Episode 25

At the Retreat, Brother Offenschitz calls for Brother Chiliwang; he claims he has "found it!"  Inner peace!  He was in his cube, going through his bottom dresser drawer, and he found it.  Just as Chiliwang is about to release Brother Offenschitz, Tripp walks in disguised as Magnus.  Brother Chiliwang departs, Wolfgang invites Magnus to meditate with him, but instead Tripp/Magnus gets behind him and snaps his neck!!!

At the Rajiv house, Rajiv attempts to chastise his wife for embarrassing him in front of the customers.  She is upset that he is serving them alcohol in a bar.  Tripp walks into their house as Magnus, asking Rajiv to help him out of the suit.  He pulls down the zipper, and out pops Tripp!  Mrs. Rajiv is worried about this "sketchy person."  Tripp tells Rajiv that the bar is too clean; he is fired. One of the Rajiv cousins comes in, spouts off in Hindi, takes the now-empty Magnus suit and goes out of the room, Rajiv following close behind.

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River General Hospital, Jerry Koff finds Dr. Scarlet (who has mysteriously survived Bob-Joe's attempt on his life) and asks to see the body in the morgue that looks suspiciously like the mayor.  Scarlet takes him down to look at the body.  After shooing his nurse off of the body, Scarlet shows it to Koff, who identifies it, asking him to make sure it is not "plugged in."  As Scarlet is checking for a pulse, his nurse comes back in, trying to keep another nurse out of the room while the doctor is in there.  She wants her turn at the body.  Jerr Koff leaves, after asking for their votes.

• What will happen now that Tripp has apparently murdered Wolfgang Offenschitz?
• How will Rajiv support his family now that he has lost his job at the Dead Parrot?
• Is it really Mayor Joe-Bob's body on the slab?
• Will we ever have any love stories in Solomon's River?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 24

In the latest installment of Solomon's River, we begin with Tripp using the Magnus Adverson suit to try to gain access to the Retreat, where Wolfgang Offenschitz is trying to attain inner peace, in an attempt to kill Offenschitz so that he can take the pressure off his mother, Angelica, who is trying to take the pressure off her boss, Carla Calivera, who is trying to turn over a new leaf, but must first kill Wolfgang for the mayor.  Tripp realizes he has no identification, which will complicate his attempt at passing himself off as Adverson.  He then runs into Wolfgang and tries to elicit his help.  One of the Brothers comes by to try and get Magnus/Tripp to leave Brother Offenschitz alone so he can meditate; Brother Chiliwang soon arrives as well and leads Magnus/Tripp out.

Meanwhile, at the Dead Parrot Bar, Rajiv is tending bar in Tripp's absence as some strangers come in.  Mrs. Rajiv storms in, demanding to know where her husband has been!  He explains to her what has happened to the coffee house.  A dude comes in and tells everyone about a pitchfork and torch party going on in town.  One of Rajiv's relatives from India arrives, offering to help him get back his coffee house.  Bob-Joe Solomon comes in during the confusion and offers one of the strangers $200 to get rid of a black bag he has outside in his pickup truck, without looking in it!

Across town at the former coffee house, the dance party continues!  Magnus gets caught up with his granddaughter, Samantha...he wants to know what happened to Cilantro.  Samantha thought she was in town all the time she was gone; she is looking for Mr. Ylung...she notes that Cilantro seems to have disappeared around the same time as Ylung!  As the dance party winds down (too many old people) a confused stranger wanders in - the man from the black bag!!!

• Will Tripp's devilish plot work?
• Will Wolfgang ever attain inner peace?
• Will Mrs Rajiv teach her husband not to give away large possessions while she's gone?
• What was Bob-Joe doing with a body bag?
• Will Cilantro return?  Is she with Mr. Ylung???

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 23

Rajiv is still watching over the Dead Parrot while Tripp is out, and in walks Carla Calivera.  She apologizes to him for her complex drink orders and offers, in an attempt to turn her life around, to help him get his coffee shop back by getting the townspeople behind him.. Angelica runs in to warn Carla that the townspeople are marching to the factory with pitchforks and torches.  Carla must leave and have Angelica hide her.  Bob-Joe comes in and, posing as the mayor, tells Rajiv he is going to help Carla help him get his coffee house back.

Angelica takes Carla to the mines to hide her, at the same time remarking to Carla that the tunnels are filled with the unquiet spirits of people she has killed, seeking to wreak bloody revenge upon her.  Angelica leaves Carla and Magnus wanders into her as the spirits surround them.  Carla pours her heart out to Magnus, then considers that she should, perhaps, go back to being evil.  Magnus explains that in order to get to the top you have to be evil; then, when you retire, you can be good.  As the undead pass by, Carla decides the mines might not be the nest place to hide; she takes Magnus with her.

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett negotiates with his nurse, agreeing to give them muffins in return for coming back to work and giving up their health benefits.  He sends her off to clean up the backlog of bed pans.  After she leaves, Bob-Joe shows up, but Scarlett is too preoccupied by x-rays of various patients to pay attention.  Once Bob-Joe gets Scarlett's attention, he confesses that he is impersonating his brother the mayor; he is concerned that his brother has been missing for some time.  He asks Scarlett if anyone who looks like him has been admitted to the hospital recently.  Before he can answer, his nurse comes back in, looks at Bob-Joe and screams.  "Sorry, there's a John Doe downstairs in the cooler, and you look just like him," she explains.  Bob-Joe realizes that the only person who could stop him from now becoming the mayor is Dr. Scarlett.  His hands close tightly around the doctor's throat...

