Angelica, who plotted to kill Big Momma and take over. Big Momma is suspicious that Uber Minion may not be telling the truth and asks for a dossier. Uber Minion agrees to create one, but he isn't happy.
Dr. Scarlett struggles with treating women as equals. A talking rabbit wonders why he is in the hospital. Dr. Scarlett and Nurse freak a little over the discovery of a viral-immune talking rabbit. Nurse stuffs it into a cage so they may regenerate anti-viral medication. As they revel in their good fortune, a man afflicted with their virus enters, his *ahem* having fallen off. They force him to say "dick". Nurse takes the member, but the patient isn't even sure it is his, as so many in Ye Olde Farts Bar fell off at once. Nurse abstractly gesticulates with his dick, waving it too near the rabbit's cage. The rabbit, of course, nibbles it.
- What will Rajiv find at the end of the rope?
- Did they really hear a voice, or was it still a hallucination?
- Has Silent but Deadly made any progress, or has he used their money on Slushies?
- Will Uber Minion find being Big Momma's Minion not all it's cracked up to be? Where is Angelica?
- Will a dick-nibbling, anti-viral producing, talking rabbit save Solomon's River from the hospital-created virus? Will all the penis reattachment surgeries be enough to save the hospital financially?
- How do you polish rabbit nibbles out of a dick?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv is deeply doubtful he and Princess Lakshmi should be following information left by an elderly duck. The princess defends Quaky's advice, especially since the McDonald's on top of her family's mountain shrine to Vishnu has pith helmets, rope, and a tiny door. Rajiv warns her, "Whatever you do, don't lose the rope." Immediately after, Princess Lakshmi warns Rajiv not to let the door close behind them. The door closes and is locked from the outside. She still has the rope.
Two ICE agents only have a hour left to make Angelica talk, and they torture her by withholding Wheel of Fortune. Finally, Angelica breaks. "Big Momma is going to... to.... She has hired a... a..." No matter how hard she tries, Angelica cannot make herself speak! Angelica realizes it must be a spell, put on her by Big Momma. The ICE agents beat her up anyway.
Later, at Big Momma's lair, Angelica returns, battered and bruised, only to find Uber Minion by Big Momma's side! Big Momma says she knows he won't tell on her! Despite all her loyalty, Angelica is kicked to the curb. As she is being removed by Uber Minion, he whispers to her that this is all part of the plan, and that he will soon be taking over! Angelica is doubtful, and she believes Uber Minion will be thwarted by one of Big Momma's powerful spells.
Nurse has returned to Dr. Scarlett's employ, but since the zombies have either gotten better or been incorporated into society, there is another lack of patients. They decide to engineer a virus that can be put into beer. Miss Leftboob, a custodian, is given a petri dish of virus and told to smear it wherever beer, and/or limes, are sold.
After an incubation period, a pair of older drunk men at Ye Olde Farts Bar are challenged by a pair of college hipsters who have dubbed this their new ironic hangout. They all drink Old Milwaukee and whip their dicks around, then drink Coronas, whereupon the virus takes hold, they cough, and all their dicks fall off.
- What will Princess Lakshmi and Raviv find in the mountain, and will it include a way out?
- Will Uber Minion dethrone Big Momma, or will her spells, or her other plans, triumph?
- What will become of Angelica?
- Can Dr. Scarlett control the virus unleashed into Solomon's River, and will he even care, as long as it brings profit to the hospital?
- Is there a vaccine that reattaches penises?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv are feeling a little ill after eating the Vishnu-themed McDonald's they found on her family's private mountaintop shrine. An old scroll is delivered from the kitchen: it is in Quacky's webbed foot writing! She translates, "This McDonald's was set up by your father as a front to hide..." They debate whether the duck had bad grammar and left off a period, or if the rest of the note is missing. Considering they are on a mountain top, they figure there would be plenty of space to hide...something...underneath the restaurant. They will search.
Silent but Deadly, the man hired to find Nurse's sister and kill the fugitive Mayor, prepares himself. He prints something off the internet and loads up with weapons (knife and taser) and several items that make silly noises, including a "Boing! Hi there!" Silent but Deadly's grandmother asks him to pick up chips and dip.
Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is interrogating Angelica about Big Momma's location and plans. They rough her up, but seem to be getting nowhere, even when they torture her with kale. They can put her into solitary for up to 24 hours. Only when faced with no internet access does she seem like she could break.
- Will Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv find a hidden space under the McDonalds? If so, what will they find there?
- Can Silent but Deadly find Nurse's sister? Can he kill the Mayor? Will he remember the chips and dip?
