Episode 86

While in the basement picking up a load of Mr Pibb, the phone rings and Rajiv cannot open the trapdoor.  He is too late to answer when he finally remembers there is a basement extension, and the caller has hung up--it had been Princess Lakshmi, giving Rajiv one last chance as she hops from phone booth to phone booth on the Vegas Strip.  Unfortunately, the line doesn't call out and Rajiv is still stuck.

Somewhere in the basement of Solomon's River General Hospital, McShane finds a flashlight.  The voices of the dead speak to him from the darkness beyond the feeble beam of light, calling him to, "Go deeeeeper!" and "Learn the seeeeecrets!"

Outside the hospital, a drunk beggar receives a dime and a gob of spit before Doris, the police department secretary whose neural net is in a tug of war with H.A.L., struggles not to enter.  For a quarter, Doris enlists the drunk's help to keep her out.  The drunk is an ex-MMA fighter and beats her up a little to do as she bid.

Detective Schmedly is the only one left at the police department, the rest gone mysteriously or bullied out of their jobs by the tough women in Lowertown, speaking of whom...

Two loving Lowertown daughters have a secret: their father remains in the "Women Only" part of Solomon's River.   The younger daughter, Luanne, gives him a polka dot dress she picked out herself and they beg him to live his public life as a woman or else the other women in town will kill him...or cut of his jimmies!  He puts on the dress.

Meanwhile, the Burglary Coach gives Bob the Student his orders: get down to Lowertown and "show 'dem girls what for."

The tracheotomized Grandma Poppy holds a meeting of women and promises that men, whom she blames for her cancer, will be punished!  She knows a man is coming to "show 'dem what for" and she wants them to be ready.  Grandma Poppy gives her orders to the girls who have just hidden their father in plain view: kill any man on sight.

It just so happens that their father is the first "woman" Bob the Student Burglar encounters, and the girls remind their "mom" that all men invading Lowertown must be killed.  The girls force their father to use his "mom muscles" and the episode ends with Bob in a beefy, polka-dotted neck choke.

• How will Rajiv get out of his own basement?
• What "secrets" will McShane learn somewhere in a different basement?
• Can Doris fight H.A.L., or will she be drawn into the hospital anyway?
• Can any man survive in Lowertown?  Will Bob?  Will the man in the dress?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 85

The phone rings in Rajiv's Coffee Shop, and Rajiv cannot place the voice.  Princess Lakshmi, in a Vegas phone booth, takes this as a sign of her suspicions confirmed: Rajiv left her on purpose!  She vows not to return to Solomon's River and hops away to get back into Rojav's clutches.

Detective Schmegly is busy down at the station fielding phone calls for secretary Doris and ranking Lieutenant Bustybottoms' butt.  Doris hurries in to collect some weaponry for her trip to California in search of a CalTech engineer named Johnson.  Unfortunately, H.A.L. is only slowed, not stopped, by her tin foil helmet, and he inflicts pain, a tin foil allergy, and directives to steer her from her task.  The lieutenant wants to take her to the hospital, but because H.A.L. agrees, Doris fights him.  Lieutenant Bustybottoms helps keep the tin foil on her head, and they leave...

Magnus Aversson is feeling lonely in his castle without any East Indians or ladies on bomb toilets to entertain him.  Magnus' butler Benderson delivers him some tea, shocking him mightily: Magnus swears he has never had a butler for 40 years!  Benderson persists, reminding Magnus that he suffers from Alzheimer's Disease, and trying to foist chamomile tea on him.  Magnus calls shenanigans, and Benderson buttles back to a secret room, probably off the kitchen, where he reconvenes with... a fellow British spy!  She is miffed that the butler ploy didn't work and sends Benderson back to MI to report.  She will try another method because they must "get" Magnus Aversson!

The maze-like Solomon's River General Hospital still has McShane trapped.  He wanders into the sub-basement, and finds a creepy midget.  The midget tells him that the hospital was built on the charred ruins of a factory that used child labor to make Bic pens.  The old, tragic fumes have caused some "sensitives" who come to the hospital to see and hear things.  The midget says that McShane must be "special", though McShane is unsure.  "Go deeper," says the midget, handing him two pills: one red, one blue.  McShane goes deeper into the bowels of the hospital.

"The Graveyard" is the hottest new party spot in Solomon's River: "So awesome, it's sinful!"  Sally and Tommy have found the open bar and dance poorly on the graves, happy to have a new place to boogie down and get drunk.

