Episode 73

Sadistic Olivia and her enabling friend have damaged ten of the police/Barbie voodoo dolls, breaking arms and ripping out voice boxes, etc.  Tired of their destructive play, they go for a stroll.

Frannie Mason thinks he's a better bomber than anybody else and he wants to show them, show them all!  He booby traps the "explosives room" door so it will blow when opened by Suspicious Guy, or whoever opens it next...

Doris is positively chipper, even though Officer Jingles enters without a voice, and Officers Beetlebaum and Seamens both broke their arms for no reason.  She sends Jingles home with doughnuts.  The roster has Officer Jared as one of only two still-active officers.  Officer Jared must patrol the rough and tumble Lower Town, which hasn't been patrolled in five years.  There is only one final officer on the list, and Doris doesn't recognize his name: Officer Jason, the teenager recently and ill-advisedly hired.

Cilantro wanders through her grandfather's castle, horrified by the redecorated redecorating she had painstakingly already done.  She finds a "We've Gone to Vegas to Get Hitched" note from Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi and she is determined to save her grandfather's castle from poor color schemes.

Meanwhile, in a Vegas chapel, a redheaded Elvis tries to wed Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi, but knows precious few Elvis song lyrics and cannot wed them anyways as they are without the newly-needed marriage license.  They leave to go to the courthouse but are delayed by penny slots.  They run into a man who recognizes Rajiv from Solomon's River.  He remembered some guy who stole some papers out of Rajiv's safe that would reveal some secret.  Princess Lakshmi tries to grill the man, but Rajiv is ready with a chloroformed handkerchief.

• How damaged are the police officers in Solomon's River?
• Will anyone find Olivia and stop her voodoo destruction?
• Will Suspicious Guy be blown up?
• Will Frannie find the vengeance he seeks?
• Exactly how "rough and tumble" is Lower Town?  Will Officer Jared survive?
• Will Doris ever get to meet Officer Jason?
• What's this season's new "in" color for castle throw pillows?
• Will Princess Lakshmi wake up with a tiger in her Vegas hotel room?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 72

Detective Smegly-Seamans harried, manning the police department by himself.  The Human Resources Director enters and finds out that Lieutenant Bustybottoms' ass waxing appointment explosion was on the news.  The HR director is beside himself wondering how he will fill all the empty positions.  The teenage pizza boy arrives, being sent by the Lieutenant (prior to his butt exploding) to apply for a job.  The teenager shows how indispensable he his by answering the phone, taking messages, mopping the floor and ordering pizza for the officers.

Meanwhile, Doris, the actual police department secretary, has made herself a tinfoil helmet to keep H.A.L. out of her neurons while she loads his personality matrix onto the only computer without internet access: Lieutenant Bustybottoms' old Atari 325 laptop.  Now she has H.A.L.!

Rajiv pauses the security video DVD of his sweet, sweet lovemaking to Princess Lakshmi when she enters.  Rajiv speculates that they may be able to get Magnus' castle, either through an eventual bequeathment or through a plot to further confuse the addled old man.  The Princess believes they should be married first and recommends getting her lawyers in India to send the paperwork--which would surely unearth whatever secret Rajiv is keeping--so Rajiv suggests going to a Vegas Elvis chapel instead.  They go!  After they leave, Magnus' granddaughter, Cilantro, enters and hits "play" on Rajiv's DVD... to her horror, she finds there is nowhere in her grandfather's castle that hasn't been touched by sweet, sweet Indian lovemaking.

With the Solomon's River International Airport still closed while under a security threat, Dr. Scarlett and Nurse have been rerouted to Chicago.  Not having had time to pack before they fled the "deserted" island, Dr. Scarlett instead grabbed Dr. Turquoise's already packed luggage.  They go to an Orange Julius.

Frannie Mason reveals himself in a monologue to be the Sewer Bomber.  He wants Solomon's River to "pay" him for all the "dirty work" he did for Carla Calvera.  Frannie is in a hideout where explosives have been hidden; unfortunately, he was not the one to have hidden them as Suspicious Guy (a.k.a the Library Bomber) arrives for a new load.  They are each surprised.

• How will an untrained teenage pizza boy fare as a police officer?  Will it actually give the HR Director a conniption fit?
• Has Doris really managed to trap H.A.L. onto an old laptop?
• How will Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi's Vegas wedding go?  Will she find out about Rajiv's secret in time?
• Is Cilantro scarred for life?
• What could be in Dr. Turquoise's luggage?
• Is it a good or a bad thing when two crazed explosives experts find each other?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 71

Doris is under orders to wait for delivery of a flash drive to insert in the Lieutenant's computer, execute H.A.L..exe, and throw away the flash drive.  H.A.L. uses neural pain to get Doris to do his bidding.

Chang Lee's Massage Parlor is waiting for Lieutenant Bustybottoms' ass waxing appointment at 1:00.

The adolescent employee of Clancy's Pizzeria who found a bag of money in the dumpster and spent it on electronics is surrounded by a very sophisticated, and expensive, entertainment system.  Lieutenant Bustybottoms knocks on his apartment door to address noise complaints.  The teenager, worried he'd be found out for spending found money, compliments the officer's buttocks and is instead offered a job at the police station.

Rajiv misses his cafe, and wanders through Magnus' castle polishing its many bars to make himself feel better.  Princess Lakshmi will do what she can to help, though she is still troubled by Rajiv's mysterious past.  Magnus reveals to Rajiv that he had hidden cameras installed, just in case he needed legal proof of his whereabouts.  Rajiv is excited by the news because while Magnus was away, he and Princess Lakshmi made sweet, sweet love in every room.  Rajiv requests a DVD copy.

An experienced sewer inspector brings a new sewer inspector to ostensibly inspect the sewer.  Instead, the experienced sewer inspector shoves the inexperienced inspector down the sewer pipe and then blows him up with a stick of dynamite.

Slightly further down the pipes, "Vladamir Putin," formerly Jerome Tallendar, just manages to escape notice and the explosion.  Jerome is now delusional, believing himself to be Igor, the brother of Vladamir, who needs a country, or maybe just an island, to conquer...

A little girl who found a box of Barbies dressed up like police officers goes to sadistic friend Olivia's house to blow them up with firecrackers.

It's 1:00, and Lieutenant Bustybottoms arrives at Chang Lee's Massage Parlor for his appointment.  The girls fight over who doesn't have to service him.  Jing Jieu, "Jingles", gets the short straw.  She lubes to the elbow and reams the Lieutenant .  As she walks away, Lieutenant Bustybottoms inexplicably blows up!

• Will Doris continue to do H.A.L.'s bidding now that he's using pain as a motivator?
• How will the former pizza maker do as a policeman?  Will he even get a job if Lieutenant Bustybottoms is not longer alive to be a reference?
• Can Princess Lakshmi help Rajiv, and if she finds out his secret, will she even want to?  What will Rajiv do with a DVD copy of their sweet, sweet lovemaking?
• Who is this sewer guy?
• Exactly how delusional has Jerome Tallendar become?
• There are 39 police voodoo dolls left...

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 70

Doris the secretary returns from minion errands surprised to find Detective Schmiggly-Seamens and Lieutenant Bustybottoms have, themselves, returned to duty.  H.A.L. has altered Doris' neural pathways so only she may see and hear him.  H.A.L. directs her to get the officers to leave so he may access the Lieutenant's outdated, non-Internet connected Atari 325 laptop--the only computer he does not yet control.

Dr. Stevens returns to "geologizing," though his discovery of the dead woman in a sweater still haunts him.  A local fly fisherman, suspicious of science, warns him away for being so smart and tells him to never mind another lady who came to take the dead one away.

Magnus has returned and now Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi must try to be quiet while they "eat tandoori chicken," both with and without the air quotes.

Jervis returns to the hospital with an electromagnetic pulse bomb, but H.A.L. is not around to destroy.  He tries to visit with Mousy Librarian instead, but... she's gone!  Jervis grabs the EMP bomb and leaves to find his girlfriend.

• What will H.A.L. be able to do once he has claimed the last computer in Solomon's River?
• How is Doris feeling with her neural pathways all pawed over?
• Has there ever been a dead-body-discovering geologist who could leave well enough alone?
• Will Magnus get tired of smelling Indian food while listening to Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi make sweet, sweet love?
• Where has the formerly frozen Mousy Librarian gone?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 69

Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi have been thoroughly enjoying the quiet of the mansion while Magnus is busy elsewhere, and they revel in the new purchases the princess has brought back from Solomon's River Galleria Mall, reminding Rajiv that she is, truly, a wealthy princess.  She invites him back to India with her, but Rajiv mysteriously indicates there is a "shameful" reason he can never return...  The princess is bothered, but says nothing.

Meanwhile, in the empty hospital, Mousy Librarian's cryogenic stasis has failed, and she awakens as she melts.  Finding herself without Jervis, and shivering in a hospital gown with a weak, but repaired, leg, she leaves to go home.

Dr. Stevens of the U.S. Geological Survey finally gets through to the police department via telephone to report the body of a Caucasian woman wearing a sweater, dead, down by the river.  Doris takes the information but is distracted as the detectives have all gone into hiding and she is now working a second job as H.A.L.'s minion/secretary.  H.A.L. recognizes Dr. Stevens as his old nemesis and believes he knows the deceased woman.  H.A.L. orders Doris to dissolve the body in a vat of acid.  She does so for another half mil. in her checking account.

A student geologist from the University of North Dakota, hitchhiking into Solomon's River, is met by Dr. Stevens, on his way back to the survey he was conducting down by the river.  The student decides following this randomly-encountered geologist would be good, and does so.