• Will Rajiv ever get the bar top clean?
• Will Carla be able to evade the rampaging mob?
• Will Magnus ever find the 7-11?
• Are muffins important enough to give up health care for?
• Will Bob-Joe really kill Dr. Scarlett, or will they come to some mutually-agreeable, yet highly improbable compromise?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 22

Tonight's episode of Solomon's River begins in the Dead Parrot with Bob-Joe impersonating his brother, the mayor.  He explains the blood on his hands to Tripp the bartender as the blood of a virgin he sacrificed.  To his dismay, Tripp doesn't seem to be grasping the concept.  Rajiv, who recently signed away his ownership of the coffee house, is now working at the Dead Parrot; Tripp tells him to stop cleaning the counter and go clean the bathrooms.  Bob-Joe leaves and Angelica, Tripp's mother, comes in.  She fawns over him, much to his embarrassment.  Tripp asks how she's doing with volunteers..she tells him that she is looking for a man named Offenschitz.  Tripp offers to beat him up and bring him to his mother; she tells her son he can find him at the Retreat.  Tripp puts Rajiv in charge while he's gone.

At Calivera Enterprises, Carla muses over being able to end the killing and starting a new company to make organic ice cream with candy in it.  Jerry Koff comes in, asks for her vote and a sizable donation.  Instead of donating, she recommends to Jerr that he take a vacation on a small island; he agrees to do it in exchange for a blank check.  Bob-Joe rushes in...Jerr reminds him about the debate on Friday night.  Bob-Joe asks Carla for help with Rajiv.  Carla speaks privately with Bob-Joe about the mayor's orders to kill Offenschitz; Bob-Joe is taken aback; he knew nothing about his brother's plans.

Meanwhile, Magnus is surprised by the return of his granddaughter, Samantha.  He spill the beans on his newly found daughter, Magneta, and the possibility that he killed someone.  While he is trying to back out of his admission to murder, they are interrupted by a friend of Samantha's, who is congratulating her on her pregnancy.  Magnus is happy for her, although he is disturbed (briefly) that the father is Mr. Ylung, who tried to "screw him out of the will."  Samantha is looking for Ylung...she goes to Rajiv's to find him.  We cut to Rajiv's former Coffee House to discover it's been turned into a Euro-Dance club.

• Will Tripp find Wolfgang Offenschitz for his mother?
• Will Rajiv manage to get the Dead Parrot's bathroom clean?
• Will Carla figure out that Jerr Koff is not Wolfgang Offenschitz, the man she is supposed to murder?
• Will Samantha find Mr. Ylung, the father of her unborn child?
• Will Rajiv ever reclaim the coffee house, and if so, will he be able to get the dance-stink out of the upholstery?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 21

Today's episode begins in Rajiv's Coffee House.  Director Anderson's production assistant for the film Steel Magnolias II: The Wrath of Magnolia comes in scouting for a location; she thinks the coffee house would be perfect!  She informs Rajiv that this is a horror film, so there will be a great deal of blood and gore.  She then shoves a pile of papers at Rajiv and gets him to sign them.  She leaves as Magnus enters and orders his usual.  Close behind him is Director Anderson and his assistant, Lilly.  As Lilly leads Magnus out, Director Anderson asks Rajiv for "the money he was supposed to be holding" for him.  To punctuate his threatening tone, two nurses line up next to him:  his enforcers!  The nurses, despite Rajiv's protestations, swear that he has Mr. Anderson's money, and they take him in the back to get it.

Later, in the Caverns, we find Lilly tied to the ground.  Dr. Scarlett hovers over her as Mr. Anderson releases her, informing Scarlett that he won't be allowed to sacrifice her.  Bob-Joe Solomon, posing as his brother Joe-Bob, the mayor, comes out of the bathroom.  Since Scarlett will be unable to sacrifice the girl, he chloroforms Anderson and they tie him to the ground. Mr. Anderson asks why he is being sacrificed; Scarlett explains there is little else to do in town as Bob-Joe tells him that Maktar only wants virgins.  Mr. Anderson manages to break free!  In the confusion which follows, Bob-Joe stabs Lilly and kills her.  He reminds people that he is the mayor (which, of course, he is not) and he runs from the cave.  Another assistant from the film production arrives with the papers signed by Rajiv; we discover that it is not an agreement to use the coffee house for a location shoot - in fact, Rajiv has signed over ownership of the coffee house to Mr. Anderson!!!

• What is this money that the director says he gave to Rajiv?
• How did Lilly get tied to the floor of the Cavern?
• Why does Bob-Joe think he's there to take part in the sacrifice when Jerry Koff originally invited his political opponent the mayor there to BE the sacrifice?
• Will Maktar be unhappy with his followers?
• What will Rajiv do now that he has signed over ownership of the coffee house?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 20

At the Dead Canary, Tripp the bartender deals with some unpleasant cleaning issues in the restroom.  An incomprehensible curmudgeon enters and (perhaps?) tries to order a whiskey.  Tripp calls his mom, Angelica, to inquire once again about all the people he sends to Calivera Enterprises who never come back.  She tells him she needs more people, so Tripp talks with the curmudgeon and sends him over.

At Calivera Industries, Carla has returned from testifying before Congress.  She is worried, and tells Angelica that they must stay under the radar for a few weeks; no more killings!  Just then, Joe-Bob Solomon enters, asking Carla if she's "gotten around to that job I asked you to do," which amounts to killing Wolfgang Offenschitz.  Carla replies that she has turned over a new leaf and won't be killing people any more.  At that, Mayor Joe-Bob threatens to reveal evidence against her...40 tapes worth.  All he wants is this one last killing.  He leaves, and the curmudgeon comes in; Carla tells him she has the perfect job for him and for Angelica to "show him to his new office."  She will turn over a new leaf tomorrow.

Later, Jerry Koff runs into the Mayor and asks if they could set up a debate at his "men's club," and to show up on Friday and not tell anyone where he's going.  After Jer Koff leaves, we discover that he was, in fact, talking with Joe-Bob's brother, Bob-Joe!