- Will Angelica give up information on Big Momma, or can she hold out the whole 24 hours? What might Big Momma be doing right now that might help Angelica?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi walk carefully in the dark somewhere near the family's private mountaintop shrine to Vishnu. Crunching steps...a flash of light...someone is there...it has been turned into a McDonald's! The shrine still exists, and they have Hindu-themed the menu. They order the six-arm McVishnu meal with a curry shake to eat by the shrine's statue, hoping it will give them a vision.
Meanwhile, at the Fancy Tea Room for the Rich Elderly, Marjorie Dawson sips tea with Norma, an even older lady. Marjorie brags about her blue collar "encounter" with Smitty the Plumber. Norma is intrigued, and wants to experience Marjorie's new glow. She suggests Marjorie bring Smitty to one of their lady "events". Before Marjorie can give more details about Smitty's prowess, a man informs them that the Tea Room's plumbing is backing up and they should evacuate. The ladies, however, will wait for the plumbers.
Angelica briefs Big Momma on the plumbing project progress. Smitty has dug all the tunnels which reach every toilet in Solomon's River, ready for Big Momma's explosives! Big Momma says that even the plumber must be blown up. Suddenly, the police knock on the door! Angelica answers while Big Momma works some secret magic. They have questions for Big Momma, but no warrant. Suspicious of Angelica's immigration status, the police take her away.
Down by the docks, the Nurse and the Secretary are browsing for cut-throats and scoundrels to help with killing the Mayor and finding the Nurse's sister, in either order. Nurse has enough mad money, but will only pay after both deeds are done. A man, Silent but Deadly, agrees to the job.
- Will eating onion rings by a statue of Vishnu help Princess Lakshmi find her father?
- What kind of "events" to the rich elderly women of Solomon's River hold, and will Smitty attend, or will he be blown up instead?
- Are the sewer problems related to the new tunnels, and will Big Momma actually blow them all up?
- What will happen to Angelica now that she's in the hands of ICE: Immigration and Customs Enforcement?
- Will Silent but Deadly be able to kill the on-the-run Mayor AND find Nurse's on-the-run sister?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Despite it getting dark, Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv head to her family's ancient private cable car to go up their private mountain and visit their private shrine to Vishnu, which is where Quacky the elderly duck indicated her father disappeared.
Back in the Solomon's River General Hospital, the wounded and uncommunicative Mayor is visited by his secretary who asks if he knows who shot him because she is worried that she's under suspicion. Nurse enters and shoos her out to give him a sponge bath. As soon as the secretary leaves, Nurse reveals her true motive: it was her sister the Mayor had held captive and who, while witnessing the Mayor's Mexican standoff with Lieutenant Bustybottoms, shot them both to escape. Nurse says she knows it was him, and that she's going to prove it! Unseen, the secretary, having stopped to tie her shoe, has overheard...
Miss Marjorie Dawson, basking in the afterglow of her relations with Smitty, calls for Jeeves to help her redress. Smitty, already having left in her limo, apparently was one of her most satisfying conquests. Male voices drift in from the bathroom and Jeeves goes to investigate while Miss Dawson has her post-coital cigarette. The voices are coming from the toilet--it is Jacobson and Frankie, who have been exploring the tunnels under Solomon's River after following Smitty's plumbing dig. Jeeves flushes. Miss Dawson suggests flushing twice, and the men swirl away.
A few minutes later, Jacobson and Frankie find themselves outside where they lament their disgusting state and notice they are in the shadow of Miss Marjorie Dawson's mansion. They wonder what Smitty is up to, digging tunnels under Solomon's River that lead up to the toilets in every house in town. They speculate he's gone over to the Dark Side.
Meanwhile, back in the hospital, the Mayor's secretary stops Nurse in the hallway to explain about her accusation of woman-napping. The Nurse says the secretary can only make up for not noticing the abuse going on right in the Mayor's office if she helps find her sister, who hasn't yet been seen. The secretary, still bitter over being turned down multiple times for raises, agrees to help. Nurse and the secretary vow to find a way to kill the Mayor. Unseen, the Mayor has snuck away.
- What will Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv find on the mountain, if they can even make it up there...
- Will Nurse and the secretary manage to kill the woman-molesting Mayor?
- What has become of Nurse's sister?
- What is Smitty up to, linking the tunnels to every toilet in town?
- Was the condom Jacobson and Frankie found in Miss Marjorie Dawson's toilet the one she used with Smitty, or with one of the other many men she ensnares?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Frankie and Jacobson discuss whether Marjorie Dawson is real (yes) and her level of hotness (high, especially for an old lady) before reveling in the pipe fellow plumber Smitty has been laying under Solomon's River. They wonder if it meets up with the caves, which Jacobson insists are haunted. They wander.
Smitty, using one of the bathrooms at Miss Marjorie Dawson's mansion, is told by butler Jeeves she requires his presence. She invites him to her bed. He sits. She invites him to touch her thighs. He says the Shake Weight must be working. She demands he "Take [her] now!" Meanwhile, in India...
Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi hose off the aged and incontinent Quacky before asking him to translate the scroll he wrote and left with the genie that tells where her father is. Princess Lakshmi has difficulty translating Duck, but finally understands, and is confused because Quacky was invoking the name of Vishnu: "On top of a mountain (quack), at the alter to Vishnu (quack), your father disappeared in a ball of light (quack-quack)." Rajiv is always suspicious of Quacky, but now Princess Lakshmi also doubts this crazy explanation. Despite their questions, they go.
Detective Smegly returns to the Mayor's office where the Mayor and Detective Bustybottoms were recently shot, Bustybottoms' body having disappeared. Detective Smegly tells the suspicious secretary that they need to interview the Mayor because the recovered gun is registered to him (*dramatic music*). The secretary promises to give the Mayor the message, and looks extra suspicious.
Meanwhile, at Big Momma's lair, Angelica has some strange news: their poison candy idea was stolen before they could enact their plan! Big Momma is pleased to has gotten all the blame without the work, but Angelica worries about her being arrested. All they have is an empty factory, so Big Momma suggests blowing it up to throw them off their trail. Angelica says she will also put out a few additional conspiracy theories about Big Momma to throw them off further (like making them believe she is related to Dr. Phil).
The Mayor's secretary visits him in Solomon's River General Hospital. He is weak, and the news about the gun is startling. She insists they will need a plan.
- Where will Smitty's pipes lead Frankie and Jacobson?
- Will Smitty actually touch Marjorie Dawson?
- Can Quacky's recollection of Princess Lakshmi's father being taken up by Vishnu be true?
- What is the Mayor's secretary trying to cover up, and can Detective Smegly uncover it?
- Will Big Momma be taken down by someone else enacting her own un-acted plan?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Tripp announces to his mother, Angelica, that his zombie-themed restaurant hasn't been working since the zombie staff all unionized. Angelica says to just unchain them and let them go, but Tripp has the idea to try an herbal remedy--he will give them some of his "good stuff". The zombie easily uses the bong, with the first hit mellowing him out and allowing him to talk! Tripp says he has a plan.
Meanwhile, Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi's use the key and jewel to open her father's trunk which hums, clicks, and pops out her father's genie, "Uncle Genie"! The genie is unsure of Rajiv, but has instructions to tell Lakshmi where her father is. Unfortunately, the genie doesn't know because he was distracted by garlic, had a magic genie bag over his head, and was hit with a magic genie wrench, all of which were gotten from the Evil Genie. Good news: he can give them a scroll with her father's location. Bad news: Quacky wrote it. Princess Lakshmi takes a bag of duck treats and the gem, and gives Rajiv the key so Uncle Genie must be nice to him. They leave to find Quacky.
Poison candy has already gotten into the market, and a family's children have died. They buy into a conspiracy theory that Big Momma is the secret daughter of Mr. Hershey and blame her for the deaths (though Big Momma's plans haven't even begun being executed yet). The wife gets so frustrated with her husband that she feeds him some candy. He dies.
Miss Marjorie Dawson passes the day with Smitty, and asks to hear about his adventures since they were last together. He said he had a job he had to leave because he "got misplaced". He reveals he had to "lay pipe" for Big Momma, piquing Marjorie's jealousy. He also reveals that he didn't finish the job because he instead heeded Marjorie's call. She says she didn't call him, but rather that he was simply found, wandering around her garden. But what happened?
**doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do** (flashback to what happened)
Smitty is digging to lay pipe underground for Big Momma, when his fellow Union workers from Latham's Department Store (Frankie and Jacobson with the lame leg) finally track him down. They were so worried, but they become miffed because Union members can't just leave and get another job! Smitty could be in deep trouble, unless he "compensates" his fellow Union members, so they might overlook the transgression. They suggest an introduction to elderly sexpot Miss Marjorie Dawson! When he refuses to bring them immediately, Frankie and Jacobson hit him with stun guns, spin him in a circle, and give him a disorienting shove.
**doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do** (flash-forward back to the conversation in Marjorie's bedroom)
Marjorie becomes very excited by the prospect of all these muscular workers fighting over her. Smitty seems less than thrilled. Jeeves brings lunch and a change of Depends.
- What is Tripp's zombie/pot-related plan, and will it work any better than his previous schemes?
- Can Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv get Quacky to translate the scroll with her father's location?
- Who is this "evil genie", and who is using his services?
- How did the poison candy get out so fast, if Big Momma hasn't even set up her factory yet?
- What will the Union do to Smitty if he doesn't silence the members with "favors" from Marjorie?
- Will Smitty get free of her, and does he even want to?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