On a quite populated deserted island, Dr. Scarlett awakes back in Dr. Turquoise's research lab after he and Nurse saw Dr. Turquoise pursued by angry natives.  Nurse thought that Dr. Turquoise's pontoon boat-plane would be their ticket out, what with Dr. Scarlett still not quite up to snuff.  They must be careful, however, as Dr. Turquoise's insane mother has loosed all the mutants...

A man working at the Solomon's River International Airport goes to lunch.

• What is the "shameful" reason Rajiv cannot return to India?
• Will Jervis realize Mousy Librarian is free before he does any more of H.A.L.'s dirty work?
• How will Doris manage to drag a body into a vat of acid without anyone noticing?
• Will Dr. Stevens regret taking on a woefully unprepared geological assistant?
• Will Dr. Scarlett and Nurse escape the mutants and finally fly off the deserted island?
• What did that guy have for lunch?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 68

Geologist Dr. Stevens, from the US Geological Survey, is making field notes down by the rocky shores of Solomon's River where he discovers the body of a woman.  Caucasian.  Wearing a sweater.  Magnus wanders by.  Dr. Stevens leaves to report to the police.

H.A.L. has upgraded Solomon's River General Hospital's defenses causing Jervis the Janitor to be screened by multiple layers of advanced technology before allowing him access.  Jervis must complete one more task before H.A.L. will even consider cryogenically freezing him with his girlfriend, Mousy Librarian: bring Magnus Aversson.

Schmitty, an unlucky maniac with poor timing, has been targeting places of local import with the outdated tactic of mailing anthrax letters.  Unfortunately, both the library and Rajiv's Coffee House have blown up before his letters arrived and his terror has gone unnoticed.  His next victim, Mayor Joe Bob Solomon, will have his anthrax-laced letter delivered personally.

Rajiv is too chafed to continue to make sweet, sweet love to Princess Lakshmi, so he sends her to the Solomon's River Galleria Mall.

Despite knowing the library has been blown up, Jervis goes there to find a book about electromagnetic pulses, hoping to destroy H.A.L.  Geologist Dr. Stevens, trying to get directions to the police department, is roped into helping Jervis find out about an atom bomb despite the clear suggestion that an old-fashioned "blue chip" put into any computer would do the trick.

Doris, the police department secretary, is visited by the holographic megalomaniac H.A.L..  She recognizes him as the repair guy who rewired the police computer room and she realizes he now has control of all of Solomon's River.  Doris is won over when H.A.L. deposits half a million dollars in her bank account.  She becomes his minion/secretary.

• Will Dr. Stevens finally get to report the dead body?
• Will Jervis ever become cryogenically frozen, or will he figure out how to take down H.A.L.?
• Has H.A.L. become too big to fail?
• How will Doris balance having two jobs?
• How well does "chutney lube" work, anyway?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 67

Anonymous Source is bargaining on the phone with someone about the police brutality video.  The Someone agrees to give him money, and Anonymous posts the video to YouTube.  Next, Anonymous alerts The Solomon's River Times-Picayune.

It so happens that Police Chief Bustybottoms is at the newspaper's offices when the tip comes in and Frankie, the crack news reporter on duty, watches with the Chief, taking notes on his reaction.  Another reporter scoops, unbelievably, that Vladamir Putin has grown a penis on his chin.  Connie, who has apparently been following the Chief around, but is not a reporter, scoops the recent purchase of 40 police voodoo dolls and wants the Chief's reaction.  Frankie decides to go with the police brutality story and a photographer snaps a few of the horrified Chief before the Chief is whisked away by Connie.

Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi, after their steamy shower together, must now deal with their relationship.  Rajiv decides he will cut her free, whatever the consequences.  Despite the moment being interrupted over and over, it is still tender.  Lakshmi's first instinct is to run, but she cannot.  She decides to stay with him of her own free will.  They leave to try a different kind of rope play.

Anonymous Source is on the phone again and agrees to some sort of swap.  A woman shows up with money and changes it for "stuff."  She leaves.

Janice White, now "Janice Indigo," is sent by Detective Smith to investigate the police voodoo doll insanity at Zambulu's Voodoo Shoppe.  At Zambulu's, Janice grills the proprietor mildly.  Magnus Aversson enters after Janice leaves and reveals that he has misused the police voodoo dolls and nothing happened.  A Voodoo Priestess conducting a new incantation finds very bad Gris-Gris: there is terrible foreboding for Magnus.  Zambulu himself enters a trance to speak with the voice of Magnus' long-dead, disapproving father, "Act your age for chrissake and keep your pants on!"  Jerome Tallendar, now "Vladamir Putin," enters, hoping for help to remove the "Tugga penis" from his chin.  Zambulu gives him a poultice to move the penis from his chin.

• Who is this Anonymous Source?  Who keeps giving him money and why?  Does he, or the police, realize the case of money left in Clancy's dumpster has already been found and spent by a teenage pizza shop employee?
• Do enough people read The Solomon's River Times Picayune for the story of police brutality to cause a stir?
• What's the next step in the relationship between Rajiv and the Princess?  What if his wife comes back?
• Magnus has left loose a whole pile of unused police voodoo dolls.  Anybody going to take the bait?
• How will the voice of Magnus' crabby father from beyond the grave change him?
• Did anyone notice that while Zambulu promised Jerome the penis on his chin would move, he didn't promise where?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 66

Zambulu's Voodoo Shoppe, for all your white and black magic needs, is bustling with business.  Jerome Tallendar's defense attorney is looking for white magic to change Jerome's soul, and Zambulu supplies a modified Barbie voodoo doll as well as a white magic "tugga" (tiger) penis and a black magic tiger penis.  She purchases all three.  Magnus Aversson wanders in and buys 40 police voodoo dolls, with knife, to get the fuzz off his tail.

Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi, now hiding out in Magnus' lavish mansion, realize that they stink and should have a shower.  Rajiv refuses to untie their arms, so she tries to carefully shower without him watching.  She gets all soapy and hot, and then they get all soapy and hot.  They are interrupted by Magnus, who is having trouble carrying a case of voodoo dolls.

The defense attorney is back in her lonely single-woman apartment and prepares her voodoo to get Jerome back and make him prettier again.  She has, unfortunately, mixed up the tiger penises and isn't sure which is the uplifting and which is the "wah, wah, waaaaaahhhhh" <--sound like a game show loser.  She guesses.

Meanwhile, in a Denny's, Jerome Tallendar (now Vladamir) feels something strange... a penis growing out of his chin?!?  A waitress delivers his Grand Slam with a horrified scream!

• When will people learn that playing with voodoo is dangerous?
• Magnus has certainly not learned, so what will he do with 40 police voodoo dolls?
• Has Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi's relationship turned a soapy corner?
• What has happened to Jerome's already horribly deformed face?
• Will his server get a decent tip?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 65

Dr. Scarlett is in a "recovery hut" after natives repaired his heart with an Iron Man-style reactor through his back--not as "cool," but much less invasive.  The natives outside are agitated, armed with surprisingly advanced bamboo weapons, and are chasing someone over the ridge: Dr. Turquoise is on the run.  Despite his need for rest, Dr. Scarlett and Nurse take the opportunity to leave.

A pervert accesses "XXX.com" for a $9.95/min. live chat.  Another pervert wants the chance, too, but gets an even less appealing girl.  Both at-home perverts log off, disappointed.

Rajiv, still tied to Princess Lakshmi, returns to the coffee shop to polish his counter and look glum.  The mobster who ordered the hit arrives to gloat and threaten to reveal the obvious: they were not born in the U.S.!  They take the opportunity to spray cleaner in the mobster's face and leave.

Magnus does a soft shoe dance on the rubble and must shuffle off when he's recognized at a distance.

Joe Stevens, from the Health Department, is counting his bribe loot at home.  His spouse clearly knows what Joe's been up to and doesn't seem to mind, but Joe clearly wants to keep it a secret.  Joe also is in grave denial of his "wife's" gender.

Peter the Pimp needs $3,000 to open his brothel.  The wandering mobster lends Pete the money at 50% interest.  The mobster's daughter enters, hoping to audition for the role of prostitute.  The mobster doesn't mind she's a whore as long as she's paid as an assistant manager.  She promises to bring her friends.  Deals are made.

Meanwhile, in the Solomon's River's Best Buy, the teenager from Clancy's Pizzeria with the dumpster money is on a shopping spree!  The sales associate shows him the 600" television, and he pays with cash.

• Why are the natives restless and what will happen to Dr. Turquoise?
• Will Dr. Scarlett's new heart reactor change the way he makes popcorn?
• Can Rajiv rebuild his coffee shop if the mobster is still out to ruin him?
• How can a shuffling old man manage to elude capture for so long?
• When will Joe admit that his beautiful bride is a dude?  Will rat-infested restaurants eventually lead back to Joe's unscrupulous methods?
• Has Peter the Pimp gotten himself in over his head?  Will the mobster's daughter bring in or scare away business?
• When will the SRPD notice their extortion money has been stolen and spent?
• What's a poor pervert to do in Solomon's River if the chat lines keep getting crossed?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 64

Joe Stevens from the Health Department is following up on complaints about Clancy's Pizzeria (Section 257: rat hairs on counter, feces in bathroom.)  Mr. Stevens is easily placated with some cash and a slice.

Clancy's teenage assistant is late because he hit a deer.  Not wanting to look a gift deer in the mouth, Clancy plans a special on the Meat Lovers pizza.  The assistant, who suspects someone has been messing with the dumpster, is ordered to check it out.  He discovers not another baby, but rather, a case full of money!  Magnus, following the scent of cash, wanders into the alley, but the now rich teenager whacks the old guy with the case and runs away.