Meanwhile, we find Julia looking for a coffee shop (or something to do in town,) and a fan is looking for an autograph.  Magnus mistakes Julia for his newly-found daughter, Magneta.  Mr. Ylung shows up, asking why Magnus is no longer in the basement, and demands to know what happened to the cable guy.  Magnus realizes he has killed the cable guy...the problem is that he was the witness to the new will signing; Magnus must re-sign.  Magnus tells Ylung that he told Dr. Scarlett he would be put in the will for helping Magnus discover why he had blood on his hands; My. Ylung assures Magnus that he is only trying to help him.  They leave.

• Will Tripp ever find out what's happening to all the people he sends to Calivera Enterprises?
• Will Carla turn over a new leaf?
• Will Joe-Bob succeed in blackmailing Carla into helping him?
• Will Bob-Joe show up for the debate on Friday, and if so, will he bring snacks?
• Did Magnus Adverson really kill the cable guy?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

 

Episode 19

At Rajiv's Coffee House, Rajiv is first surprised by finding a baby under the counter, then by Detective Smith, who orders a "celebratory cup o' joe."  Finally he has found a mystery in Solomon's River which needs solving; the mystery of the blood on Magnus' hands!  Magnus Adverson comes into the coffee shop and hangs around for no apparent reason until an actress enters.  She implies that she is Julia Roberts, but then claims she is Dolly Parton. Someone from the film crew runs in to tell  Julia that there has been a horrible accident on the film set!  After burning Julia's face with a cup of scalding hot coffee, Rajiv hands off the baby to an as-yet unidentified Indian man who has suddenly appeared. Rajiv then makes a run for it.

Elsewhere, Jer Koff is meeting with Dr. Scarlett to check on when the next sacrifice is scheduled.  Jer informs Scarlett that he received an offer of a sizable donation from Wolfgang Offenschitz if he "takes care of Mayor Joe-Bob."  Jer Koff asks if it would be possible to sacrifice the mayor; Scarlett replies that he would prefer a female virgin, but is willing to make an exception this time.  There is a knock at the door...it is a mysterious package being delivered from the Kentucky Candle Company. Scarlett tell Jer to take it down to the Caverns.

At the Solomon's River Marriott, we find the mysterious wealthy woman calling for her butler, Jeeves, who is uncharacteristically slow in answering.  She is tired of being cooped up in the hotel...she is anxious to find Magnus Adverson who, coincidentally enough, has just arrived at her door.  He is invited in and is shown in to see Edith (the wealthy woman.)  They embrace.  It's been 40 years since they've seen each other; they were separated after a firefight...she pulled one of the German's bodies over her and stayed there for a week, at which time she ate her way out.  She shocks Magnus with the news that they have had a child together.  Coincidentally once again, a woman, Magneta, enters the room.  Edith introduces Magnus to their daughter...

• Will Julia get to finish her film?
• Will Det Smith find out why Magnus had blood on his hands?
• Will Dr Scarlett and Jer Koff be able to find a mutually agreeable date for their next sacrifice?
• What will Magnus have to say to his newly-found daughter?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 18

At the meditation center, Brother Chilliwang complains to a fellow brother that Brother Offenschitz has been disruptive, causing a food fight in the cafeteria.  As penance, Wolfgang has been sent to the Cave of Ultimate Silence to find his inner self.  In the Cave, Brother Offenschitz is visited by the ghost of Suzanne, the love of his life that Joe-Bob Solomon was responsible for killing.  Mayor Solomon arrives and steals the ghost and leaves Wolfgang alone in the Cave.

At Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett is worried about how to run the hospital without nurses, who are now out on strike.  Unfortunately, the scabs who've been hired to replace them are not working out very well.  Magnus comes in and wants to know why his half-brother Scarlett is not helping him discover why Magnus came to the hospital with blood on his hands.  Magnus offers to put Scarlett back in the will if he helps.  Dr. Scarlett suggests they talk to a detective.

Later, at the detective agency, Detective Smith is finishing a phone call when Magnus and Scarlett arrive to seek help.  Smith is excited that a mystery has shown up on the doorstep!  Scarlett tells Smith about the blood; Smith takes samples and sends them to the lab for analysis.  When questioned, Adverson remembers little about what happened since being tied up in Ylung's basement.  They all leave to find a TV Guide so they can determine the timing of events based on what Magnus was watching...either Matlock or Perry Mason.

At Rajiv's Coffee House, Jerry Koff, a candidate for Mayor, comes in to solicit Rajiv's vote.  A very enthusiastic man, Jer Koff spreads rumors about Mayor Solomon's activities in the park and his proclivity for hearing voices. 

Back outside the hospital, the striking nurses discuss amongst themselves what their demands are: more money, fewer hours, less blood and nicer bathrooms.  They also discuss that Jer Koff has promised to help the nurses get all their demands as long as they give him kickbacks and help with his campaign. They change their picket signs to read "Vote for that Jer Koff" and decide to bake "Jer Koff muffins."  We leave this episode of Solomon's River as the nurses are chanting, "Jer Koff Muffins!  Jer Koff Muffins!"

• Will Suzanne's ghost ever return to Wolfgang?
• Will we find out why Magnus has blood on his hands?
• Will Rajiv go for Jer Koff?
• Will the nurses get satisfied?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 17

This week we find ourselves in Rajiv's Coffee House as a wealthy woman enters with her butler, Jeeves, to order a latte (she gets coffee.) As they haggle over the five cent charge for a lid, one of the teenagers from the previous episode arrives wearing the Magnus Adverson suit.  "Magnus" asks for "free stuff" and ends up walking out with coffee and rhubarb pie.  The wealthy woman recognizes Magnus from years before, but as she tries to talk with him, she becomes distraught that Magnus does not recognize her.  Mayor Solomon shows up as the woman and her butler leave.  For some mysterious reason the mayor is intrigued by the wealthy woman, and leaves to go to the hotel and check her out.

Meanwhile, in Ylung's basement, the cable guy is still hooking up Magnus' TV.  Unfortunately, the teenager in the Magnus suit appears and tries to sell the coffee he got for free from Rajiv.  Magnus recognizes himself and asks for help with the remote; he can't get to Matlock.  Another teenager shows up to take his turn with the Magnus suit.

At Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett is looking at an X-ray of a tumor.  His nurse asks him about it and they discuss why so many people in town are developing tumors.  When a delivery of tumors shows up, the nurses decide that working conditions are bad enough to go on strike!  As they picket outside, a scab comes and takes a nursing job.  Adverson finds his way to Scarlett's office...he has blood on his hands!

• Who is this mysterious wealthy woman?
• Why is Mayor Solomon so interested in her?
• Will the teenagers manage to sell all that rhubarb pie?
• Why are so many people developing tumors?
• How long will the nurses be on strike?
• Whose blood is on Magnus' hands???

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 16

At the Dead Canary, a local drunkard, Aaron, demands more whiskey as the bartender, Tripp, tries to get him to go home until finally giving in and serving him.  Detective Smith arrives, looking for anything suspicious.  Tripp informs Smith that the mayor has a brother that looks just like him.  Smith then grills him about all the local disappearances, indicating that the drunkard may well disappear next.  Asking Aaron about the No-Tell Motel (at which he works,) Smith finds out that the mayor likes little girls.  Bob-Joe Solomon arrives, still looking for his brother.  Smith asks him about his Joe-Bob's penchant for young ladies.  Bob-Joe admits that his brother the mayor is corrupt, and will get his comeuppance.

Magnus is still tied up in Ylung's basement; Ylung informs him that the "project" will have to wait, because Ylung has gotten a good gig suing Dr. Scarlett on behalf of Dr. Maroon.  A knock comes at the door; a cable guy arrives trying to sign Ylung up for cable. They come to an agreement as Ylung does his best to hide Magnus from him.  Adverson finally agrees to sign the new will, making the Magnus Mask Plan irrelevant.  The cable guy witnesses the signing of the will.

Meanwhile, just outside Ylung's house, three teenagers gather to break in and steal all the chemicals they heard were inside.  They follow the cable guy in  and find the Magnus mask and suit, which one of them proceeds to put on.

At a mediation center, Wolfgang Offenschitz is learning to let go of his anger.  Hawaiian pizza arrives and Master Chiliwang pays, then tell Brother Offenschitz that he has pain which he cannot release until he finds his inner demons.  Another brother arrives, asking about the pizza until Brother Offenschitz yells at them to quiet down, thereby delaying his discovery of the inner demons even further.

• Will Joe-Bob Solomon and Bob-Joe Solomon ever manage to meet up?
• Will Magnus Adverson get to see "Love Connection?"
• What will those teenagers do with a Magnus Adverson mask & suit?
• Will Brother Offenschitz get in touch with his inner demons?
• Who invented the Hawaiian pizza, and why?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 15

We begin in Rajiv's Coffee House as Rajiv's brother Vajir arrives.  Things are not going well at the Marriott; young women are hanging around with old men, and that's bad for business.  What he is looking for, however, is the putty he needs to make the Magnus Adverson mask.  Rajiv lends Vajir his caulk gun, warning him it could go off at the slightest provocation.

At Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett checks with his nurse to she if she managed to get rid of the body in his office from last week; she tells him it was surprisingly easy.  It was dragged away by two mysterious men (the Mason Brothers.)  Apparently the body was not dead, however, for Dr. Maroon, the body, surprises the two of them; he forces his way into the hospital and confronts Scarlett with his plans to sue for malpractice...Scarlett was his doctor years ago and apparently sewed his spleen to his rectum.  Having employed the services of Mr. Ylung, Maroon hatches his plot for REVENGE! Dr. Scarlett is subpoenaed.  Scarlett sends his nurse to talk to the Mason Brothers to see if they can help rid him of his troubles.

The nurse travels into the mines to talk with the Mason Brothers.  Fighting an irritatingly literal echo, the nurse talks with Frannie, who promises to meet with Scarlett next week.  The nurse leaves to deliver his message as the mayor meets up with Frannie to demand why his angry neighbor, Wolfgang Offenschitz is still alive; Frannie promises to take care of it.

Back at Rajiv's Coffee House, Sally Struthers (no relation,) a student from the high school band is trying to sell ads for the school newspaper to pay for their school trip to Oklahoma to play against the Fighting Oklahomans.  Frannie Mason buys an ad for his "moving service."

• Will Vajir be successful at caulking Magnus' face?
• Will Dr. Maroon win his malpractice suit against Dr. Scarlett?
• What happens when you sew a spleen to a rectum?
• Will Frannie managed to fix his many faux pas?
• Will Sally Struthers sell enough ads to go on her trip to Oklahoma City?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 14

We start tonight's episode in Rajiv's Coffee House with two patrons sitting at a lone table. Rajiv, oddly enough, is missing, so the young woman offers to get the gentleman a cup of coffee as they make observations about the Coffee House (holes in the wall, giant monkey wrenches and cymbal monkeys below the counter.)  She also notices a handle on the floor as Rajiv's brother enters and asks her what she's doing.  He shoos her from behind the counter and muses about how odd it is for Rajiv not to be there.

Mr. Ylung arrives at the Coffee House to talk with Rajiv's brother, who had once worked as a special FX man in Bollywood, to see if he could make him a Magnus Adverson mask for "a fancy dress party."  As the female patron discusses how much she loves fancy balls, Ylung make arrangements to meet in the basement of his law firm after 3 o'clock.

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River General Hospital, we find Dr. Scarlett's nurse inquiring about knee salve, so she can keep her job.  Once she leaves, Dr. Scarlett is inspecting some X-rays when a mysterious Dr. Maroon enters and confronts Scarlett.  Maroon threatens to give Scarlett his "comeuppance."  Fortunately the nurse returns and pumps Maroon full of tranquilizers until he finally (and slowly) collapses upon the couch.  Scarlett's nurse is afraid that Scarlett's life is in danger, so they leave for a new office.

