Episode 25

At the Retreat, Brother Offenschitz calls for Brother Chiliwang; he claims he has "found it!"  Inner peace!  He was in his cube, going through his bottom dresser drawer, and he found it.  Just as Chiliwang is about to release Brother Offenschitz, Tripp walks in disguised as Magnus.  Brother Chiliwang departs, Wolfgang invites Magnus to meditate with him, but instead Tripp/Magnus gets behind him and snaps his neck!!!

At the Rajiv house, Rajiv attempts to chastise his wife for embarrassing him in front of the customers.  She is upset that he is serving them alcohol in a bar.  Tripp walks into their house as Magnus, asking Rajiv to help him out of the suit.  He pulls down the zipper, and out pops Tripp!  Mrs. Rajiv is worried about this "sketchy person."  Tripp tells Rajiv that the bar is too clean; he is fired. One of the Rajiv cousins comes in, spouts off in Hindi, takes the now-empty Magnus suit and goes out of the room, Rajiv following close behind.

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River General Hospital, Jerry Koff finds Dr. Scarlet (who has mysteriously survived Bob-Joe's attempt on his life) and asks to see the body in the morgue that looks suspiciously like the mayor.  Scarlet takes him down to look at the body.  After shooing his nurse off of the body, Scarlet shows it to Koff, who identifies it, asking him to make sure it is not "plugged in."  As Scarlet is checking for a pulse, his nurse comes back in, trying to keep another nurse out of the room while the doctor is in there.  She wants her turn at the body.  Jerr Koff leaves, after asking for their votes.

• What will happen now that Tripp has apparently murdered Wolfgang Offenschitz?
• How will Rajiv support his family now that he has lost his job at the Dead Parrot?
• Is it really Mayor Joe-Bob's body on the slab?
• Will we ever have any love stories in Solomon's River?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 24

In the latest installment of Solomon's River, we begin with Tripp using the Magnus Adverson suit to try to gain access to the Retreat, where Wolfgang Offenschitz is trying to attain inner peace, in an attempt to kill Offenschitz so that he can take the pressure off his mother, Angelica, who is trying to take the pressure off her boss, Carla Calivera, who is trying to turn over a new leaf, but must first kill Wolfgang for the mayor.  Tripp realizes he has no identification, which will complicate his attempt at passing himself off as Adverson.  He then runs into Wolfgang and tries to elicit his help.  One of the Brothers comes by to try and get Magnus/Tripp to leave Brother Offenschitz alone so he can meditate; Brother Chiliwang soon arrives as well and leads Magnus/Tripp out.

Meanwhile, at the Dead Parrot Bar, Rajiv is tending bar in Tripp's absence as some strangers come in.  Mrs. Rajiv storms in, demanding to know where her husband has been!  He explains to her what has happened to the coffee house.  A dude comes in and tells everyone about a pitchfork and torch party going on in town.  One of Rajiv's relatives from India arrives, offering to help him get back his coffee house.  Bob-Joe Solomon comes in during the confusion and offers one of the strangers $200 to get rid of a black bag he has outside in his pickup truck, without looking in it!

Across town at the former coffee house, the dance party continues!  Magnus gets caught up with his granddaughter, Samantha...he wants to know what happened to Cilantro.  Samantha thought she was in town all the time she was gone; she is looking for Mr. Ylung...she notes that Cilantro seems to have disappeared around the same time as Ylung!  As the dance party winds down (too many old people) a confused stranger wanders in - the man from the black bag!!!

• Will Tripp's devilish plot work?
• Will Wolfgang ever attain inner peace?
• Will Mrs Rajiv teach her husband not to give away large possessions while she's gone?
• What was Bob-Joe doing with a body bag?
• Will Cilantro return?  Is she with Mr. Ylung???

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 23

Rajiv is still watching over the Dead Parrot while Tripp is out, and in walks Carla Calivera.  She apologizes to him for her complex drink orders and offers, in an attempt to turn her life around, to help him get his coffee shop back by getting the townspeople behind him.. Angelica runs in to warn Carla that the townspeople are marching to the factory with pitchforks and torches.  Carla must leave and have Angelica hide her.  Bob-Joe comes in and, posing as the mayor, tells Rajiv he is going to help Carla help him get his coffee house back.

Angelica takes Carla to the mines to hide her, at the same time remarking to Carla that the tunnels are filled with the unquiet spirits of people she has killed, seeking to wreak bloody revenge upon her.  Angelica leaves Carla and Magnus wanders into her as the spirits surround them.  Carla pours her heart out to Magnus, then considers that she should, perhaps, go back to being evil.  Magnus explains that in order to get to the top you have to be evil; then, when you retire, you can be good.  As the undead pass by, Carla decides the mines might not be the nest place to hide; she takes Magnus with her.