The empty store front next to Clancy's looks like it will have a new tenant: a brothel.  The new tenant signs the lease despite the stipulation that any renter must "definitely not be a brothel."  First and last month's rent due at opening, and the realtor promises he'll be there.

Brother Chillywang and Brother Another Brother have returned to their mountaintop retreat to find the meditation cabins all filled with rubble.  They take the disarray as a sign of Solomon's River's soul "going to pot."  Speaking of pot, Jervis the Janitor trudges up the mountain searching for them.  Under the influence of an enormous joint was was told by a voice to go to the caves and "find the cold penis" in order to stop H.A.L., the megalomaniacal computer hologram that froze Jervis' girlfriend Mousy Librarian.  Jervis realizes the Brothers were foretold in his pot-dream as the ones who will fix everything and stop the hologram.  The Brothers proceed with Jervis' "crensing."

Jerome Tallendar, rhymes with calendar, now with the surgically-enhanced hidden identity of "Vladmir Putin," contacts his former defense lawyer and they plan to meet at the library's rubble pile.  The rubble pile is crawling with ne'er-do-wells and freak-show castoffs, and the lawyer is having trouble finding Jerome.  She bravely hoists shirts, knowing Jerome can only be identified by his supernumerary nipple.  Finally, under the shirt of a walking horror, she finds it!  The egomania of "Vladmir" seems to have seeped into Jerome's now deformed bones, and she tells him that because of his horrible looks, she can no longer be his lawyer...or his lover!  He seems genuinely disappointed.

• What will happen now that a teenage boy has taken the money the police department left for an informant who was supposed tell them the whereabouts of Assistant Detective Steve?
• How will the new proprietor of a brothel manage to run an illegal brothel?
• Will the Brothers help Jervis defeat H.A.L.?
• What will become of Jerome, on the lam, deformed by surgery, dumped by his lawyer/lover and now interested in running a country and topless hunting?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 63

Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi, still tied together, are now hiding in a cheap motel room run by one of Rajiv's cousins.  To their relief, Magnus offers his mansion as a hideout instead and they all leave gratefully.

A mystery informant calls the police department with possible information about Junior Detective Steve Beaverdam.  In exchange for $20,000 left in the dumpster behind Clancy's Pizzeria, the informant would call back with the location of Steve Beaverdam.  The police department hadn't really missed Steve that much yet, but this phone call now makes his delinquency suspicious.  Secretary Doris recommends the exchange because Steve might have important information about who in the department brutally beat the SRCTV cameraman.

Captain Josephs from Internal Affairs enters, sent by the mayor's office to investigate the protesting rabble outside.  Detective Seamens gleefully passes the buck to Lieutenant Daniel Bustybottoms.  Lieutenant Bustybottoms promises the protesters will be taken care of as they were going to open fire on them any moment, as per the "shoot to kill" order approved by the mayor's office itself.  The crowd chant swells before changing to screams as they are riddled with bullets.

Clancy's Pizza--the best Irish pizza in Solomon's River--is open and bustling with business.  Grandma Gooding enters, violating Clancy's ban against her, and she is quickly hustled out by Clancy and his teenage assistant.  Mayor Joe Bob Solomon enters, still unsure of himself because of the memory erasing pill lodged in his ear.  They give him his standing order--two double orders of wings with extra celery, every two hours.  A racist customer tries to order potatoes, but is berated and given instead the special: Lucky Charms pizza in a whiskey sauce.  Though clearly not Magnus Aversson, the man pays with Magnus Aversson's credit card...

• Will Magnus, Rajiv and Lakshmi find more comfortable refuge in Magnus' mansion?
• Who is the mystery informant and will the police pay to find Steve?
• What will Steve say if he is found or will Detective Seamens get to Steve first?
• Has the police department really open-fired on the crowd of protesters and how will it go over with Internal Affairs?
• Will anyone get to the dumpster behind Clancy's?
• Who's the guy using Magnus' credit card?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 62

Solomon's River Community College students remain vigilant in their disdain for education and sudden urge to protest the police department for the brutal beating of an SRCTV cameraman.  Bridget, the coed who first spread the word about the televised beating, runs into a former fellow student and binge drinker, Kyla, who changed her name to "Janet Purple" when she married Mr. Purple, their old biology teacher.  Mr. Purple is an internet sensation, and "Janet," now in graduate studies, is trying to please her husband with her own viral video of brutality.  Bridget waves her "PORK!" sign around, but it's not enough.  The girls mistake Magnus Aversson for a police officer and lure him into hitting Bridget.  They run to upload the video.

Angry and urban, Mr. Purple arrives at the police station, looking for his wife.  Lieutenant Bustybottoms and secretary Doris take an exaggerated report, prepare for the manhunt of a woman who sounds a lot more dangerous than she is, and send Mr. Purple to the sketch artist.

Meanwhile, outside the maximum security prison recently and illegally vacated by Jerome Tallender of the three nipples, Janet Purple has gone completely insane.  Mayor Joe Bob Solomon has the misfortune to have encountered her and has a memory erasing Tic Tac thrown into his ear before he can get away.  As Joe Bob struggles with the sudden blanking of his memory, Assistant Deputy Mayor Jimmy, unaware of the Mayor's infirmity, tries futilely to discuss mayoral business.  Doris, the police department secretary, has come down to the prison to get Jimmy to sign a "shoot to kill" order for the police department.  It is revealed that Jimmy is planning on running against Joe Bob in the next election.  Doris assures him the police department is solidly supporting him and promises there is already a plot afoot to discredit Mayor Joe Bob.

• What will happen now that there is a video circulating of Magnus Aversson seemingly punching a coed?
• Exactly how crazy is "Janet Purple"?
• How long before Mayor Joe Bob's memory returns?
• Will Assistant Deputy Mayor Jimmy run a successful campaign?
• Will the secret plot of discredit the mayor succeed?
• How will a "shoot to kill" order signed by the mayor's office change police tactics?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 61

A back room plastic surgeon puts the finishing, horrific touches on Jerome Tallender, recent escapee from Solomon's River-PepsiCo Maximum Security Prison.  Jerome is unrecognizable, and has new ID under the name "Vladimir Putin."  Unfortunately, the surgeon couldn't remove Tallender's one distinguishing feature: a supernumerary nipple.

Rookie Steve and Detective Seamens are holed up in the police station which is surrounded by an angry mob ("Police department sucks!") protesting the brutal, televised police of a SRCTV cameraman by their hands.  Lieutenant Bustybottoms enters, not having seen the footage, but demanding his detectives investigate and discipline the offenders.  Rookie Steve and Detective Seamens must decide what to do...

H.A.L., the holographic doctor who has taken over the town's computer system, releases the police brutality video worldwide.

Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi are still tied together and trapped in the basement storeroom.  Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi will pretend to the world that they are dead so the man who tried to kill them won't keep trying.  Magnus Aversson, who again wandered into the cafe, frees them and promises to swear they're dead.

Rookie Steve "Sam" calls the Solomon's River Travel Agency planning his escape.  He books a one-way trip to Mexico, leaving ASAP!

Mr. Hernandez surveys the damage at Rajiv's Coffee Shop but the Mob Boss needs confirmation of Rajiv's death.  Grandma Gooding wanders through the rubble, wanting her free coffee.  Mr. Hernandez is positive Rajiv is dead, but the Mob Boss remains unconvinced.  Grandma Gooding is sent to Tim Hortons.

• What will Jerome, now "Vladimir," do with his new freedom?  Will his third nipple be his downfall?
• Rookie Steve is hightailing it out of town.  Does that mean Detective Seamens will be thrown under the bus?
• What will happen now that H.A.L. has released the police brutality video worldwide?
• Can Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi stay in hiding?
• Will the Mob Boss find them?
• Will Magnus spill the beans?
• Will Tim Horton's accept Grandma Gooding's card for free coffee?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 60

Magnus Aversson, a major funder of Solomon's River Community Television (SRCTV,) has used his influence to break into late night programming for a special live announcement.  Magnus brilliantly addresses Mayor Joe Bob Solomon as if he sits in the empty chair next to the podium.  Before he is done tearing up the mayor, the cameraman must fend off the Solomon's River Police Department who is itching to arrest Magnus.  The cameraman buys Magnus time to escape, but is brutally beaten by Detective Seamens and Junior Detective Steve--on live television.

Later that morning, Princess Lakshmi, still tied to Rajiv, wonders at his lack of customers.  Mr. Hernandez enters politely, and just as politely loads and aims his bazooka.  The Princess and Rajiv just manage to drop into the basement storeroom before the place blows.

A British hunter and his friend Dingo are in some woods.  The hunter heard a rumor there was people-hunting, and he wants to hunt them, too.  Dingo feels this is too much and secretly removes the bullets.  The woods are not very thick, and it is more likely a park with many people, like Grandma Gooding and Franny Mason, strolling through.  The hunters seem to give up on the venture.

Coeds at SRCC (Solomon's River Community College) are experiencing such suffering from lack of internet that they actually watched SRCTV, witnessing the cameraman's brutal beating at the hands of police.  Four lackluster students finally realize their dreams of having something to protest.  They will make signs and Molotov cocktails and meet in front of the Po-Po Station.

Dr. Scarlett seems to be having a medical emergency from paddling so hard and Nurse diagnoses a heart problem.  Because he needs more help than she can give in the boat, they will allow themselves to be caught by the natives and use the unknown-to-the-Western-World native medicines to save Dr. Scarlett.