Later, in the basement of Ylung's law firm, we find Magnus still tied up to a chair.  Magnus complains about Matlock being too old, so Ylung turns on Diagnosis Murder.  Mr. Ylung begins to measure Adverson, then figures he could take his keys and just get some of his clothes.  Ylung takes the keys and leaves Adverson to watch his Dick (Van Dyke.)

• Will we discover what the mysterious handle on Rajiv's floor is for?
• Where is Rajiv?
• Can Rajiv's brother make a convincing Magnus Adverson mask?
• Who is the cryptic Dr. Maroon, and what in God's name is a "comeuppance?"
• What does Magnus really have against Matlock?
• Why do policemen have bigger balls than firemen? (They sell more tickets.) 

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 13

As we saw last week, Mayor Joe-Bob Solomon's brother visits the Dead Canary Bar, where the dregs of society go to forget the day-to-day drudgery of their life in the mines. He is looking for his brother...the barkeep tells him the mayor doesn't come in after the "incident with the little girls." A mysterious drunk woman asks Bob-Joe to pass a message on to his brother, then throws her drink in his face and leaves with a drunkard, heading for the Solomon's River Marriott.

Once the Dead Canary clears out, Tripp the bartender calls his mother, Angelica, at Calivera Enterprises and asks if she needs any more "volunteers" for the "project."  She tells him to bring in as many volunteers as he can get.  Tripp is concerned that he hasn't seen the previous volunteers he's sent; he thinks they've been cured of their alcohol abuse.  Angelica's minion arrives to report that the grinder is packed up again; he is told to clean it up to prepare for more "volunteers" from her son.  As her minion leaves, she speaks about the "secret downstairs."

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Magnus Adverson is tied to a chair by Mr. Ylung, who demands he sign the new will.  Ylung needs someone to witness the will...Magnus recognizes Ylung as the man dating his granddaughter.  Mr. Ylung plans to make a mask of Magnus' face to complete his plan.  Ylung is interrupted by a secretary bringing him legal briefs, but she is clueless, and leaves without comment.

Elsewhere, in an underground lair, a young woman is tied down to the floor, a pentagram inscribed beneath her.  She yells for help; robed figures arrive and stand ominously over her.  Is one Dr. Scarlett?

• Will Bob-Joe Solomon find his brother Joe-Bob, the mayor?
• Will Tripp every discover what Calivera Enterprises is doing with all the "volunteers?"
• Will the minion's minion get the grinder unpacked?
• Will Mr. Ylung succeed in his plan to get Magnus to change his will?
• Who are these mysterious robed figures, and what are they up to?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 12

In last week's exciting episode of Solomon's River, Mr. Ylung, the lawyer, meets with Mayor Joe-Bob Solomon, complaining that the sheriff has been no help in finding the missing Samantha Solomon.  Mr. Ylung is also concerned that the rest of his law firm has gone to Calivera Industries and are now missing.  The mayor suggests he talk with the Mayoral Investigation Bureau (MIB.)

Later, in Rajiv's Coffee House, Sir Reginald Barkley, a blind author, arrives and asks Rajiv about lodging.  He wishes to write a book and has heard that Solomon's River is a quiet and peaceful town.  Rajiv recommends the Solomon's River Marriott (his cousin runs it.)  The Mayor enters, orders his usual, and introduces himself to Sir Reginald.  They talk briefly, then the author leaves. Detective Smith enters and asks about Sir Reginald.  Smith laughs, implying the writer is not who we think he is.  Mayor Solomon wants to talk with Rajiv about a proposal that could make him wealthy...he wants to meet in private, so he suggests a public park near his mansion.

Wolfgang Offenschitz meets with Frannie Mason to thank him and his brother for the work with Mayor Solomon's dog, but Frannie explains his brother is missing. Wolfgang make it clear he wishes to call off the hit on Mayor Solomon.

Later, in the public park, two teenage girls are using the teeter-totter (cherry bomb!)  They discuss, in young teenage fashion, learning about sex.  Mayor Solomon enters, asking why they are there; they sass back in typical teenage fashion.  Solomon wants to leave to find another park, but the teenage girls brag about stealing from Rajiv, then begin hitting on the mayor.  Fortunately, they leave before anything further can happen.

• Will Mr Ylung discover any leads to Samantha's whereabouts?
• What is Sir Reginald up to?
• What does Detective Smith know about the blind author?
• What does the mayor have to say to Rajiv that requires a private public park?
• Where is the other Mason brother?
• What is a "cherry bomb," and how does one get one?
• Will Mayor Solomon give in to the 13-year-old who say they are 21 and 25?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 11

We begin this week’s episode at Solomon’s River General Hospital with Dr. Scarlett losing a patient.  His nurse takes the body to the coolers, but returns to have the doctor invite her and her sister to his office later.  She leaves to continue her duties, and Agent Blakeley arrives.  Blakeley asks Dr. Scarlett about all the bodies in town…Scarlett tells him plenty of people die at Solomon’s River General Hospital.  He is interrupted by a Code Red in the emergency room. Scarlett must leave, so Blakeley arranges a meeting with the doctor in one week.

In the emergency room Scarlett finds his nurse crying over the body of her sister, telling him she collapsed.  The doctor prescribes 50 ccs of Ibunephertrol and a drippy bag.  Before the medication can be administered, however, Ellen, the sister, revives suddenly.  Seeing Ellen is fine, Dr. Scarlett leaves for his office.  The nurse, after a brief bout of forgetfulness regarding her sister’s name, lets her know that she was going to hook her up with the doctor.  Ellen is concerned with all the bodies she has heard about.  Her sister worries about Ellen since her husband ran away; she wants to find her a man. They decide that perhaps battery-operated is the way to go for a while.

Wolfgang Offenschitz, the mayor’s very unhappy neighbor, calls Agent Blakeley to let him know he would need to talk with him today, or not at all. He plans on joining a monastery; the guilt and anger over his vendetta against the mayor are eating him up inside.  Blakeley tells him to come over.

