Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv are feeling a little ill after eating the Vishnu-themed McDonald's they found on her family's private mountaintop shrine. An old scroll is delivered from the kitchen: it is in Quacky's webbed foot writing! She translates, "This McDonald's was set up by your father as a front to hide..." They debate whether the duck had bad grammar and left off a period, or if the rest of the note is missing. Considering they are on a mountain top, they figure there would be plenty of space to hide...something...underneath the restaurant. They will search.
Silent but Deadly, the man hired to find Nurse's sister and kill the fugitive Mayor, prepares himself. He prints something off the internet and loads up with weapons (knife and taser) and several items that make silly noises, including a "Boing! Hi there!" Silent but Deadly's grandmother asks him to pick up chips and dip.
Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is interrogating Angelica about Big Momma's location and plans. They rough her up, but seem to be getting nowhere, even when they torture her with kale. They can put her into solitary for up to 24 hours. Only when faced with no internet access does she seem like she could break.
- Will Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv find a hidden space under the McDonalds? If so, what will they find there?
- Can Silent but Deadly find Nurse's sister? Can he kill the Mayor? Will he remember the chips and dip?
- Will Angelica give up information on Big Momma, or can she hold out the whole 24 hours? What might Big Momma be doing right now that might help Angelica?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi walk carefully in the dark somewhere near the family's private mountaintop shrine to Vishnu. Crunching steps...a flash of light...someone is there...it has been turned into a McDonald's! The shrine still exists, and they have Hindu-themed the menu. They order the six-arm McVishnu meal with a curry shake to eat by the shrine's statue, hoping it will give them a vision.
Meanwhile, at the Fancy Tea Room for the Rich Elderly, Marjorie Dawson sips tea with Norma, an even older lady. Marjorie brags about her blue collar "encounter" with Smitty the Plumber. Norma is intrigued, and wants to experience Marjorie's new glow. She suggests Marjorie bring Smitty to one of their lady "events". Before Marjorie can give more details about Smitty's prowess, a man informs them that the Tea Room's plumbing is backing up and they should evacuate. The ladies, however, will wait for the plumbers.
Angelica briefs Big Momma on the plumbing project progress. Smitty has dug all the tunnels which reach every toilet in Solomon's River, ready for Big Momma's explosives! Big Momma says that even the plumber must be blown up. Suddenly, the police knock on the door! Angelica answers while Big Momma works some secret magic. They have questions for Big Momma, but no warrant. Suspicious of Angelica's immigration status, the police take her away.
Down by the docks, the Nurse and the Secretary are browsing for cut-throats and scoundrels to help with killing the Mayor and finding the Nurse's sister, in either order. Nurse has enough mad money, but will only pay after both deeds are done. A man, Silent but Deadly, agrees to the job.
- Will eating onion rings by a statue of Vishnu help Princess Lakshmi find her father?
- What kind of "events" to the rich elderly women of Solomon's River hold, and will Smitty attend, or will he be blown up instead?
- Are the sewer problems related to the new tunnels, and will Big Momma actually blow them all up?
- What will happen to Angelica now that she's in the hands of ICE: Immigration and Customs Enforcement?
- Will Silent but Deadly be able to kill the on-the-run Mayor AND find Nurse's on-the-run sister?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Despite it getting dark, Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv head to her family's ancient private cable car to go up their private mountain and visit their private shrine to Vishnu, which is where Quacky the elderly duck indicated her father disappeared.
Back in the Solomon's River General Hospital, the wounded and uncommunicative Mayor is visited by his secretary who asks if he knows who shot him because she is worried that she's under suspicion. Nurse enters and shoos her out to give him a sponge bath. As soon as the secretary leaves, Nurse reveals her true motive: it was her sister the Mayor had held captive and who, while witnessing the Mayor's Mexican standoff with Lieutenant Bustybottoms, shot them both to escape. Nurse says she knows it was him, and that she's going to prove it! Unseen, the secretary, having stopped to tie her shoe, has overheard...
Miss Marjorie Dawson, basking in the afterglow of her relations with Smitty, calls for Jeeves to help her redress. Smitty, already having left in her limo, apparently was one of her most satisfying conquests. Male voices drift in from the bathroom and Jeeves goes to investigate while Miss Dawson has her post-coital cigarette. The voices are coming from the toilet--it is Jacobson and Frankie, who have been exploring the tunnels under Solomon's River after following Smitty's plumbing dig. Jeeves flushes. Miss Dawson suggests flushing twice, and the men swirl away.
A few minutes later, Jacobson and Frankie find themselves outside where they lament their disgusting state and notice they are in the shadow of Miss Marjorie Dawson's mansion. They wonder what Smitty is up to, digging tunnels under Solomon's River that lead up to the toilets in every house in town. They speculate he's gone over to the Dark Side.