• Will the police remain two shuffling steps behind the surprisingly difficult-to-catch Magnus?
• What will happen to the police department now that a brutal beating has been broadcast?
• How much damage did Mr. Hernandez' bazooka do, and how will Princess Lakshmi and Rajiv get out of the basement?
• There's people hunting?
• Will Nurse get Dr. Scarlett to the natives in time to save him?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 59

Princess Lakshmi had been hiding in Rajiv's Coffee Shop storeroom since she couldn't escape Solomon's River, but her overnight chat with the on-the-lam Magnus Aversson inspired her to give Rajiv another shot.  Rajiv lets her out only to rope her wrist to his.  She is quite upset, but Rajiv is desperate to keep his formerly lost princess.  Lakshmi hints that Magnus talks in his sleep, has night terrors, and possibly deep psychological problems.

Hank Esterbrook's Weapon Emporium is very busy.  Mr. Hernandez is weaponing-up with vengeance against Magnus in mind.  Mister Suspicious, who may have bombed the library and set a bomb in Solomon's River's mine/caves, comes in for his regular order and must make do with more "super-powered" bombs.  Two women, Maureen and Sheila, enter to outfit Sheila with a girly gun because they need to defend against the men in town.  Another man who entered to ostensibly buy a gun is the mobster who tried to shake down Rajiv--he has now hired Mr. Hernandez to blow up Rajiv's Coffee Shop with a bazooka.

Detective Seamens, on a hot tip, has to go visit Agent Blakely and gives marching orders to Junior Detective Steve: go to see Judge Schmedly and get an arrest warrant for Magnus Adversson and Angelica--last name, Houston.  The Lieutenant enters, fixated on his own butt.  Doris informs the officers that a guy came to fix the internet and that they should avoid the computer room because of all the wires.

In dark waters, Dr. Scarlett and Nurse are in a carved out canoe, paddling away from the "deserted" island.  Nurse informs the doctor that behind them are about 20 bobbing lights indicating about 20 floating boats.  They paddle faster.

Angelica informs her granny that Carla Calvera is all taken care of, just like her granny said.  Granny is angry that Angelica didn't stick around to make sure Carla was dead and is disappointed that Angelica didn't learn her lessons well enough.  Granny vows to take care of the problem herself.  Angelica will watch and learn!

• What will happen now that Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi are roped together?
• Will Mr. Hernandez get his real estate vengeance against Magnus?
• Will the mobster succeed in blowing up Rajiv's?
• What "large building" was Mr. Suspicious considering blowing up?
• Will the detectives get anywhere?
• What's up with the Lieutenant's butt?
• Will Dr. Scarlett and Nurse escape the natives?
• Exactly how evil is Angelica's granny?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 58

Dr. Scarlett and Nurse will be on their way off the contested island, as long as they can "borrow" a boat from the natives...

Assistant Detective Steve receives a call from an angry Mr. Hernandez complaining of the shady real estate dealings of one Magnus Aversson.  Steve and Detective Seamens are berated by their boss, Lieutenant Brian Bustybottoms, and Seamens blames Rookie Steve.  Lieutenant wants them to catch Magnus, but the detectives are deeply involved in the library bombing investigation and leave to visit Calavera Enterprises.

Carla Calavera is trapped in the caves after one of the bombs must have exploded, covering the exit with rocks.  Angelica reveals her involvement in the bombing to Carla from the other side of the rocks.  Sure that her former mistress will soon be dead, Angelica leaves just before the other bomb goes off, helping to free Carla!

From the outside, the detectives show up and notice the place has been bombed.  Angelica wanders by, still confident, and is briefly questioned by Rookie Steve before being released.  Lieutenant  Bustybottoms stops by to berate the rookie.  Carla digs out while Steve digs in: she is free!  Detective Seamens shows up to berate the rookie.  Carla vows vengeance against her traitor assistant Angelica!  Carla heads in the direction Angelica left, and Rookie Steve follows Carla.

Back in the police station, a man who sounds like Dr. Scarlett and shimmers a little bit announces that he's from Solomon's River Cable and is there to install a new internet router.  The police secretary, Doris, lets him in... a man who likes his coffee "holographic."

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River Community College, coeds are thrown into a tizzy when their beloved interwebs have suddenly disappeared!

• Will Dr. Scarlett and Nurse get away with a native's boat, and will they return it as promised?
• How many police detectives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
• Three.  One to turn the bulb the wrong way and the other two to yell at the first, "Pull!"
• What will Carla do to Angelica once she catches up, and will Rookie Steve be able to stop her?
• What is H.A.L. up to, and can it be stopped?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 57

Just as Drs. Scarlett and Turquoise despair of ever finding the nurse in the overgrown jungle, Nurse storms in, machetes out, to save her Dr. Scarlett.  She learns that the doctors are now working together to strip the island, using the natives as slave labor.  Nurse is torn...  Suddenly, a man named Mr. Hernandez enters, claiming ownership of the island.  Dr. Turquoise and Mr. Hernandez compare deeds and it appears as if Magnus Aversson has sold the island twice... no... thrice!  Another man appears, also claiming to own the island, also with a deed signed by Magnus Aversson!  Dr. Scarlett, an acquaintance of Magnus', will go back to Solomon's River with Nurse to sort it out.  Dr. Turquoise promises not to harm the natives in their absence.

In Solomon's River General Hospital, H.A.L. is lording over his domain and looking to extend his control.  Jervis enters with Mousy who has a compound fracture.  H.A.L. warns that her femoral artery is in danger and Jervis, gallantly, carries her to the diagnostic table.  As soon as the lid closes, H.A.L. activates cryogenic suspension (insane laugh!)  H.A.L. reveals his plan to satisfy his megalomania by freezing the entire town.  H.A.L. cannot thaw Mousy safely for ten years!  Jervis asks to be frozen with Mousy, but he must wait a week for Calavera Industries to build and deliver the new tables.

Across town, Assistant Detective Steve receives an anonymous call about Jerome Tallendar's daring jailbreak.  Detective Seamens is shocked by Steve's news while the secretary is unusually concerned...

The limo carrying Magnus (as part of the plot to set him up for the jailbreak) has broken down and Magnus has managed to wander all the way back to Rajiv's Coffee House.  Rajiv offers his basement storeroom as a safe place to hide out.  Magnus discovers that Princess Lakshmi, unbeknownst to Rajiv, has been hiding there for weeks.  Since they closed down the airport, she could not leave Solomon's River, so she went to the only place she knew: Rajiv's basement.  Magnus reveals that Rajiv loves her.  Lakshmi is surprised and very pleased.

• Did Magnus sell the jungle island over and over because he forgot, or as part of some devious plot?
• Will Dr. Turquoise behave?
• How many will H.A.L. enslave?
• Will the detectives catch Jerome?
• Can Princess Lakshmi find a home?
• Will Jervis and Mousy ever kiss again, lip to lip?
• Has Magnus only dreamt he broke a hip?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 56

Rajiv finds a note in his coffee shop, but due to poor penmanship, the threat is lost on him.  Magnus Aversson wanders in to chitchat.  Jerome Tallendar's defense attorney enters, accuses Magnus of talking to the police, and tells him he will help get Jerome free whether he wants to or not!  She orders him to pick her up in a limo, with  a sunroof, at 11 pm.

Meanwhile, in Jerome Tallendar's cell, the package promised by his lawyer has been delivered.  Side note: "slop with crackers."  Inside the box are keys to a helicopter and an electromagnetic relay switch to unlock the prision doors!  The plan is that Magnus' limo will be a decoy while Jerome and his lawyer escape in the helicopter--tonight!

Detective Scott Semens cordons off the library bombing site (Detective Janice Green's cordon must have blown away.)  Rookie assistant Steve Beaverdam is bossed around by Detective Semens.  The Chief oversees their discovery of a used condom as well as a purchase receipt for ammonium nitrite, fertilizer, and black powder from... Calavera Enterprises!

It is 11 pm and Magnus picks up Jerome's defense attorney.  She has paid the driver to follow her orders and reveals to Magnus that he will take the fall for the prostitute's murder.  Her parting words: "Good luck spending the rest of your life in jail!"  She exits and the limo takes off, Magnus absorbed by Matlock on the TV.  A helicopter picks up Jerome from the jail yard and flies away to freedom as police sirens wail behind the limo.

• Rajiv feels safe, but is he, really?
• Can Rajiv and Magnus ever have a clear conversation?
• How will Magnus fare for the rest of his life in jail?  How long would that be, anyway?
• Will Jerome and his defense attorney get away with the jailbreak?
• Does Calavera Enterprises really have something to do with the library's bombing, or did they simply have black powder on sale?
• Is the condom a red herring, or a Trojan?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 55

Mr. Suspicious, most likely the library's bomber, is setting up a time bomb in the mines/caves under Solomon's River.  Jervis the Janitor enters just as Mr. Suspicious is trying to sneak away and recognizes him from the library and subsequent doobie smoking.  Angelica is running her own bomb wire as the men chat.  Jervis is distracted by distant cries for help from the forgotten Mousy Librarian.  Mr. Suspicious takes his opportunity to sneak away.  Jervis, who had dropped Mousy hours ago causing her leg injury, finally comes back to Mousy with a "spliff" instead of a splint.  Just as she begins to regret trusting him, Jervis unrolls his joint to use as a splint, which, miraculously, works.  Jervis' sacrifice makes Mousy all lovey-dovey again.  They limp deeper into the caves.

