Episode 117

The sky-gazing hillbilly and The Discovery Channel's Glen Aldridge are near enough to the NurseNudistNeonaziNarcanoNado to be hit by nurse-sized hail, which was actually Dr. Scarlett's Nurse, fallen from the 'nado, the clothes ripped from her body.  The hillbilly offers to help the naked woman.

Tommy, wandering the woods looking forlornly for Sally, instead runs into McShane, who had been missing longer.  McShane offers to help the simple man.

Meanwhile, in Solomon's River proper, Sally wants to go back into the forest to look for Tommy, but Detective Smegly prevents her, saying it's too dangerous.  He takes her to the police station to wait safely.  When they get to the station, a beat officer is there already, accompanied by a hooker, who swears she is an "exotic dancer".  Smegly has the officer fingerprint her, but the harried detective still has Sally, who remains terribly upset.  To placate Sally, Detective Smegly promises to leave immediately to find Tommy.  After he is gone, Sally discovers a loaded service revolver, which she keeps "in case [she] needs it."

Dr. Scarlett orders an orderly to find a patient who left without paying: Sally.  The doctor warns that Sally may be distraught because she thinks he killed her baby, which he didn't, he swears.

McShane is having a difficult time with the very upset Tommy.  In the middle of McShane's attempt at a sensible conversation, Tommy has the realization that he loves Sally and he wants to have her baby.  McShane can say nothing that doesn't upset Tommy further, and Tommy flees.

• Are bodies falling from the NurseNudistNeonaziNarcanoNado because it's finally slowing down?  Will the end of the 'Nado be the end of the Discovery Channel's new reality show?
• Can Detective Smegly help Sally, who now has a revolver, and can McShane help Tommy, who is running randomly through the woods?  Will the orderly find Sally first?
• What is the cause of the disproportionately large prostitution problem in Solomon's River?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 116

The Discovery Channel has sent Glen Aldridge and a small crew to Solomon's River to investigate reports of unusual weather phenomenon (do dooo, do do-do.)  A backwoodsman excitedly recounts his sighting of the nursenado and how it swept through the Solomon's River Nudist Camp, perhaps making "involuntary nudists" of the nurses already inside.  Glen mentions that The National Guard has been deployed to stop the nursenudistnado and slyly implants the suggestion that perhaps the nursenudistnado.  The Discovery Channel's producer is excited because this is the first step to inspire a new reality TV show.  She leaves a card in case the hillbilly sees something else.

Dr. Scarlett is wandering alone through the forest when he encounters Sally who became separated from Tommy during the storm.  Sally is very upset and alternately calls out "Stranger danger!" and "Tommy!"  She confesses to Dr. Scarlett that she is pregnant, and, with great difficulty, he gets her to leave with him for an examination.  After they leave, Tommy wanders by, calling forlornly, "Sally?  The baby..."

Detective Smegly notices all the evidence of a natural disaster and stumbles upon a nudist, recently dropped from the nursenudistnado.  Hearing their conversation, a woman of distinction enters and gives her report, too.  The following exchange was made:
Detective: Where did the nursenudistnado go?
Nudist: North.
Woman: North?
Nudist: For now.
Woman: Why, that's where the Neo-Nazis meet!
Nudist: No!
Woman: Yes, in the old, abandoned nuclear power plant.
Nudist: That's nasty.
Woman: I heard they're having a Narcanon meeting there now.
Detective: I must go nab this nursenudistnado!

To the north, a wooshing sound is heard over the "Heils" of the Neo-Nazis and Helmut's confession to the group that he is a junkie.  The wooshing gets louder and louder and the entirety of the Neo-Nazis get sucked up into the nursenudistnado.  "Ach, du Lieber!"

Dr. Scarlett does a sonogram on Sally and tells her she's not pregnant.  Sally thinks that perhaps Dr. Scarlett has killed her baby.

• Will Sally and Tommy ever reunite?
• When they do, how will Tommy take it when he finds out Dr. Scarlett examined Sally and didn't find a baby?  What about Sally's suspicion that Dr. Scarlett killed the baby?
• How will Sally ever pay the hospital bill?
• What will the meddling of The Discovery Channel do to Solomon's River in their quest for a backwoods alien conspiracy reality television show?
• How long can a nursenudistneonazinarcanonado stay in the air?  Where will it go next...

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 115

Swept up in the dreaded Nursenado, Dr. Scarlett and Nurse are finally deposited in an unfamiliar place just outside the city limits of Solomon's River. It turns out to be a nudist camp in the forest. Nurse notices something strange about them, other than the fact they are naked. They seem to covered in rashes, bruises and the general funk of an unknown strain of venereal disease. Dr. Scarlett is concerned this might be the start of a new epidemic! Nurse is dragged away to join in the celebrations while the doctor slips not-so-quietly away.