Later, when Offenschitz arrives, Blakeley shows his concern for all the bodies in town, but Wolfgang is concerned with all the dog poop.  Admitting that the mayor is actually a pretty good guy, Offenschitz offers to team up with Blakeley, but is interrupted when a burning bag of dog poop is left on the doorstep for Blakeley to stamp out.  Wolfgang smells the remnants; it was the mayor’s dog.

• Will Dr. Scarlett hook up with the nurse and her sister?
• Will anyone every discover where all the bodies are coming from?
• Will Agent Blakeley ever find out something useful?
• Will Wolfgang Offenschitz join a monastery, or will he complete his vendetta against the mayor?
• Will Agent Blakeley ever get all that stuff off the bottom of his shoe?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Epsiode 10

It begins as a quiet day in Rajiv's Coffee House, but soon escalates as the mayor's unhappy neighbor arrives, ordering a Mr. Pibb and pie.  Detective Smith, once again hidden in the wall behind the counter, hears Mayor Solomon come in.  The neighbor, already having confessed to Rajiv that he may have regrets over putting out a hit on the mayor, throws his drink in Joe-Bob's face, and leaves.

Carla Calivera enters, confronting Mayor Joe-Bob as to why he is trying to "bring her down." As they argue, Rick Simpson, the health inspector, sees Det. Smith in the wall and they chat briefly.  Once the health inspector comes out of the wall and tells Rajiv that he must conduct a more thorough inspection, Rajiv attempts to bribe him by dropping a twenty on the floor.  Fortunately for Rajiv, Mr. Simpson sees Carla and moves to talk with her.

The health inspector informs Carla that he'd like to get into Calivera Industries to perform an inspection, something his department has been trying to do for some time, with no success.  As they banter, Rajiv must deal with an alcoholic who has entered the coffee shop, thinking it to be a bar.  Fortunately Rajiv always keeps a bottle of single-malt whiskey behind the counter for just such an emergency.

Det. Smith comes out from the wall to speak with the health inspector, trying to tell him there's more going on here than meets the eye, but all the inspector seems concerned with is whether or not Rajiv has the appropriate signage in the bathrooms.  Rajiv becomes upset because no one is actually buying anything.  Det. Smith retires back into the wall.

The drunk identifies himself as Cliff Shale, from the EPA.  He wants to speak to someone about the mines, so Rajiv directs him to the Mason Brothers.  The Mason Brothers are busy dealing with a body backlog, bricking them into a wall.  Carla visits and warns them they must work overtime because the odor is now reaching to the village.  Mayor Solomon sneaks in and take a picture of them hiding the bodies.  Carla tries to silence the mayor by making it worth the his while; she leaves with the mayor.

Later, Detective Smith meets with Cliff Shale.  It turns out he is undercover, working with Smith.  They spend some time bad-mouthing Rajiv's, then Smith instructs Shale to get on the good side of Calivera and get into the mines.

Rick Simpson is talking with his boss on the phone, concerned about the people in Rajiv's.  He also voices his concerns with Calivera Industries wondering why she is so reluctant about letting him in.

• Will the unhappy neighbor feel sorry for putting out a hit on the mayor?
• What exactly does Calivera Industries manufacture?  Is it cotton candy, as the mayor seems to think, or is he just addled as usual?
• Will Inspector Simpson get in to inspect Calivera Industries?  If so, what will he find?
• Will Detective Smith spend even more time in Rajiv's wall?
• Will anyone pay for anything at Rajiv's?
• What is Mayor Solomon planning on doing with Carla?
• Will we ever see Magnus Adverson and his family again?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 9

In this week’s hair-raising episode of Solomon’s River, we begin in Rajiv’s Coffee House as the mysterious Janice White shows up behind the counter looking for coffee and information.  Mayor Solomon arrives, ordering his usual Mr. Pibb and introduces himself to Janice (who introduces herself as Janice Purple!) Janice tells the mayor she is visiting for the day and inquires about the haze at the end of town, trying to determine if it’s from the mines. She then starts pumping the mayor for information regarding her friend, Samantha, who has been missing from Solomon’s River for some time now. The mayor denies any knowledge, but vows to bring down Calivera Enterprises (which, oddly enough, Janice defends vehemently!)

Meanwhile, at Calivera Enterprises, Carla’s assistant Angelica informs her that she has disposed of the latest body, but warns her that the cloud is beginning to be noticed in town.  Carla worries about a visit from the EPA, as well as the newspaper stories (which are being fed by a mysterious informant!)  As Angelica’s minion drags another body out, the police chief calls Carla, having developed a mysterious accent.  Carla tries to brush off the Chief, telling her to talk to Angelica.  Angelica is ordered to “redirect” the Chief’s investigation.

The Chief arrives to talk to talk to Angelica about the body being dragged through the coffee shop when they are interrupted by one of the Mason Brothers, looking for direction on what to do with the body.  After deciding he should chop it up, he exits.  Angelica denies that there are any bodies as her minion comes in to inform her there is no more coal for the furnaces.  Janice pops in to tell the Chief that the bodies are being used in the medical college.  Carla returns as Janice gives Angelica an envelope for her boss.  Carla opens it after Janice leaves and finds a note which says, “I know what you’ve been doing!”  Carla is determined to find out who Janice is, and what she is up to.

Mayor Joe-Bob is looking through the file on Suzanne (his dead childhood friend) as his investigator, Agent Blakeley, arrives to report on Calivera Enterprises.  Blakeley reports on the body being dragged out, but the mayor has difficulty understanding him and sends him away.  Janice then comes into his office with information.  She has been to Calivera and tells him they are hacking up bodies and creating a mysterious fog.  Still she searches for Samantha…

As Janice leaves, one of the Mason Brothers shows up (instructed by the mayor’s unhappy neighbor) to deliver the mayor’s dog’s head.  Suzanne’s ghost appears to torment the mayor for letting her die, saying he deserves this.  Just then, the mayor finds something in the file…”Oh my God, it was him!”