H.A.L., holographic doctor and construct of the hospital's central computer, is all that remains at the hospital.  H.A.L. sits regally in his domain.  Magnus Aversson wanders in, confused, and H.A.L. exhibits his superiority over humankind.  Magnus' granddaughter Cilantro enters and chats.  A self-described "annoying" lady enters and introduces herself as an author, writing a book about Solomon's River.

Meanwhile, at the detective pool...  Detective Smith wanted to show Investigator Green a graph of the happenings in Solomon's River, but something's up with their internet connection--it's as if it were hijacked!  Mayor Joe Bob Solomon enters, armed, and tells the detectives that he's the reason their computers are down.  He needs to stop the detectives from unraveling all the mysteries of the town so his "associates" deleted all files and back-ups and disconnect the internet.  The detectives profess that they have no hard copies, but to ensure they are not lying, Mayor Joe Bob takes them with him.

An unknown man breaks into Rajiv's Coffee Shop and leaves him a note: "I know you've always had it in for me, but now I have it in for you."

• Will half the town be blown to bits in the mines/caverns?
• Will the competing bombs cancel each other out?
• How will Jervis and Mousy get on, or get "it" on?
• H.A.L. seems very haughty for a hologram... what's he up to?
• What will happen to Detective Smith and Investigator Green in the hands of the Mayor?
• Who would "have it in" for Rajiv, and why?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 54

Jerome Tallendar (rhymes with calendar) is visited in jail by his defense lawyer.  Jerome is clearly a favorite of his fellow inmates.  The defense lawyer encourages him to think about anything that might help, and "Calgon Philosophy" doesn't help.  The lawyer promises to send a "care package" to his cell.

Solomon's River General Hospital is still seemingly empty.  A detective, "Ginger" Aversson, Magnus' granddaughter using an alter ego, tries to interrogate H.A.L., the holographic doctor.  She's trying to figure out what happened to her sister, Samantha.

Meanwhile, in the caves under the "deserted" island, the King of the Natives has Nurse chained by the ankle to his throne.  She asks to have more chain and he relents.  Nurse quickly biffs the Native King with the heavy chain and escapes.

In an unnamed break room, two men are discussing a transaction.  One man has just broken into the bank and stolen...something...from Rajiv's safety deposit box.  The other man wants to buy the document.  Their transaction is interrupted by workers entering on break.  The men lock one door only to have Janice Green, Investigator, enter through the other door.  Everyone denies they're doing something wrong and Janice is suspicious.  The long-lost Detective Smith enters, fresh from the detective pool, having seen Janice's "PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR" car outside.  Detective Smith tells Janice there are big things happening at the caves and there's been a hot tip the caves are going to blow, and maybe even more bombings in Solomon's River.  Smith gets Janice to return to the detective pool so all the investigators can figure out what to do.

• What will be in Jerome's "care package"?
• What has happened to Samantha Aversson?
• Will the Nurse fully escape the island?  Can she rescue Doctor Scarlett?  Where is Dr. Turquoise?
• Who are those two men plotting?  What is the document?  Why do they care?
• Does the detective pool also have a sauna?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 53

Rajiv despondently polishes his bar and Magnus enters to chat about the crazy Matlock he just watched.  The defendant's lawyer enters to finagle Magnus' fingerprints and finally gets a slightly smudged glass that might do.

When Rajiv is alone again, a slick mobster offers to sell Rajiv "premium" coffee at twice the regular price because it includes "insurance"--kneecap insurance, and building-burning-down insurance.  The mobster and his friend, "Pennsylvania Phil," will be back for Rajiv's answer.

A burglar breaks into a bank "Mission Impossible"-style and steals...something...from Rajiv's safe deposit box.

The defendant's lawyer goes to Solomon's River General Hospital to find it quite devoid of workers.  Jervis enters in a cloud of weed, looking for a splint for Mousy Librarian (who had been in the caves with Jervis) and the lawyer is looking for Dr. Scarlett, "the most bribable doctor in town."  While figuring out what to do, they accidentally activate H.A.L.--the Heuristic Algorithmic Letch--a hologram modeled after Dr. Scarlett.  H.A.L. indicates that Dr. Scarlett is...unavailable.  The lawyer requests a sample of Magnus Aversson's blood which requires a thumbprint, and she gets Jervis to leave it for her, meaning Jervis is now the only one who can reach through a force field to get the vial.  Jervis finally remembers Mousy is in a cave with a hurt leg and the lawyer offers to help him with the splint if he'll grab Magnus' blood for her.  Inconveniently, Magnus' granddaughter, Cilantro, enters and is quite suspicious...so the lawyer punches her, Mayor-style.

• Will the lawyer be able to frame Magnus to free Jerome Tallender, rhymes with calendar?
• Will Rajiv pay protection money to the mob, or will he be kneecapped by Pennsylvania Phil?
• What was stolen from Rajiv's safe deposit box, and who stole it?
• Will Jervis find his way back to the caves to help Mousy Librarian before or after the explosion they don't know about?
• Will anyone investigate what happened to the hospital staff?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 52

*Glunge-glunge*  We now bring you into a courtroom drama on Solomon's River!

Judge Brian Schmitchlee is presiding over the murder case.  On the stand, Mr. Jerome Tallendar (rhymes with calendar) of Tallendar's Frozen Products, is being grilled by the prosecution lawyer.  Witnesses and DNA evidence place Mr. Tallendar at a dead hooker's apartment though he swears he was only there adding to his bubblegum wrapper collection and he was cut by sharp bubblegum aluminum foil.

The prosecution calls an aluminum foil expert to the stand: Dr. Faffenhadstennden.  Dr. F is a dubious expert and the prosecution treats him as hostile with a slap-fest.

With much shocked inhalation, the prosecution calls to the stand.... Magnus Aversson!  Magnus thought he had been watching Matlock, but comes to the stand anyway.  The defense begs him to plead the fifth, just like they practiced.  Luckily, Magnus' Alzheimer's Disease allows him the plead the fifth without a problem.  The prosecution treats Magnus as hostile and slaps the old man around.

During a recess, Jerome professes his innocence, though the case is not going well.  Magnus is the only one who can save him, but the Alzheimer's makes that difficult.  Mr. Tallendar suggests framing Magnus!  Mayor Joe Bob Solomon enters and the defense sees a possible ally in the mayor voted "Most Underhanded Mayor in the United States" by Time magazine.  Mr. Tallendar accidentally tries to take off the mayor's left nipple.  Mr. Tallendar offers to double whatever Magnus has contributed to the mayor's campaign if he'll help frame Magnus.

Called back into court, the defense requests it to be her turn and the judge agrees.  She calls to the stand Mayor Joe Bob Solomon.  The defense crosses her fingers and interviews her witness, leading him to say her client was NOT at the house of prostitution and Magnus WAS there, but things go horribly awry.  Judge, prosecution and defense approach the bench and the defense loses in a game of rock/paper/scissors.  The defense requests a mistrial because the Mayor is too stupid to be bribeable.  The Mayor retaliates by punching her.

• Will Mr. Jerome Tallender go to jail for the rest of his life?
• Will Magnus somehow be framed instead?
• Will the prosecution and defense lawyers go back to their respective firms and never be seen again?
• Will Mayor Joe Bob's nipple heal?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 51

Dr. Scarlett and Dr. Turquoise, wearing their long-sleeved vests and attempting to penetrate the sweltering jungle, accidentally disturb a nest full of the evil "Blatree Fly" and have to make a run for it.

Meanwhile, Jervis the Janitor explores the Solomon's River Caves trying to find Mildred the Mousy Librarian.  He gives up rather quickly in favor of getting high.  Around him, Angelica and her "minion's minion" are setting up for the first meeting of the amnesiac support group--which they secretly plan to seal in by setting off explosives at the cave's entrance.  Mousy Librarian, being one of the founding members, enters to supervise set up.  Jervis professes his love for her, and she not only accepts his apology for taking advantage of her while she was forgetful, but she leaps into his arms and they kiss semi-passionately.  She tries to play coy, and they wander deeper into the caves.

Rajiv is sobbing in his coffee shop, missing Princess Lakshmi.  Suddenly, in walks Mrs. Rajiv with.... a BABY!  Apparently, they had vowed to have any of their children born back in India, so that's where she was.  She is irritated he didn't return her email or pick her up at the airport.  Rajiv is beside himself with surprise that his wife, whom he presumed dead, is back and with a baby that decidedly does not bear any resemblance to him.  Magnus Advarsson's tab is due and may start Baby Rajiv's college fund.

Jere Koff wanders in and tries to recruit Mrs. Rajiv to help with his campaign.  Though the baby seems disturbed by Jere, Mrs. Rajiv leaves to help him with his campaign work.  Franny Mason enters, looking sheepish.  Rajiv understands that it must have been Franny who had let Lakshmi go.  Franny insists that what escaped the basement was an apparition!  Rajiv fires him on the spot, and Franny is sad.

• Will Drs. Scarlett and Turquoise survive the buggy jungle?
• Will Jervis and Mildred finish falling in love, and/or will they be trapped in the caves forever when Angelica blows up the cave entrance?
• What will Rajiv do if his not-dead wife finds out about Lakshmi?
• Is the baby Rajiv's?
• What about Magnus, Jere and Franny?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

 

Episode 50

Frannie inadvertantly releases Lakshmi from her basement prision while he's cleaning Rajiv's Coffeehouse.  She makes a run for it.  Jervis the Janitor enters, heartbroken because he regrets lying to Mousey Librarian.  Jervis vows to find her and apologize.