Meanwhile, back in the hospital, the Mayor's secretary stops Nurse in the hallway to explain about her accusation of woman-napping. The Nurse says the secretary can only make up for not noticing the abuse going on right in the Mayor's office if she helps find her sister, who hasn't yet been seen. The secretary, still bitter over being turned down multiple times for raises, agrees to help. Nurse and the secretary vow to find a way to kill the Mayor. Unseen, the Mayor has snuck away.
- What will Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv find on the mountain, if they can even make it up there...
- Will Nurse and the secretary manage to kill the woman-molesting Mayor?
- What has become of Nurse's sister?
- What is Smitty up to, linking the tunnels to every toilet in town?
- Was the condom Jacobson and Frankie found in Miss Marjorie Dawson's toilet the one she used with Smitty, or with one of the other many men she ensnares?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Frankie and Jacobson discuss whether Marjorie Dawson is real (yes) and her level of hotness (high, especially for an old lady) before reveling in the pipe fellow plumber Smitty has been laying under Solomon's River. They wonder if it meets up with the caves, which Jacobson insists are haunted. They wander.
Smitty, using one of the bathrooms at Miss Marjorie Dawson's mansion, is told by butler Jeeves she requires his presence. She invites him to her bed. He sits. She invites him to touch her thighs. He says the Shake Weight must be working. She demands he "Take [her] now!" Meanwhile, in India...
Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi hose off the aged and incontinent Quacky before asking him to translate the scroll he wrote and left with the genie that tells where her father is. Princess Lakshmi has difficulty translating Duck, but finally understands, and is confused because Quacky was invoking the name of Vishnu: "On top of a mountain (quack), at the alter to Vishnu (quack), your father disappeared in a ball of light (quack-quack)." Rajiv is always suspicious of Quacky, but now Princess Lakshmi also doubts this crazy explanation. Despite their questions, they go.
Detective Smegly returns to the Mayor's office where the Mayor and Detective Bustybottoms were recently shot, Bustybottoms' body having disappeared. Detective Smegly tells the suspicious secretary that they need to interview the Mayor because the recovered gun is registered to him (*dramatic music*). The secretary promises to give the Mayor the message, and looks extra suspicious.
Meanwhile, at Big Momma's lair, Angelica has some strange news: their poison candy idea was stolen before they could enact their plan! Big Momma is pleased to has gotten all the blame without the work, but Angelica worries about her being arrested. All they have is an empty factory, so Big Momma suggests blowing it up to throw them off their trail. Angelica says she will also put out a few additional conspiracy theories about Big Momma to throw them off further (like making them believe she is related to Dr. Phil).
The Mayor's secretary visits him in Solomon's River General Hospital. He is weak, and the news about the gun is startling. She insists they will need a plan.
- Where will Smitty's pipes lead Frankie and Jacobson?
- Will Smitty actually touch Marjorie Dawson?
- Can Quacky's recollection of Princess Lakshmi's father being taken up by Vishnu be true?
- What is the Mayor's secretary trying to cover up, and can Detective Smegly uncover it?
- Will Big Momma be taken down by someone else enacting her own un-acted plan?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Tripp announces to his mother, Angelica, that his zombie-themed restaurant hasn't been working since the zombie staff all unionized. Angelica says to just unchain them and let them go, but Tripp has the idea to try an herbal remedy--he will give them some of his "good stuff". The zombie easily uses the bong, with the first hit mellowing him out and allowing him to talk! Tripp says he has a plan.
Meanwhile, Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi's use the key and jewel to open her father's trunk which hums, clicks, and pops out her father's genie, "Uncle Genie"! The genie is unsure of Rajiv, but has instructions to tell Lakshmi where her father is. Unfortunately, the genie doesn't know because he was distracted by garlic, had a magic genie bag over his head, and was hit with a magic genie wrench, all of which were gotten from the Evil Genie. Good news: he can give them a scroll with her father's location. Bad news: Quacky wrote it. Princess Lakshmi takes a bag of duck treats and the gem, and gives Rajiv the key so Uncle Genie must be nice to him. They leave to find Quacky.
Poison candy has already gotten into the market, and a family's children have died. They buy into a conspiracy theory that Big Momma is the secret daughter of Mr. Hershey and blame her for the deaths (though Big Momma's plans haven't even begun being executed yet). The wife gets so frustrated with her husband that she feeds him some candy. He dies.
Miss Marjorie Dawson passes the day with Smitty, and asks to hear about his adventures since they were last together. He said he had a job he had to leave because he "got misplaced". He reveals he had to "lay pipe" for Big Momma, piquing Marjorie's jealousy. He also reveals that he didn't finish the job because he instead heeded Marjorie's call. She says she didn't call him, but rather that he was simply found, wandering around her garden. But what happened?
**doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do** (flashback to what happened)
Smitty is digging to lay pipe underground for Big Momma, when his fellow Union workers from Latham's Department Store (Frankie and Jacobson with the lame leg) finally track him down. They were so worried, but they become miffed because Union members can't just leave and get another job! Smitty could be in deep trouble, unless he "compensates" his fellow Union members, so they might overlook the transgression. They suggest an introduction to elderly sexpot Miss Marjorie Dawson! When he refuses to bring them immediately, Frankie and Jacobson hit him with stun guns, spin him in a circle, and give him a disorienting shove.
**doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do, doo-di-li-do** (flash-forward back to the conversation in Marjorie's bedroom)
Marjorie becomes very excited by the prospect of all these muscular workers fighting over her. Smitty seems less than thrilled. Jeeves brings lunch and a change of Depends.
- What is Tripp's zombie/pot-related plan, and will it work any better than his previous schemes?
- Can Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv get Quacky to translate the scroll with her father's location?
- Who is this "evil genie", and who is using his services?
- How did the poison candy get out so fast, if Big Momma hasn't even set up her factory yet?
- What will the Union do to Smitty if he doesn't silence the members with "favors" from Marjorie?
- Will Smitty get free of her, and does he even want to?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Marjorie Dawson is using a Shake Weight, given to her by her butler, Jeeves, to boost her calves somehow. Jeeves reports the gardener reported a man lurking in the garden who claimed to know her. Jeeves has security bring him up: it's Smitty! She kisses and fawns over him. The workers leave, and Marjorie asks Smitty to "demonstrate the Shake Weight".
Meanwhile, at Princess Lakshmi's familial mansion in India, Rajiv follows a trail of duck food and finds Quacky eating and pooping, which leads to the lucky discovery of the gem they need! He finds Lakshmi in the third kitchen, just having finished up fruitless cavity searches of all palace employees. They leave to try the jewel and key combo on her father's trunk.
Angelica has bad news for Big Momma: she cannot find Smitty the Plumber. It's a problem because Big Momma wants a plumber, though it's a solution for Angelica who would otherwise have to kill him. The Uber Minion calls to check on the status of Smitty, and Angelica hedges that "he's gone". Uber Minion orders her to meet him later. Angelica suggests to Big Momma that she try implementing a plan that's not so evil, to stop making so many enemies. Big Momma will design "Big Momma Candy", which seems nice, until she says that the candy will be poison so they can have Solomon's River all to themselves. "Especially for the little children on Halloween!" says Big Momma. Instead of Sugar Daddies, they'll make "Little Poppas", Snickers will be "Grunts", and 3 Musketeers will be "Diabolical Twins", and all...will...DIE!
- Does Smitty enjoy being with Marjorie? If not, can he even get away?
- What will the jewel and key reveal in the trunk that may reveal what happened to Lakshmi's father?
- Will Uber Minion find out Angelica didn't actually kill Smitty, but just misplaced him?
- Will Big Momma's plan to kill everyone on Halloween actually work?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv have the key they found secreted in Quacky and try to distract the two guards outside her father's bedroom. Finally, in frustration, the Princess just orders them to leave. They find her father's rooms abandoned, in disarray, and scattered with parts of many puzzles. They dig out the trunk/chest and discover the key fits but will not turn. They notice a space on the trunk for a jewel, which must be hidden somewhere else! Thinking of where the key had been found, Lakshmi goes to check the guards' colons, while Rajiv searches the rest of her father's rooms.
The mayor's secretary mans her desk as the mayor himself was just taken away in an ambulance. Detective Schmegly, with Farrah the intern, arrives to investigate. They are amazed at the amount of blood, and Farrah throws up into the secretary's wicker wastebasket before quitting outright. Detective Schmegly notes the blood, estimates where the bodies were, and finds bullet casings. He keeps them for identification, but the secretary is extremely suspicious when she realizes something had been found in the office.
Meanwhile, deep below Solomon's River, exiled monks hum in ethereal harmony. Brother Offenshitz is among them, and he expresses a worry for the missing Chiliwang. The exiled monks plot taking over the Brotherhood of Monks by taking over the cavern, and Offenshitz says he will become a new High Priest. The brothers hum as Offenshitz says, "Dees isa my empire!"
CEO Mr. Sampson returns to his office eating a sandwich to find two of his employees, Office Manager Gladys and Jerome. The British-accented employees were "just looking over the paperwork" and had "no other reason" to be there. The CEO is thinking of having another sandwich, which presents the perfect opportunity for the plotting employees: poison! Jerome sprinkles in rat poison and Mr. Sampson promptly digs in. They watch in horror as the oblivious CEO throws up, negating the poison. Gladys and Jerome leave, planning to try again soon.
- Will Rajiv or Princess Lakshmi find the jewel?
- What will Detective Schmegly discover when he analyzes the bullet casings from the shooting of the mayor and the missing Detective Bustybottoms?
- Why does an investigation make the mayor's secretary nervous?
- Will the exiled Brother Offenshitz gain High Priest status by taking over the caverns?
- Can Gladys and her lover Jerome manage to kill Mr. Sampson and take over his company?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
