Episode 90

After searching dozens of velvet Elvis museums for Rojav, Princess Lakshmi finds herself at "The Original, the One and Only Velvet Elvis Museum, Las Vegas".  The threat of police intervention inspires the proprietor to allow the princess to scootch down one more set of basement stairs.

McShane's spirit guides are sick and tired of trying to lead him around.  He finds a door.  And a bloody knife.  And a burned box of matches.  And an old receipt for gasoline.  He also finds he is sick and tired of hearing the spirits' voices.  The spirits try to get McShane to find a corner in a round room.  Playing the hot/cold game only leads to disaster when the spirits of those who died in a gruesome Bic Pen factory fire in the early 1800s get to, "You're burning up!"

Rajiv orders concrete via phone (because the internet is down all over town) to make a new floor for his coffee shop (and, therefore, cement Magnus, Rajiv's wife and child into the basement.)  The mailman arrives to deliver an insurance letter and is disappointed to not be able to get Dr Pibb (because of the "problem" with Rajiv's basement storage.)

Meanwhile in Lowertown, the now named Doreen calls to her sister, Lurleen, and enlists her to help get into Solomon's River General Hospital.  While they're away, they want their father to be safe in the women-ruled Lowertown, so they devise a plan to throw his favorite thing, Swiss cheese, into a closet, and lock him in while they're gone.  He falls for it and is left, wearing a dress, locked in a closet, nibbling on cheese.

In Solomon's River General Hospital proper, Dr. Scarlett works on the panel that controlled H.A.L., but Doris is worried that she hasn't heard from H.A.L. in some time.  Dr. Scarlett tries to get her to take off her tin foil helmet and convince her that he has purged H.A.L. from the system.  Doris becomes suspicious, and pokes the doctor... her hand passes through him!  It is H.A.L.!

• Has Princess Lakshmi finally found the right Velvet Elvis Museum?
• Has McShane actually found clues to the Bic Pen factory fire, or are these different clues?
• Will Rajiv really cement three living people into his basement?
• Will Doreen and Lurleen succeed at the hospital, and will their father stay put?
• Is Dr. Scarlett helping Doris, or H.A.L.?  How many times can Doris be fooled by a hologram?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 89

Princess Lakshmi has hopped her way back to The Velvet Elvis Museum in search of her kidnapper, Rojav.  The proprietor knows nothing of a secret lair, but shows her the basement stairs anyway and leaves the still-roped princess to scootch down.

Grandma Poppy reiterates her need for taking over the rest of the town.  She tells a Lowertown tough-girl and her friend Petrina that the hospital's basement "holds the key Solomon's River."  Grandma Poppy flashes back to her childhood when her father, who worked at the hospital, introduced her to smoking.  The girls are instructed to bring back opiates, but not before they search the hospital basement.

Doris the secretary, her neural net still plagued by H.A.L., pleads with Dr. Scarlett to help her remove the evil hologram.  Dr. Scarlett is skeptical of H.A.L.'s abilities until H.A.L. himself appears and confronts the doctor!  H.A.L. demands Dr. Scarlett's help to get a body (so he may do the things he cannot do as a hologram.)  H.A.L. disappears and Doris returns, enlisting Dr. Scarlett's help to get rid of H.A.L.

Meanwhile, far below the hospital, McShane has yet to find any secret or avenge any death.  He has wandered so deeply into the sub-basement, it is now more cavern-like than basementy.

Detective Schmiggly mans the police department alone.  The Commissioner forces the detective to abandon the station for a meeting.

A distraught couple searches desperately for their steroid-riddled breeding ferret, Luke.  Hugely disproportioned, Luke appears and gobbles up his steroid treat.

• Will Princess Lakshmi find Rojav in The Velvet Elvis Museum basement?  Is it even the right museum?
• What will the Lowertown girls find in the basement of the hospital?  Will they have better luck than the still-wandering McShane?
• Can Dr. Scarlett help Doris?  Will Dr. Scarlett help H.A.L.?
• What does the Commissioner want with Detective Schmiggly?
• Don't ferrets experience the same testicular shrinkage that humans do when exposed to that much steroids?  How will Luke breed?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 88

Rajiv is hovering over his new floor hole when Magnus enters, seeking confirmation that he does not, indeed, have a butler.  Distracted momentarily by Mr. Bonkers, a pestering cat, Rajiv confirms the absence of a butler.  Magnus finally falls into the hole, apparently drawing the attention of another basement dweller: Mrs. Rajiv and baby!  Magnus accidentally mentions Rajiv's princess girlfriend, upsetting the wife.  Rajiv covers the hole and sneaks away.  Meanwhile, somewhere in a Las Vegas phone booth, Princess Lakshmi calls to give Rajiv one more "one last chance".  Magnus accidentally mentions Rajiv's wife, upsetting the girlfriend.  Princess Lakshmi promises death for Rajiv.