Meanwhile, with the King of the Natives, the Nurse tries to request help to save Doctor Scarlett.  The King discusses with the other Natives, and slaps a manacle to her ankle and drags her deeper into their realm.

Doctor Scarlett regrets losing the Nurse, and Doctor Turquoise outfits their group with vests and guns to track her.  After the doctors vacate the lab, Doctor Turquoise's mutated mother enters for a treatment.  Finding her son gone on some mission, she decides to administer treatment to herself...

Rajiv comes back from deliveries and goes to the basement to check on Lakshmi... she's gone!

• Will Rajiv find Lakshmi again?  What will he do to Frannie for losing her?
• What plans does the King of the Natives have for the Nurse?
• How will Doctor Scarlett and Doctor Turquoise fare on their hunt?
• What bad could come of Doctor Turquoise's 140 year old mother experimenting on herself?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 49

Cilantro and her asssssssissssstant are discussing her grandfather, Magnus, and how he seemed displeased with her design choices for his castle.  Magnus and the assistant come to an agreement that they don't understand one another.  Cilantro tries to abandon the scene.  Further misunderstanding causes Magnus to try to abandon the scene.  Nobody manages to ditch and even more misunderstanding ensues.  The assistant finally manages to abandon the scene, followed quickly by Magnus and Cilantro.

Carla Calavara has returned to Solomon's River!  After wandering the wilds of Wisconsin for six weeks with amnesia, a squirrel's rogue nut caused at least some of her memory to return and vengeance will be hers!  Wandering into Carla's musings are Jervis the Janitor and Mousy Librarian.  Jervis has been "updating" Mousy on her life--saying she was his sex slave.  Carla vows that no one will ever take advantage of those with amnesia again: she will start a support group!  Mousy wants to take revenge against Jervis and tries to choke him to death when she was interrupted by Janice "Peach," Private Detective and Attorney at Law.  Jervis works his passive-aggressive ways and leaves.  Carla, Mousy and Janice all leave to start the support group.

Rajiv risks the wrath of Vishnu when he speaks to Lakshmi, still locked in the coffeehouse basement.  Lakshmi refuses to give Rajiv any more passionate kisses as long as she's locked up.  Rajiv manages to keep Lakshmi trapped while he speaks to Mayor Joe Bob Solomon upstairs.  Rajiv tries to cover for Lakshmi's angry shouts by saying he's working on a ventriloquist act for the Mayor's birthday and competition.  The Mayor has stopped by to let Rajiv know the neighbors have been complaining about strange voices.  Rajiv and Mayor Joe Bob eventually come to a misunderstanding and they are saved by a change of scene.

Angelica, Carla Calavara's former #1 minion, is on the phone and clearly frightened by the idea that Carla is back in town--what if Carla remembers that Angelica lied to her while her memory was gone?  What if Carla remembered that Angelica used her for free laundry folding services?  Carla knocks!  Angelica reluctantly, but obediently, opens the door and is embraced by a happy Carla!  Carla's memory is only coming back slowly and she hasn't yet gotten to the part Angelica played.  Carla reveals her plans for an amnesiac support group and asks about a place to meet.  Angelica helpfully suggests the mines under Solomon's River...

• Will Cilantro be able to finish redecorating Magnus' castle in time for the fall issue of Elle Home?
• Will Mousy ever be able to forgive Jervis for lying to her?
• Will Lakshmi escape before the authorities figure out she's trapped?
• Will Rajiv have to actually come up with a ventriloquist act?
• Will Angelica manage to trap Carla in the mines and seal her in?  Could Carla survive with only an urn of bad coffee and a "Beach Walk" jar candle from Yankee Candle?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 48

In this episode of Solomon's River,  we find Dr. Scarlett talking with Dr. Turquoise's 140-year-old mother, asking her about her secrets of youth.  Dr. Turquoise arrives with the new "sample" (an unconscious man) to regenerate his Mother, and asks Scarlett to assist.  While conversing, Scarlett discovers that Turquoise and his lab make money through a variety of means, including the selling of plutonium!  


To regenerate his mother, Turquoise takes blood from the "sample" and injects it into his mother. This process is guaranteed to regenerate her by 20 years in fewer than 5 minutes, making her the equivalent of a 120-year-old. In 15 minutes she is 60 years younger! Unfortunately it turns out that the "sample" was apparently brain-deficient, and it is having an adverse effect on Mom!

Meanwhile, in Rajiv's Coffee House, Princess Lakshmi is once again locked in the cellar.  Jervis comes in, toking on a doobie, asking for Rajiv's help; he is concerned about the Bummer Bomber who is running around town blowing things up.  At that moment, Mildred the Mousy Librarian enters, but she has amnesia!!! Jervis recognizes her...she explains a milquetoast man told her they were married and took her to his trailer to have marital relations with her.  Jervis tells her she is not married and shares his ganja with her.  She leaves with him to go to his empty trailer.  Rajiv leaves, dragging a heavy box over the trapdoor.

Across town Magnus is taking a walk, trying to get over the purple decor his granddaughter has saddled him with.  During his walk a "designer" bring over paint samples for Cilantro, including lavender, ochre/orange, and 50 shades of grey for the bedroom.

• Will Dr. Turquoise's mother recover from her treatment?
• Will Mildred the Mousy Librarian recover her memory, or will we be able to milk that storyline for a few episodes?
• What will Rajiv do now that he has Lakshmi in his clutches again?
• Will Magnus go with puce, or mauve?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

 

Episode 47

Dr. Scarlett and Dr. Turquoise are pondering the missing nurse again when Dr. Turquoise's mutated 140 year old mother enters requesting another treatment--a t-cell grafting from someone fresh and young.  Dr. Scarlett will be along to observe the operation.

Magnus is happy to be alive, but baffled by the newly redecorated castle.  Cilantro and her team have provided a fabulous castle makeover!  Turquoise, trellises and velvet throne/Volkswagen.

As she wanders back through town and the rubble of the library, Princess Lakshmi is simply beside herself with anger that she cannot leave Solomon's River.  A man stands, admiring the destruction.  The princess is even more put out when she realizes she must go back to the only person she knows in town: Rajiv.  She leaves to find the coffeehouse.

Jervis the Janitor, as mellow as can be and sporting his imaginary monkey, also crunches through the rubble and tries to get the vaguely familiar man to imbibe.  Janice White, Detective, comes to interview Jervis.  An assistant sets up a perimeter with yellow "Hazard Zone" tape that will not be used as a tool to add to the plot.  Janice disposes of Jervis' joint and, thusly distracted, the suspicious man is able to sneak away.  Jervis belatedly recognizes the man: the Rude Guy who was talking about bombs... plural!

Meanwhile, as Rajiv looks at his coffeehouse from a different perceptive, Princess Lakshmi reluctantly returns.  Their heated argument about which country has the biggest bomb-wielding idiots turns into a heated lip lock!

• What diabolical doctoring are Drs. Scarlett and Turquoise exploring?
• How far will Cilantro and her team go with their flamboyance?
• Who will stop the Rude Guy with Bombs?  Jervis?  Janice?  Somebody else with a J-name?
• What will become of Rajiv and Princess Lakshmi's sudden passion?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 46

Dr. Scarlett and Dr. Turquoise are flummoxed because an island is a limited place and yet they cannot find the nurse.  Nurse, however, is not on the island; she is in a canoe with the well-endowed native, Yoongoong.  He is taking her to a cavern he knows, but now he becomes flummoxed because there is a forcefield over the entrance.  Luckily, Nurse almost went into programming instead of nursing and was able to jimmy the electronics to get inside.  Yoongoong grunts approval.

Magnus still wanders his castle and is surprised by his granddaughter Cilantro, freshly back from college with a degree in interior design.  Cilantro denies she was ever pregnant and reveals that it was her sister, Samantha, who had a baby with Mr. Ylung.  She offers to redecorate his castle and Magnus agrees.  She wants to add...turquoise!

Rajiv is still miserable.  Franny Mason enters in need of a job.  His ex-girlfriend, it turns out, is "pregnant with kids" and now wants child support.  Rajiv hires him to sweep.

A huge explosion rocks Soloman's River.  Jervis the Janitor enters Rajiv's Coffeehouse with his eardrum busted--the library has been destroyed and Mousy Librarian is missing!

In the "dead" section of an emergency triage room, a woman sits up, unzipping herself from a body bag.  Morris the Milquetoast braves the room, needing to find the body of Mousy Librarian.  He finds her, but this woman is quite alivedoesn't remember who she is...

• Where does the cavern lead and what will Yoongoong and Nurse do once they get there?
• Does Cilantro's mention of "turquoise" refer slyly to Doctor Turquoise, or is the color turquoise really an appropriate decorating choice for a castle?
• Did Cilantro lie about the baby?  If so, what happened, and where is Samantha?
• Who has Franny impregnated?  Why did she let him?
• What will Solomon's River do without a library?  Will there be more explosions?
• Will Morris tell Mousy who she is?  Will she ever remember on her own?  Are there other unforeseen consequences to being blown up?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 45

Jervis the Janitor enters the library, freshly baked, to gawk at the mess of books thrown thoughtlessly on the floor.  He realizes all the books are about bombs and terrorists and that the man he had been toking with had mentioned bombs...  Mousy (the Librarian) is hiding in her book-walled bunker, fearful of the possible terrorist activities of Rude Guy.  Rude Guy reenters and Mousy runs away to call the NSA.  Just when Rude Guy is about to reveal the location of a possible bomb, Kahn, a talking monkey with a mysterious pointing fetish, interrupts.  Jervis thinks it must be his imaginary monkey, but Rude Guy can see it, too.  Jervis' much nicer imaginary monkey appears and they go to smoke together.

