Judge Graft visits Big Momma with Ezekiel, his first born son (from the month of June). Graft wants to exchange the barn-raising twenty-something for a campaign boost. Ezekiel is stoically scared, but Angelica lets him build a barn out back to calm him down. Graft is upset that the Jewish god Gigi has been supporting his Native American opponent, and he asks for an equal donation from Big Momma of $500,000. They give him $600,000 and he promises that any cases they need won or lost, he will help.
Princess Lakshmi changes Rajiv's adult diaper in a gap between the gun-happy robbers who seem to outnumber actual shoppers in the 7-11. She promises that he won't have to work there much longer as, secretly, her plan to expose her fake father is nearly complete. Lakshmi attends to the Diaper Genie as a customer enters: Magnus Adversson! Magnus and Rajiv harass each other for a while, and Magnus laments how old and tired he is. He needs someone to whom he can pass on his fortune, and Rajiv is more than willing; however, there is a catch: Magnus needs Rajiv to kill him!
A country bumpkin, Jeff Bob, enters Solomon's River General Hospital and finds no one except Gabby Plotpoint, the janitor. Jeff Bob has three choices: across the street with all the good nurses, down the hill to the warehouse with Dr. Scarlett and some not-so-good nurses, or the nursing home.
Dr. Scarlett's nurses were supposed to find patients, but only managed to get one nurse maced. The country bumpkin enters and Dr. Scarlett gets Nurse Steve to triage the man. Jeff Bob, had been married to Steve's sister Laverne for 20 years. He has been living in the woods the last 10 years and got an infection from lusting after "coon tang". Nurse Steve takes blood pressure poorly and another nurse recognizes the raccoon scratches and informs Jeff Bob that in order to treat him properly for rabies (and VD?) he needs to find the actual raccoon that scratched him. Jeff Bob says that he's been with so many raccoons, he can't possibly say which did it, so they'll have to gather ALL the raccoons. Nurse Steve lets Jeff Bob scoop up his own pain killers (Vicodin) and leaves for a smoke.
Brother Offenshitz has grown disillusioned with Brother Chiliwang's godlike powers (given to him by Princess Eveleen in the form of a stone up the nose) and he is leaving. Chiliwang, feeling superior, says that if he leaves, he can never return. Offenshitz smacks Chiliwang on the back of the head, finally dislodging the stone and relieving Chiliwang of the god-powers!
- What will Big Momma do with Ezekiel and what favors will she ask for from Judge Graft?
- Will Graft now win his reelection campaign against his Native American opponent?
- How will Lakshmi expose the father imposter?
- Will Rajiv kill Magnus for an inheritance?
- Can "all the raccoons" be gathered?
- What will become of the suddenly un-endowed Chiliwang?
- Does the god-stone still have powers?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!
