Episode 91

The new cement floor of Rajiv's Coffee House has just been smoothed in place by Rajiv, who is now stuck behind the counter, which is better off than Magnus, Rajiv's wife and child who were in the basement.  The stray cat plaguing Rajiv plagues his floor with kitty pawprints.  Worse, a customer enters.  Rajiv tries to get her to smooth all the prints out of the floor.  She tries her best, and asks for a foam-topped caramel latte.  She gets a black coffee with a Werther's Original dropped in the bottom.  Just as she's about to leave, to Rajiv's amazement, Magnus enters!  Magnus, Rajiv wife and child had already left the basement through an unused walk-out.  Luckily, Rajiv's wife is extraordinarily strong.  Magnus says she went to the police while he was drawn back to the shop by words no one over 80 can resist: Werther's Originals.  Magnus fishes it out of the customer's drink and the floor is further ruined by tramping about.

Detective Smegly, on the phone with the Commissioner, blames poor police work on Mayor Solomon's budget cuts and suggests Lieutenant Bustybottoms might help.  Officer Jared brings Big Gulps with Pop Rocks for Smegly and suddenly remembers a phone message for him.  The call came from the mayor himself and was poorly remembered as, "Help, help!  I have to read a prepared statement... blah blah blah... 'We will take over Solomon's River.  We are The Armageddon Squad...'" and more "Help, help!"  Unfortunately, Detective Smegly was lost at, "Help, help!" and Officer Jared leaves to make sun tea.  Lieutenant Bustybottoms is peeved because Detective Smegly tried to "pass the buck" by having the Commissioner call him instead.  The Lieutenant asks if there's any new information about the Mayor's kidnapping, and, unfortunately, the Big Gulp/Pop Rocks combination has caused the Detective to forget the phone message.  Detective Smegly promises to read the newspaper to find out the latest.

Princess Lakshmi has struck paydirt: she has scootched into Rojav's lair!  Rojav unties her and proposes to retie her, if she liked...

• What will Rajiv do now that his wife, presumed dead and presumed not with child, has escaped his basement and has possibly gone to the police?
• What will the police do, hounded by the Commissioner, budget cuts, and forgetful staff?
• Where is Mayor Solomon?  (And isn't Mayor Joe-Bob Solomon dead and secretly being impersonated by his twin Bob-Joe?  There was a virgin-killing cult and much shenanigans back the 20-something episodes.)
• Who is "The Armageddon Squad" and what do they want?
• Will Princess Lakshmi truly find love with Rajiv's evil twin?

Find out the answers to these questions and more as we make it all up in, Solomon's River!