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett negotiates with his nurse, agreeing to give them muffins in return for coming back to work and giving up their health benefits.  He sends her off to clean up the backlog of bed pans.  After she leaves, Bob-Joe shows up, but Scarlett is too preoccupied by x-rays of various patients to pay attention.  Once Bob-Joe gets Scarlett's attention, he confesses that he is impersonating his brother the mayor; he is concerned that his brother has been missing for some time.  He asks Scarlett if anyone who looks like him has been admitted to the hospital recently.  Before he can answer, his nurse comes back in, looks at Bob-Joe and screams.  "Sorry, there's a John Doe downstairs in the cooler, and you look just like him," she explains.  Bob-Joe realizes that the only person who could stop him from now becoming the mayor is Dr. Scarlett.  His hands close tightly around the doctor's throat...

• Will Rajiv ever get the bar top clean?
• Will Carla be able to evade the rampaging mob?
• Will Magnus ever find the 7-11?
• Are muffins important enough to give up health care for?
• Will Bob-Joe really kill Dr. Scarlett, or will they come to some mutually-agreeable, yet highly improbable compromise?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 22

Tonight's episode of Solomon's River begins in the Dead Parrot with Bob-Joe impersonating his brother, the mayor.  He explains the blood on his hands to Tripp the bartender as the blood of a virgin he sacrificed.  To his dismay, Tripp doesn't seem to be grasping the concept.  Rajiv, who recently signed away his ownership of the coffee house, is now working at the Dead Parrot; Tripp tells him to stop cleaning the counter and go clean the bathrooms.  Bob-Joe leaves and Angelica, Tripp's mother, comes in.  She fawns over him, much to his embarrassment.  Tripp asks how she's doing with volunteers..she tells him that she is looking for a man named Offenschitz.  Tripp offers to beat him up and bring him to his mother; she tells her son he can find him at the Retreat.  Tripp puts Rajiv in charge while he's gone.

At Calivera Enterprises, Carla muses over being able to end the killing and starting a new company to make organic ice cream with candy in it.  Jerry Koff comes in, asks for her vote and a sizable donation.  Instead of donating, she recommends to Jerr that he take a vacation on a small island; he agrees to do it in exchange for a blank check.  Bob-Joe rushes in...Jerr reminds him about the debate on Friday night.  Bob-Joe asks Carla for help with Rajiv.  Carla speaks privately with Bob-Joe about the mayor's orders to kill Offenschitz; Bob-Joe is taken aback; he knew nothing about his brother's plans.

Meanwhile, Magnus is surprised by the return of his granddaughter, Samantha.  He spill the beans on his newly found daughter, Magneta, and the possibility that he killed someone.  While he is trying to back out of his admission to murder, they are interrupted by a friend of Samantha's, who is congratulating her on her pregnancy.  Magnus is happy for her, although he is disturbed (briefly) that the father is Mr. Ylung, who tried to "screw him out of the will."  Samantha is looking for Ylung...she goes to Rajiv's to find him.  We cut to Rajiv's former Coffee House to discover it's been turned into a Euro-Dance club.

• Will Tripp find Wolfgang Offenschitz for his mother?
• Will Rajiv manage to get the Dead Parrot's bathroom clean?
• Will Carla figure out that Jerr Koff is not Wolfgang Offenschitz, the man she is supposed to murder?
• Will Samantha find Mr. Ylung, the father of her unborn child?
• Will Rajiv ever reclaim the coffee house, and if so, will he be able to get the dance-stink out of the upholstery?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 21

Today's episode begins in Rajiv's Coffee House.  Director Anderson's production assistant for the film Steel Magnolias II: The Wrath of Magnolia comes in scouting for a location; she thinks the coffee house would be perfect!  She informs Rajiv that this is a horror film, so there will be a great deal of blood and gore.  She then shoves a pile of papers at Rajiv and gets him to sign them.  She leaves as Magnus enters and orders his usual.  Close behind him is Director Anderson and his assistant, Lilly.  As Lilly leads Magnus out, Director Anderson asks Rajiv for "the money he was supposed to be holding" for him.  To punctuate his threatening tone, two nurses line up next to him:  his enforcers!  The nurses, despite Rajiv's protestations, swear that he has Mr. Anderson's money, and they take him in the back to get it.

Later, in the Caverns, we find Lilly tied to the ground.  Dr. Scarlett hovers over her as Mr. Anderson releases her, informing Scarlett that he won't be allowed to sacrifice her.  Bob-Joe Solomon, posing as his brother Joe-Bob, the mayor, comes out of the bathroom.  Since Scarlett will be unable to sacrifice the girl, he chloroforms Anderson and they tie him to the ground. Mr. Anderson asks why he is being sacrificed; Scarlett explains there is little else to do in town as Bob-Joe tells him that Maktar only wants virgins.  Mr. Anderson manages to break free!  In the confusion which follows, Bob-Joe stabs Lilly and kills her.  He reminds people that he is the mayor (which, of course, he is not) and he runs from the cave.  Another assistant from the film production arrives with the papers signed by Rajiv; we discover that it is not an agreement to use the coffee house for a location shoot - in fact, Rajiv has signed over ownership of the coffee house to Mr. Anderson!!!

