Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Episode 130

Bobby McMasterfaster, new to the bustling Solomon's River and still happy-go-lucky and full of hope, looks to rent a storefront for his new barber shop.  Landlord Sean and his harpy wife agree to rent to him because they need the money.

Elsewhere, the Princess Evaleene is holding an audience for her supplicants who are ready to do her bidding.  After dancing and meditation, Princess Evaleene glows and springs extra arms!  The devotees praise her and ask instructions.  An unusually deep voice emanates from the Princess, "You must bring me the child!"  Which child?  "Tuesday's child!"  They promise to do her bidding as she flies off, mysteriously.

At Mason Brothers Moving Company, Franny Mason's employee, Tripp, has gotten word that his mother may have been packed away in one of the boxes from the former bar, The Dead Canary.  They leave to check, but do not know they are too late, because...

...in a truck headed far, far from Solomon's River, a woman with a thick foreign accent awakes to find herself in a box.  The woman, Tripp's mother and minion Angelica, doesn't know that her rival, Uber Minion, is the driver!  After he leaves to pee at a rest stop, she digs out her emergency box cutter.  Angelica just manages to roll open and closed the truck's rear door when Uber Minion returns from the bathroom.  As he drives away with her gripping the back of the truck, she swears she will get him when next he has to pee.

Young, giggly Lindsey Makesweaty has trouble learning how to sweep, but patient barber Bobby McMasterfaster hires her anyway.  A mother enters with her extremely bearded twelve year old son.  She wants it off, immediately; however, the youngster's beard is tougher to remove than is anticipated.  Lindsey tries using the broom, but only manages to knock the poor, hairy kid unconscious.  Three hours of clipping, razoring, and depilating have proven futile.  The mother jumps to the conclusion that it must be anabolic steroids, but she doesn't know that the previous day, her as-yet beardless boy went to Brendeesha Scarf's laboratory, wanting to become the Coolest Kid in School.  Unethically, she gives him the anti-zombie (pro-superhero) potion.

Meanwhile, in the Solomon's River fifth grade girl's bathroom, a nameless snob and  Allison, the coolest girl in the whole school who also has boobs, shun Stinky Marsha, discuss fifth grade boys, and wish those same boys were older.  A geeky kid asks to use the bathroom, as he's not feeling well.

Princess Lakshmi has discovered her powers are increasing and she shows Rajiv by lifting a VW bus.  She posits that the anti-zombie-ism potion they took may also have given Rajiv super strength.  He tries to lift the Volkswagen, but his power is definitely not strength.
  • Will Bobby McMasterfaster's barber shop hold up under the hope-drain that is Solomon's River?
  • Who is "Tuesday's child" and what does Princess Evaleene want with him or her?
  • Where is Uber Minion taking Angelica, and will she be able to take him down?
  • Will Angelica's son Tripp discover she has been minion-napped?
  • How many people has Brendeesha Scarf dosed with potions?
  • What will become of the Soft-but-Tough-Beard Boy?
  • Are Princess Lakshmi's powers permanent?
  • What is Rajiv's power?
  • Does the potion even inoculate against zombie-ism?
Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 129

Zombie Professional Brendeesha Scarf's secretary alerts her boss to the increasing appointment cancellations due to the outbreak of zombie-ism.  Even Brendeesha's "livestock" of healthy humans had been infiltrated by a zombie, and now lie mostly dead, having feasted on each other.

Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi arrive for their appointment and, between their bickering, request an inoculation against zombie-ism.  Brendeesha ushers the couple into a cage, closes the door, and returns with two vials of liquid.  While Rajiv and Lakshmi debate the trustworthiness of the Zombie Professional, they hear the distinct groans of a zombie...behind them.  They drink!  Yeech: licorice.  Not a fan of being locked up, Princess Lakshmi grabs the bars of the cage and finds that she has the strength to bend apart the metal!  They run away.

Ms Scarf and her secretary discuss the increased haste in the anti-zombie-ism formula's testing process, having skipped over several important safety steps.  Checking on their latest subjects, they find the cage bent and empty.  Assuming the potion worked, and worried about an open zombie cage, Ms Scarf and her secretary take the potion, too.

Meanwhile, in the middle of the woods, Bartholomew and Cletus are tied together (for safety), hungry, and still haven't found Sally.  Frightened by a disembodied cackling, they are more frightened when the Old Man of the Woods appears!  Bartholomew explains their situation, Cletus complains of hunger.  The Old Man of the Woods works his magic on the nearest tree, which provides Cletus' favorite food: lasagna.  It's good!

The men try hard to remember Sally's name, but only get as close as "Sah-rah-lah-ha".  The Old Man calls for quiet, and speaks to the tree roots to find out who is in the forest: a bear, pooping; campers, having a fight; wandering naked nurses and Neonazis, and finally, a girl!  She is not alone... She is going to be in much trouble as she is with... The Wolfman!  Bartholomew and Cletus are worried for the girl and the Old Man says the trees will show them the way to find her.  The Old Man of the Woods disappears!

Indeed, the trees appear to point, but they are also gassy, laughing, and uninformative.  The men want to give up until they hear Sally's faint cry of, "Help me!"  Cletus would prefer to go home and eat his treesagna, but Bartholomew believes they CAN be heroes and drives them onward.
  • What has Brendeesha Scarf's anti-zombie formula actually done to Princess Lakshmi?
  • What could it have done to Rajiv?
  • Does it actually inoculate against zombie-ism?
  • Will Bartholomew and Cletus become heroes and save Sally?


Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!