Meanwhile, at the Solomon's River police station, Detective Smegly has lost the paperwork about the woman he is searching for - Nurse! He is about to enlist the help of an underling officer to clean up the paperwork when Jimmy, the True Grit newsboy rushes in to tell them he just saw a Nursenado flying over the city! Det. Smegly leaves to find the Nursenado, thinking that will be the best place to find Nurse.

Some local hicks gawk as the Nursenado passes by and heads toward the forest. Someone with binoculars watches as "a bunch of disgusting, knobbly, naked people" are being sucked up by the Nursenado! They all grab their four-wheelers and follow them.

McShane, still wandering through the forest, is pulled up by the Nursenado just as Tommy and Sally arrive. Concerned for the welfare of Sally's fetus, and after Tommy has no success in communicating with it, they listen for any sound from McShane. Hearing none, they leave.

• Will there by a disgusting VD outbreak just in time for VD?
• Will we ever find out why Det. Smegly is looking for Nurse?
• What will happen now that the Nursenado is a Nursenudistnado?
• Is Sally's unborn baby really deaf?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 114

Tommy and Sally are alone in the woods, having lost McShane, and are scared because they think they just had sex.  Though they didn't remove their pants, they believe they must now get married.  A hunter with a potato gun stumbles upon the couple and brings them to Miss Kane, a nice social worker.  Tommy and Sally report that McShane is missing and, they presume, dead.  The hunter puts together a search party to look for one "McShane", last seen wearing "clothes."

Meanwhile, Betty, a server in a small diner, is on the brink of being fired.  Her day gets worse when she can't seem to get a couple's order right.  When Betty goes to the kitchen for a side of mayo, one of the other servers warns her that the man, Psycho Jake, has terrible temper.  The woman with him, Spitty Suzy, has Tourette's.  When the server returns with the side of mayo, the couple's symptoms become clear.  Betty hustles them out to the patio before the crabby diner owner notices.

Dr. Scarlett asks Nurse to check outside to see if the other nurses were still picketing.  "No more health care!" chant the nurses.  "Let's close the hospital!"  "Too much money!"  Nurse reports back to Dr. Scarlett that the picketing nurses are even more crazed than they were when the picketing began.  Their picket circle was getting faster and tighter, whipping up garbage, syringes, and little white hats into a swirl and making a... NURSE-NADO!  Their hot wind could cause destruction across all of Solomon's River!  The chant, "Medical marijuana could solve all our problems" finally sucks up Dr. Scarlett and Nurse themselves!

• Will the search party find McShane, clothed or otherwise?
• Will Sally and Tommy actually get married?
• Is it possible to get pregnant when you don't remove your pants?
• Why are Psycho Jake and Spitty Suzy in town, anyway?
• What will happen in the wake of a NURSE-NADO?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 113

After having mildly burned a secretary with mildly hot coffee, Sally and Tommy are relying on McShane to hide them from the long arm of the law. McShane leads them into a dark forest, where they become separated. While consoling one another, Tommy and Sally discover they are soft and feel good. They decide to stay in the forest a while and explore those feelings.

At the local Wal-Mart, Mr. Grumble the manager calls Solomon into his office to interview for a "clean-up crew" position. He is interrupted by Shaniqua who barges in to complain about someone pooping in aisle 12. Shaniqua leaves to return to her register, but before the interview can advance much further, she interrupts once again to alert the manager that Latisha is "busting up the store again!" Latisha is called into the office where she promptly gets into a fight with Solomon, thinking (mistakenly) that he is her ex-boyfriend. Mr. Grumble hires Solomon on the spot and sends him to grab a mop and clean up the bulk aisle. A customer enters to complain about the poo she stepped in; Mr. Grumble tells her she can go to aisle 28 where she can pick out any new pair of shoes for free, which sets off a heated argument between the cashiers and the manager. To solve the problem, Latisha tapes Mr. Grumble to the chair and hatches a plan to take over the store. Shaniqua is wary; she just got out after serving a dime in the Big House, but she stays by Latisha's side as she takes over the store.

Outside of town, McShane wanders through the woods looking for Sally and Tommy. There he runs across a pedophile who offers to help, but nothing much becomes of it.