• Will Rajiv realize it was Princess Lakshmi who called, asking for his help?
• Will the princess really return to her kidnapper, Rajiv's evil twin Rojav?
• Can Doris fight H.A.L. enough to get to California, or will she be dragged to the hospital instead?
• Will the British Secret Service be able to use Magnus' Alzheimer's against him, and to what end?
• What will McShane find in the bowels of Solomon's River General Hospital?  Which pill will he take, and what will it do?
• Anybody else going to party down with Sally and Tommy at The Graveyard?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 84

Rajiv is feeling at home in his Coffee Shop, though it is roofless.  Magnus Aversson picks up a piece of rhubarb pie that managed to make it through the plane crash and a stint as a pub.  On her way to work, Doris, the police department secretary, stops to pick up coffee from Rajiv for the detectives and officers.  Rajiv and Magnus notice that Doris keeps repeating herself, though she doesn't seem to notice.  Doris keeps repeating herself, though she doesn't seem to notice.  She becomes upset when she blacks out for a moment, and she hurries home, wondering what's wrong.

A man prays over his dead mother's grave, letting her know that times are hard without her.  Another man prays over a guy named Hank's grave, asking for spiritual insight into the location of the garage door keys.  Yet another man is waiting for the 4:30 flash mob to begin.  The original man puts flowers on his mother's grave.  A ghostly woman passes through all of them.

Doris makes it home only to find H.A.L., whom she thought she had sealed up in Lieutenant Bustybottom's old Atari laptop, lounging in a chair.  Doris learns through creative grilling of the megalomaniacal computer hologram that there is someone who could seal up H.A.L.: an engineer from CalTech named Johnson.  H.A.L. still has control over Doris' neural net and inflicts her with pain and a bad tin foil allergy.  She fights through--anything to stop H.A.L.!

McShane is still trying to get out of Solomon's River General Hospital while avoiding Joey the Bookie.  McShane encounters dead ends and closets with people lurking in them, but not an exit.

• Will Rajiv's Coffee Shop make a comeback, or will the rain dampen spirits?
• The graveyard is a popular spot.
• Can Doris find the one man who is able to stop H.A.L., or will H.A.L. prevail?
• Can McShane make it out of the maze-like hospital?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!

Episode 83

The smell of coffee and sweat permeate the church basement where Joseph takes to the podium, attesting that he is an alcoholic.  Joseph desperately wishes to stop drinking, but, unfortunately, he met Sally and Tommy in the parking lot and it's now only been four minutes since his last drink.  Tommy and Sally both attest, and Sally announces that she wants to break up with Tommy so Joseph will have her.  Tommy is upset.

Rojav brings another plate of chicken makhani to the kidnapped Princess Lakshmi, but she is gone!  Rojav follows the scuffle marks and vows to get her back.

Rajiv, meanwhile, has left Vegas and returned to Solomon's River.  He discovers the former home of Rajiv's Coffee Shop has been blown to bits yet again, though the soot-covered counter still stands.  Rajiv pines for his lost Princess, thinking she left him in Vegas to go back to India.

McShane is sick and tired of the hospital and the plague of mentally challenged that follows him.  Joey the Bookie comes to check on his high-odds horse and finds McShane getting ready to leave!  Joey takes a call for another bet on McShane never leaving the hospital and realizes McShane has left behind his back.  Joey goes to find his horse.

Dr. Scarlett and Nurse are back in his offices at Solomon's River General Hospital, and they realize something is awry.  The security system has been tripped and a test of H.A.L. reveals the emergency hologram is not working.  Dr. Scarlett and Nurse will investigate.

Bob the so-far-failed Burglary School student gets a lead pipe from his Coach with instructions to "give them girls what-for" and return with proof that he did so.  Bob can barely lift the pipe, though he dutifully goes to Lowertown.  Bob is, so far, alone.

• With Sally and Tommy in AA, will anyone in Solomon's River stay on the wagon?
• Will Rojav be able to track the escaped princess?
• Will Princess Lakshmi make it back to Solomon's River?
• Is Rajiv actually thinking of rebuilding the coffee shop?
• With lots of money riding on McShane's death, will he survive?
• H.A.L. has been trapped, but for how long, now that Dr. Scarlett and Nurse are looking for him?
• Where have all the girls gone?  Wild?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!