Episode 53

Rajiv despondently polishes his bar and Magnus enters to chat about the crazy Matlock he just watched.  The defendant's lawyer enters to finagle Magnus' fingerprints and finally gets a slightly smudged glass that might do.

When Rajiv is alone again, a slick mobster offers to sell Rajiv "premium" coffee at twice the regular price because it includes "insurance"--kneecap insurance, and building-burning-down insurance.  The mobster and his friend, "Pennsylvania Phil," will be back for Rajiv's answer.

A burglar breaks into a bank "Mission Impossible"-style and steals...something...from Rajiv's safe deposit box.

The defendant's lawyer goes to Solomon's River General Hospital to find it quite devoid of workers.  Jervis enters in a cloud of weed, looking for a splint for Mousy Librarian (who had been in the caves with Jervis) and the lawyer is looking for Dr. Scarlett, "the most bribable doctor in town."  While figuring out what to do, they accidentally activate H.A.L.--the Heuristic Algorithmic Letch--a hologram modeled after Dr. Scarlett.  H.A.L. indicates that Dr. Scarlett is...unavailable.  The lawyer requests a sample of Magnus Aversson's blood which requires a thumbprint, and she gets Jervis to leave it for her, meaning Jervis is now the only one who can reach through a force field to get the vial.  Jervis finally remembers Mousy is in a cave with a hurt leg and the lawyer offers to help him with the splint if he'll grab Magnus' blood for her.  Inconveniently, Magnus' granddaughter, Cilantro, enters and is quite suspicious...so the lawyer punches her, Mayor-style.

• Will the lawyer be able to frame Magnus to free Jerome Tallender, rhymes with calendar?
• Will Rajiv pay protection money to the mob, or will he be kneecapped by Pennsylvania Phil?
• What was stolen from Rajiv's safe deposit box, and who stole it?
• Will Jervis find his way back to the caves to help Mousy Librarian before or after the explosion they don't know about?
• Will anyone investigate what happened to the hospital staff?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 52

*Glunge-glunge*  We now bring you into a courtroom drama on Solomon's River!

Judge Brian Schmitchlee is presiding over the murder case.  On the stand, Mr. Jerome Tallendar (rhymes with calendar) of Tallendar's Frozen Products, is being grilled by the prosecution lawyer.  Witnesses and DNA evidence place Mr. Tallendar at a dead hooker's apartment though he swears he was only there adding to his bubblegum wrapper collection and he was cut by sharp bubblegum aluminum foil.

The prosecution calls an aluminum foil expert to the stand: Dr. Faffenhadstennden.  Dr. F is a dubious expert and the prosecution treats him as hostile with a slap-fest.

With much shocked inhalation, the prosecution calls to the stand.... Magnus Aversson!  Magnus thought he had been watching Matlock, but comes to the stand anyway.  The defense begs him to plead the fifth, just like they practiced.  Luckily, Magnus' Alzheimer's Disease allows him the plead the fifth without a problem.  The prosecution treats Magnus as hostile and slaps the old man around.

During a recess, Jerome professes his innocence, though the case is not going well.  Magnus is the only one who can save him, but the Alzheimer's makes that difficult.  Mr. Tallendar suggests framing Magnus!  Mayor Joe Bob Solomon enters and the defense sees a possible ally in the mayor voted "Most Underhanded Mayor in the United States" by Time magazine.  Mr. Tallendar accidentally tries to take off the mayor's left nipple.  Mr. Tallendar offers to double whatever Magnus has contributed to the mayor's campaign if he'll help frame Magnus.

Called back into court, the defense requests it to be her turn and the judge agrees.  She calls to the stand Mayor Joe Bob Solomon.  The defense crosses her fingers and interviews her witness, leading him to say her client was NOT at the house of prostitution and Magnus WAS there, but things go horribly awry.  Judge, prosecution and defense approach the bench and the defense loses in a game of rock/paper/scissors.  The defense requests a mistrial because the Mayor is too stupid to be bribeable.  The Mayor retaliates by punching her.

• Will Mr. Jerome Tallender go to jail for the rest of his life?
• Will Magnus somehow be framed instead?
• Will the prosecution and defense lawyers go back to their respective firms and never be seen again?
• Will Mayor Joe Bob's nipple heal?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 51

Dr. Scarlett and Dr. Turquoise, wearing their long-sleeved vests and attempting to penetrate the sweltering jungle, accidentally disturb a nest full of the evil "Blatree Fly" and have to make a run for it.

Meanwhile, Jervis the Janitor explores the Solomon's River Caves trying to find Mildred the Mousy Librarian.  He gives up rather quickly in favor of getting high.  Around him, Angelica and her "minion's minion" are setting up for the first meeting of the amnesiac support group--which they secretly plan to seal in by setting off explosives at the cave's entrance.  Mousy Librarian, being one of the founding members, enters to supervise set up.  Jervis professes his love for her, and she not only accepts his apology for taking advantage of her while she was forgetful, but she leaps into his arms and they kiss semi-passionately.  She tries to play coy, and they wander deeper into the caves.

Rajiv is sobbing in his coffee shop, missing Princess Lakshmi.  Suddenly, in walks Mrs. Rajiv with.... a BABY!  Apparently, they had vowed to have any of their children born back in India, so that's where she was.  She is irritated he didn't return her email or pick her up at the airport.  Rajiv is beside himself with surprise that his wife, whom he presumed dead, is back and with a baby that decidedly does not bear any resemblance to him.  Magnus Advarsson's tab is due and may start Baby Rajiv's college fund.

Jere Koff wanders in and tries to recruit Mrs. Rajiv to help with his campaign.  Though the baby seems disturbed by Jere, Mrs. Rajiv leaves to help him with his campaign work.  Franny Mason enters, looking sheepish.  Rajiv understands that it must have been Franny who had let Lakshmi go.  Franny insists that what escaped the basement was an apparition!  Rajiv fires him on the spot, and Franny is sad.

• Will Drs. Scarlett and Turquoise survive the buggy jungle?
• Will Jervis and Mildred finish falling in love, and/or will they be trapped in the caves forever when Angelica blows up the cave entrance?
• What will Rajiv do if his not-dead wife finds out about Lakshmi?
• Is the baby Rajiv's?
• What about Magnus, Jere and Franny?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!