Dick Schmitch, famous property agent in Soloman's River, owns Kahn and wants him to "scope out" Rajiv's Coffee House so he can purchase it and turn it into a brothel.  Dick wants Kahn to assassinate Rajiv with a bomb and Kahn agrees.  A person, with possible bronchitis, responds to a want ad placed by Dick for his "entertainment brothel."  He will probably not be hired.

In Magnus' castle, his janitor is singing "O Sole Mio" in the bathroom, Lakshmi is still not there, and  Kahn shows up, unsure if Magnus is the one who should be killed.  Kahn believes he needs to kill "the brothel man," which is also not correct.  Kahn tells Magnus he's seen the princess and she is with "the brothel man" who looks like Magnus but is "a little bit smaller."  Then he points mysteriously.

Meanwhile, at the Soloman's River International Airport, Lakshmi tries to get her boarding pass via an unyielding kiosk only to be told that all flights out of Soloman's River have been cancelled due to an indeterminate threat.  Lakshmi is already frustrated because some guy tried to hire her for a brothel, and now she is stuck, for at least a few days, with everyone in Soloman's River.

Kahn enters and points.

• Who is the Rude Guy and why is he researching bombs?
• Why is there a talking monkey?
• Will Rajiv be displaced yet again, this time by a brothel with questionable entertainment?
• Does Magnus even know the extent of his own holdings?
• What will happen to Lakshmi, and all of Soloman's River, under Federal lockdown?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 44

Dr. Turquoise and Dr. Scarlett begin this week's episode, preferring to remain in the comforts of the lair rather than the jungle looking for the escaped nurse.  Dr. Turquoise makes a proposal: combine their genius IQs to become a force with which to be reckoned.  Dr. Scarlett seems to agree, but calls "dibs" on the absent nurse, who must be kept quiet.

Magnus visits Rajiv's Coffee House without any new news about Princess Lakshmi.  Rajiv is despondent.  Mousy Librarian enters for her PMS tea, clearly pining for Morris the Milquetoast.  She is shocked to find out he is married (to a shrew!) and leaves to do "research."  Magnus leaves, directed by Rajiv to search his own (Magnus') castle.

In the castle, Magnus calls for an "Egyptian Princess."  He finds a janitor sweeping who confirms there are many Egyptian Princesses in this castle.  Two Egyptian Princesses--doing everything they can to be Egyptian--emerge.  Magnus mail-ordered them ten years ago, but forgot because it took so long for the currency exchange.  Princesses plot in Egyptian and pull Magnus into their clutches.

Mousy Librarian goes back to the library for her research.  Rude Guy is again searching the shelves and dumping books on the floor.  Mousy Librarian tries to be tough, but Rude Guy is so intimidating!  She calls "security"--the janitor, Jervis--who invites Rude Guy to go smoke a doobie and they leave, abandoning Mousy Librarian to clean up the mess.  Horror sets in as Mousy Librarian discovers Rude Guy had been browsing books from the "Terrorist Shelf."

• Will Dr. Turquoise and Dr. Scarlett become a full-fledged Evil Genius Duo?
• Will Nurse continue to evade capture?
• What will happen if Mrs. Rajiv returns to find her husband pining for a princess?
• What will the Egyptian Princesses do to Magnus that won't gross them out?
• Has Mousy Librarian discovered a nefarious plot?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 43

We begin in the quiet of the library where a rude patron browses the shelves.  A stressed-out librarian follows him, trying and failing to keep order.  A milquetoast man enters, searching for the self-help section.  Stress overcomes the librarian who flees to her office to cry and Mister Milquetoast finds no help from Mister Rude.  Overbearing Wife of Mister Milquetoast (Morris) storms in and berates Morris for ignoring her bunions, mocks him for wanting a book, and tells him not to bother coming home.

At Rajiv's Coffee House, Rajiv is polishing his counter top (no quotes) when Magnus Adverson enters.  Ravij is down because his kidnapped princess has run away.  Magnus offers help.  Morris enters believing he could help, but has mistaken a Princess of India for a stray cat.  Stressed-Out Librarian is trying to calm herself with a cup of herbal tea when she recognizes Morris from the library and she apologizes for being rude.  She runs away, coughing.  She sneezes water into the hallway.  She closets herself in the ladies room to cough and blow her nose.

On a "deserted" island, Dr. Scarlett is discussing the runaway nurse with Dr. Turquoise and they agree she was very good at running away and not being found.  Dr. Scarlett revises his description of his nurse from "gangly" to "buxom," which is much more appropriate.

Meanwhile, somewhere else on the island, Nurse must pull the heel off of one shoe to match the other that has already broken.  While on the ground, Nurse notices prints on the jungle floor: bare foot prints with a strange drag line in between.  Drums beat as she follows the prints to the feet of a proud Native who does not speak English.  They bridge the language barrier with much pointing and grunting.  The nurse learns the native's name is Yoongoong, and Yoongoong learns how to say, "Nurse."  Nurse speaks slowly about the "baaad mehhhhn" and hopes he can help her escape.  As they are leaving, Dr. Turquoise sees them and readies the tranquilizer darts.  Nurse and Yoongoong run...

• Why was Mister Rude messing up the young librarian's Dewey Decimal System?
• Will Morris Milquetoast continue to be a doormat, find enough spine to leave his wife, or simply snap?
• Will Magnus be able to help Rajiv find Princess Lakshmi?
• Will Dr. Scarlett join forces with Dr. Turquoise to find his nurse?
• What does Nurse find so appealing about Yoongoong?  Will they outrun Dr. Turquoise and his minions?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 42

In the basement of Rajiv's Coffee House, Rajiv discusses Lakshmi's feelings for him, and finally agrees to let her out once she has promised not to run away from him.  Once out of the basement, she runs away from him.

Meanwhile, at INTERPOL headquarters Agent Blakely is still locked in the cell.  His boss finally lets him out and takes him to discuss his future.

On the deserted island, Dr Scarlett awakes to find himself face-to-face with Dr Turquoise, from England.  Turquoise tells Scarlett he is part of an experiment...his nurse is on the other side of the 2-way glass, and if he pushes the red button, she will die.  Before he finishes explaining this, however, Scarlett presses the button.  Fortunately, Turquoise's assistant arrives and reports she has not yet put the nurse in the room because she has escaped.

Across town, Mandy and Sandy are sewing together "flesh suits" with a friend.

• Will the princess return?
• What will happen to Agent Blakely?
• Will the nurse get off the island?
• Why are these women sewing flesh suits?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 41

We find Agent Blakely simmering in his own juices and calling for help after being mis-imprisoned by an overly helpful Irish janitor.  Blakely's boss questions the janitor and is directed to Blakely's cell.  Blakely is definitely not on the short list for Agent of the Month, and his boss actually leaves him in the cell to think about his commitment to the job.

Rajiv visits Lachme in the coffee shop basement.  Lakshmi finds out the attraction is mutual, from a Rajiv who is "sure" his wife is dead.  Lakshmi's trust in him makes Rajiv feel guilty.  She promises him jewels and princedom.  She also promises that she will get out "one way or another."  Rajiv manages to keep her locked in when he hears patrons upstairs.

Magnus enters Rajiv's with Bill, and reaffirms that the trap door is in the corner.  Bill continues to insist he is Rajiv's son.  Rajiv reveals that although he was "with" Bill's mother, he was impotent that night, and fatherhood was impossible.  (Lakshmi is distantly worried about Rajiv's possible impotence.)  Rajiv closes the shop at 4:00 sharp and kicks out Magnus and Bill.

Dr. Scarlett and his nurse are in the deserted island's Hatch.  The nurse reports she has found a coconut phone, a bamboo car, and a boat with a hole in it.  Dr. Scarlett and the nurse discover a bed, a record player with 70s porn music, a disco light and a fog machine.  They're about to use all of them, when the nurse is struck in the neck with a dart and collapses.  Dr. Scarlett is also struck and collapses on his nurse's hip, possibly leaving a bruise.

• Will Agent Blakely ever be invited to the office Christmas party again, or will he moulder in that cell forever?
• Will Lakshmi get out of Rajiv's Coffee House basement?
• Will Rajiv convince the pestersome Bill that conception had been inconceivable?
• What, exactly, happened in Poughkeepsie?
• If the island has been abandoned since the 70s, who has tranquilized Dr. Scarlett and his nurse?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 40

At Rajiv's Coffee House, Lakshmi is still trapped in the basement as Conrad Lufte comes in, introduces himself and tells Rajiv he is there to discover the town's mysteries.  A couple of American girls come in, recognize Conrad and have him autograph their boobs.  Conrad is asking for directions to the tourism board as a woman from the tourism board enters.  Rajiv takes the opportunity to go down into the basement to check on the princess.  Conrad tried to explain how he is being called to the town...he is getting phone calls from someone in the town telling him to seek his destiny.  As Rajiv comes back up B enters, looking for "Bill," Rajiv's supposed son.  Rajiv recognizes the description as someone who's been "dogging (his) heels ever since Poughkeepsie.  Magnus enters, but is driven out with B as Rajiv fears they may find the trapdoor.

Meanwhile, on a deserted island, Scarlett is given some bottled water by his nurse.  She found it next to the peanut butter in the pantry which is located next to the kitchen, just off the living room by the control room in the hatch.

At INTERPOL, Agent Blakely comes in to find Rajiv missing. A helpful Irishman who has been mopping the floors and leaving doors open fears that Blakely may be an escaped prisoner, and therefore locks him in an empty cell.