Meanwhile, in an underground lair, Angelica finds new employment with a new mistress, Mistress Evil! Angelica offers to warn Solomon's River about the new evil arising, but Mistress tells her to keep it a secret...for now. One of Mistress Evil's  Russian assistants injects a tracking chip into Angelica's arm, as well as an immunization booster. As her first mission, Angelica is ordered to go to Wal-Mart and put Shaniqua (who always mooshed Angelica's Charmin) to sleep for 100 years! Angelica leaves to do some research. 

• Will Sally and Tommy discover a love that shall remain nameless?
• Will Latisha and Shaniqua succeed in taking over the store?
• Does McShane know what a pedophile is?
• Will Angelica succeed in finding a viable way of putting a person to sleep for 100 years?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 112

After the infamously three-way scuffle at the Adverson Mansion, Princess Lakshmi returns to speak privately with Rajiv. After being assured that Mrs. Rajiv is nowhere to be seen (she is off talking with Dr. Scarlett,) Lakshmi both tries to warn Rajiv about how abusive she is and berates him for allowing his wife back into his life after all this time. The princess gives Rajiv an ultimatum: if he loves his wife, he must say with her; if he loves Lakshmi, he must stay with her. She leaves for the Motel 5 to await his answer. Rajiv, perhaps unwisely, promises he will not forget to let her know his choice.

Meanwhile, at the local Super Walmart, Shaniqua and Latisha, two very dissatisfied cashiers, plot to revolt and “take this Walmart down!” They begin by looking to find some places to sabotage (“bust up”), starting with Bulk Items.

McShane, apparently at his new job, is readying for a last-minute meeting in the conference room. Unbeknownst to him, the meeting was arranged by his old friends Sally and Tommy! They arrive, so happy to see McShane, yet sad that he left them behind while he embarked on his new life path. They thought he had died in the hospital! After a quick soft-spot-pressing demonstration, Sally and Tommy offer to help McShane with his business. Coffee arrives, secretaries get burned, Sally and Tommy must leave town with McShanes help.

Meanwhile, in aisle 38 of Walmart, a mother tries to buy a big box of tampons while pulling her child along with a leash and choke chain. Shaniqua, who is busy “bustin' up this place” confronts this horrible mother and frees the child, allowing her to run wild and poop in aisle 14!

• Will Rajiv choose Lakshmi, or his wife?
• Will he remember to tell Lakshmi what he has decided?
• Will Shaniqua and Latisha take down Walmart?
• Can McShane get Sally and Tommy safely out of Solomon's River? Should he?
• Who will clean up the Code 2 in Aisle 14?

Find out the answer to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 111

A very upset Mrs. Rajiv calls the hospital to speak with Dr. Scarlett about the paternity test results. She is livid that the results show that her child, who is to be named “Patel Patel Patel,” is apparently the spawn of Dr. Scarlett himself! Before the doctor has the chance to explain how babies are made, Mrs. Rajiv points out the very important fact that she and the doctor have never been intimate with one another. To add insult to injury, the receptionist has been listening in on their conversation and is ready to spread the word to EVERYBODY!

Meanwhile, across town in the Strange Temple, acolytes are dancing in honor of High Priestess Evaleene. After a short episode of concern regarding both their inability to dance and sing in time with each other and the filthy state of the floor, High Priestess Evaleene appears and they plead with her to tell them how long before the End of the World. Evaleene reveals that it will be in four days! The acolytes leave to spread the word.

Later, in Magnus Adverson's mansion, Tripp is severely concerned about his mother Angelica's desire to take all of Magnus' underwear. She has big plans to sell them to Japanese men, who she thinks will pay a big fortune for them on eBay. Rajiv stumbles in and discovers them rifling through Magnus' drawers. Tripp tells him they are the new butler and maid, and Rajiv promptly orders a BLT. To further complicate matters, Mrs. Rajiv shows up, demanding to know why Rajiv is there. Tripp and Angelica tiptoe away as Mrs. Rajiv verbally assaults her husband. As they banter back and forth about the children, the doorbell rings and Princess Lakshmi appears, complete with her two broken arms. Rajiv hopes for another girl fight. Lakshmi informs Rajiv that she has heard the scuttlebutt about the paternity test results as Mrs. Rajiv denies knowing Dr. Scarlett. The argument continues, this time focusing on everyone's knowledge of biology. It ends with the Princess storming out and everyone proclaiming that they are going to get a lawyer.

• Are the paternity test results correct? Is Dr. Scarlett the father of Mrs. Rajiv's baby?
• Will the world really end in four days?
• Are Japanese men willing to pay a big fortune for Magnus' underwear?
• Are there enough lawyers in Solomon's River for everyone?
• Will Mrs. Rajiv name her baby “Patel Patel Patel?”

Find out the answer to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!