•  Will Janice discover the whereabouts of Samantha?
• Will the Chief of Police find out what's going on at Calivera Industries?
• Will Carla be visited by the EPA? Will OSHA make her install handrails in the restrooms?
• Will Agent Blakeley make himself understood to the mayor?
• Will Suzanne's ghost ever stop haunting the mayor?
• Who is the mysterious "Him?!"

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 8

As this week's episode of Solomon's River begins, we find Mr. Ylung (of the firm Tsmith, Thompson, Richards & Ylung) visiting the Chief of Police to file a missing person's report for Magnus Advarsson's granddaughter, Samantha, but he is sent away; the Chief is tired of Ylung's frequent visits.  Mayor Solomon arrives to see if the Chief could do him a favor and look into "Suzanne Balmer," who died some 29 years ago; he would like to know who were her friends and acquaintances.  Mayor Solomon is handed her file, which he takes with him after being served coffee by the Chief's persistent assistant.

At Rajiv's Coffee House, Agent Blakeley of the MIB (Mayoral Investigation Bureau) comes in and orders a Dr. Pibb (or was it a Mr. Pepper?)  Mayor Solomon enters, introduces himself to Blakeley and questions the MIB agent regarding his investigation.

Later, at the police station, Agent Blakelee enters and is served laxative-free coffee by the Chief's assistant.  The agent has heard about the bodies in town, and is interested in knowing more.  He leaves soon after, at which point the mail arrives with a missing person's notice, which is news to the Chief.

• Will Mr. Ylung get the Chief of Police to listen to him about Samantha's disappearance?
• What will Mayor Solomon discover in Suzanne's file?
• Will Detective Smith get over the fact that there is a new investigator in town?
• Is Agent Blakely investigating the mayor, or investigating for the mayor?
• Why does the Chief of police occasionally serve coffee with laxative in it?
• Who is on the missing person's poster?

  Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 7

We begin this week's episode of Solomon's River with Mayor Joe-Bob Solomon stopping in to speak with Rajiv at the Coffee House.  The mayor is questioning Rajiv about Magnus Advarsson's attempted murder, but Rajiv is less than helpful; Joe-Bob leaves, having gained no useful information.

Detective Smith encounters Cilantro in a public restroom, first confronting her about Samantha's love for Mr. Ylung, the lawyer, and then about Cilantro's supposed pregnancy.  Cilantro is unsure of her "status," so Det. Smith whips out a pregnancy test kit and has Cilantro pee on the stick.

Meanwhile, Mayor Solomon is walking his dog Sparky when the ghost of Suzanne returns and tortures him with the tale of her horrible and crushing death. Suzanne then tells Joe-Bob he must "make it up to the little boy who was in love with me."

Back in the public restroom, Cilantro is shaking the pee stick, trying to speed things up.  "Don't shake it like a Polaroid!" Det. Smith admonishes as they look at the results...was it a blue line?  Was it a pale pink line?  No...it was a black line!!!  Both are shaken, and Smith pumps Cilantro for information...has she been experiencing periods of memory loss, unexplained cuts & bruises, perhaps an odd tattoo on the back of her neck?

Across town the mayor's neighbor is meeting with one of the Mason brothers regarding the plot against the mayor, when the not-so-long lost brother returns, giving no concrete explanation for his mysterious disappearance.  The neighbor wants it "done fast!" and the Mason brothers promise to "step it up," perhaps by kidnapping the dog and sending the mayor a paw.  The neighbor seems satisfied with the plan as he tells them to "make it happen!"

Dr. Scarlett is visited in his office by Mr. Ylung, the lawyer.  He warns Scarlett that he must give up his claim to the family fortune or else Ylung will blab about "the bastard child."  Scarlett is obviously shaken.

Magnus Advarsson, not one to pass up the opportunity to enter a restroom, enters the restroom and finds Det. Smith, who helps Magnus find his lost wallet. Once the detective leaves, Magnus clutches his chest and falls to the floor.

• What does Cilantro's "black line" mean?  Will she discover why she is having memory lapses?
• Will Mayor Solomon figure out who was the little boy in love with Suzanne?
• Will the Mason brothers do nasty things to the mayor's dog?
• Who is Scarlett's "bastard child?"
• Will Magnus survive this apparent cardiac event?
• Will he seek help for his overactive bladder?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 6

As we start off the latest episode of Solomon's River, we find Mayor Solomon talking with his very unhappy neighbor, who is asking if the mayor remembers him...the mayor does not.  In an attempt to unlock the secrets in his lost memories, Mayor Solomon calls Marilyn's Hypnosis to make an appointment.  When he arrives, Marilyn places him in a hypnotic trance.

In his trance, we discover that when Joe-Bob was 6, Suzanne, a girl he knew, died when his 400 pound Aunt Bertha fell on her.  In order to save the family from scandal, Joe-Bob's father covered up the death.

In Rajiv's Coffee House, one of the Mason Brothers enters, orders several Mr. Pibbs, and hints that something may have happened to his brother.  Magnus Advarsson arrives, threatening to sue Rajiv over the teabagging incident.  Soon a Health Inspector arrives to investigate, but finds nothing out of the ordinary, although Detective Smith was hiding in the wall, attempting to discover nefarious deeds.

Later, as the mayor is walking his dog Sparky, the ghost of Suzanne appears, implying he would be haunted until he works out his culpability in her death.

Detective Smith and the EMT meet - he knows who is responsible for teabagging Adverson...the EMT claims he heard Adverson say that "the lawyer would never get his money," thus implicating Mr. Ylung.

• Will Mayor Solomon remember what really happened to Suzanne?
• Will the Mason Brothers be reunited?
• Will the Very Unhappy Neighbor ever reveal his name?
• Will Detective Smith be able to prove Mr. Ylung's guilt?
• Will we discover a connection between the neighbor's hatred of the mayor and the death of Suzanne?
• Will Rajiv switch from Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 5

Tonight's episode of Solomon's River begins in the backyard of Joe-Bob Solomon, Mayor of Solomon's River.  He is cutting his lawn as his very unhappy neighbor complains about Joe-Bob's dog leaving "packages" on his lawn.  The conversation breaks down as the neighbor moves on to complain about other conditions in town.

