Episode 73

Sadistic Olivia and her enabling friend have damaged ten of the police/Barbie voodoo dolls, breaking arms and ripping out voice boxes, etc.  Tired of their destructive play, they go for a stroll.

Frannie Mason thinks he's a better bomber than anybody else and he wants to show them, show them all!  He booby traps the "explosives room" door so it will blow when opened by Suspicious Guy, or whoever opens it next...

Doris is positively chipper, even though Officer Jingles enters without a voice, and Officers Beetlebaum and Seamens both broke their arms for no reason.  She sends Jingles home with doughnuts.  The roster has Officer Jared as one of only two still-active officers.  Officer Jared must patrol the rough and tumble Lower Town, which hasn't been patrolled in five years.  There is only one final officer on the list, and Doris doesn't recognize his name: Officer Jason, the teenager recently and ill-advisedly hired.

Cilantro wanders through her grandfather's castle, horrified by the redecorated redecorating she had painstakingly already done.  She finds a "We've Gone to Vegas to Get Hitched" note from Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi and she is determined to save her grandfather's castle from poor color schemes.

Meanwhile, in a Vegas chapel, a redheaded Elvis tries to wed Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi, but knows precious few Elvis song lyrics and cannot wed them anyways as they are without the newly-needed marriage license.  They leave to go to the courthouse but are delayed by penny slots.  They run into a man who recognizes Rajiv from Solomon's River.  He remembered some guy who stole some papers out of Rajiv's safe that would reveal some secret.  Princess Lakshmi tries to grill the man, but Rajiv is ready with a chloroformed handkerchief.

• How damaged are the police officers in Solomon's River?
• Will anyone find Olivia and stop her voodoo destruction?
• Will Suspicious Guy be blown up?
• Will Frannie find the vengeance he seeks?
• Exactly how "rough and tumble" is Lower Town?  Will Officer Jared survive?
• Will Doris ever get to meet Officer Jason?
• What's this season's new "in" color for castle throw pillows?
• Will Princess Lakshmi wake up with a tiger in her Vegas hotel room?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 72

Detective Smegly-Seamans harried, manning the police department by himself.  The Human Resources Director enters and finds out that Lieutenant Bustybottoms' ass waxing appointment explosion was on the news.  The HR director is beside himself wondering how he will fill all the empty positions.  The teenage pizza boy arrives, being sent by the Lieutenant (prior to his butt exploding) to apply for a job.  The teenager shows how indispensable he his by answering the phone, taking messages, mopping the floor and ordering pizza for the officers.

Meanwhile, Doris, the actual police department secretary, has made herself a tinfoil helmet to keep H.A.L. out of her neurons while she loads his personality matrix onto the only computer without internet access: Lieutenant Bustybottoms' old Atari 325 laptop.  Now she has H.A.L.!

Rajiv pauses the security video DVD of his sweet, sweet lovemaking to Princess Lakshmi when she enters.  Rajiv speculates that they may be able to get Magnus' castle, either through an eventual bequeathment or through a plot to further confuse the addled old man.  The Princess believes they should be married first and recommends getting her lawyers in India to send the paperwork--which would surely unearth whatever secret Rajiv is keeping--so Rajiv suggests going to a Vegas Elvis chapel instead.  They go!  After they leave, Magnus' granddaughter, Cilantro, enters and hits "play" on Rajiv's DVD... to her horror, she finds there is nowhere in her grandfather's castle that hasn't been touched by sweet, sweet Indian lovemaking.

With the Solomon's River International Airport still closed while under a security threat, Dr. Scarlett and Nurse have been rerouted to Chicago.  Not having had time to pack before they fled the "deserted" island, Dr. Scarlett instead grabbed Dr. Turquoise's already packed luggage.  They go to an Orange Julius.

Frannie Mason reveals himself in a monologue to be the Sewer Bomber.  He wants Solomon's River to "pay" him for all the "dirty work" he did for Carla Calvera.  Frannie is in a hideout where explosives have been hidden; unfortunately, he was not the one to have hidden them as Suspicious Guy (a.k.a the Library Bomber) arrives for a new load.  They are each surprised.

• How will an untrained teenage pizza boy fare as a police officer?  Will it actually give the HR Director a conniption fit?
• Has Doris really managed to trap H.A.L. onto an old laptop?
• How will Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi's Vegas wedding go?  Will she find out about Rajiv's secret in time?
• Is Cilantro scarred for life?
• What could be in Dr. Turquoise's luggage?
• Is it a good or a bad thing when two crazed explosives experts find each other?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 71

Doris is under orders to wait for delivery of a flash drive to insert in the Lieutenant's computer, execute H.A.L..exe, and throw away the flash drive.  H.A.L. uses neural pain to get Doris to do his bidding.

Chang Lee's Massage Parlor is waiting for Lieutenant Bustybottoms' ass waxing appointment at 1:00.

The adolescent employee of Clancy's Pizzeria who found a bag of money in the dumpster and spent it on electronics is surrounded by a very sophisticated, and expensive, entertainment system.  Lieutenant Bustybottoms knocks on his apartment door to address noise complaints.  The teenager, worried he'd be found out for spending found money, compliments the officer's buttocks and is instead offered a job at the police station.

Rajiv misses his cafe, and wanders through Magnus' castle polishing its many bars to make himself feel better.  Princess Lakshmi will do what she can to help, though she is still troubled by Rajiv's mysterious past.  Magnus reveals to Rajiv that he had hidden cameras installed, just in case he needed legal proof of his whereabouts.  Rajiv is excited by the news because while Magnus was away, he and Princess Lakshmi made sweet, sweet love in every room.  Rajiv requests a DVD copy.

An experienced sewer inspector brings a new sewer inspector to ostensibly inspect the sewer.  Instead, the experienced sewer inspector shoves the inexperienced inspector down the sewer pipe and then blows him up with a stick of dynamite.

Slightly further down the pipes, "Vladamir Putin," formerly Jerome Tallendar, just manages to escape notice and the explosion.  Jerome is now delusional, believing himself to be Igor, the brother of Vladamir, who needs a country, or maybe just an island, to conquer...

A little girl who found a box of Barbies dressed up like police officers goes to sadistic friend Olivia's house to blow them up with firecrackers.

It's 1:00, and Lieutenant Bustybottoms arrives at Chang Lee's Massage Parlor for his appointment.  The girls fight over who doesn't have to service him.  Jing Jieu, "Jingles", gets the short straw.  She lubes to the elbow and reams the Lieutenant .  As she walks away, Lieutenant Bustybottoms inexplicably blows up!

• Will Doris continue to do H.A.L.'s bidding now that he's using pain as a motivator?
• How will the former pizza maker do as a policeman?  Will he even get a job if Lieutenant Bustybottoms is not longer alive to be a reference?
• Can Princess Lakshmi help Rajiv, and if she finds out his secret, will she even want to?  What will Rajiv do with a DVD copy of their sweet, sweet lovemaking?
• Who is this sewer guy?
• Exactly how delusional has Jerome Tallendar become?
• There are 39 police voodoo dolls left...

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!