• What is this money that the director says he gave to Rajiv?
• How did Lilly get tied to the floor of the Cavern?
• Why does Bob-Joe think he's there to take part in the sacrifice when Jerry Koff originally invited his political opponent the mayor there to BE the sacrifice?
• Will Maktar be unhappy with his followers?
• What will Rajiv do now that he has signed over ownership of the coffee house?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 20

At the Dead Canary, Tripp the bartender deals with some unpleasant cleaning issues in the restroom.  An incomprehensible curmudgeon enters and (perhaps?) tries to order a whiskey.  Tripp calls his mom, Angelica, to inquire once again about all the people he sends to Calivera Enterprises who never come back.  She tells him she needs more people, so Tripp talks with the curmudgeon and sends him over.

At Calivera Industries, Carla has returned from testifying before Congress.  She is worried, and tells Angelica that they must stay under the radar for a few weeks; no more killings!  Just then, Joe-Bob Solomon enters, asking Carla if she's "gotten around to that job I asked you to do," which amounts to killing Wolfgang Offenschitz.  Carla replies that she has turned over a new leaf and won't be killing people any more.  At that, Mayor Joe-Bob threatens to reveal evidence against her...40 tapes worth.  All he wants is this one last killing.  He leaves, and the curmudgeon comes in; Carla tells him she has the perfect job for him and for Angelica to "show him to his new office."  She will turn over a new leaf tomorrow.

Later, Jerry Koff runs into the Mayor and asks if they could set up a debate at his "men's club," and to show up on Friday and not tell anyone where he's going.  After Jer Koff leaves, we discover that he was, in fact, talking with Joe-Bob's brother, Bob-Joe!

Meanwhile, we find Julia looking for a coffee shop (or something to do in town,) and a fan is looking for an autograph.  Magnus mistakes Julia for his newly-found daughter, Magneta.  Mr. Ylung shows up, asking why Magnus is no longer in the basement, and demands to know what happened to the cable guy.  Magnus realizes he has killed the cable guy...the problem is that he was the witness to the new will signing; Magnus must re-sign.  Magnus tells Ylung that he told Dr. Scarlett he would be put in the will for helping Magnus discover why he had blood on his hands; My. Ylung assures Magnus that he is only trying to help him.  They leave.

• Will Tripp ever find out what's happening to all the people he sends to Calivera Enterprises?
• Will Carla turn over a new leaf?
• Will Joe-Bob succeed in blackmailing Carla into helping him?
• Will Bob-Joe show up for the debate on Friday, and if so, will he bring snacks?
• Did Magnus Adverson really kill the cable guy?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

 

Episode 19

At Rajiv's Coffee House, Rajiv is first surprised by finding a baby under the counter, then by Detective Smith, who orders a "celebratory cup o' joe."  Finally he has found a mystery in Solomon's River which needs solving; the mystery of the blood on Magnus' hands!  Magnus Adverson comes into the coffee shop and hangs around for no apparent reason until an actress enters.  She implies that she is Julia Roberts, but then claims she is Dolly Parton. Someone from the film crew runs in to tell  Julia that there has been a horrible accident on the film set!  After burning Julia's face with a cup of scalding hot coffee, Rajiv hands off the baby to an as-yet unidentified Indian man who has suddenly appeared. Rajiv then makes a run for it.

Elsewhere, Jer Koff is meeting with Dr. Scarlett to check on when the next sacrifice is scheduled.  Jer informs Scarlett that he received an offer of a sizable donation from Wolfgang Offenschitz if he "takes care of Mayor Joe-Bob."  Jer Koff asks if it would be possible to sacrifice the mayor; Scarlett replies that he would prefer a female virgin, but is willing to make an exception this time.  There is a knock at the door...it is a mysterious package being delivered from the Kentucky Candle Company. Scarlett tell Jer to take it down to the Caverns.

At the Solomon's River Marriott, we find the mysterious wealthy woman calling for her butler, Jeeves, who is uncharacteristically slow in answering.  She is tired of being cooped up in the hotel...she is anxious to find Magnus Adverson who, coincidentally enough, has just arrived at her door.  He is invited in and is shown in to see Edith (the wealthy woman.)  They embrace.  It's been 40 years since they've seen each other; they were separated after a firefight...she pulled one of the German's bodies over her and stayed there for a week, at which time she ate her way out.  She shocks Magnus with the news that they have had a child together.  Coincidentally once again, a woman, Magneta, enters the room.  Edith introduces Magnus to their daughter...

• Will Julia get to finish her film?
• Will Det Smith find out why Magnus had blood on his hands?
• Will Dr Scarlett and Jer Koff be able to find a mutually agreeable date for their next sacrifice?
• What will Magnus have to say to his newly-found daughter?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!