At Calivera Industries we find Carla Calivera mulling over the fact that the mayor is trying to close down her factory, ostensibly due to the sidestepping of regulations.  She then moves on to consider what to do about all the bodies in the back room as Angelica, an employee, is dragging more bodies to add to the lot.  Carla is afraid there may be a snitch working for her.

At Rajiv's Coffee House, Mrs. Rajiv is tending the counter as her husband works in the back.  The mayor and Carla meet, exchanging invectives.  Angelica pops her head into the Coffee House to talk with the mayor, sees Carla, turn and leaves, unseen.

Meanwhile, in the Solomon Mines, the Mason brothers are having issues with how they are taking care of bodies for Carla Calivera; one brother complains that he is doing most of the work himself, the other does not deny it.  As they agree that the other brother will take care of the next body, the mayor's very unhappy neighbor arrives, looking for someone to "take care of his neighbor's dog, then...his neighbor!"

• Will Mayor Solomon's dog learn to curb itself?
• Will Carla get caught letting employees die?
• Will Angelica snitch to the mayor?
• Will the Mason Brothers stop arguing?
• Will the mayor and his dog get "taken care of?"

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 4

Detective Smith's brother Paul has left town, and we find ourselves looking in on Mr. Ylung, the dashing young lawyer, seated with Samantha, Magnus Advarsson's granddaughter, in Solomon General Hospital.  They are having an awkward conversation regarding a pregnancy test; Samantha, however, seems a bit confused about the whole subject.  They cannot resolve the issue before the EMT comes in to inform them that Magnus had checked himself out earlier that morning, much to their surprise.

Later that day, at Rajiv's Coffee House, the EMT is trying to find out from Rajiv whether or not anyone has been asking about the EMT's involvement in Magnus' health crisis.  At that very moment Magnus arrives, looking for a restroom; he doesn't recognize the EMT, nor even fully remember that there was an attempt on his life!  Magnus wanders off, and shortly thereafter a woman arrives, claiming to be Magnus' mistress and asking that they deliver a message to him that she will "be at the motel."

During the conversation, Det. Smith has been busily drilling holes in Rajiv's cafe walls, trying desperately to hear something incriminating in the ongoing conversations. Failing to hear anything useful, she returns to her office and has a mysterious phone conversation, after which she leaves.  The EMT enters soon after looking to speak with her, but she is gone!

At the Notell Motel the mistress is talking with the clerk when Magnus arrives.  She greets him, assuming he is there for their rendezvous, but he doesn't recognize her, and insists he is there to use the bathroom.

• Is Samantha pregnant, or is it really her identical twin sister Cilantro?
• Will Det. Smith ever find anything incriminating in Solomon's River?
• Will Magnus' mistress ever get her groove on?
• Will Magnus find a suitable place to empty his bladder?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 3

As our episode begins, we find Magnus Advarsson, heir to the Solomon’s River Mines, collapsed on the floor of Rajiv’s Coffee House, his condition unknown. An EMT arrives, taking Magnus out to the ambulance, only to discover he has been teabagged; two teabags crammed into his throat in an effort to choke him to death!

Det. Smith’s brother Paul arrives in town unexpectedly and tells everyone she is not a detective; she just read a lot of Nancy Drew books as a child.

We find Magnus alive in the hospital as Father Flanigan takes confessions in the church.  The EMT confesses that, for an as yet unknown reason, he in fact lied about Magnus; in fact, the EMT is trying to frame someone else for teabagging Magnus.  Paul also confesses that he is sorry about trying to ruin his sister’s life, only to discover Fr. Flanigan has left the confessional and he is, in fact, talking to his sister, who promptly forgives him as they share a hug through the confessional window.

• Why is the EMT trying to frame someone for the attempted murder of Magnus Advarsson?
• Why is Paul being such a jerk?
• Why did Fr. Flanigan leave the confessional in mid-confession?
• Where is Rajiv?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 2

As Magnus Advarsson is talking with his lawyer, Mr. Ylung, about changing his will, his granddaughters have arrived, trying to talk him out of it.  Before they get far, Samantha is smitten with Mr. Ylung, and her twin sister Cilantro is furiously jealous.

Dr. Scarlett has left the healthcare facility and shows up to talk in private with his brother who, in his demented condition, does not recognize his own flesh and blood.  Magnus leaves to visit his favorite café, Rajiv’s Coffee House.

Det. Smith finds Magnus at Rajiv’s and begins to question him; Advarsson has an episode and collapses just as his granddaughters arrive.

• Will Mr. Ylung fall for Samantha?
• Will Dr. Scarlett get his brother to remember him?
• Will Det. Smith get to finish questioning Adverson?
• Is Magnus still alive?
• Will Rajiv manage to sell any rhubarb pie?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 1

Magnus Advarsson, an elderly and rather addled curmudgeon, is heir to the Solomon’s River Mine fortune.  His granddaughters, Samantha and Cilantro, learn about his fortune from a mysterious stranger who drifts into town.  Hitman Johnny Tess, from Chicago, offers to “help” with their problem of getting rid of Magnus.

Dr. Scarlett, Magnus’ brother, is in a healthcare facility.  His nurse knows he’s also heir to the fortune, but tells him in order to claim his fortune he must be of sound mind, and must marry.

Detective Smith, recently moved to Solomon’s River, snoops about, looking for suspicious activity in town.

Magnus visits his lawyer, Mr. Ylung, in order to have his will changed.  Samantha and Cilantro arrive to intervene.

• Will Magnus change his will?
• Will Samantha and Cilantro have him killed?
• Will Dr. Scarlett claim his fortune?
• Will Det. Smith find any ne’re-do-wells?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!