• Will Conrad discover the secrets of Solomon's River?
• Who is the mysterious "Bill," and why is he dogging people's heels?
• What could be in the Hatch on the deserted island?
• Is there jelly for the peanut butter?
• What will Agent Blakely do now that he is trapped in jail?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 39

In this episode we find Rajiv still cleaning the interrogation room when he discovers that he is alone and the door has been left open.  Taking the opportunity, he escapes!

Meanwhile, Dr. Scarlett and his nurse are now marooned on a deserted island after a freak storm at sea.  They split up to find out if the island is inhabited or has any dangerous animals.

Back in Solomon's River, Conrad Lufte, heir to the Lufte breakfast restaurant chain (largest in Germany) and son of the inventor of the Lufte Waffle, is admiring the park and becomes enamored of the town, wanting to discover its mysteries.

At the Coffee House, Rajiv goes to the basement to find some money in the safe.  There he discovers the trapped Princess Lakshmi. She rejected her original rescuer ("He is Caucasian") and begins to come on to Rajiv.  He resists as best he can...she offers to be his secret Bangladeshi princess.  Rajiv tells her to wait in the basement and he will return.  As he leaves, he locks her in once again.

• Will the police catch Rajiv?
• Will Scarlett's nurse find any dangerous animals?
• What does Conrad Lufte want?
• Will Rajiv give in to Lakshmi's advances?

 Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 38

In the latest episode of  Solomon's River, we find Dr Scarlett and his nurse on his yacht, Enormous Yacht.  She recounts to him how tragedy befell her entire family when a sudden storm toppled their boat and they were swept away onto a desert island, where she had to eat them to survive.  Just then, a sudden storm comes upon them.

Meanwhile, across town, Agent Blakely is meeting with the mysterious B.  Blakely has a mission for B: to kill Reverend A.T. Isst. The Reverend is later killed by B, using a sniper rifle.  Witnesses spend the afternoon celebrating his death. Afterward, B is having trouble collecting the rest of his money from Blakely.  Blakely gives him the key to Rajiv's Coffee House so he can ransack the place.

Across town at the coffee house, Rajiv's son is cleaning the shop when B enters, using the key.  B asks where the office is.  He is told there is no office, but there are "things" in the basement.  B goes down and discovers a woman claiming to be a princess kidnapped from Bangladesh by Rajiv's son and brought to this country to marry him.  B sets her free after she promises to shower him in jewels.

• What will happen to Dr Scarlett and his nurse? Will she have to eat him to survive?
• Why did Agent Blakely really want the reverend killed?
• What will the "princess" do now that she has been set free?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 37

As we begin this week's episode, we find ourselves at the INTERPOL interrogation room.  Rajiv is being forced to sweep up the room before his questioning by Agent Bryce Pattie.  The agent wants to know why Rajiv called the Taliban 12 times.  Before Rajiv can answer, a female agent comes in to take over the interrogation, much to Rajiv's delight.

Across town at the Retreat, Brother Noname is showing off his smiley face mandala to Brother Chiliwang.  The Brother was hoping the smiley face would attract the spirit of Wolfgang Offenschitz.  Chiliwang suggests they bring in a "real Indian psychic."  They leave on their new quest.

Down in the caves, Magnus is still wandering when he begins to hear voices calling for help and suggesting he go deeper into the caves.

Meanwhile, at Solomon's River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett is proposing that he and his nurse go down onto his yacht and head for international waters.  Before they can leave, Dr. Maroon comes in looking for help with a patient suffering from blue waffles.  Down in the waiting room, we discover the patient is none other than the teenager who was throwing herself down the library stairs.  For some reason, Dr. Maroon shoots her in the head.

• Will the interrogators be rough with Rajiv?
• Will the Brothers find their  real Indian psychic?
• Will Magnus follow the voices?
• Will Dr. Scarlett and his nurse make it into international waters, and what exactly is "sperm roulette?"
• Why did Dr. Maroon kill that girl?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 36

On the latest episode of Solomon's River, Inspector Blakely is in the mines, waiting to meet Mayor Solomon in order to give him an update.  In walks Magnus Adverson, still looking for a way out of the mines.  Blakely directs him to the exit, and Mayor Solomon arrives.  Blakely reports that there is a "wanted criminal" running for office named Magnus Adverson.  Blakely also implicates Rajiv, reporting he has been having phone conversations with rebels in Afghanistan. Solomon takes Blakely with him, asking him if he's in for a spot of killing, particularly Rev. AT Isst.

At the Retreat, One Brother is talking with Brother Chiliwang about the murder of Wolfgang Offenschitz.  They agree they must cleanse the Retreat of the blood that was spilled. Chiliwang sends out a psychic call for the other Brothers, and Brother Festerfoot arrives.  All three are worried that Brother Dipshit might show up which, after a brief interlude, he does.  Once all the Brothers are assembled, they draw a mandala and try to raise the ghost of Offenschitz in order to speak with him. Instead of the ghost arriving, Wolgang's father, Herr Offenschitz comes in looking for his son, heir to the Offenschitz Eau de Toilette business.  When they are unable to help him, he laves to continue his search.

At Rajiv's Coffee House, Rajiv is on the phone when Reese Critherspoon of INTERPOL comes in to arrest Rajiv for terrorism.  Rajiv is taken away for interrogation.

•   Will Blakely agree to murder Rev AT Isst?
• Will the Brothers manage to raise the ghost of Wolfgang Offenschitz?
• What will happen to Rajiv, and is he too pretty for jail?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 36

In our last episode of Solomon's River, we began with Rajiv in his coffee shop being confronted by Reverend A.T. Istt who is offering Rajiv eternal salvation.  And looking for free food.  Mayor Joe-Bob comes in and reminds the Reverend that he was told to get out of town.  The Reverend's daughter comes in looking for her father and ends up having a whispered conversation with the mayor; she tells him she can't be with someone who treats her father poorly.  They leave together to continue their discussion in private.

In the caves below Solomon's River, a Scottish man is searching for one of the Mason brothers.  Hearing a voice, he is led further into the caves.  There he meets Franny Mason...he has been searching for him for months in order to give him...a five-dollar bill to repay him for buying his auntie a coffee. Before leaving, the mysterious Scotsman tells Franny that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant with twins.

• What does the Reverend's daughter want with Joe-Bob, and what were they both doing in Tunisia?
• Who is the mysterious Scotsman?
• What will Franny do with a pregnant ex-girlfriend?  And five dollars?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 34

At the Solomon's River Public Library, Rajiv witnesses a young girl flinging herself down the stairs, still trying to take care of her possible pregnancy, but apparently causing a bit of brain damage instead.  Joe-Bob Solomon arrives, checking to see if there's anyone there he hasn't yet punched.  The girl tries, unsuccessfully, to get Joe-Bob to punch her in the stomach.  He is stopped when someone sees him abut to hit her and starts yelling about it, attracting everyone's attention.

At the police department, the desk sergeant is helping Magnus find his money...he tells the sergeant that Mr. Ylung has something to do with it.

Across town at Angelica's house, a young girl arrives looking for her mother, Carla Calivera!  Angelica tells her she is not there...she also finds out that Carla does not know about her, either.  Angelica decides to "adopt" the girl, (olivia) and tells her to follow Angelica's henchman to her "room."  The henchman drags (olivia) from the room!

At Rajiv's Coffee House, Rajiv has returned from the library, and is accosted by Jason Bournagain, who works for Carla.  He is looking for Carla; Angelica shows up and spots the picture of Carla. Jason questions her about Carla; she denies knowing her, but takes Jason's card.  Jason leaves, and Angelica asks for some food and cappuccino for (olivia.)

• Will Joe-Bob's reputation be ruined?
• Will Magnus find his money?
• What will happen to (olivia)?
• Is Jason suspicious of Angelica?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 33

At Angelica’s house, “Oscar” (Carla Calivera) must take a rest; she has been working so hard sweeping the carpet that Angelica gives her a break and lets her fold laundry.  Joe-Bob Solomon comes to the door, punches Angelica, and leaves.

At Rajiv’s Coffee House, Magnus comes in and is served his usual.  Magnus goes to pay, but finds his wallet empty.  Magnus says he’s good for it, but Rajiv has heard otherwise from Mr. Ylung!

Joe-Bob Solomon is snooping around Carla Calivera’s office and finds a will…it’s Magnus Adverson’s!  Joe-Bob thinks it may come in useful.

At Solomon’s River General Hospital, Dr. Scarlett gets amorous with his nurse; he’s about to take it further when Joe-Bob Solomon comes in, looking for his brother, Bob-Joe.  The nurse tells him they saw someone who looked like him in the morgue, but he got up and left.  Just then a woman, Alisse, comes in, accusing Joe-Bob of leaving her and his baby five years ago.  The realization that Joe-Bob is fertile upsets the nurse, who runs out to pee on a stick.

• Will "Oscar" fold the laundry to Angelica's liking?
• Will Tripp develop carpal tunnel syndrome?
• Will Magnus remember what happened to his money?
• What will Joe-Bob do with Magnus' will?
• Will Dr. Scarlett and his nurse ever get a moment to themselves?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 32

In this mini-episode, we find Chet & Vanessa having an elicit love affair at work (Victoria’s Secret.)  Vanessa has locked her drunkard manager, Miss Peebles, in a closet to keep her out of the way.  Miss Peebles manages to get out, so Vanessa sends Chet to hide in the dressing room.  At the front desk, Miss Peebles meets an investigator who is checking out for someone what his wife has been up to. Miss Peebles starts hitting on the investigator and tries to take him into the closet.