McShane wanders the Solomon's River General Hospital's haunted basement corridors, finding an old door with a gender-biased sign: "He Who Opens This Door Shall Find the Secret."  Voices urge McShane to both open and not open the door.  McShane opens the door and the voices beg him to enter... the door slams shut behind him.

The British spies have received new instructions and a 3-D printed watch that will monitor Magnus' activities.  Benderson the Butler (a.k.a. Agent 60210) is to give the watch (printed by Agent 4) as a gift.  Benderson searches for Magnus who seems to have slipped from the castle without their notice.

In a church basement in Lowertown, Bob the Student Burglar, who still suffers a leg wound, is tied to a chair.  A girl of Lowertown, feeling bad for the man, brings him a Happy Meal.  Bob is ungrateful, and she takes it back, her hatred of men supported, rather than dashed, by the confrontation.  She leaves him to bleed to death.  Sneaking in after the girl's departure is Jere Koff, former mayoral candidate, now Lowertown's secret Mayor of Men.  The men scuttle into the hidden depths.

• How will Magnus get out of Rajiv's basement?  Especially if Rajiv wants his wife to remain trapped...
• Will Princess Lakshmi actually find a way to return and kill Rajiv for his lies?
• How did Mrs. Rajiv and baby even manage to stay hidden through all of Rajiv's Coffee House's changes?
• What will McShane find beyond the door?
• Can the British agents get the tracking watch to Magnus?  How is Benderson at polishing silver?
• What plans does the secret men's group have, hidden away under the women-ruled Lowertown?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 87

Rajiv is still stuck in his basement when Doris enters, looking for caffeine to dull the mental strain of H.A.L., still trailed by the drunken former MMA fighter.  The ex-MMA insists she drink his high-proof bottled urine.  H.A.L. works his mental force, but Doris still chugs a little urine anyway and it starts to dull her senses.  Despite logic, the ex-MMA fighter punches a hole through the cement floor and pulls out Rajiv.  Doris pays the ex-MMA fighter another quarter to leave her alone, and she leaves the shop.  Although H.A.L.'s voice is muted slightly by the alcohol, Doris she finds herself outside the hospital face to face with... H.A.L.?!?  Doris is horrified that H.A.L. has become flesh, but, in reality, she has found Dr. Scarlett, the model for H.A.L.'s program.  Dr. Scarlett gives Doris a Tic-Tac and brings her inside.

McShane hears muted trumpets and contradictory voices telling him what to do.  "Go deeper!" and "Find the secret!" and "Avenge my death!" are among the most coherent.

The girls in Lowertown bring Grandma Poppy a caught man: Bob the Burglary Student.  The girl who caught him was remorseful and couldn't kill him, but she is forced to leave him in Grandma Poppy's clutches.  Grandma Poppy wastes no time and shoots Bob in the leg.  She gathers the women and instructs them to take the rest of Solomon's River, starting with the hospital because the men there will be sick and easier to kill.  Plus, Grandma Poppy can get her drugs.  They're going to be free!

A man goes back to the cemetery to find his mother's grave not only desecrated, but decimated, and maybe even desiccated.  The dynamic host of "The Graveyard" pops in and tries to get the man to party down on his own mother's grave with Sally and Tommy.  The man doesn't seem enthused.

The British Secret Service tries again to get Magnus Aversson with butler Benderson and a cup of honeyed tea.  The female agent feeds information to "Benderson", but Magnus remains so skeptical, despite the Alzheimer's, that they abort the teatime.

• Will Rajiv's insurance keep covering the damage to his coffee shop?
• Can Dr. Scarlett help Doris at the hospital, or has she fallen right into H.A.L.'s clutches?
• Will McShane speak to the dead to find out their secrets?
• Will Bob the Burglary Student survive Grandma Poppy's sadistic clutches?
• Can the women of Lowertown take over Solomon's River proper?
• Why is everyone going to the hospital?
• Why does the British Secret Service want Magnus, and can they even get him?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!